Oxytocin is a powerful hormone released by men and women during orgasm. It probably deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes. Oxytocin also seems to help cement the strong bond between mum and baby and is released during childbirth. The hormone is naturally released in response to a variety of environmental stimuli including nipple stimulation in lactating women, and uterine or cervical stimulation during sex, or as the result of a baby moving down the birth canal.
Interesting, no? I’m giving you this information to be aware of. I’ve discovered that I feel much safer, more turned on, and relaxed when I get to know a man and trust him before I get intimate. And when I’m all these things, I do love a nice cuddle with the man who makes me feel this way. Do you? Or are you immune to the effects of oxytocin flowing in your veins. I have a follower on Facebook who hates to cuddle after sex with her husband. Her husband loves to! How cute, huh? The roles are switched. Most women I know LOVE to cuddle.
I’m hoping that more research is devoted to this very interesting hormone. While we await, see how your luscious body reacts to it, see how much “pre-bonding” you need to do before you get intimate with a man. Maybe you can love em’ and leave em.’ Oh! And PLEASE do share. Our collective research is ooooooh sooooo important! Love, Goddess
Update: I’ve recently found these books and have added them to my reading list. They address Oxytocin and wanted to share my research with you:
Where does it come from? Today at Bitch University we discuss. Confidence as defined by Merriam-Webster
Confidence: con·fi·dence noun \ˈkän-fə-dən(t)s, -ˌden(t)s\ a: a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances <had perfect confidence in her ability to succeed> <met the risk with brash confidence> b: faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way <have confidence in a leader> 2a: the quality or state of being certain :certitude <they had every confidence of success 3a: a relation of trust or intimacy <took his friend into his confidence> b:reliance on another’s discretion <their story was told in strictest confidence>
People have to earn your confidence through trust. Before you can earn theirs, you must earn YOURS. You can’t give love unless you love and trust yourself first, right? Loving yourself is confidence. You trust yourself above all. So you make the right decisions for you. Confident Love! Since there are a million ways to gain confidence, I’m going to highlight a few, and you can take your pick where you want to start.
1. Knowing what you want. This is key because every day you’ll take steps to make this happen. Every step gives you confidence. If you make a mistake, you learn. If you succeed-you just took another step on the confidence stairway. What if you don’t know what you want? Does this make you blue? It makes The Brat blue. Who Controls You Your Bitch or Brat? The Bitch sees it as a world of exploration. She tries different things and stays grounded in what she loves. This keeps her happy, creative, playful and opens her eyes to see how she can get more of what she loves. Suddenly goals, steps, organization becomes a little more appealing. Setbacks are a challenge to win, not the end of the world. Inspiration: The fabulous Michelle Yeoh
2. Communication: Once you find out what you want, you have to learn how to communicate effectively. It smooths over fights, gets things done, encourages love and keeps you from taking crap. Practice everyday. Write down everything you want and communicate to people. See what works, what doesn’t. Think to yourself, is a text really going to help me reach this goal, or a face to face encounter. Take the Communication Bull by the horns, Bitches!
3. Organization: Organization, not just for said want but everything in your life keeps things moving forward. If your day to day life isn’t organized, it’s going to be tough to realize goals/wants in a timely fashion. What do you need to get everything done? Make practical choices. Don’t be impatient (like me!) and go over board. Work on one thing at a time on your list. Like everything, this is something that I’ve learned over time. Just take the first step and all you have to do is keep going.
4. Playtime: Playtime is key to keeping you looking forward to the joys in life. A tickle from your lover, a spring time stroll, trying a new activity, a tough work out. They offer delicious distractions that will help you regain and keep focus. It also spurs your creativity, like Sheila Kelley’s S Factor.
5. Glamour: Taking care of you. You know what you look like if you don’t get enough sleep. The quickest road to glamour for me is enough sleep! And glitter or lip gloss 😉 . Take care of yourself on your journey here, too. This is wonderful self love. Know what you need to feel your best. And do it. You never know when some unexpected opportunity will arise. And you want to be 100% ready! Elle Woods will show you how it’s done HERE
That’s a lot. Remember…don’t go overboard and do all at once! Slow and steady like the hare wins the race. Start anywhere on this list. Expand from there. Every day is a new day to take a step higher on the confidence ladder. Love, Goddess
Because you’re not interested. Because you’re not interested you don’t change your schedule to accommodate him. You don’t text or reply back to an email right away because you’re working, with girlfriends, working out, sleeping, shopping. So why does “Mr. I Don’t Like” keep chasing you?
He sees you as a challenge and likes it. Men like challenges. By not responding to their charms, you’re giving it to them. What they like about you is not only your looks, it’s the fact that you’re enjoying your life and staying grounded in it like glue. Not because you have to. Because you love your life! You haven’t met anybody or anything appealing enough to distract you or add to your life. And his ego would just love it if you, lovely you, would see what a great guy he is. So he can “add to your life.” Ego happy!
Then you meet that hot piece of ass. That guy you look at and you feel it all over. Instant chemistry. He’s acting a bit too cool or nervous and you know you have him. He gets your number. You just know he’s going to call. How could he not?
This is where you may start getting off track. You may check your messages a few more times a day to see if he texted or called. You may start thinking things like this: “He hasn’t texted me! Why? We had such a connection!” Instead of enjoying the wonderful encounter you had with him, The Brat takes over with the whys, how comes, and the real kicker: how do I get his attention!
Think of it this way. Yeah, you like him. But like Mr. I Don’t Like, he’s going to have to earn time in your life. By treating you how you like. If he calls, he calls. If not, there is someone even better that is coming to you. If you stay on track with your life. This takes focus, practice and intention, hotties!
So cool! Mr. Hot and Sexy calls or texts and sets up a date. Whoo hoo! Then expectations start setting in. You start thinking of that first kiss, how nice it would be to be held in those well toned biceps of his. The laughter, the play, the “this is going to be sooooo good.”
Okay. Get a grip a bit. 😉 I’m not saying don’t enjoy the thought of your next encounter. Not at all. I’m asking you to slow down at this point and let him chase you and prove you he’s worthy of your kiss, your time, your feeling safe enough to get closer. This takes time. These posts will help you stay in the moment more and STOP expecting things to happen a certain way. So you can slow down, feel comfortable and safe to open up more:
Let him earn his first kiss. You only get one together. Why not slow down and enjoy the tension more a bit? Listen to his words with a healthy dose of skepticism. Smile and say you’re more impressed with actions than words. Reviewing the above posts will help you stay grounded when you meet Mr. Hot and Sexy. By staying grounded in your life you’re keeping yourself safe, and his ego is being bolstered because he has to earn time with you. By treating you like the lovely lady you are. By respecting you and your passions, work, friends, family, responsibilities.
One more very important thing. When you meet “Mr. I Don’t Like,” who absolutely adores you? Treat him with the same respect you would want to get if the situation is reversed. When you meet a man who is a mess, try and educate him, respectfully, why it isn’t going to happen. Here is an example: Dealing With a Man Not Ready to Date: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/08/dealing-with-a-man-not-ready-to-date/
So why rush? Enjoy the attention from him or the next man. Thank him and be grateful for anything he would like to do for you. Communicate what you would like. Kick box, yoga or dance away your nerves so you can ground yourself. Study the above posts. And play play play!
Spring into play! Think of me as your Sassy Play Coach. With a wink and a smile I’m asking you to look at the emerging Spring as a time to refocus on an under used muscle: Play.
Play play play. We used to be so good at it when we were young. The world was full of new things to try, taste, discover. We could find new things to do with the ordinary. My 4 year old niece, upon receiving a bracelet as a present from my Mom, promptly flicked it across the room! She saw it as a fun flying instrument. Not a bracelet. LOL. So what are we going to play with this week? Pick one. Any one. 😉
1. Sensuality: Research and discover new things that turn you on. Make a list. Do you want to discover a new luscious fruit that makes your mouth water? A new fragrance, a new way you like to be touched? How about admiring your gorgeous feminine core in various states of arousal? (Thank Sheri Winston and her book Women’s Anatomy of Arousal for that one)
2. Enjoy all the men in their spring fever glory. I’ve been meeting the hottest men. See what they’ll do for you. When they talk about a tattoo they have, they want to show you. Trust me on this one. Purr you would love to see it. For me it’s less about the tattoo and more about where it is. Like a well toned bicep. 😉 I got that a few nights ago. Of course if it’s in a more private place, you can roll your eyes, smile and say something sassy like, “Maybe some other time.” Flirt with the man at the seafood counter, the man walking toward you on the street. Flash him a big, sassy smile and keep walking. Let him turn around, chase after you and get your number. Only if you’d like. Just enjoy the encounter. No expectations.
3. Make a list of things you want to do this spring: Walk in the spring rain, plant some yummy vegetables or herbs, hike, have a Spring Fever Party, try something on your “I would never list.”
4. Get your girlfriends together and do this together. Share ideas! Play together. Share these ideas on our Bitch Lifestyle Facebook page.
5. Plan a weekend get away with the girls. A little road trip. Pack your favorite outfits, foods, glitter, music, erotica, a well working GPS and see where the road takes you.
6. If things don’t turn out as you “expect” in any of these ideas, don’t pout or stew about it. Does it lead you to something more fun, an unexpected pleasure? Or maybe something you can learn from?
Why do these things? Because you want a life filled with things to look forward to. It keeps you present. Not looking back on things, experiences and people that aren’t pleasant. In order to move forward you have to do it. So hot ones….will you let me be your Sassy Play Coach? Love, Goddess