Let a Man Chase You. Here’s How…
Image from the fabulous Saying Images web site http://sayingimages.com/dont-be-a-woman-that-needs-a-man/
As women we have been taught to “go after what we want.” That’s perfect for business, but in our love lives, it’s a bit backward. Men have always been the hunters. They love difficult things. Like football, extreme sports and climbing the corporate ladder. (yes…that one is fun for us, too!) Men LOVE to produce then brag about it. Like in business, hunting or fishing. You ever notice how they talk about these accomplishments? It’s always the struggle (in dramatic detail) about the giant fish he caught. (even if it’s a Minnow) Or the meanest, toughest smartest animal he ever “brought down.” Then they display the animal on the wall so he can talk about it whenever someone comes in the room. Men are all about accomplishment and production, ladies! If he says this to you, he wants you to see what a great producer he is. (for life, maybe?) And he wants you to be proud of him. Awww…. So how do we “go after what we want if it’s him?” We let him chase us.
He wants the thrill of the hunt and chase with you, too. The part that drives a lot of us women absolutely nuts: Will he call? Why does he need space etc. Is a thrill for him. Did you know that when guys are sitting around with their buddies saying things like this: “I can’t do that my wife would kill me.” He is bragging about you to them? He and his buddies all want the woman they can never quite figure out or control. Strong men want a strong woman who won’t take any of their BS and will call them on it. He knows he’ll never have you mounted on his wall and likes it that way. 
So…how do we let him chase us?
1. You love yourself with abandon. No excuses. If he can’t love you the way you are don’t bother with him. If he says he likes blondes and you’re a brunette? Look at your watch and say nicely, “Thanks for the drink. I have an early morning and it’s time to go home.” Notice his actions. Action is key with him…the producer. Men do a lot of things on purpose to get an emotional reaction from us. ( yes…an upcoming blog on that one! ) When he doesn’t get an emotional reaction from you, you just put the kibosh on that little game of his. Remember one of my favorite “bitches” Dolly Parton? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolly_Parton She’s “This is who I am, take it or leave it.” Period. I’ve quoted this before in my blogs and here it is again. When asked the key to her successful marriage she said ”When my husband gets a little complacent, I pack a bag and stay gone!” Love it!
2. We won’t compete with other women over a man. If he’s trying to make you jealous with other women he is not respecting you. And we are going to blame her? Blame the source. If he tells you about women that are “coming on to him” or an “ex-girlfriend” he is getting together with? He is doing it to get a reaction from you and it’s disrespectful. Tell him something along the lines of this: “I really want you to be happy. Let me know what you decide.” Then no contact. Let him “explore all those possibilities” if there are any. One of two things will happen. If he’s a jerk, and leaves you-you win because who needs that? If he’s just trying to get the reaction, get ready for flowers. You gave him the kick in the butt he needed.
3. You let him “chase you” by letting him call, letting him make the plans. (and yes…you let him know what you would like to do, too!) You continue to lead your amazing life, career, pursing and researching your dreams, hobbies and desires because your life is awesome and fun without him. Even when you’re an established couple. Your life is important to you. It’s something you’ve been working at, excelling at and enjoy. It’s what makes you wonderful you! Don’t give it up. (After you’re an established couple, yes you can start calling him)
4. You don’t tell him every detail of your life, so he wonders what you’re up to. If you’re exhausted and all you can think of doing is relaxing in a bath tub? Do it. If he calls, he can leave a message. You don’t have to tell him what you are doing every minute of every day. And don’t expect him to account for his every minute. Maintain a little mystery by keeping focused on you and your needs. Keep moving to the rhythm that makes you feel good.
5. While you’re getting to know each other, try to keep your dates shorter and don’t spend long hours talking about feelings with him. (call a girlfriend) Don’t ask him “Where he thinks things are headed.” Never bring up marriage, kids, etc. Let him bring it up. When he DOES bring them up, give a vague but clear answer. “Marriage? I haven’t really thought too much about it. If I do get married it will have to be someone wonderful.” Perfect. First he’ll probably be shocked that HE was the one bringing up marriage. Second, if he has brought it up, he’s been thinking about it and wants to see your reaction. When you aren’t really “thinking” about it and want someone “wonderful” you just told the hunter what he has to do catch his “intended prey.” Let the producer produce!
And there are so many more things you can do to let him chase you. We will discuss, I promise! This is key: Remember that you are a “wonderful catch.” Any man would be lucky to get you! Make him prove that he is your hero. Men love being heroes. Let him prove worthy of fabulous you! And when he does? Appreciate the hell out of him! Love, Goddess
Suggested Reading:
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How Not to be Late Night Booty Call Girl: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/08/how-not-to-be-late-night-booty-call-girl/
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Dealing with a Demanding Man: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/10/dealing-with-a-demanding-man/
© S Stevens Life Strategies
Hi Laura,
You’re instincts are right. “I feel like guys will do anything to be with a girl-whom they like.”
Worrying about a guy isn’t fun. If you’re on probation, he’s not thinking about the consequences his actions may have on you. Not cool.
You want the guy that is worried about impressing you and who wants to make you smile. Don’t beat yourself up on this. Notice the men
that are trying to make you smile with their actions. Those are the ones that are keepers. Does this make sense? Love, Goddess
Hi Goddess,I wanted to ask you for a little more advice. I wrote to you a couple of months ago basically I had met a great guy at the end of the summer. We got talking and really “clicked” with each other. About a month after we met he asked me out on a date. We had a great time. We had been on about 5 awesome dates over the space of a month before we slept together. It was great but I did feel bad that our intimacy began so soon. The reason for this is because I am pretty conservative, I had never been intimate so soon into a relationship. It felt right at the time as I felt I could trust him but, I still felt guilty due to the moral upbringing I had. We continue to see each other regularly and still get on amazingly in all social situations, share a lot of interests and views on life. We are also still regularly intimate and, in general he is very caring of me and attentive. We are an official couple now. The problem is that he is also very conservative and has said to me 2 weeks ago that although he really likes me, he feels bad that we were intimate so soon and would like to slow down the sexual part of the relationship. He has clarified that he really likes me and wants to see even more of me. Where part of me thinks this is a positive thing,I had been feeling the same but my guilt had subsided because I can see that he deserves my trust. Another part of me is worried that he is saying this because he is having doubts and thinks I am a bad person for being intimate so early on. Even after he has said all of this, he still makes moves on me regularly not as steamy as before but moves all the same. I feel as though I have messed up big time by being intimate so early on. I do not know whether I should shake off his advances and tell him I want no intimacy for a while or just go with the flow. We have been with each other a few months now and I do trust him. He is a good guy and I do not want him to get the wrong impression of me. Please help.
Hi Em,
This is a tough issue to answer in a comment area. Consider a Private Coaching session with me. We can delve into your issue privately!
Here is my email: @Goddesspower978@hotmail.com for more information. Love, Goddess
goddesspower,
I met a guy a couple months ago. he was calling me, texting me, making plans ect. He is a police officer so he doesnt have a lot of free time, but I was always in his everyday plans for about a month. Now he can go a couple days with out talkin to me. he wont make plans with me unless i hint around it. when we talk its very short. is he getting board with me? im pretty sure i over did it with texting and calling and letting him know he was upseting me. Can i reverse it and make him chase me after i have (i think) been chaseing hime away?
Hi Shandy,
Love, Goddess
You can’t make a guy chase you. Why don’t you start filling up your time with fun activities, time with girlfriends, hobbies, etc. If he likes you he will have to work around your schedule. Doesn’t
that sound more fun than worrying about him and over doing it?
Hi Coco,
Me thinks… you worry too much. Let him have his break and go for your FUN! Visit the fun section on this site for ideas to get you out
of the Drama Queen and into the playful, Sassy Bitch. Oh…and note how close you are too being Super Sassy here: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/05/signs-youre-a-sassy-bitch/ Love, Goddess
Hey, I really need help. I am in love with a friend of mine, and have felt this way for over a year. But after I tried to tell him my feelings, he politely said he didn’t return them. But I want him more than anything, and would do anything for him. How can I make him feel the same way towards me??
Hi Goddesspower,
I’ve been seeing this guy for about almost 2 months. We got close very fast. We have so much in common I feel like we almost had the same type of childhood. One night while we were together I even heard him say he loved me! But I didn’t say it back. I have been in situations before where both parties say I love you too fast and I didn’t say it back even though I feel like sometimes I do love him, it is probably just infuation?
Anyways, later through text I asked him if he told me that he loved me and he said no. And then he sent me a text that said “olive juice”. It was very weird.
He had to go home about over an hour away for Christmas break (we are both in college, but I go to a community college so I live at home) He was gone for 3 weeks. I still haven’t seen him but I will tonight after class. We’ve both discussed that we only want to see each other. We always talk about our future together. I don’t get it. One of the nights he stopped texting me. I got worried. I didnt exactly blow up his phone with texts. I only sent 5. and then later at like 1 am he let me know he was okay..I sent him a text saying I felt like some of my texts were being ignored and that can make anyone feel crappy! I know that people get busy also but he hadn’t texted me for over 8 hours! He said that he didn’t expect me to know that his phone bill wasnt paid yet but he didn’t think that I should have come to the conclusion that he was ignoring me. I told my friend the situation and she said he should have found another way to contact me during the time his phone wasnt working. I feel like if I told him that that he would think I was crazy.
I like this guy…I’m kind of at peace with him coming back to college today and that we can see each other and it’s not a long distance relationship anymore. Though I feel like in the beginning we used to text more then we do now. He says its because we are done with the getting to know each other phase..and I say so? It’s just like tell me anything! Text me about a stupid show on tv or how hard your homework is..or even that you miss me. Supposeby the night we got into the arguement about his phone service not working he missed me so much he could practically smell me. I wish he would have told me cause that night I was wondering if he would even want to see me or if I wanted to see him anymore. But I kept silent and eventually got the result I wanted..but I want him to be able to talk to me. Maybe I’m overracting cause we still havent seen each other in 3 weeks til tonight but I just want a different viewpoint of all this.
Hello Goddesspower I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have gone and been through alot together and we really love eachother my trust is still low but we are both working on it and imporvement has been showing, going out, and making love and ect..but I’m so wrapped in to him not dramatically but feelings and always showing him my love. and I love saying I love you throughout the day and calling. but how do I make him chase me like really to the point that he will have to call and leave text I know how but it’s hard for me to stick to it and mean it without getting weak and calling. I just love him so much and I know he does to but i look at other relationships and see women who has their men whipped and around their finger. and sometimes I hate that I love so hard but how to make him chase mev and how to make us even stonger that before withur relationship please help.
Hello godess i meat this guy about a year ago at my cousins wedding he was so into to me then i went back home and he traveled back ( we both live in different countries) he took my number and we started texting every single day for six months then suddenly he stopped i called and i find out hes talking to his just recently we start talking again and i dont know what to do to make him care like he did at first i dont know how to treat him he sometimes start talkin. And he shows that he cares and sometimes i dont know what to do please help i really need it besides the fact that im home atudying at the moment so there is nothing to take my mind off him
:(
To his ex*
Hi miss goddess,
? Thanks.
am confused..there’s this guy who i really like and yesterday we spend a whole day together on a trip , listening to music and doing a lot of silly stuff together and it was nice . we actually had our moments and i want him to like me . i don’t know if he does. he is at my school and am thinking of disappearing on him and stop going to the activities that we have together like gym and sports.maybe he will start thinking about me and where would i be when am not in a certain place but i don’t know.. i tried this before and he actually noticed my disappearance and a 2 day hang out but then he stopped showing up also and it was the all way around.. miss goddess im really scared that he would lose interest in me if i did it.besides awhile ago he used to tell me that we will start texting each other new music but he didn’t and yesterday night he sent me a text to listen to a song that we both listened to on the trip could you tell me what to do like should i disappear ? or let things flow the way they are
Also, he is new to town. he is British and he told me before that he wanted to go to a place but couldnt since everyone’s busy to give him a ride so i was thinking of taking him to that place and showing him around .. I told him before that i would give him my memory stick cuz it contains alot of new songs for him so i downloaded lot of nice songs on that stick should i go to him and give it in person? i left a really important note and its that he is leaving at the end of the year to his hometown which is England.i know its a risk because he is leaving and stuff but its good to at least give him something to remember while he is way and to remember me.. please help me !!
Hi Goddess, I am in a difficult situation any advice would be a great help. So, I have never done any online dating myself before. I have been seeing a guy for 3 months now. It’s going extremely well. He is a gentleman to me. He seems to trust me, has confided various private information to me. After nearly 2 months of dating he told me he really liked me, could we be exclusive and would I be his girlfriend.
But, two weeks ago my friend who has her own dating profile online told me that she had seen a profile for him on the same site. Curious, she clicked on his profile to see that it listed him as “online now” and his profile states that he is “looking for women for dates”
I thought at the time…maybe it was an old profile he has forgotten about. It is not a profile he has forgotten about though as you will see from what I tell you now. My friend and another friend of mine (he hasn’t met either of these girls by he way, so would not recognize their profiles) emailed him from their accounts. To see if he would respond. They have messaged him 3 times in total and he never responded. Also one of them saw him online one evening and tried to “chat” with him but he didn’t answer. I have also set up a profile with a fake photo and emailed him from that. He never responded.
I am very confused by this, I know he is not physically seeing anyone else. He wouldn’t have any time to. Also if he was actively seeking dates online why didn’t he respond to numerous offers from the “fake” me and my friends? But if he isn’t responding to any offers why bother still logging in from time to time to check? I log into the site from time and he visits it nearly every second day. I have seen the icon for the dating website app on his phone so I am pretty sure that if he gets a message from a girl he just checks it and deletes it. Any time I have seen him “online now” he seems to only be online for a few minutes which would suggest he prob just checks mail and leaves.
It is very upsetting for me as this guy is wonderful and is constantly telling me how much he likes me and how great a time he has with me. We also have a great sex life by the way. His friends have all accepted me into the circle and are always inviting us out as a couple , they even contact me directly, so they obviously know he is serious. I have also met his family and been invited to their house for dinner on a few occasions. This would indicate that he likes me and is serious about me.
But why the active dating profile. Please help. If you could give me an honest opinion I would really appreciate it.:( I am feeling really guilty about the fake dating profile and keeping the fact that I know about his profile from him. I feel like I want to ask him about it today. But I really would like him to come to the realization himself that he needs to delete the profile because he is not single. I am afraid that if I confront him and, even if he does delete the profile, the guilt he feels for having the profile will make things awkward and cause a wedge between us. I am willing to forget about the profile if he deletes it.
Hi I have a question,I dated a guy for just a month and because of one bad day that I had and started an argument with him he said he had low tolerance for arguments and wasn’t happy and things ended he supposedly said we had more then one argument since we been together in just one month . I felt like just having a disagreement with him he took it as bad almost like things are suppose to be peachy all the time . Did I rush into a relationship too quick is this my fault?
Goddesspower,
I have a significant other, we are long distance and in a unique situation. Whenever we speak on the phone, I hear a lot of I love you, OI can’t live without you, I miss you, you are my closest person, and he says it with passion so it all sounds legitimate, however he is never really interested what is going on in my life ( besides if I’m cheating or not), how I am I holding up. Never offers to help, never even sent me a card. I try to do a lot of nice things for him and I try to talk to him, but all I hear is words and promises for the future, no immediate action. How do I know if what he says is true? I tired breaking up with him and he always begs me to come back. He asks of me what he doesn’t do himself. He just keep asking of me. Here is an example, durign the time we ussully speak on the phone he decided he wants to go to the gym, first I was upset, but then I said fine go to the gym. Today he got mad at me because I didn’t call him at that time. I told him well I though you hwere at the gym and he said well I though you where unhappy with that and I stopped going. I didn’t know that. Now he is all upset that I don’t want to speak with him, this is obserd. He blames me that our conversations are enough for me and I don’t want to hear more of him. This is crazy, because he wasn’t thinking that way when he decided to go to the gym during the time we speak. HE also earased all my pictured during a breakup, those that I sent him over the long period of time. Just erased them, when I took the time to take those pics. He loves blaming me that I don’t love him enough when I don’t react.
Hi Goddess,
My question pertains to how to get this man to ask me out. He is a TA at my son’s therapy school (my son has autism). I found him gorgeous from the start and he has iniated some interest in me I believe by racing out to my car every morning when I arrive, taking my hand before leave, etc.. So I have made sure to flirt, smile and make as much eye contact as possible and ofcourse dress to be hot and he compliments me. But he hasn’t asked me out. I have a feeling if I asked him he could say yes, but I don’t want to ask. I want to be asked. He is amazing with my son, and I really like him alot from what I’ve seen. What else is there for me to do to get this guy to ask me out?
Goddesspower,
Okay so me and my ex were together for a long time. We broke up and it’s been several months. We talk on and off and a lot of the times we are fighting. He’ll tell me I don’t care when I show him and tell him I do all the time, he tells me how all these guys flirt with me and want to have sex with me, every time a guy talks to me he’ll tell me how they like me and we’ll get into a fight about it. Now he’s been talking to me first asking me random questions about what’s on my mind and stuff. He told me he wants to see if it’ll work again but to see how things go first. Everything was fine the first 2 days. So here I am texting him and he doesn’t even put an effort to converse when I’m trying. He also told me before to let the guy do the chasing because it gives them a thrill… How do I make him chase me? We got into a fight today and I was the one who started it. I’m just going to stop chasing him because it’s not fun. I really want him to take interest in me again and chase me like the first time we met. Please help.
Hi Eladora,
Unfortunately you can’t MAKE a person feel something for you when they don’t feel the same way. The only thing you have control over are your actions. So…why don’t you get out there
and make play dates with friends and family and visit the fun section on this site for more ideas. Love, Goddess
Hi Karen,
Okay…does worrying about when and how often he is going to text you sound like fun? Do things like rocking a class your taking, making a celebration night with your girlfriends,
making room for a new hobby, or doing something special for a family member sound more fun and fulfilling? My point is…it seems as though you’re putting a lot of energy into worrying.
Why don’t you trade that for fun? As an experiment. Let me know how it goes. Love, Goddess
Dear Love,
You can’t make anyone chase you. You’re so worried about him chasing you that you can’t see what he is doing FOR you. This is all about you falling in love with yourself. Your confident, Sassy Bitch.
When you are ready to rock your Sassy Bitch, consider some private coaching with me. Email me at @Goddesspower978@hotmail.com Love, Goddess
Hi Koko,
I’m not sure if I’m understanding you. Are you saying that you really care about a guy who lives in another country? Whom you only text with? Need clarification. Love, Goddess
Hi Sarah,
I think you should stop worrying about “disappearing” and continue to do those things you like to do: gym and sports. Move to your own groove. Take things very slowly.
It sounds like you are very young. Don’t ever start giving up your things to get a guy to notice you or miss you. Love, Goddess
Hi Karen,
It doesn’t sound like this guy is doing anything wrong. Those accounts may not be active, and he isn’t answering “chats” from people he doesn’t know. Instead of all this
playing around with your girlfriends and fake accounts, why didn’t you just ask him about it? You’ve been sucked in by your Drama Queen and she’s running the show. If YOU
really care about this guy it’s up to you to respect him and ask him nicely about it. NICELY. Does this make sense? Love, Goddess
Hi Amanda,
I’m not sure. It depends on what you were arguing about. It also depends on how you were approaching him about whatever issue you had. Anyway, A Sassy Beautiful Bitch like you has no time to worry about a guy she just dated for a month. You take your own advice-which was good-don’t rush-and date more seriously that guy that produces for her. Got it? Warm smile, Goddess
Hi Nina,
It sounds like you’re not getting what you want? It sounds like you want to be with a man who is physically and mentally with you? Am I understanding you? Love, Goddess
Hi Katie,
I see this as a little more complex than you do. I think he is being a gentleman. While it does seem that he finds you attractive, according to your words, he is a TA for your son. That complicates
things because he is thinking about your son and being professional. Does this make sense? Love, Goddess
Hi Candice,
He’s telling him to chase you, you don’t want to chase him because it’s not fun, and then you want to know how to get him to chase you? What you need to do is figure out what you want. What is fun for YOU.
And then do it. Does this make sense? Love, Goddess
So been dating this guy from my uni for nearly a year, I have never had problems about doubting him or felt jealous if he was hanging out with his friends, we rarely fight if we do we talk to each other and fix the problem, we havent been on and off either, although in october we broke up due to exams stress and my ex believing we weren’t meant to be because we don’t like the same things such as music and other stuff, we talked this one out and patched things again, he asked if we should be on a break while im gone and i said no it’s not necessary, i left for holidays to my home country and we’ve been in long distance, last week just two weeks before i fly back to uni again, my ex facebooks me a very long message explaining how we can’t be together because he has to figure out what he wants to do in life and also doesn’t think he can handle a girlfriend anymore but he said we should still be friends, I obviously gave him a ring and tried to talk to him but he wouldn’t hear anything he said he is becoming old and has to figure out what to do in life but said as he was doing a competitive entry for law that if he had gotten into law we could’ve been together, it obviously got on my nerves deleted all my wall post and fb pictures of me and him sent him an email saying ur facebook is free enjoy, now I haven’t had any contact with him in over a week now, he didn’t delete me off facebook either, only today I felt concerned I asked one of his close friend how is he doing she said he was ok and that it was nonetheless very hard for him to break up with me she asked me how I was, I said fine and left it to this. Now I have no clue what to do because I have some stuff that I gave him im going back next week and I know at some stage he will come give them back, i do want him back but i don;t want to pressure it, can you help?
Hi May,
If you truly care about this guy, let him go. He took the time to write that really long message to you explaining why. He was trying to be honest. He is trying to grow into a man and he needs to do certain things in order to do this. Give him that space. It is a hugely loving gesture from you to do that FOR him—letting him go do his thing. Consider writing him a message wishing him all the luck in the world figuring out the next stages of his life. Sealed with a warm hug and kiss. Then go for YOUR joy. Take the time to heal and fall more in love with yourself. Join our Facebook page for daily inspiration. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841 Does this make sense? Love, Goddess
Hi Goddess, I love your blog and find what you write to be very rue to life. I would have a very similar attitude to you in may respects but on this little issue I have at the moment, I’m a bit stumped and would really appreciate your opinion.
When I was at my boyfriend’s house last night he was on face book for a while, he left it open and then left me alone while he went to the store for 5 minutes. We’ve been together just under 6 months, I know most of his friends and I know his family. But I saw one girl’s name pop up on the chat window wanting to talk. I recognized her, she used to be in some of my university classes and was known as a “loose moraled” character. I never knew my bf knew her and he has never mentioned her before at all even though I have met probably all of his friends. Out of curiosity I clicked on the messages area of face book and saw they had a conversation stream from the past.
Now me and my bf have been together for nearly 6 months, we are 26 and 28 years old. But I could see that they had a conversation about 6 months ago just before me and my bf started dating. I didn’t get to read all of the messages in order so some of it may be out of context. But I wanted to ask you what you think.
Here are some of the exerts of messages between him and her from last spring before me and my boyfriend got together.
Him ” A bottle of wine, some music, and Victoria secrets lingere”
Him on a different occasion last spring ” I’ll call to your house in 5 minutes”
Her ” Erm..I’m not alone…”
Him “Ok make that 10 minutes”
Now these messages are from before we got together. SO,I’m not concerned. But, just included them as I thought they give an insight into what may have gone on.
Him to her over this Christmas period while we were together a few months and we had actually seen each other earlier that day!! “Sorry for my bad mood earlier, just stressed out in work at the moment”
Him to her over Christmas on a different date. “Woahh sorry for living! And to think I was gonna ask you to meet up in the next few days. Not if I’m in for another verbal attack like that one.”
Him over Christmas messaging her the following day after the “verbal attack” message ” Hi gorgeous, had a great day with you today” Then he followed that message with… “Sorry Jennifer, obviously that last message about the “Hi gorgeous” was not meant for you, it was meant for someone else”
Anyway I asked one of our mutual friends about this Jenifer girl today and she said that she doesn’t know this girl at all but, saw a very dirty message from Jennifer on this other guy friend of our’s face book page last month and was wondering who she was.
I am probably reading waaaaaaay to much into this. I feel bad for invading my bf’s privacy as I really trust him and he is a great guy. But something just pushed me to look at the messages when I saw her name pop up. He has never mentioned her before and he is usually very talkative about his friends and we have many mutual friends as we went to school together. We do not live together. He has had a throat infection for the last week so he suggested that I did not stay in his apartment last night. Also, he has not kissed me in 2 weeks. Granted he does have a throat infection and we have been going out together a lot during the last 2 weeks, but he just hugs me and says he doesn’t want to make me sick. My mind is workin overtime here. He’s wonderful to me but just the fact that this girl is messaging him and he hasn’t kissed me in a coupe weeks. Did he have a past with her… Is it something strange that she was trying to make contact tonight when he knew I would not stay over? Maybe they had something before we started dating and it is over now? Maybe they are just friends, I mean Jennifer did put a dirty message on another guy’s page recently. What do you think, should I worry? Sorry for the long message.
Hi Jo Ann! Thanks so much for enjoying Bitch Lifestyle. You’re worried about the wrong thing. You don’t see the real problem in all of this because your Drama Queen is so good at making problems fester. Consider a private coaching session with me. Please email me privately at @Goddesspower978@hotmail.com for more information. Love, Goddess
Hi Goddess, I really value your advice and love reading your blogs. I feel like am very naive in a lot of situations because I’m not that experience which is weird being 27 years old. I met this guy in 6 months ago and in the beginning everything was fine and wonderful. He would text and call everyday, only disadvantage was he lived 1hr and 45mins away and work offshore so we hardly see each other but he would always find time to come see me everything he comes home and will go out on need expensive dates. When we met had had just had a baby who was about 3 months old and he claimed him and the mother are not together: “well, this is what he said: Well since the baby has been born we have gotten closer, but we are not in a relationship…but she does sleep over on a regular!” I didn’t let it bother me because #1 it was just a friend relationship and every time I would call he answered. It not too now our friendship is getting distant and he always seem to think am the one thinking too much into it and nothing’s wrong. It’s like he don’t seem to take me serious when I discuss serious issues that are bothering me with him and last week he came and slept over for and 2days
And everything was fine, but the minute he left and distance started again. We just recently just into a augment because I felt he was too inconsistent and not attentive enough for me. I told him This wasn’t enough for me and I needed more and he replied: “I’ma work on it” but He getting better but very, very, slowly. He is a great guy, smart with a lot and ambition which is a plus for anyw women and he’s a splitting image of me career wise because we’re both put work and futures 1st. I just don’t know if being his friend until it becomes something more is the right thing to do, he have a lot of trust issues, which is what he claims, but I feel you never really know what real or not. It crazy because when we are together we just can’t stop staring at one another and he and smiling. When am with him he makes me feel soo special like I’m the only girl in the room. So is a great friend, but I think when sex is involves it confuses anything situation. I just don’t know! I need help to decided if this situation is worth sticking with. Or should I let him go. He’s a Capricorn and he sweet, but has thus cold-heartness about him that reflects back to how past relationship affected him, I can go on and on…. I really like him! Only thing I don’t like is when am discussing my feeling to him about something, he always seem to feel a away to dance around the situation and avoid it!!!!
Hi Goddess,
It’s really great that there’s someone like you guiding all the lost souls in understanding more about love! Unfortunately, I’m one of them too. I just met a guy in a short course in school and after a few sessions, I started to notice him and find him really friendly and nice. The course just ended and I really want to find the chance to talk to him. I think I’m quite a direct person and have even texted him asking about school work (we only have one course in common but we’re in different classes). I guess that was the only trick I know. Is it too weird that I start texting him? And what can I talk to him about? I don’t want to sound too desperate and for him to start feeling awkward and shun me. How much is too much text? Like you said, guys like to do the hunting and chasing but in many instances, I find myself doing that and nothing good has come out of it. I like to tell the other person my feelings cause I can’t stand having my feelings bottled up. I really want this to work out. What can I do? Please help!
Wow, Carlisia. That’s a lot. You’re going through a lot with this guy you’re dating. I want to honor your long question. However, you don’t seem to know what you really want. You list all the things you don’t want with him, then say you want him. You should consider a private coaching session with me so we can get clearer on what you truly want and how to proceed. @Goddesspower978@hotmail.com Love, Goddess
Hi Gayle,
For me, a man has to earn my trust before I open up with my feelings. That may be your Drama Queen wanting what she wants (him) now. NOW. Drama Queen doesn’t like to wait. The Sassy Bitch isn’t interested in a guy unless he makes the effort to come to her. Guy has to work to EARN her trust and openess. You ask a lot of really good questions and bring up some really good points. If you want to get clearer on all that is going on with you, consider a private coaching session with me so we can rock it together. @Goddesspower978@hotmail.com. Love, Goddess
Hi Goddess!
I’m actually a junior in high school, but I find all aspects of your website and “Sassy Bitch” code to pertain to my life as well, especially when it comes to letting the guy chase you, which I’m very good at doing.
However, the exception is the guy I’m talking to now…He’s one of those “reformed nerds” (basically he’s not conceited, a guy with a good heart and is VERY good-looking). For a while now, he texts me almost everyday since we don’t see each other during or outside school; I make it a point not to text him first or lead him on too much, because I follow your advice on keeping busy, mysterious, and letting his mind fill in the blanks about what I’m doing. He flirts with me constantly and say how beautiful, gorgeous, even stunning he thinks I am, and then later on jokes about how I’m “hard to crack.” Honestly now I’m surprised he hasn’t asked me out already… But recently, he can go by a few days without texting me, even though I can feel him staring me down during class. What can I do to get him chasing me again? Should I not answer his texts every once in a while?
Even if he begins to chase me again…I don’t know whether to just give up on him eventually, because I’M not going to ask him out, I want him to. Please, help! and thank you (:
Hi Cassandra,
You’re doing what a lot of women do with men. Over think it. Why don’t you give him a big warm smile and walk up to him and start talking to him? Give him a sincere compliment. If he “thinks you’re hard to crack” he may be looking for a way to please you. He is not sure if he can, so give him a chance to show you that he can please you by giving him something to do for you in your conversation. If there is a movie you want to see, share that enthusiastically. “I would love to see xyz movie.” Have you seen it yet? This way you are opening up the option of seeing it together, yet still making it HIS idea to ask you to see it with him. Does that make sense? Love, Goddess
Hi Goddess,
I think I have read your entire blog many times over – great stuff! My problem is this… what if you have a guy who is not a chaser? I mean, he makes time for me, and is always good to me when we’re together, he “produces” for me when I hint at things I would like, etc. But he just does not initiate contact. Or I can never wait him out. He’s always happy to hear from me, just won’t reach out. As long as I am willing to contact him first, we stay in touch. I can’t figure him out. Is it possible there are some men who don’t like to chase? Who prefer to be more passive and just wait until they are summoned? I would like to take your advice and just go about my life and let him come to me, only I’m afraid he never would! Does that really mean he is “not that into me”? Thanks!!
This website is so empowering by the way! But I have a quick thing to say… So I met this guy a few weeks ago, we aren’t “official” but he says he plans on making it anytime soon, and he wants it to be special, not some “wanna be my girlfriend” thing, but he told me he tells everyone I am his girlfriend. Well anyways, I feel like we have been taking it kind of slow, and that is completely fine with me, but he hasn’t called me all day. I have been calling him occasionally, but ultimately, he is the one who makes the first call and what not. So, we barely talked yesterday, and he told me he would call me later (This was yesterday.) Well anyways, what should my limit be? Should I wait a few more days? I will NOT give in to calling him, considering I would feel that would be too needy. How long is too long? And honestly, what should I say when he does call me? Tell him I have plans and make him pity that he didn’t call me when I didn’t the day before?
THANK YOU!!!
Hi Alyssa,
Thanks for enjoying the web site! You’re over thinking. You’re focused too much on the “end game” which is the label: girlfriend. Why don’t you just enjoy your time together and watch his actions? If he is backing up his words with actions that please you, then that sounds good to me. I don’t know what pleases you. You have to figure out that one for YOU. And never ever lie to a guy. Or anyone. Lying creates tons of bad karma and mistrust. You don’t want someone lying to you, do you? Love, Goddess
I’m really glad you’re enjoying the blog. You’re asking me so many questions! I’m not clear on what you want. Do you want a guy to chase you or do you want this guy? You may be over thinking this situation instead of staying grounded in your life and all its opportunities. A lot of which have nothing to do with a guy. Does this make sense? Love, Goddess
Hi,
My husband emotionally abused me for a long time, finally I decided to go apart from him. I’m now separated from him and we have 2 small children. I have been involved with a married man for over a year (coworker for over 4 years), a great guy (of course. He makes me feel like i’m in cloud 9. He is a man of every woman’s dream, yes with lots of flaws….., but yet I’m madly in love with him. He says he is too. But reading a lot of resources, and doing a lot of thinking I realized I’m truly a “doormat” to him too. He is still the same when we are together, but his contacts has drastically decreased, and shows a little interest in sex. The thing is he never gets angry at me, says anything negative about anything what so ever. I am struggling because he is not himself lately, I asked him, he said nothing was wrong just tired lately. He blew me off today (we were supposed to get together) saying he was waiting for my call/text. He has done that a couple of times, he handles them so smoothly making them seem like they were my fault. And he won’t give up until I admit to them. It is very distrubing to me that I CAN NOT get my way with him, yet we don’t fight. And I don’t show him my dissappointmet or my sadness to him since he is a smooth talker and very affectionate at all times. i am not at a point where I can break up with him. Is there a way for me to be strong and stop being his “Doormat?”
Hi Cherry,
Have you been doing the homework on this site? That’s where you start on your quest to knowing you are not a doormat. If you need more, you can book a private coaching session with me. Email
me @Goddesspower978@hotmail.com Love, Goddess
QiHi goddess I been seeing this guy for about 10 months
At first we went out to movies, sushi, jetsking.
But know I only see him at 1 night we hang out then fall asleep at his house
He runs his own pizza business so he busy when working I don’t here from him only late Saturday when he finishes I get text busy week how are you?
I also work in food business so I know
But latelyon his days off, I don’t here from him unless I contact him or text him first
My friend say let him text u and I should back off a little
But also we never had the talk are we boyfriend girl friend
I don’t know what to do. Advice please
Hi Angelica,
Why don’t you start making some fun plans on your own? Plan things to do with your girlfriends, take up a new hobby etc. Get busy instead of
waiting for his texts, honey! PS: A “date” is not something that occurs at 1 am either. (warm hug) Love, Goddess
Hi Goddess,
I recently broke up with an ex of 3 years but in between that time I traveled for a month, and we had a bit of a rough patch and I met the most amazing guy and cheated. After I returned I chalked it up to a vacation fling/romance, decided to keep it hush, and thought I would probably never see this man again. Also, he is significantly older than me, while my ex was only a couple of years older.
Two years after this we broke up, but during this time I was in touch (we chatted nothing too serious, it was very friendly) with the vacation guy (he lives in another country- not far though).. we always had a strong connection both physically and mentally, but I knew there was no point in pursuing it. Anyways, finally my ex and I rightfully broke up (which I realize should have happened awhile ago), and about two months after the break-up vacation guy booked a flight to see me as soon as he heard the news. He spent some time here and it was incredible, and I felt more connected to him in a very short time than I did with my ex of 3 years. We had such an amazing time together that we’ve decided to go traveling abroad for a year in a couple of months.
Does this sound like totally reckless behaviour or am I allowed to enjoy the moment and see where it takes me? For some reason, it feels right, I’m an adult and I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong, but my friends/family are/will pass a lot of judgment… are they seeing something I’m not?
Hi Sophie,
Your friends and family love you. They’re voicing concern. Do you know what you want? Are you ready to give up all the wonderful things going on in your life to travel with a man you barely know for a whole year? Love, Goddess