What Do You Most Fear?

Scary halloween pumpkin from the website Softonic:   http://onsoftware.en.softonic.com/trick-or-treat-halloween-wallpapers-for-everyone

What do you most fear?

I’m not taking vampires, zombies and witches oh…my.

What do you most fear?

I’m not even talking spiders.  Or anything that can creep up on you or fly in your hair.

I’m talking personal fears.  Sometimes the one thing that you really truly want eludes you.  So you try harder.  When the best thing to do is let go and trust.  Or worse, you keep choosing the wrong thing.  It’s what you know and what you think you like.  It’s what you’re used to.  Sometimes we do all these things because getting what we want can be terrifying.  What if we own and run a successful business?  What if we employ 50 or so people?  Not only do we then have to support our families, how do we make sure we keep bringing in more profit to support the other 50?  What if we really truly fall in love?  And that person leaves us?  Maybe it will all be easier if we stay in a job that doesn’t have so much responsibility.  Or stay with the guy we know who will hurt us.  Because losing the man who adores us and then leaves us we couldn’t recover from.  And the guy who hurts us?  We can whine and moan about.  We can get attention from this activity.  It satisfies our need for attention.  But in the wrong way.  We have substituted pain for feeling good.  And the pain that we feel becomes normal and comfortable.  It’s what we know.

What do you most fear?

Over time giving up what feels good for comfortable.

Screw that, Bitches.

How about trying new things.  New adventures.  When you find yourself being too comfortable, too regimented, too “doing the same thing all the time” changing it pronto!

What do you most fear?

Being alone, in the dark, in a creepy old house without power?

Stop.

Fear…is a future emotion.

Let me say that again.

Fear…is a future emotion.  When you are afraid of something happening that hasn’t yet.

Example A:  I like this guy as a friend, but I don’t want to go out with him if he asks me out.   This is fear and worry about something that may not happen.  This could fear and worry you right out of the best relationship ever.

Resolution A:   Stop putting expectations on something.  Just enjoy it.  Maybe he is the most incredible man you’ve ever met.  Give him a chance.

Example B:  We’re getting a new manager.  I heard she/he is a bear.  My job is going into the toilet.

Resolution B:  It ‘s natural to worry a bit when you have a new manager.  Take control of the situation by doing your best work.  Put your energy into that.

What do you most fear?

Trust.

All the above involves trusting yourself.  Trusting yourself into stepping a toe into what feels uncomfortable.  Dating “not your type.”  Trusting that the new management wants to succeed.  Knowing you are an important part to the managers’ success.  Throwing a cute guy a sassy smile, helping an older woman cross the street, killing the icky bug.  Trusting that you are confident enough to handle the curve balls thrown at you calmly and unemotionally. Trusting that if you step a little outside your “box,” you will find something interesting and new that you never thought of.

What do you most fear?

Me?  Not doing and missing something I would love!  You?  Make a list of your fears and conquer them.  One toe at at time.

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

 

How To Get A Girl To Chase You

A couple playfully enjoying themselves.  From Red Book Magazine:   http://www.redbookmag.com/cm/redbook/images/G4/happy-couples-de.jpg

I’ve met a guy who has been trying to get me to chase him.  I’ve been mildly amused at his tactics.  We are both part of a circle of acquaintances, so I run into him often.  He’s tried it all.  Texts designed to get my attention.  All in the wrong way.  All about him, no how are yous.  He’s used other women to get a reaction out of me.  He has lied.  It all makes me want to nap.  On Sunday night I was noting his tactics.  None of which I was buying.  A disturbing thought came up.  I thought, where is he getting this?  Is he learning these tactics somewhere?

So I googled “how to get a girl to chase you.”  42 million hits.  There are male coaches out there teaching other men these tactics!  I guess I was a little naive.  Okay…a lot naive.  So I started reading some of the tips.  All playing on a womans’ desire for attention.  Here are a few of the more common tactics.

  1. Questions designed to put you on guard so YOU are no longer doing the choosing.  HE is.
  2. Acceptance:  The woman has passed the mans’ specific tests.  Now the male can tell the female he approves of her.  Extra points for dragging it out so she has to work harder.
  3. Various talk about how her “hormones” will become heightened when they are attracted to a man.
  4. Men discussing how exciting it is for the woman when she chases the man. 

Yuck.  I could go on, but the whole thing disgusts me.  Want to know the reason there isn’t more love in the world?  It’s crap like this.  42 million pages on the internet alone about it.  These sites are not about “loving behavior” they are about “manipulation.”  This stuff breeds bad karma, lack of trust and potentially ruins love for good men and women.  So what’s a Bitch to do?  REBEL.  The moral of this little write-up is to be aware, ladies.  Be aware of the list above.  Watch for signs that a man wants you to chase him.  Don’t allow him this power over hot little you.   http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/08/dating-concept-1-signs-a-man-wants-you-to-chase-him/ and http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/09/respect-and-the-first-date/  This is about changing the Karma, embracing our power to choose and taking the power back from this manipulation.

Dating the Bitches Way:

  1. Women are the choosers and the seducers.
  2. We say “HELL NO!”  To men trying to get us to chase them.
  3. We adore the men that don’t play games and adore us.  Games we approve of involve tickling or some other such fun activity (sassy smile).

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

The Deflection

Anne Taintor magnets available from Kaboodle

A.  The Deflection Defined:   It’s when you call a man on his crap and he deflects by putting it on you.

Example:  This is priceless.  It’s from Lisa, one of our hotties on our Bitch Lifestyle Facebook page.   Lisa was dating a guy and he got drunk before they started a date!  She called him on it.  Saying it was “unacceptable.”  His response?  She was being “judgemental.”  I love how our Sassy Bitch was all “LOL…well yeah!”  The deflection was incorporated by this guy when he called her “judgemental.”

B:  Why do men use Deflection in an argument? 

  1. Guys admit that if you “give an inch, we’ll take a mile.” They want to see what the boundaries are with you.  So they test you.  This is the wild child in them.  And Tarzan needs Jane-a woman he respects-to keep him in line.
  2. Men think women are “emotional.”  He doesn’t know what is going to set you off.  He has learned that he can “set you off” by playing with your emotional buttons.  Calling you something like “judgemental” works on women that he can control and walk all over.  And yes, who wants to be called “judgmental?”  We women want to be seen as “reasonable.”  A strong, confident sassy woman sees the hogwash behind deflection.  Important:  Understand that the really good men will do this so they don’t get too involved with a woman who they think is over the top emotional. (like the Faux Girlfriend ) Who can blame them?  We don’t want her in our lives either.  We’re dumping the Faux Girlfriends, too!  Setting the boundaries about what isn’t going to fly with you works with the bad guys and the good men.  Either way works.
  3. Men don’t like admitting they are wrong.  So they deflect.  Making him admit he is wrong-just words.  And it’s emasculating.  So don’t make it about YOUR EGO just to make him say he was wrong.  Watch his actions.  Make that your barometer on how things proceed.

C.  Here’s how you handle Deflection:

  1. Like Lisa did.  With humor and conviction.
  2. Call him on his deflection.  You could say something like, “Yeah I’m being judgemental and you don’t look good.”
  3. If you’re dating more seriously?  And you’ve called him on his deflecting ways in the past?  You could say, “You’re deflecting.”  Then state what won’t fly.  Repeat if necessary.
  4. Don’t react emotionally.  Then he knows he has control.

Guys are going to deflect blame in arguments.  I think it’s in their DNA. (said with playful sarcasm)  Listen for the signs of deflection.  At first, you are going to feel yucky when he does it.  Being called “judgemental” is designed to do that.  When you understand the motive behind it-for him to gain control-you can take the power back.  When you do it in a “bottom line” type way, that will really rock his world!  The bad guys won’t be able to control you and disappear.  Good riddance.  You’re way too much woman for him.  The good men?  They’ll stick around.  They’ll call you on your crap back. See Mind Games:  Playing Hard to Get Part Two  There will be reciprocal listening and respect.   Mmmmm….and you are so worth this hot, sexy kind of REAL man!

Love, Goddess

Want more?  Read my book Bitch Lifestyle the Manual

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Flirting Basics

Gorgeous image from Two Asian Matchmakers

Flirting Basics.  Do you know the one word a successful flirtation relies on?

Confidence.

Confidence.

Confidence.

The way you get confidence?  Through daily practice.  Yeah…practice means work.  Things that people do that seem effortless takes discipline!  Passion for what you are doing!  Let’s use the classic sports analogy.  One of my favorite athletes is Tom Brady.  This weekend, with 22 seconds left in the game, he threw a touchdown pass to win the game.  He made it look so easy.  The reason why he made it look so easy is because he has done the work.  His teammates have done the work. He and his teammates have spent hours going over that one play.  Hours working their bodies so they can perform at their absolute best.  Hours pouring over playbooks, video and meetings discussing execution.

Flirting is a lost art.  It takes similar practice to execute.  It’s all about fun, play and confidence.  And practice.  You have to practice this art.  On everything that moves!  Puppies, girlfriends, the guy you meet at a store.  Each time you try you will get better.   This would be Tom Brady making a touch down pass when he is ahead by 40 points.  It is much easier and there is less pressure to make the pass then.  This helps you when you meet the guy you absolutely adore.  This is when you will need every drop of confidence you’ve gained.  When you need to be confident like Tom Brady in the last 22 seconds of the game.  The game isn’t on the line…it’s your heart!  So you want to have ALL your wits about you, be completely focused and still play the **** out of the flirtation.

So let’s break it down.

A.  Confidence.  In yourself.  Knowing who you are, what you like and being in love with every Sassy Drop of YOU.

  1. Every day take a moment to adore something about you.  Your body, your hair, eyes, luscious butt.  If it’s your eyes, accent them with a little glitter eyeliner.  Then blow yourself a kiss in the mirror before you leave the house.
  2. Get your life in order.  Whatever you have, love and appreciate.  Take pride in the order of your finances, closet, computer, goals, beauty routine, home.
  3. Make a list of all the things you love to do and plan them.  Make dates with your girlfriends and family.  Work that calendar.
  4. Instead of apologizing, look to what you could do better.  Focus on that.
  5. Embrace and be passionate about your talents.  Share the energy of that passion with those you love and meet.
  6. Get rid of edgy energy by working out.  With focused intent.  Ie:  Anger?  Punch it out with kick boxing.  Discover what works for you.

B.  Confidence:  Flirting

  1. Follow a beauty routine.  Start small.  Maybe with your favorite lip gloss or bright scarf.  Wear something out everyday that makes you feel gorgeous.  Notice how it makes you feel.  Is your smile a little wider?  Do you notice men looking at you?  Take notes!  The point is to see what works for you and work it.
  2. Smile.  It’s sending out warmth to everyone you meet.  Do this for men, women and children.  If they react, play a little more.  Add a compliment or playful word.
  3. If you’re on a date, compliment the man you are with.  Men love compliments.  Add a sassy, warm smile while you compliment.
  4. Touch a man lightly on his shoulder, arm, hand.  Add a compliment.
  5. Whisper a warm compliment in a mans’ ear.

C.  Confidence.  Deleting your Drama Queen.

  1. Laugh at yourself and don’t take the whole thing so seriously.  This is play, remember?
  2. Flirting takes confidence, and a dash of vulnerability.  If you feel uncomfortable, it may be fear.  The more you try, the less this uncomfortable unease will affect you.
  3. Join our Bitch Lifestyle Facebook community for more confidence.   We are building a community of women who will have each others’ backs!
  4. Keep reading and doing the exercises on this site.  Investing in you builds your confidence.

Sound like a lot?  Anything worth it takes work.  Start small.  A few minutes a day.  Make it part of your routine.  Look at the picture of Tom Brady above.  Something tells me-the smile on his face-that the effort is well worth it.

Love, Goddess

Private Coaching with me available. For more information: Private Coaching 

© S Stevens Life Strategies