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Bitch Rule #9: We stand by those who stand by us.
Sassy Bitches notice who stands by them on their path to success. Sassy Bitches also notice who sits up and takes notice after they’ve become a success.
You work hard and do all the things you are supposed to do to succeed. Along the way you meet people who are cool and those who don’t give you the time of day. Some have worked just as hard as you have. You think they could be a bit nicer, but you understand their swagger. They’ve earned it so you respect it. Then there are the people who don’t give you the time of day and suddenly, when you start having your own success, they want to know how you do it. Because they want what you have. They want you to share your contacts, opportunities and basically just let them hitch a ride on your party train.
I have a client who is dealing with this very problem. She has a Faux Girlfriend who comments only when she notices a success she is having on her Facebook. It makes my client feel yucky. The Faux Girlfriend asked my client to bring her on a business trip to meet her boss! She was complaining to me about her Faux Girlfriend one day and I asked her why she was seeing someone who made her feel yucky. She said they had been friends since High School. I told her she was investing in something that made her feel bad. Why would she do that when she could invest in people and things that made her feel good? She didn’t have an answer. She knew this person was sucking the life out of her. She felt bad for her Faux Girlfriend and her lack of success. She felt guilty. That’s when Mama Bitch (the tough love side of me) came out:
Mama Bitch: What color is her kitchen floor?
My Client: What?
Mama Bitch: Your girlfriends’.
My Client: Uhm…it’s very dark green.
Mama Bitch: (Very amused at the color of her floor) Dark green huh…talk about a metaphor! Green isn’t your best color. Get off the floor.
My Client: (silence)
I let the silence sit for a bit.
My Client: What’s making me feel bad is lying down and taking what she is giving out. Being weak is making me feel yucky.
Mama Bitch: Exactly.
I love helping people. LOVE. But I’ve learned over the past few years I can only help those that want to be helped. I can’t help everyone and I’m not helping people who have treated me like a floor treatment in the past. My client is now getting up off the floor and politely rejecting her Faux Girlfriend. Everyone meets people who want to treat us like the kitchen floor. We have a choice. Be polite and be smart about it. You don’t have to be to nice to people who aren’t nice to you!
I’ve had a lot of success with my improv group over the past year. We have worked very hard. We have hussled. We no longer depend on other venues for booking us. We don’t work for free anymore. We finally have money for a coach! We are grateful and thankful for all our success and we are on the brink of even MORE. So now they come out. The people who never gave us the time of day, took us seriously or were condescending toward us. They are noticing us because we are succeeding…where they couldn’t. You have to be careful these sorts of people will not TAKE what you have. Because they will if you aren’t smart and protect what you worked hard to achieve. My improv group journey has been long, crazy and sometimes what I thought was a ridiculous waste of time. But when I look at the fun our troupe has together and see and hear the laughter of our audiences, it makes me feel so good that I created that! I love the fact that what I created gives so much joy to people.
So…let me repeat for you in a bottomline way for you: Stand by me and I will stand by you. Love, Goddess
This post is dedicated to my “partner in improv crime” Giovanni.
My book on Amazon: Bitch Lifestyle the Manual