Bitch Lifestyle

Image from the fabulous Saying Images web site  http://sayingimages.com/dont-be-a-woman-that-needs-a-man/

As women we have been taught to “go after what we want.”  That’s perfect for business, but in our love lives, it’s a bit backward.  Men have always been the hunters.  They love difficult things.  Like football, extreme sports and climbing the corporate ladder.  (yes…that one is fun for us, too!)  Men LOVE to produce then brag about it.  Like in business, hunting or fishing.  You ever notice how they talk about these accomplishments?  It’s always the struggle (in dramatic detail) about the giant fish he caught. (even if it’s a Minnow)  Or the meanest, toughest smartest animal he ever “brought down.”  Then they display the animal on the wall so he can talk about it whenever someone comes in the room.  Men are all about accomplishment and production, ladies!  If he says this to you, he wants you to see what a great producer he is.  (for life, maybe?) And he wants you to be proud of him.  Awww….  So how do we “go after what we want if it’s him?”  We let him chase us.

He wants the thrill of the hunt and chase with you, too.  The part that drives a lot of us women absolutely nuts:  Will he call?   Why does he need space etc.  Is a thrill for him.  Did you know that when guys are sitting around with their buddies saying things like this:  “I can’t do that my wife would kill me.”  He is bragging about you to them?  He and his buddies all want the woman they can never quite figure out or control.  Strong men want a strong woman who won’t take any of their BS and will call them on it.  He knows he’ll never have you mounted on his wall and likes it that way. 

So…how do we let him chase us?

1.  You love yourself with abandon.  No excuses.  If he can’t love you the way you are don’t bother with him.  If he says he likes blondes and you’re a brunette?  Look at your watch and say nicely, “Thanks for the drink.  I have an early morning and it’s time to go home.”  Notice his actions.  Action is key with him…the producer.  Men do a lot of things on purpose to get an emotional reaction from us. ( yes…an upcoming blog on that one! )  When he doesn’t get an emotional reaction from you, you just put the kibosh on that little game of his.  Remember one of my favorite “bitches”  Dolly Parton?  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolly_Parton  She’s “This is who I am, take it or leave it.” Period.  I’ve quoted this before in my blogs and here it is again.  When asked the key to her successful marriage she said  ”When my husband gets a little complacent, I pack a bag and stay gone!”  Love it!

2.  We won’t compete with other women over a man.  If he’s trying to make you jealous with other women he is not respecting you.   And we are going to blame her?  Blame the source.  If he tells you about women that are “coming on to him” or an “ex-girlfriend” he is getting together with?  He is doing it to get a reaction from you and it’s disrespectful.  Tell him something along the lines of this:  “I really want you to be happy.  Let me know what you decide.”  Then no contact.  Let him “explore all those possibilities” if there are any.  One of two things will happen.  If he’s a jerk, and leaves you-you win because who needs that?  If he’s just trying to get the reaction, get ready for flowers.  You gave him the kick in the butt he needed.

3.  You let him “chase you” by letting him call, letting him make the plans. (and yes…you let him know what you would like to do, too!) You continue to lead your amazing life, career, pursing and researching your dreams, hobbies and desires because your life is awesome and fun without him.  Even when you’re an established couple.  Your life is important to you.  It’s something you’ve been working at, excelling at and enjoy.  It’s what makes you wonderful you!  Don’t give it up.  (After you’re an established couple, yes you can start calling him)

4.  You don’t tell him every detail of your life, so he wonders what you’re up to.  If you’re exhausted and all you can think of doing is relaxing in a bath tub?  Do it.  If he calls, he can leave a message.  You don’t have to tell him what you are doing every minute of every day.  And don’t expect him to account for his every minute.  Maintain a little mystery by keeping focused on you and your needs.  Keep moving to the rhythm that makes you feel good.

5.  While you’re getting to know each other, try to keep your dates shorter and don’t spend long hours talking about feelings with him.  (call a girlfriend) Don’t ask him “Where he thinks things are headed.”  Never bring up marriage, kids, etc.  Let him bring it up.  When he DOES bring them up, give a vague but clear answer.  “Marriage?  I haven’t really thought too much about it.  If I do get married it will have to be someone wonderful.”  Perfect.  First he’ll probably be shocked that HE was the one bringing up marriage.  Second, if he has brought it up, he’s been thinking about it and wants to see your reaction.  When you aren’t really “thinking” about it and want someone “wonderful” you just told the hunter what he has to do catch his “intended prey.”  Let the producer produce!

And there are so many more things you can do to let him chase you.  We will discuss, I promise!  This is key:  Remember that you are a “wonderful catch.”  Any man would be lucky to get you!  Make him prove that he is your hero.  Men love being heroes.  Let him prove worthy of fabulous you!  And when he does?  Appreciate the hell out of him!  Love, Goddess

Tomorrow:  What we can learn from Men’s Magazines…

© S Stevens Life Strategies

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