Boundaries

Photo: www.ampovbook.com/Order_The_Book.html

 

Image from one of my favorite sites on Facebook:  A Man’s Point of View.  Must “like” ladies!  https://www.facebook.com/WomenAndDating

Do you know what your boundaries are with people?  The other night I had a person, whom I just met, tell me things that were WAY too personal.  After telling me the “way too personal,” she moved on to another person and spilled the “way too personal.”  Then she came back to me and wanted me to look at what someone had said about the “way too personal” on Facebook.  I was listening to her go on and on and I’m all…whoa.  No boundaries.   She was in full-blown Drama Queen.   At the end of the night, she comes up to me with more drama.  She said that she didn’t understand why all these people were talking about her behind her back.  I took a deep breath and here is our conversation:

Me:  I’m sorry you’re going through so much.

She didn’t say anything and just looked at me.  Then she said:

She:  What is wrong with me? (really really whiny)

Me:  You’re really upset over the situation.  Why don’t you work out the frustration in the gym or something?  That’s what I do when I’m frustrated.  That helps me see the situation clearer.  I have to go.  I have a long drive. (Said in a soothing, yet firm way)

She:  I’m so frustrated I can’t even see straight. (kind of to herself, thinking)

Me:  (Warm smile)  Go take care of yourself.  See you soon.

This girl is so involved with her drama that she doesn’t know what she wants and is asking everyone else what to do.  She doesn’t trust herself.  Only she can know what to do for her.  And it starts by taking care of herself.  That Drama Queen energy kills everything, hotties!  It clouds your judgement, can make you treat people unfairly (because OH…so and so did this and it’s crap! Well…maybe you did something to start it) and can make life more complicated than it should be.  This may help.  Sassy Bitches love action because it helps move things forward:

  1. Exercise frustrations out.
  2. Start listing all the things you want in life and a plan of action.
  3. Treat people with respect.

When you don’t get treated with respect back?  How do you deal with it in a bottom line way?  Exercising the frustration out will help you keep calmer and more focused so you can deal with people effectively.  Then you can note what makes you feel bad: ie:  no follow through from a guy.  Then you can set  boundaries for acceptable behavior.  Recent examples from a client dealing with a “date” who wasn’t following through.  First example is Pre-Coaching.  She was really frustrated with men and was letting the frustration rule instead of stating what wouldn’t fly with her.

Client: (to date via text) Why didn’t you answer my text?  It was important because it was about last tonight!

Date:  I didn’t think we had definitely plans.

Client:  Well we did.  And you didn’t get back to me.

Well…things didn’t work out with that guy!  She was frustrated and angry because he didn’t communicate.  Guys do this all the time.  You must set the boundaries so you can stop this behavior from them.  Take care of the anger so you can communicate what won’t fly with you.  After finishing Bitch Universitys’ “Re-Awakening,” program  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/07/your-re-awakening/ is how she dealt with a new guy who was not following through.  (Via text)  My thoughts in italics.

New Guy:  Hey!  What are you doing in a half hour?  I want to meet you for cocktails.

Client:  I’ll be busy finishing up my work day.     Truth

New Guy:  Come on…you can do that later.  Come meet me.   Notice HE wants HER to come to him.  Getting the female to chase 101 for men.

Client:  Maybe another time.  Have fun tonight.  Bye!    Hangs up immediately to avoid further pointless conversation.

And yes…you can get here too.  I so want that for you and every other hot sassy woman out there.  Get out of the drama and into the FUN!  Love, Goddess

“Re-Awakening,” a Bitch University course that shows you how to establish boundaries with men and ANYONE who tries to cross yours:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/07/your-re-awakening/  Email me to sign up!  goddess@bitchlifestyle.com

Are you in a complete Drama Queen melt-down?  This is for you:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2013/05/negativity-how-to-kick-it-to-the-curb/

© S Stevens Life Strategies

 

The Guy That Always Comes Back

Anne Taintor image from the website Shot At Artworks

You’re dating other men.  Enjoying them.  One of them kisses you.  Or maybe the one you WANT to kiss disappears.  It drives you nuts.  You start thinking of only him-Original Kiss Guy and how he may kiss.  You get a grip and focus on all the other men who are interested in you.  You start to like another guy.  A few weeks pass and then BOOM!  Original Kiss Guy comes back.

Why does this happen, beauties?  It never fails.  I really don’t know either…but here is a hunch:  You’re not thinking of him and you’ve moved on.  You’re happily going about your business, enjoying new options.  Now you aren’t thinking and stressing over him and a “maybe kiss.”  Men respond to women, right?  They know when we are upset.  They want to make it better.  We let the guys we like make us feel better.  They also seem to respond to the anxiety we feel sometimes when we really like him.  When we start wondering about what he is thinking, feeling, how he kisses, his arms around us, wedding stationary, I could go on and on.  The moment we add the twinge of expectation…the Ohhhhh I want him to kiss me now!  He disappears.  It’s almost like he knows it before we do.  So he runs.

How do you deal with this?  By letting other guys make you smile.   Let them keep your mind off Original Kiss Guy.  Forcing yourself if you have to.  Then…you start having fun with all the other wonderful things in your life and you forget about his kiss.  Then Original Kiss Guy gets in touch.  LOL.  Here’s the sneaky thing.  When you’re reading this, don’t start saying to yourself:  OH that’s it.  Okay!  I’ll date other people and Original Kiss Guy will come back.  Then you aren’t giving your true “happy” a chance.  In the back of your mind you’re going through the motions to get Original Kiss Guy back.

So truly get happy, truly have fun and truly enjoy the other men giving you attention.  Men love happy women.   When Original Kiss Guy calls, yeah, you’ll be shocked.  Or maybe, just maybe, you won’t be because the man your with now… is SO much better.  He always makes you smile and he never leaves you.  Because he adores you.  And you deserve nothing less!  Bottom line:  by keeping your mind focused on that which brings you the “happy” works in your favor right?   Love, Goddess

Here are some ideas to explore so you keep focused on the “happy!”

Cleopatra  Study the Seductress in Elizabeth Taylors brilliant performance. Find your inner Cleo.

The Bombshell Manual of Style

Women’s Anatomy of Arousal

Now Eat This!  Yummy 350 calorie dishes by Italian Mamas.  Master your cooking skills!

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Seduction as an Art

Veronica Franco image from the amazing “The Honest Courtesan” blog:  http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2011/11/14/veronica-franco/

 

One of my favorite books ever is Seductress by Betsy Prioleau.  The reason why I love this book so much is because not only does she take us on a journey of the great Seductresses in history, but she made me realize seduction is an art!  We “seduce” daily.  Seduction, in business, becomes “negotiating skills.”  Courtesans were our celebrities of today.  Our Elizabeth Taylors and Marilyn Monroes.  They were followed everywhere.  They fascinated and enticed.  They ruled in a world where playing full-out with your femininity was snubbed in society.  It just wasn’t “proper.” (Insert sassy eye roll here)  How did these women do it?  How were they able to rock their femininity and live exactly the way the wanted to in repressed times?  There are women in this book that were not attractive.  They were described as “homely” and “thin-faced” or “old.”  Yet they had men all over them.  What was their secret?

They were glued to whatever gave them pleasure.  To their passion.  They were glued to their self-respect and NO ONE was going to take those things away from them.  Some were brazen about this.  La Belle Otero was known for her dancing.  Here is a link to a video on YouTube.  It shows pictures of this famous courtesan and then a rare treat.  A film of her dancing.  What struck me was the very end of the video.  How she suddenly moves with abandon!  And like a little teaser…the video ends.  I love being teased…sigh.   I’ll just have to imagine what the rest of the dance was like.  Or having the pleasure of seeing her live.    La Belle Otero

Seduction as an Art Tip #1:   Dance for yourself.  Dance with abandon like Belle Otero.

Then there is Veronica Franco who had a movie Dangerous Beauty based on her.  In Venice in the 1500s, women were not allowed to educate themselves.  Reading was forbidden. Veronica had a brilliant mind that would not be suppressed.  So she chose her mind and became a courtesan.  Venetian courtesans, in their rebellion against this suppression were brilliant conversationalists.  Men paid them just for the privilege of their witty, learned, fascinating ability in conversation.  Veronica wrote poetry and published both in a book during her life time.  Veronica Franco: Poems and Selected Letters

Seduction as an Art Tip #2:   Work that beautiful mind.  Get curious.  Don’t be afraid to question the written word and back your opinions up!

Seduction as an Art Tip #3:   Beryl Markham was all about her passion for adventure.  She roamed the world for men, excitement and prizes.   Embrace your passions.  No excuses.  Ever!

Madame De Pompadour worked her innate “grace.”  Grace is a complex virtue and when mastered it can move even the most jaded of characters.  Something that served her well in what was a very complex and treacherous existence:  Mistress to King Louis XV.  You know how bad competition among women is now.  Imagine being Mistress to the King-something you don’t exactly have power to do or not to do and all the people in court trying to take your place and bring you down.

Seduction as an Art Tip #4:   Grace is a skill Madame De Pompadour possessed and mastered.  Master yours.  It’s so much more affective than yelling, texting, IM or emailing.  You will never fully embrace your Sassy Bitch if you count on communicating through a device.  Communicate LIVE. 

Ninon de Lenclos created a school for men.  To teach them exactly how to adore and relish women.  Here’s a link to the article I wrote about her:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/02/ninon-de-lenclos/

Every day I take a moment or two to be inspired by these women.  Women who rocked their feminine in a world where they were repressed.  How will you embrace yours today?  Love, Goddess

Books to inspire and educate you on these famous Seductresses:

  1. Beryl Markham
  2. Madame De Pompadour
  3. La Belle Otero
  4. Life, Letters and Philosophy of Ninon de Lenclos

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Moments the Crazy and the Blissful!

Love it!  Image from I Own This Shit on Facebook:   https://www.facebook.com/IOWNTHISSHIT

Moments…

You are completely convinced that you are in your Drama Queen.  You have zero patience for any crap and the critical voices are swirling around you.  Just at the moment where you are believing the critical voices, brilliance happens.  These happened to me yesterday.  Are things like this happening to you?

  1. You are PMSing like there is no tomorrow.  Any extra little curveball will throw you into a Bitchfest.  Your patience was on its last nerve 8 nerves ago.  Then this happens:  The guy who you’ve given a boat load of truth to, the guy who, upon hearing boat load of truth listened quietly.  Not saying a word.  Honoring your words by not interrupting.  He knows he royally screwed up.  Flash forward two months later.  He has produced beyond your wildest dreams for you.  You are so grateful and you are rewarding him back.  He has earned “fun, playful” you.   And here you are on your last “8th” nerve.  He is being playful with you.  He’s also jarring your chips a bit because he loves sparring with you so much.  Instead of playing back you want to drop him from something.  Like his well toned butt.  You look in his happy eyes and say to yourself no way.  He has worked so hard.  FOR YOU.  Time to get rid of the anger, Bitch.  You’ll be spending the day with him!  And you get rid of the anger because you’ve researched how to get rid of it in an empowering way.  Both of you win.
  2. You discover that you have to find parking in the middle of Cambridge Carnival International.  Streets everywhere are blocked off.  Thousands of people are wandering the streets.  The carnival is in full glorious swing.  The Drama Queen voice starts.  “You will NEVER find parking.  Ever, never.  As in no way.  Turn around.  Go home.”  The Bitch voice says.  “Keep going.”   You turn into one of the free on Sunday parking lots.  Which of course is full.  Full as in cars lined up and waiting.  You pull in anyway.  This of course, feeds your Drama Queen.  “Are you crazy?  You’re just going to get stuck behind a bunch of cars!”  As you go by the first line of cars, in the rear view mirror, you see a van start backing up.  You stop.  You can’t move because two more cars have pulled in.  Various unlady like words come out of your mouth.  Then you see him through the rear view mirror.  Your hero.  He points to the van pulling out and makes eye contact with you.  Yes!   Then the van pulls out and he stands in the space so no one but YOU can snag it.  You park, roll down the window and say “I love you.”  He says, “I love you back.”  Drama Queen fades.
  3. 45 minute walk to rehearsal location.  More curveballs.  But members of your group step up to help you.  Noticing how much you do and volunteering the perfect solution.  Having your back.  Appreciating all you do.  Yes!
  4. On the 45 minute walk back to the car, you are surrounded by Carnival goers.  One starts screaming not very nice things about white people.  You are the only “white people” around.  You’re not mad, you’re not scared.  You just feel sad that the person is so angry they scream it out to the streets.  You know it’s nothing personal.  They don’t know you and chances are they don’t even see you!  Then you hear a man talking to the woman who yelled out the negative things about “white people.”  He says calmly, “Why did you say something like that?  We’re trying to change that here at the festival.  We’re trying to show people that’s not who we are.”  I blessed him for saying that and wished them both nothing but happiness, love and success.
  5. You are laughing and enjoying some time with a friend a few hours later.  Not wanting the evening to end-almost on the verge of tears because you LOVE this person so much.  A man stops while you are crossing the street and says to you:  “You look really beautiful tonight.”  At first you’re taken aback.  Then he smiles and walks away.  You say thank you and tell him to have a wonderful night.  You watch him walk away and wish him every happiness.

Crazy times and blissful moments sometimes go hand in hand when you’re in your Sassy Bitch.  Sometimes it’s hard to see all that is going on around you.  And the Drama Queen in you is messing with your Sassy Mojo.   If you are in your Sassy Bitch?  Things go strangely slow.  You may be incredibly busy, the fur is flying but everything just seems to fall into place.  Be aware of all around you.  Surrender to the crazy and things will usually turn out better than you could’ve imagined!  Are you noticing the good, the bad and the ridiculous?  Are you getting rid of your anger and frustration on a daily basis so you do?  If you need help go here:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/09/emotional-rescue/  The bottom line is this:  You know you are in you Sassy Bitch when there is crazy all around you and things fall in place in unexpected and fun ways.  Surrender and enjoy the ride.  Love, Goddess

 © S Stevens Life Strategies