Finding love…do you emasculate men? You want to be respected in all your glorious femininity, right? Absolutely. Do you send that out to men? In other words, do you give them the respect of how hot the masculine is? To get respect you must give respect. Unfortunately, I see women disrespecting men all the time. In lines at stores. At friendly gatherings. Usually he’s making a valid point and she is being dismissive. Or she is ordering him to do something for her. Or…he’s trying to do something for her and she’s resisting it. Or testing him with outrageous requests to see how much he “cares for her.” I’ve noticed the love he is giving out and she is being dismissive, rude or unappreciative. What brought this little Sassy Bitch tangent on? A trip to Walmart.
I was in Walmart two days before Christmas. Yes…utter zoo. Don’t hate me, but I’d gotten all my shopping done and was just relaxing and enjoying all the colorful packages and bargains in the make up area. Out of the corner of my eye I notice a handsome man looking at the make up. I wandered to the next aisle and soon he was in the same aisle with me. Looking completely confused. That’s love I thought. I hope she appreciates him. We make eye contact and here is our conversation:
Handsome Man: Could I ask you for some advice?
Sassy Bitch: Sure.
Handsome Man: Where is the Bare Escentuals?
I’m thinking…really…you sent out your man to find you make up for Christmas? What the hell is wrong with you, girlfriend?
Sassy Bitch: You can’t buy that here. You’re in the right section, it’s mineral make-up, but you can only get Bare Escentuals at high-end stores like Sephora or Ulta.
Handsome man looks at the make up. Knowing what he’s thinking I say:
Sassy Bitch: And you can’t buy this mineral make up. She knows what she wants…the Bare Escentuals. If you buy this, you’ll be screwed.
Handsome Man laughs in appreciation of my honesty with him.
More conversation and then I send him on his way. With simple instructions. “Go to Sephora. Ask for help picking out something when you are there.”
What woman in her right mind would send a man to get her make up for Christmas? It’s okay to want these things, ladies. It’s okay to ask your men to do these things for you. But be smart! Tell him something like this: I would love this product as a gift. You can only get it from Sephora. I would so appreciate it if you would give me a gift certificate to Sephora so I can go wild with experimentation! I’ll email you a link. Done.
It’s emasculating to get a man to shop for make up for you. It’s like him asking you to change his oil for him, go to Home Depot and find 3/4 inch flat screws or weed wack for him. The hot men I know would never ask their women to do these things for them. (If the woman wants to do it that is another story!) So why do women emasculate their men like this? Anger, Bitches. We all get angry with men. Men from our past, things our Dads did to piss us off, communication differences, blah blah blah. If you don’t think you’re angry at men…you are one scary Bitch. You aren’t being honest with yourself. You are truly scary! Get rid of the anger, ladies…you will start to see the love.
Sometimes in our zeal to have a man show us love, we miss the ways he is already showing us. This is a symptom of not taking care of your anger. As for the people out there who are trying to turn men into women? This is an angry woman at work. They don’t get them so they’ve decided to change them. And give up all their power. Men are not women. The sexes have differences. Brilliant differences that work in our favor as women. Men produce for us. Let them do it. In their own way. Yes, tell them what you want, but respect their hot maleness. Get rid of the anger and you will start to see how they would do anything to make us smile. Even shop in the make up aisle at Walmart! Just because they would do that for us doesn’t make it right. Respect.
Appreciation gets you so much more. When your anger starts simmering, breathe, don’t be critical and try not to take your frustration out on him. This is taking your power. This is the ultimate control. Let men be men. Don’t control them by getting them to do things for you to “see how much they care.” It’s sooo good when you release that control and appreciate. You can’t even imagine. Consider when you are finding love. Love, Goddess
Your wants and passions. I’ve said it over and over. Your wants and passions are the keys to making you glow and propel you into your Sassy Confident Bitch.
It’s important to stay aware: looking over your wants and passions list, updating, adding, deleting, because they can be pushed aside for other things. When you neglect a passion you may start to get cranky. You miss it and want it! You may start to let it affect other passions. Then you have two passions affected. Then another curve ball is thrown into the mix. And another and another. You’re the Sassy Bitch handling it all brilliantly. But you’re still neglecting something.
Being a Sassy Bitch is a blast but it isn’t easy. When you’re the Sassy Bitch you affect everyone around you. If you fall off your game, you start to feel guilt and beat yourself up a bit. Then Drama Queen starts to babble silly advice to you. Silly advice a Sassy Bitch would never take. The next thing you know you can’t get in touch with your best friend to vent and you’re venting to a close guy friend. He’s able to identify your problem in one sentence and then you get mad at him. You…in your Drama Queen thinks he doesn’t know you well enough to understand ALL that is going on with you. So you ignore him or tell him off. The next day? You’re Sassy Bitch tells you he was right.
This scenario happened to one of my coaching clients recently. She has two very strong passions: Her rock band and crafting. For years she has been making beautiful things for craft shows. The Holidays=high crafting season. Her rock band has really picked up steam lately. They have shows every weekend and she is loving the opportunities that are finally coming her way. This conflicts with her craft shows. She had to choose. She chose weekends with the rock band. She said to me one day:*
Sandy: I’m totally in my Drama Queen.
Me: You don’t sound it.
Sandy: I am! We had a show this weekend and I didn’t want to do it. I was frustrated about the show and frustrated with myself because I felt ungrateful. Then there were travel issues, I didn’t get all the work and shopping I needed to get done this weekend, AND this guy from my past has returned and he’s being wonderful. Which is damn scary.
Me: Why didn’t you really want to do the show?
Sandy: This is going to sound stupid.
Me: I’m not going to think that.
Sandy: I haven’t had the time do craft shows this season. That’s all I could think about! And Calvin from the group said that to me and I told him off. He noted how edgy I was during the show. That was not cool of me. What do you do when two passions collide like this? How do you stay in your Bitch?
Me: First, give yourself a break. Your crafting passion is AWOL. The opportunities from your rock band have made you miss out on your crafting opportunities. So the solution is start being grateful for all the opportunities you have. And find creative ways not to let your crafting passion be shut out.
Sandy: I’m mad at myself for not making the time earlier.
Me: You didn’t have the time earlier. You’re beating yourself up again.
Sandy: The success of the group is not forcing me to choose. I need to find time for my other passion, crafting. And ultimately, a way to make more money crafting. Which I’ve always wanted. I’ve wanted to start selling online for two reasons. One, I can make more money. Two, this would free up time on the weekend for my group.
Me: Yes. You’ve just turned the whole thing around. That’s my Sassy Bitch.
Guilty feelings sometimes come up when we feel bad about getting all we want. Hence the reason why we should start being grateful. Anger, a lot of times, is fear. It’s really scary getting everything you want. When you push through it by taking creative action, like Sandy is now doing, it gives you something new and positive to focus on! Questions? Let me know!
To make the most out of our “12 Days of Sassy Christmas,” I thought I would look up some time management savers. Because, like…I was having trouble finding time. 😉 So here are some time management tips and things to stress less over. And as a bonus a few fun and sassy things to do…to insert in all the time you’ve saved!
Schedule a day for YOU next year. Give it a sassy name if you wish. This is a day to nurture yourself and do only that which rocks your world.
Instead of doing all the wrapping at once, wrap whatever you have purchased as you get it. I got this idea from one of my coaching clients, Sandy. I hate wrapping and I seem to hate it less now.
Avoid the shopping marathon. Use the internet and make short shopping trips. Aim to get 1, 2 or tops three gifts done per day.
CHEAT! Don’t have the time to make homemade brownies? Don’t feel guilty. Use a package mix and then add your personal touch. Like a drizzle of chocolate, yummy nuts, etc. Think to yourself…hmmm…what would make these even tastier? Enjoy and play with the thought. Find a way to make time management fun.
If you’re entertaining, make one really yummy celebration drink. Like a champagne with a splash of peach or pomegranate juice.
Don’t feel guilty if you have to change your 45 minute work out to a 15 minute work out. Catch up in the New Year. Use the extra half hour to catch up with family and friends you love!
Wisp away grays with mascara.
You know all those Holiday Annoyances? Standing in line, rude people, etc? Create a hot little mantra to zone out to and lower the noise. Something like: I am ******* fabulous. Say it over and over softly in your mind. Breathe it in and let it wash over you.
I’m really not an E card person. However, I no longer send out a bazillion cards to everyone I know. Weed out the people who don’t send you cards. Don’t drive yourself nuts remembering people who don’t take the time to remember YOU. Don’t take it personally. People are busy. 😉
Don’t say “yes!” to every social engagement.
Instead of worrying about keeping the whole house clean, spend 15 min. a day cleaning just one room. If you have a family, assign a person to each room.
Tell Santa you’ve only been “slightly naughty” this year.
Hand out mistletoe wherever you go. Especially to the hot men you meet!
Before shopping, put on an outfit you feel absolutely divine in. Do your hair and make-up. Glam yourself up with sparkle and a spritz of your favorite perfume. (If you see Santa…now would be a good time to tell him you’ve only been slightly naughty)