My life for the past few weeks has been a series of never ending curveballs. Curveballs with Bitch Lifestyle, Family, Improv. You name it, a curveball has been thrown at it. And the thing is? They’ve all been ridiculous. Crazy…nuts! I almost wrote about it last week, but didn’t. Instead I decided that all the curveballs were over. I over came the hurdles and all I had to do was just take my own advice and chill. So I took a long hot yummy shower, slathered on my favorite moisterizer, spritzed some glitter on my body, lit some incense and settled down in my bed with a huge stack of magazines. Blissfully I sank into my comfy pillows and opened my first magazine. Heaven. A few pages later, I heard the pitter patter of little feet. I looked up…and into my cozy bedroom a squirrel ran and stopped.
Seriously ridiculous, right?
I sat there in disbelief. My mind goes blank. Well…the thing wound up running out of my bedroom. It was late, I didn’t know the first thing about squirrel catching, so I sealed the door. I would borrow my brothers’ squirrel trap the next day to take care of the problem. I went to sleep. Two hours later I awoke with a start. Something was digging at my bedroom door. No way it was going to get in. I lay there in the dark. Silence. Then I heard the pitter patter of little feet running around my bed. I was absolutely frozen with fear in the dark. Then the thing jumped on one of my feet! I screamed and turned on the light in time to see it climb my wall and stare at me on top of the window curtain.
There we sat. Looking at each other. Why the **** didn’t I leave earlier? What the **** was I going to do? So we sat looking at each other for another minute. Then the thing started running back and forth on the top of the curtain. Then I heard the pitter patter of another set of feet. I calmly picked up the phone and called my parents. It was 2:00am. My Dad answers the phone. I tell him that I’m coming over to spend the night because I am having a staring contest with a squirrel in my bedroom. I hang up, get some clothes on, all the while watching the squirrel.
Anyway, the next day my brother, who has had a huge problem with squirrels in his apartment this fall, became my squirrel advisor. He’d caught 4 of the things in his garage! I gave him a title “Master Squirrel Hunter.” We named my squirrel “Scooter.” By the end of the day we had captured Scooter in a Have a Heart trap. We plugged up a hole we thought squirrels may be getting in and here I am in my comfy bed writing this post. After another day of HUGE curveballs that had nothing to do with squirrels.
Why all the crazy curveballs? Why is such a waste of time. The only thing to do when oh I can’t help it…the fur is flying…is to take extra care of ourselves, keep our killer sense of humor and deal. And…look forward to all the fun that our healthy sense of humor is going to bring us! Lost your humor? Check into Bitch University for help in getting it back: Rapunzel and her Tower
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