Stand By Me

Goddess Power
Stand By Me

Fab image can be found at Search Quotes:  http://www.searchquotes.com/sof/images/picture_quotes/31525_20120811_001831_quotes-struggle.jpg

Bitch Rule #9:  We stand by those who stand by us.

Sassy Bitches notice who stands by them on their path to success.   Sassy Bitches also notice who sits up and takes notice after they’ve become a success.

You work hard and do all the things you are supposed to do to succeed.  Along the way you meet people who are cool and those who don’t give you the time of day.  Some have worked just as hard as you have.  You think they could be a bit nicer, but you understand their swagger.   They’ve earned it so you respect it.  Then there are the people who don’t give you the time of day and suddenly, when you start having your own success, they want to know how you do it.  Because they want what you have.  They want you to share your contacts, opportunities and basically just let them hitch a ride on your party train.

Yuck.

I have a client who is dealing with this very problem.  She has a Faux Girlfriend who comments only when she notices a success she is having on her Facebook.  It makes my client feel yucky.  The Faux Girlfriend asked my client to bring her on a business trip to meet her boss!  She was complaining to me about her Faux Girlfriend one day and I asked her why she was seeing someone who made her feel yucky.  She said they had been friends since High School.  I told her she was investing in something that made her feel bad.  Why would she do that when she could invest in people and things that made her feel good?  She didn’t have an answer.  She knew this person was sucking the life out of her.  She felt bad for her Faux Girlfriend and her lack of success.  She felt guilty.  That’s when Mama Bitch (the tough love side of me) came out:

Mama Bitch:  What color is her kitchen floor?

My Client:  What?

Mama Bitch:  Your girlfriends’.

My Client:  Uhm…it’s very dark green.

Mama Bitch:  (Very amused at the color of her floor)  Dark green huh…talk about a metaphor!  Green isn’t your best color.  Get off the floor.

My Client:  (silence)

I let the silence sit for a bit.

My Client:  What’s making me feel bad is lying down and taking what she is giving out.  Being weak is making me feel yucky.

Mama Bitch:  Exactly.

I love helping people.  LOVE.  But I’ve learned over the past few years I can only help those that want to be helped.  I can’t help everyone and I’m not helping people who have treated me like a floor treatment in the past.  My client is now getting up off the floor and politely rejecting her Faux Girlfriend.  Everyone meets people who want to treat us like the kitchen floor.  We have a choice.  Be polite and be smart about it.  You don’t have to be to nice to people who aren’t nice to you!

I’ve had a lot of success with my improv group over the past year.  We have worked very hard.  We have hussled.  We no longer  depend on other venues for booking us.   We don’t work for free anymore.  We finally have money for a coach!  We are grateful and thankful for all our success and we are on the brink of even MORE.  So now they come out.  The people who never gave us the time of day, took us seriously or were condescending toward us.  They are noticing us because we are succeeding…where they couldn’t.  You have to be careful these sorts of people will not TAKE what you have.  Because they will if you aren’t smart and protect what you worked hard to achieve.  My improv group journey has been long, crazy and sometimes what I thought was a ridiculous waste of time.  But when I look at the fun our troupe has together and see and hear the laughter of our audiences, it makes me feel so good that I created that!  I love the fact that what I created gives so much joy to people.

So…let me repeat for you in a bottomline way for you:  Stand by me and I will stand by you.   Love, Goddess

This post is dedicated to my “partner in improv crime” Giovanni.

For more:

My book on Amazon: Bitch Lifestyle the Manual

Cultivating a Sexy Sense of Mystery

Too much information?  I don’t think so!  Image from the fab website Glitters 20:  http://www.glitters20.com/quotes/category/funny/funny-vintage/page/7/

Do you cultivate a sense of mystery?  Or does everyone know every little detail about you?  What you do every minute of the day?

I was prompted to write this because every time I open the internet I get way too much information about people I don’t know or care to know.  Like, really…do we need to know that Michael Douglas got cancer from too much oral sex?  I would have been mortified if I was Catherine Zeta Jones.   Oh and you feminists?  Aren’t you a little angry that this is yet another assault on our gorgeous pussies?  Like referring to our pussies as “junk,” now you can get cancer if you pleasure a woman too much.  The whole news story was SICK.  No pun intended.

Our private lives are no longer.  I am very selective about what I tell to people.  I share on my personal Facebook things I am up to in a general sort of way.  And it’s usually without a time frame.  I share with my clients examples from my life that can help them.   I want to be someone they can tell anything to.  Like their best friend.  So we can both move forward…together.   One of the things I teach my clients is to not share everything.  You don’t have to tell anyone anything.  You don’t have to share personal information.  Share with those you trust.  Be selective.  Let them earn your trust!  So in that spirit, let’s discuss cultivating a Sexy Sense of Mystery!

1.  Become comfortable with silence.  This is HUGE.  Does quiet make you nervous?  Do you feel as though you should be saying something?  This may be insecurity.  Don’t let insecurity be your guide.  That is so Drama Queen.  A Sassy Bitch is very comfortable with silence.  She knows the power of silence.  Cultivate and enjoy that power.

2.  Listen.  Don’t interrupt.  Put all your attention on the other person.  Smile and enjoy what they are saying to you.

3.  Speak softly…it draws people in and creates intimacy.

4.  Once you’ve mastered speaking softly, slow it down.  Marilyn Monroe had a beautiful voice.  If you ever hear her in interviews, it is hypnotic.

I discuss many more in my coaching courses and in my book Bitch Lifestyle the Manual but start with these 4.  Let me know how this goes on our Facebook page!  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841?ref=hl  Love, Goddess

For more:

  1. Marilyn Monroe Ahead of Her Time:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/08/marilyn-monroe-ahead-of-her-time/
  2. Bitch Rule #1:   http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/05/bitch-rule-1-love-yourself-with-abandon/
  3. Your Re-Awakening! http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/07/your-re-awakening/

© S Stevens Life Strategies

 

Choice, Compromise and the Drama Queen

Marilyn Monroe image from www.25.media.tumblr.com

Today we discuss the word “compromise.”  We’re discussing the word compromise because there has been confusion about what I mean when I say this:

Sign You’re a Sassy Bitch:  The word “compromise” makes you yawn.  From this article: Signs You’re a Sassy Bitch  

Some women think I’m talking about this definition of compromise:  (As defined by the Free Dictionary online)  Compromise:  com·pro·mise (kmpr-mz) Noun:  A settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions.   The Free Dictionary    Compromise the noun is a good thing!  Two sides meet.  Both sides want something.  Each work together so they both win.  Sometimes it takes awhile to reach an agreement, but with mutual respect and understanding this is usually doable.  There may be a little drama, but for the most part, the Sassy Bitch is in control.  Focused.  Fair.  Determined.

I’m not using the word compromise in the noun form, however.  I am using compromise in the verb form:  (As defined by the Free Dictionary online)  Compromise:  com·pro·mise (kmpr-mz) Verb:  To reduce in quality, value, or degree; weaken or lower.

A Sassy Bitch yawns because she will not compromise herself.  She will not devalue her core beliefs, lower her dignity and or weaken her passions for anything or anyone.  She knows that by giving up these things she is losing herself.  Wrong choice.  Here are examples of compromising yourself:

  1. Deep down you don’t believe that you deserve or can achieve your career aspirations.  So you never get them because you don’t fight for them.
  2. You are dating someone and give up your passions and take on his.  You do this even if you don’t enjoy his passions.
  3. You let someone talk or treat you badly.   Despite this, you are always there for them and don’t kick them to the curb like they deserve.
  4. Someone is consistently disrespectful to you.  You think if you are nicer to them they will be nicer to you.
  5. You compromise yourself when you don’t know what you want.  So you spend hours worrying about a problem, lover or career choice.

This is Drama Queen stuff.  A Drama Queen doesn’t know what she wants.  Because she is unsure, she spends a lot of time wondering about things instead of the bottom line.  Here is an example I get all the time on this site:

Comment on Bitch Lifestyle:   I’m dating this guy and I love him!  When I talked about it to him he says that he wants to “keep things as they are.”  What does that mean?  We have great sex and so much fun together.  Why doesn’t he want to be my boyfriend?

Bottom line:  This is friends with benefits.  Period.  A Sassy Bitch knows that at this very moment she has a choice.  She can either start dating other men like crazy and put him in the “he is for fun and nothing serious” category.  Or she can compromise herself and go the Drama Queen route.  Ignore what he said “the bottom line” and open up herself to heartache and pain.

So why do we “compromise” ourselves in the verb form?  A lot of times it is FEAR.  Fear of losing something we want:  a guy, a job, a faux girlfriend.  We may compromise ourselves because we want to matter and have someone to call a friend.  Someone who loves us and needs us.  We want to be needed and to matter!  But if it’s a faux girlfriend it’s a waste of our time:  The Faux Girlfriend  We choose every day to compromise or not to compromise.  We choose in a healthy way when we choose what is good for us.  When it aligns with what we want.  When we fight for something that is good for us in the long run.  We fight by side stepping fear and choosing actions that lead to what will fulfill us.   I loved the quote from my girl crush Marilyn from above.  Living in fear does lead to regrets.  For what we didn’t try, experience or fight for.  Fight for yourself by not compromising yourself!

It’s impossible to make the right decision unless we know what we want.

So make your list of what you want out of life.  Right now!  Research you.  What makes you feel good and not.  What fulfills you and your passions.  Don’t be afraid to let some things go that don’t really “do it ” for you anymore.  Make room for new discoveries that “do it for you.”  And never ever stop because someone is trying to bring you down.  Don’t let their fear of succeeding or jealousy stop you.  Love, Goddess

For More:

1.  My manual will guide you:  Bitch Lifestyle the Manual

2.  What is Fear?

3.  Bitch Lifestyle Home

© S Stevens Life Strategies