Bratty B

Image from the fab Experience Project: http://artzthings.com/e-pins/images/large/retro28.jpg

Ever find yourself in a place where the world around you is the definition of fabulous and yet you feel…

Like Bratty Bitch?

First…you’re in shock mode.  Why would you be bratty here and now?  You brush it off.   A little while later you catch yourself being all bratty and drama again.  Then guilt sets in because you can’t believe you’re surrounded with such good and all you can feel is Bratty, Surly and Drama Queen Bitchy.  Then the beauty around you blurs and fades away…the sights, sounds, flavors and sass disappear.  There is nothing of beauty, nothing of pleasure.  All guilt, all brat, all downer.  Which depresses you.

And then you are really in the dark.

Then…slowly over the months and years it becomes a habit.  The “dark” becomes the norm.  You see good but most likely it will piss you off.  Like the really happy in love couple, the piece of cheesecake you no longer allow yourself to eat, the car you feel you will never have, the vacation you will probably never take, the job you would die to have but it takes too much work.  Then it’s…

Going through the motions time.  Go to work, go home, do chores, read a book or watch a movie and then to bed.  Maybe you giggle over a moment during a TV show.  Maybe you have some cool plans at a new restaurant over the weekend.  You meet new people, new guys, but nothing really thrills you.  “It’s them, not you.”  You lie to yourself.  The truth is, it’s all you, Bitch.

The going through the motions, the dark, the bratty, the drama.  Not meeting any great guys?  Yeah…it’s YOU.   Not happy with your course in life?  That’s called “settling” and that is your fault too. Bummed that you are not doing A, B or C?  That’s you, too.  Whiny brat.  Does this piss you off?  Great!  That’s all you too!  You’re making a choice to settle, be mad and go through the motions. Two things can change this.  Problem is.  You are not willing to do it.  And that is all you.  I’m going to tell you the first right here and now.

The first is gratitude.  As soon as you find yourself being bratty, be grateful.  Instead of looking at the piles of shit around you, look for the piles of good.  There are always going to be piles of shit.  We walk around piles of shit all day long.  Friends get together for lunch to share each others’ shit.  We watch reality TV for more of it.  It makes us feel better to hear that someone elses’ shit is worse than ours.  Or we want validation that our shit is awful.  Problem is it is all shit.  It is all “shit focused.”  Stop focusing on the shit and start being grateful for all the beauty and good.  We see what we want to see.  Seeing shit all the time is not useful.  It is all Drama Queen.

So stop.  Take a deep breath with me and close your eyes.  Listen to the sounds around you and be grateful.  Take another breath and savor the smells swirling around you.  On your next breath start listing all the things you’re grateful for in your mind.  When you are done, write the most important on a piece of paper and print it out.  Carry it with you and look at it often. Replacing “shitty” thoughts with good ones is breaking a bad habit.  Can you even believe we have this bad habit?  It’s not hard when the world is one great big soap opera meets reality tv. You can do it though. Which leads me to choice #2.  If you really want to know?  Email me and I will tell you exactly what to do:  goddess@bitchlifestyle.com

Class dismissed.

Suggested Reading:

  1. In a real snit?  Get your Sass back here.
  2. Do you know the signs a man wants you to chase him?
  3. All my secrets now on Amazon:  Bitch Lifestyle the Manual
  4. Bitch Lifestyle Home

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Walking Dead Danai Gurira

walking dead, danai gurira,in style, magazine,
Gorgeous image from Afrolistas and the City: http://afrolistasandthecity.blogspot.com/2013/09/instyle-magazine-october-2013-actress.html

 

Walking Dead.  Apparently it is a TV show.  I don’t watch it but fell in love with one of the actors anyway!  Meet my new girl crush:  Danai Gurira.  I found this pic on the awesome Afrolistas and the City.  I fell in love with the “badass attitude” because it is so Bitch Lifestyle.  She has taken her passions and focused on all the possibilities.   Any insecurities have been switched in a positive way.   Her attitude is empowering.   There is a beautiful person on every page in a magazine.  I normally quickly flip through.  All the same.  Not when I got to Danai and her fashion spread in In Style Magazine.  Her beauty made me stop.  I couldn’t take my eyes off how gorgeous she is!  Her words made me slow way down.  I rarely watch TV and even tuned into The Walking Dead this weekend just to check out a strong and successful woman.  I probably won’t be watching it…I mean…you know how crazy it is to live a Bitch Lifestyle.  It is ridiculously busy!  But I had to share with you so you could Google Danai Gurira and enjoy her sass, strength and beauty as well.  Let me know if she rocks your world and is your new girl crush too!

Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. What Makes a Great Friend?  
  2. Signs A Man Wants You to Chase Him
  3. Bitch Lifestyle the Manual
  4. Bitch Lifestyle Home

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Boredom to Fun

fun,boredom,tallulah bankhead, joan crawford,movie stars,love
Said the fab Tallulah Bankhead to Joan Crawford. From the uber fun website Butch in Progress

“I am SO bored,”  my client said.

Meanwhile, I am exhausted because I have so much to do and experience that I didn’t get home TWO nights this week until 4:00am!

I get boredom, everyone.  I’ve been there.  I never want to be back there again.  When you fill your life with passion and fun?  Time to sit on the couch and doing absolutely nothing is pure bliss. Years ago I started a diary.  On the very first page was  an entry that bored the **** out of me.  I vowed NEVER to have another entry like it.  So… I filled my life with my passions and fun.  If there was a lull in the action I would read the first page of that diary:   As a reminder of all the amazing changes I’d made to add to my bliss…and encourage me to add more!   I haven’t referred to it in over a year now because I am blissfully out of time.

What is a powerful first step out of boredom?  Look at your schedule.  I made my client write down her basic weekly schedule.  This is what she sent me:

  1. Get up at 6:00am
  2. Work out, shower and eat a banana for breakfast
  3. Work
  4. Errands, maybe shop or happy hour, pick up dinner and go home
  5. Watch Housewives of XYZ until 10:30pm
  6. Lather rinse and repeat…5 days of the week.  (Okay…I added that one out of Sassy Boredom)
  7. Weekend:  Errands, dinner or movie with friends

She said she was content and happy, but after looking at her schedule?  She saw how much more she could add to her life!  Then she realized she had been working for years to pay off her school debt and now that she had paid it off, she was still living like she was in debt.  I told her she didn’t need to start spending a pile of money.  She can save and add a few modest things to her life so she was more enmeshed in her passions.  She researched passions that she hadn’t thought of in years.  She made a bucket list.  Now, a few months later, she is never bored. She has taken up hobbies and even started a side crafting business.  She has discovered how fulfilling and blissful “exhaustion” can be!  She also realized how her “comfort zone” had made her complacent.  Which was boring!

How about you?  Are you ready to fight boredom?  Nothing fights boredom like adding some fun to your life.  Fun is a great stress reducer.  Notice how much a good laugh releases stress? Plan your next adventure, insert fun into your day and the next time you are feeling stressed or bored?  Google the word “fun” for ideas.  Or here is a nice web site for a ton of ideas! Bored.com

Suggested Reading:

  1. Compromise and the Drama Queen
  2. What is Fear?
  3. Bitch Lifestyle the Manual
  4. Bitch Lifestyle Home

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

I Hate Myself

i hate myself, depression, insecurity,how to control anger,am i depressed,
Gorgeous quote found at We Heart Vintage: http://weheartvintage.co/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/coco.jpg

“I hate myself,” said one of my long term clients on our very first call.  She was getting a divorce, had lost her passion for life and spent the day Google-ing phrases like: “I want to die,” “I want to be happy again,” “what are the symptoms of depression,” “am I depressed,”  “how to control anger.”  By the end of the call I managed a true giggle from her.  I could hear her smile. It made us both feel so good.  She was able to see how her Drama Queen was in charge of her life.   She has worked very hard at controlling her Drama Queen and feels so much better. Now…both of us love the story of her first call!

Let’s be scary honest.  Most, if not all of us, have uttered, deep in our minds these phrases:  “I want to die,” I want to be happy again,” “what are the symptoms of depression,” “am I depressed?” “how to control anger!”  Yeah…the Bitch gets pissed off and depressed, but she lets it out in a structured way and takes care of it.  She rocks her anger tools:  Anger is Scary if You Let it Be 

Life can be VERY difficult.  Terrible things happen to us every day.  How do we cope?  How do we flip it into the positive?  I’ll never forget how a client of mine turned tragedy positive by using gratitude.  Her story:  In three short months she had found the love of her life.  She had wanted to date him for so long.  Finally they were and planning for their future!  Then a few months later he wasn’t feeling well.  He went to the hospital.  He was diagnosed with cancer and never left.  He was gone in days.  I wish I could share with you how she turned this story into a thing of strong, grateful beauty.  Every time I think of her I cry and am grateful for her sharing this with me:  Turning the high and low of her life into a beautiful honoring of their love.  She mourned gorgeously.  She pampered herself and allowed people to be strong for her.  This is true Sassy Strength.  For more:  Sass Zappers Part 3

I, personally hate negativity and am doing me best to release it from my life.   This “positive job” is not easy.  I used to be on Twitter a lot.  Now not so much.  There is so much negativity in the timeline.  Even my positive filled one!  Today I almost got run over by a very angry woman in the grocery store.  Driving home I was almost killed by a distracted driver while listening to radio DJs complaining about XYZ celebrity.  We are surrounded by unhappy people and the pool seems to be growing.  I’ve weeded out the bad and opened my heart to the new.  This was not done without pain.  It is hard to let people go.  Deep down, despite the unhappy around us, we want to believe in a person.  Sometimes, for our own sanity we must let go of things and people that make us miserable.

Instead…we must think about what does make us happy.  Find the tiny fragments in the midst of tragedy and pain.  We must mourn, yes.  But we also must live and enmesh ourselves in our passions. Those are things that will always be with us for us to take refuge in.  So please…even on a bad day, try to sit back and be grateful for one thing and or thing you would love to do.  And when you have an inkling to Google “I hate myself,” which our Drama Queens adore, try something ANYTHING that would turn you on.  Google the word “fun.” Love and a big warm hug, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. Adversity
  2. Drama Queens Love… 
  3. My book on Amazon: Bitch Lifestyle the Manual
  4. Bitch Lifestyle Home

© S Stevens Life Strategies