Know the One Thing You Have Control Over?

 Pic from http://boringtechie.wordpress.com/2010/03/04/things-in-class-that-make-me-rage/

Do you know the one thing you have control over? 

The world is full of obnoxious people.  They come in two varieties.  Male and Female.  The world is full of people having a really bad day.  They come in two varieties.  Male and female.  The world is full of normally good people that aren’t happy.  They come in two varieties.  Male and Female.  Do you see a pattern forming here?  LOL.  On any day you may encounter one.  At your job, on a date, at the grocery store.  They may be a colleague, someone in your circle of friends, or a family member.  The bottom line:  you’ll encounter one. 

And the ONLY thing you have control over is:

How you deal with them.

How do you deal with them?

Politely.

Don’t you hate that answer?  (insert good laugh here)

It’s the only choice that’s going to save your sanity.  I’ve given many examples of how I do that in my life here.  The disturbed girl whom I don’t know who contacts me through Facebook over a guy.  The men who want to date me and are rude.  Women who are competive, rude and dismissive.  Sound familiar, Kelly? 😉

Solution:  You must take care of yourself.  If you get rid of all the sludge and frustration, your Bitch will emerge and take care of you.  You’ll breeze through encounters with these people with charm, wit and no guilt.  You won’t second guess yourself when some guy is being rude to you.  You’ll call him on his crap and be done with him.  You’ll see how you can do things better and then do them.

Here’s an example of one of those people:  The Button Pusher.

The Button Pusher is usually someone that knows you quite well.  They know exactly what to say to get to you.  They follow you around the room, the office, the whatever with their index finger pointed at your rib and are constantly jabbing at it.  These are very unhappy people that revel in making others unhappy.  That’s their goal.  You can’t change it.  If it’s someone in your family or at work, you have to stay in control.  And you do that by not giving them what they want:  You miserable.

Take control by taking care of YOU:

1. Get physical.  For me, kick boxing works the Button Pusher frustration out of my body.  What do you do?  Yoga?  Meditate?  Dance?  Run?  Find a way to dissipate that negative energy from your life.  This is individual.  Make it a fun experiment.

2. Practice encountering the Button Pusher.  Practice making a polite excuse to leave the room, building, etc.  Rehearse excuses in a mirror.  Practice makes perfect.  Button Pushers feed off getting someone upset so, over time, you become not fun.  Let them move on to another target.  They will because they need one to thrive.

3.  One more thing.  This is going to be hard.  Try not to say or write anything bad about a person you know.  Keep it to yourself, or vent to your best friend or spouse.  Emails, texts, Facebook, telling persons A, B, or C, could bite you in the back.  Rumors are so viral in our society.  Rumors are the super highway to drama.  Kick box out the urge, girlfriend!

This is not easy, remember.  But you have to do it for you.  The one thing you have control of is taking care of you…so do it! 

Big Hug, Goddess

This post is dedicated to a hot woman on our Facebook community, Kelly, who wanted to open discussion about not so pleasant people in life.

© S Stevens Life Strategies

The Faux Girlfriend

 

toxic relationships
Dramatic image from Beirut Night Life: www.beirutnightlife.com

You meet at a party, through work or mutual friends and bond instantly.  You go shopping and love the same things.  You go out to eat and love the same drinks.  After a few fantastic play dates together, she meets a guy.  Or starts having problems with her boyfriend.  And that’s  all you ever hear about.  The guy.  Usually he dumps her and then, being the amazing friend you are, you’re there for her.  Through every tear, tantrum and meltdown.  Then the clouds finally dissipate for her.  She’s grateful that you were there for her.  The fun returns.  Shopping, playing and enjoying each other.

Then she meets a new guy.  She starts to disappear from your life.  She starts cancelling plans together and doesn’t call as much.  When you do get together, all she does is gush about him.  How wonderful he is to her.  Nothing about other things in her life.  Career, hobbies, family, friends.  And not too much interest in your life either.  Then she gets dumped.  And suddenly she needs you.  To get her through her new man problems.

The Faux Girlfriend.

She must be removed from your life.   Because it’s only about her and her self-created drama.  She dumps you like a hot rock when she has a new man.  Then expects you to be there when she (sniff!) needs you.  I had a girlfriend like this once.  Hasn’t everyone?  I helped her through a painful divorce.  Then she got a new boyfriend.  We got together and all she did was gush about him.  I was truly happy for her, but part of me saw The Faux Girlfriend scenario playing out.  But I didn’t want to believe it.  She wouldn’t do that for me.  “You helped me so much!”  She gushed.  “Thank you for making me strong so I could be this happy.”

And I smiled warmly back to her.  And pushed away that “she’s a Faux Girlfriend feeling.”

A few weeks later, she sends me and our similar circle of friends an email.  “I’m getting married!  I’m so happy!”  I emailed her back congratulating her and telling her how happy I was for her.  She never replied back.

And that was the last I heard from her.  I found out later I was the only one from our circle of friends that was not invited to the wedding.  Years later, when a member of our circle of friends had a party, she was there.  She came up to me all faux friendly.  Introduced me to her man and gushed over him.  After we chatted for a while, I felt yucky.  And I felt bad about feeling yucky.  Was I jealous of her happiness?

No.

I felt yucky because I noticed something I hadn’t before.  A few well placed, innocent sounding…

Catty remarks.

The Faux Girlfriend was a Competitive Faux Girlfriend, too.  And I remembered a few other things that she had said to me over the years.  My eyes were opened.  Then I was really grateful.  Thank goodness I wouldn’t have to deal with this woman’s drama and competitive nature anymore.  Shame on the women who compete with other women.  We should support each other, not bring each other down!

So let’s make a pledge to each other.  We shalt not compete with other women.  We shall dump Faux Girlfriends from out lives.  And we shall be happy!

Love, Goddess

For More:

  1. Bitch Rules
  2. Signs You’re a Sassy Bitch
  3. Bitch Lifestyle Home  

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Drama Queen Week Determination!

Picture from Public Domain Pictures

Drama Queen Week.  You did it.  A week of relishing in your little brat-Drama Queen.

How was it?  Did you giggle once in a while?  Or did you roll your eyes and say no way.  I especially love the people who rolled their eyes at this concept.  You’re one tough cookie.  And you may just require a little more seduction into it.  And I’m up to the challenge.  😉

As the last day of Drama Queen week arrives, first step:  Make a list of all the things that drive you into a Drama Queen snit.  Give it a fun name like:  “My Drama Queen Loves it When”:

1.  Your career-roadblocks to success that you must deal with daily.

2.  There aren’t enough hours in the day for you to do everything you want to.

3.  Your relationship, or lack there of.

4.  Dealing with others in your life who are Drama Queens.

5.  All the ways society tells you you are not perfect.  Or how to be perfect.  And sick things on TV:  Douche commercials.  (Those make my blood boil) or shamefully degrading to women TV shows like Bridalplasty.

Well you’re perfect.  It’s pesky Drama Queen who’s telling you you’re not.  She has you getting pissed at the noise all around you.  Choose now to stay grounded in perfect you.  To hear the valuable, strong Bitch voice underneath it all.

Second step:  Next to your My Drama Queen Loves it List, create solutions and actions to ease Drama Queens delight:  “My Strong Sexy Bitch in Action.”   Then list creative ideas to squash the Drama Queen sludge.  Example:   My Drama Queen Love it When:  The News is depressing!  Solution:  My Strong Sexy Bitch turns it off and does something fun or productive.

So in conclusion, if you take care of Drama Queen, she will help you take care of you:

1.  Don’t push that Drama Queen Brat away…do the exercises in:   http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/01/so-you-had-a-bad-day/ Or kick box her out, or whatever you create to get rid of that whiney butt of hers.

2.  Keep at it.  You may have years of this sludge keeping you down.  This is a life style change.  Going from Drama Queen to Strong Bitch.  And you must commit to sludge removal.  😉

3.  Learn from her.

Suddenly the dark, stormy clouds will dissipate.  (Dramatic sigh replaced with a relaxed sigh)  And you will start seeing the Bitch.  The Bitch will help you communicate clearer because she’s not constrained by Drama Queens, tears, anger and frustration.  The Bitch will keep you grounded in your passions and what keeps you a strong and vital woman.  Things that piss you off will just get a roll of your eyes.  If that.  Drama Queens will fall out of your life and be replaced by people as strong and confident as you.  Like attracts like.  Life will still have its up and downs, but you will discover loving arms to keep you steady.

And best of all…the moment will come where you feel bad about something.  Instantly you’ll know it’s because Drama Queen crept in to mess it up.  You may laugh or smile.  Then you’ll say to yourself:  Take a hike, Drama Queen.  You’re not messing this up.

Result:

Picture from Christian.Legnitto 

 You-determined and ready to take on the world. With a huge influx of adorable!

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Loving Your Ass-ets

Earlier today on our Facebook page I gave you a little assignment.  Love your least favorite body part.

Did you do it?  😉

It’s not an easy thing to do.  Loving every drop of gorgeous you.  But we have to.  If we don’t, then we focus on the negative and miss all the good around us.  So do you hate your butt?  Breasts?  Belly?   There are things we would like to change.  We’re human.  The great thing about being human is we can adapt.  And we have a wonderful little concept called “choice.”  Choose to love.

Choose to love every drop of gorgeous you.

Two days ago I hated the left side of my body.  This post is the result of that battle.  The left side of my body has been in pain for months.  It makes it very difficult for me to work, sleep, move, sit, anything really.  I’ve been hating the limitations the pain is giving me. It’s the result of being at the computer too much working.  Here’s the battle:  Loving what I’m doing…adoring it so much that I don’t want to stop.  Like any passion it can consume you.  My choice is good—The Bitch Rebellion but the passion I have for it is affecting my body.  My body is screaming for me to stop!  Take care of the tired, tight, rock hard muscles filled with tension knots.

I would do the stretching my body was craving for a day or two.  I would stretch and spend time away from the computer.  But I was just going through the motions.  I didn’t really want to do the stretching.  I wanted to be at my computer.  Like a bad relationship with a really bad guy, I would be sucked back into work.  Sucked into not giving the loving TLC the left side of my body needed.  Giving the wrong thing attention.  Don’t we all do this?  This can be a metaphor in so much of our lives.   It takes a lot of strength to focus on what needs to be done.  In our careers, love lives, families, passions, responsibilities.  It takes even more strength to take care of our needs.  Because somehow, our needs wind up on the back burner.  Like the left side of my body.

I’m able to write this now because all day yesterday and this morning (with a few brief moments at the computer LOL) I focused on stretching my tight muscles. But this time I did it because I really wanted to.  I started to appreciate the left side of my body and all it does for me.  Committing to making it feel much better.  Sheila Kelley’s S Factor has been an absolute blessing.  This work out is all about slow sensual movement and my back, arm and neck are so much better!  I also had a good night’s sleep because I took melatonin.  Here’s the danger zone.  I’m starting to feel better.  So I may over do it again.  Not this time.

I’m focused with no guilt.

This is why I want you to focus on you, listen to your body and love the parts you don’t when they are giving you trouble.  Stop.  Listen. Slow down. Loving all the parts of you will lead you to amazing confidence, creativity and productivity that you never dreamed possible.

Like the commercial says…YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!!

So what are you going to do for your least favorite body part today?  I dare you to fall in love with it.

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies