Picture from the fab web site Denim Devotion http://denimdevotion.wordpress.com/

Sign You’re a Sassy Bitch:  You don’t whine about a problem. You solve the problem.

Is this you?  Or do you spend hours, days, weeks whining about all you don’t have and things you wish you did?  Come on, Drama Queen.  Really?   Here’s your New Years’ Kick in the Ass.  Stop whining about what you can’t control and awaken your Sassy Bitch.  She needs awakening because you’ve bored her into a freakin’ coma.  Time to wake that Bitch up.  How?  One yummy, thrilling word:  ACTION  Ooooo…a REM period just missed a beat in our Sassy Bitches’ sleep.  You have a choice.  You can continue whining and stay in your Drama Queen.  It’s easy.  Do exactly nothing.  Want to start awakening your Sassy Bitch?  Here’s how:

ACTION #1:   Get it out.   Go here:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/01/so-you-had-a-bad-day/  Throw yourself into your Pity Party.  I am giving you permission to let out every pathetic whine to the David Powter song.  Seriously do it.  Twice, three times if need be.

ACTION #2:  Cool.  You’ve kicked that whiny ass Brat out of your body.  Relax.  Be proud of yourself.  Now is the time to do something good for you.  Take a warm hot shower, go out shopping, or have a glass of wine and watch your favorite movie.  Whatever little treat you want to give yourself?  Do it.

This will help you rid yourself of your ”whiny” problem.  Your whiny Drama Queen wants attention.  So give it to her and then move on.  By doing this, you are releasing the control she has on you.  Now practice using ACTION with everything in your life.  When you find yourself saying:  “Oh great.  What?  Really?  Can this have any worse timing?  I’m so sick of the crap!”  Stop the lamenting and take ACTION #1 and ACTION #2.  Then go on to ACTION #3:

ACTION #3:  Solving the problem.  Because you’re letting your Drama Queen moan and whine, you’re the releasing control she has on to you.  When you do this, you will start to see through the bullshit…which is all the Drama Queen sees.  Piles and piles of bullshit.  The Sassy Bitch sees the bullshit and walks around it.  She sees the answers and takes the necessary steps to solve the problem. Some problems take one step.  Bigger problems will take more.  It’s all good. 

When you find yourself slipping into “whiny mode” go back to ACTIONS 1 & 2.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  Got it?  Good.  Now get in there and take some hot action now.  Love, Goddess

Private Coaching available.  For more information: http://bitchlifestyle.com/private-coaching/

© S Stevens Life Strategies

]]> http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/01/solve-the-problem-drama-queen/feed/ 0 http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/12/stop-being-so-hard-on-yourself/ http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/12/stop-being-so-hard-on-yourself/#comments Thu, 08 Dec 2011 18:58:21 +0000 Goddesspower http://bitchlifestyle.com/?p=3275

Sassy Picture of Eartha Kitt from the blog Ironing Board Collective:  http://ironingboardcollective.wordpress.com/2011/04/18/eartha-kitt-where-have-all-the-sassy-women-gone/

‘Tis the season to…

Stop being so hard on yourself.  Right now.

It’s a gift we women have.  We love with our whole hearts and souls.  We give with our whole hearts and souls.  We love to see everyone happy.  Because of all this we strive to make everything perfect.

Perfection.

You’re already perfect.  Remember the quote I love from Dr. Christiane Northrup?  “Only perfect eggs are fertilized.”  The key in “stop being so hard on ourselves?”  See the perfection in every moment.  In every curve ball.  In every mistake.  Speaking of mistakes, a Sassy Bitch can work and correct a mistake like nobody’s business!  Her own and others.  She is Scarlett O’Hara when the fur is flying.  She can do this because even though sometimes she wants to curl up in a ball and eat a pound of brie in a darkened room, she knows that won’t fix anything.  In fact, it leads to more being hard on herself, more pounds of brie and high cholesterol counts.  Not fun.

Practice laughing at your mistakes, adoring every luscious drop of you, honing your sense of humor and kicking the edgy energy out with work outs.  When you hear that voice inside your head going “I don’t wanna do that.  I don’t wanna do that!”  Take a deep breath and ignore that whiny little Drama Queen Brat.  Get active, Bitches!  Here are some articles to help you.

1. Know the one thing you have control over? http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/01/know-the-one-thing-you-have-control-over/
2. Dance your “hard on yourself” out:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/02/were-bringing-sassy-back/
3. Turn Worry into Fun:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/09/turn-worry-into-fun/
4. Mata Hari:  That Woman Knows How to Die:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/12/mata-hari-that-woman-knows-how-to-die/
5. What is the one flaw in a woman?  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/10/what-is-the-one-flaw-in-a-woman/

When I was looking for images for this article, I loved the above one of Eartha Kitt.  Please read the article.  It’s fab and it is written by a man.  The article is titled “Where have all the sassy women gone.”  Her look says it all.  Sassy, beautiful.  You can just imagine her looking off to the side to whoever is there.  Is that person bringing her some adversity?  Her response?  “Bring it.”  With a purr.

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Cute Turkey Manicure Idea from Make Up Videos 4 U: http://makeupvideos4u.com/tag/beginner/

Mmmmm…Thanksgiving.  The food.  The long weekend off from work.  Hours of *ecstatic sigh*  NFL Football, the anticipation of more celebrations to come with family and friends.  The suprises!  And the less so fun.  Like the co-workers or that certain family member that just LOVES to push your buttons.  And they’re soooo good at it.  They bother you even before they stick out their button pushing finger.  LOL.  So how do we keep the Thanksgiving celebration going with the irritations and curve balls that may crop up?  How well to you let things slide off you?  My Thanksgiving gift to you is your own little “Keep the Sassy Bitch Purring During the Celebration Season Guide.”

1. Are you prepared to Celebrate your Sassy Bitch Ass off during the upcoming season?
2. Are you able to stay focused on being happy and sassy when things go awry?
3. Do you have a sense of humor when things out of your control go awry?

Item number 1:  Are you prepared to Celebrate your Sassy Bitch Ass off during the upcoming season? 

a.  I’m not talking about your Martha Stewart calender of organization.  I’m talking your “fun schedule.”  The schedule that makes you fashionably late for a party because you took an extra half hour to give yourself a manicure before the event.  Spend time developing your very own Celebration Ritual to you keep sane, sassy and rested.  So you can enjoy the whole crazy, wonderful, loving, suprise filled season with relish.  You have energy to make snow angels or go ice skating with some spiked or not spiked hot cocoa.  Experience your first sleigh ride or have a snow ball fight.  Take your moments to play and it will pay off in dividends during this season.

b.  Take care of your stress by dancing your booty off, working out, meditating. Whatever works for you!  My clients have noticed how much dancing and working out has helped their stress.  How much more they can do and how it helps keep them calm.

Item 2:  Are you able to stay focused on being happy and sassy when things go awry?

This takes a little Martha Stewart preparation, but make it fun!  Schedule fun every day.  Find creative solutions when road blocks happen.  Try to start thinking like this:

• When I get this done tonight…I would love to relax with so and so later.  I’ll call to see if they want to meet up for a champagne toast or yummy dessert.  If not, I’ll find the perfect place to go and just do it!
• Oh…there is so much traffic.  Tonight I’ll go home and do my shopping online.  I know I can get A, B and C done.
• I’ve got my work party tonight.  I’m going to go early, talk everyone up then make the quickest exit possible.  Then I’ll do this (insert your fun idea here) to celebrate all I have accomplished this year and think and enjoy all the goals I’m going to accomplish next!
• It’s family time and so and so will be there.  I’m going to prepare myself with pleasant, vague ways to excuse myself when they try to corner me.  I will not let them bring me down.  I’ll do anything to make myself feel empowered…maybe create a hot mantra while applying lip gloss.  “Yes,  I’m ******* fabulous.”  Then let the irritation slide off me.

Item 3:  Do you have a sense of humor when things out of your control go awry?

If you take really good care of yourself, your sense of humor will appear naturally.  You may finding yourself wanting to giggle when no one else wants to.  Priceless.

Now get out there and play your butts off this week!  Be thankful and take exquisite care of hot, sassy little YOU!

Love, Goddess

Private Coaching available. For more information: http://bitchlifestyle.com/private-coaching/

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Scary halloween pumpkin from the website Softonic:   http://onsoftware.en.softonic.com/trick-or-treat-halloween-wallpapers-for-everyone

What do you most fear?

I’m not taking vampires, zombies and witches oh…my.

What do you most fear?

I’m not even talking spiders.  Or anything that can creep up on you or fly in your hair.

I’m talking personal fears.  Sometimes the one thing that you really truly want eludes you.  So you try harder.  When the best thing to do is let go and trust.  Or worse, you keep choosing the wrong thing.  It’s what you know and what you think you like.  It’s what you’re used to.  Sometimes we do all these things because getting what we want can be terrifying.  What if we own and run a successful business?  What if we employ 50 or so people?  Not only do we then have to support our families, how do we make sure we keep bringing in more profit to support the other 50?  What if we really truly fall in love?  And that person leaves us?  Maybe it will all be easier if we stay in a job that doesn’t have so much responsibility.  Or stay with the guy we know who will hurt us.  Because losing the man who adores us and then leaves us we couldn’t recover from.  And the guy who hurts us?  We can whine and moan about.  We can get attention from this activity.  It satisfies our need for attention.  But in the wrong way.  We have substituted pain for feeling good.  And the pain that we feel becomes normal and comfortable.  It’s what we know.

What do you most fear?

Over time giving up what feels good for comfortable.

Screw that, Bitches.

How about trying new things.  New adventures.  When you find yourself being too comfortable, too regimented, too “doing the same thing all the time” changing it pronto!

What do you most fear?

Being alone, in the dark, in a creepy old house without power?

Stop.

Fear…is a future emotion.

Let me say that again.

Fear…is a future emotion.  When you are afraid of something happening that hasn’t yet.

Example A:  I like this guy as a friend, but I don’t want to go out with him if he asks me out.   This is fear and worry about something that may not happen.  This could fear and worry you right out of the best relationship ever.

Resolution A:   Stop putting expectations on something.  Just enjoy it.  Maybe he is the most incredible man you’ve ever met.  Give him a chance.

Example B:  We’re getting a new manager.  I heard she/he is a bear.  My job is going into the toilet.

Resolution B:  It ‘s natural to worry a bit when you have a new manager.  Take control of the situation by doing your best work.  Put your energy into that.

What do you most fear?

Trust.

All the above involves trusting yourself.  Trusting yourself into stepping a toe into what feels uncomfortable.  Dating “not your type.”  Trusting that the new management wants to succeed.  Knowing you are an important part to the managers’ success.  Throwing a cute guy a sassy smile, helping an older woman cross the street, killing the icky bug.  Trusting that you are confident enough to handle the curve balls thrown at you calmly and unemotionally. Trusting that if you step a little outside your “box,” you will find something interesting and new that you never thought of.

What do you most fear?

Me?  Not doing and missing something I would love!  You?  Make a list of your fears and conquer them.  One toe at at time.

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

 Scott Zolak (L) and Andy Gresh (R) my heroes during a Patriots football game loss from 98.5 The Sports Hub.  Picture from http://boston.cbslocal.com/ On Twitter: @GreshandZo

“Yesterday I went home and stared at the wall for 3 hours.  It’s like going crazy when you’re already nuts.”  Scott Zolak

The agony of defeat.  That’s exactly how I felt yesterday after The Patriots lost to the Buffalo Bills.  It made me laugh so hard this morning when I heard it on the Gresh and Zo radio show!  I know exactly where to go to heal my pain after a football loss.  Gresh and Zo.  XOXO to them.

That’s exactly how I felt yesterday-and I couldn’t go home and stare at the wall.  I had to be responsible and run a rehearsal for my improv group.  My friend Gio…who is in the group is just as frustrated as I am.  He is listening to the football game on his iPad as we try to find another building to rehearse in. (Normal building not available)  I’m so proud of my group though.  Everyone is stepping up.  I have limited knowledge of the area we rehearse in, so one is leading the way and another is making phone calls to the other group members so they can find us. This frees me up so I can charm the man who caught us rehearsing where we shouldn’t have been.  We finally find a space, and the game is over.  My best friend, Mary Ann, has heard the Patriots have lost and calls me to see if I’m okay.  I instantly feel better.  THIS is exactly what I need when the Patriots lose.  The frustration disappeared from my body.  Almost instantly.  I thanked her, told her I loved her, was in rehearsal so I would call her later.

After a hectic rehearsal, my friend Jason did the exact WORSE thing to me after a Patriots game.  He started picking on me and giving me **** about the loss.  I did not get angry.  Though I did enjoy the thought of throwing a table at him.  LOL.  I said, “My best friend did the perfect thing for me after the loss.  She called me to see how I was.  It made me feel so much better.”  He did a complete 180.  He became sweet and awesome!  We hung out and had a great chat and he gave me some fantastic knowledge about some things I was curious about.  By telling him what would make me feel better and not being angry about it, he became my hero.  I gave him that opportunity and it felt great for both of us!

How do you get here?

1. Know how to deal with your anger and frustration.
2. Discover what makes you feel better and stay grounded in it.
3. Communicate it.

Using me as an example:

1. Know how to deal with your anger and frustration.  For me it’s kick boxing, long walks-I must get my body moving!
2. Discover what makes you feel better and stay grounded in it.  After a Patriots loss I listen to Gresh and Zo.  They feel the same way.  They always say the perfect thing which makes me laugh!
3. Communicate it.  When people give me crap after the game, it makes me feel worse!  The person who saw through me and how much football means to me is a wonderful man named Daniel.  He called me after a loss because he saw me after a loss and knew how to make me feel better.  He didn’t DISMISS something that was so important to me.  xoxo to you, Daniel!  Because he gave me what I needed, I can share it with those I love.

Dealing with your anger is everything!  How do you deal, gorgeous?  Share on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841  Love, Goddess

For more:

1. Anger is Scary-If You Let it Be  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/09/anger-is-scary-if-you-let-it-be/
2. So You Had a Bad Day  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/01/so-you-had-a-bad-day/
3. Venting Anger 101 http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/09/venting-anger-101/

Private Coaching available.  For more information:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/private-coaching/  Private Coaching limited to 10 people.

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Adorable picture from the website Nick Jaina: http://nickjaina.com/2011/05/22/jealousy-and-l-a/

Today at Bitch University we study Envy and Jealousy.

Two of the deep dark emotions that are bad.  Bad bad bad.  Think of the last time you talked to your girlfriend.  Something really amazing and fabulous has happened to her.  You’re happy for her.  Ecstatic even.  But…it starts out as a little but deep voice inside you.  There is a little “but” voice inside you going, “Great.  She has such a fantastic X, Y or Z.  I wish I had that.  I work so hard and I just can’t seem to get it.”  Then you start to feel worse because you know it’s jealousy and that’s bad.  That little “but” makes you feel awful.

What if these two emotions aren’t so bad?  What if “envy” and “jealousy” are another way to “shoulda” all over the place?  You know how I’m always telling you to listen to all the bad/scary emotions?  To let them go?  Angers and tears are a release.  You have to dissipate that energy.  Your body is screaming at you to do so so you can see the truth in your anger and tears.  So you know how to correct it.  We’re going to correct envy and jealousy now.  Your envy and jealousy is simply:

Deep, deep desires and wants.  Instead of “shoulding” and feeling guilty all over the place turn “envy and jealousy” into what they really are: ”I wanta!”  Get juiced by them!  Here is an example:

Your Girlfriend:  I had this amazing encounter with my boyfriend on the beach.  He had candles, champagne and a warm comfy blanket.  We looked at the stars, had the most incredible soft kisses, for what seemed like hours.  Then he slowly made love to me.  I was absolutely spent in the most pleasured way possible!

You:  Oh…yeah.  I want some of that!

Replace the negative feeling with a positive one…acknowledging your want and …. it’s going to come to you.  And when it does it’s going to be 100 times better than what you imagine.  A friend of mine told me this incredible story about a man she met on the beach.  I got that and SO much more.  The posts ”Letting Go Part One, Two and Three” http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/11/letting-go-success-part-one/ http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/12/letting-go-success-part-two/ http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/12/letting-go-success-yes/ are about this.  The keys to making this work are:

1. KNOW when you are envious and jealous.
2. KNOW that whatever it is that is making you this way that you WANT it!
3. Enjoy the thought of attaining this want.
4. Don’t put expectations on it.  Just enjoy it.  I promise you it will be so much better.  Surrender to not painting the picture.  Let it be created on its own.  Trust.

What will you get, hottie?  Just enjoy the thought!

So how is that for seeing envy and jealousy in a new light?

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Maxine cartoon from the fabulous blog Hedjumaction: http://hedjumacation.net/parentcare/confidence/components/

“To listen is to develop inner silence.”  Lolly Daskal

Love that.  Last night I was taking part in a leadership party on Twitter.  The person running the party, Lolly Daskal, wrote that and it was so perfect!  Had to share it with you.  True listening is hard to do.  We have to work on developing listening skills.  When we are in are Drama Queens while trying to listen to someone, we aren’t listening to them.  It is all about our inner victim screaming out the wrong things.  It may go something like this:

Boyfriend/Husband:  I’ve had a really tough day.   (Heads toward his man cave)

When you’re a Drama Queen, the inside of your head is bursting with injustice so things like this are running through your brain:  What, no kiss, smile or hug? Like, I didn’t have a bad day?  I’ve had a day too.  I had another meeting at work that went nowhere and A, B and C happened.  Great.  Just go ahead into the other room.  It’s all about you when I could use some help here.  ETC.  So you may say something like:

Drama Queen You:  Fine.

And that fine is dripping with “not fine.”  It’s angry, venomous and dripping with sarcasm.  You’re boyfriend, husband, lover knows that things aren’t fine, that he is in deep doo doo, but just like you he is at the end of his rope and needs a break.  So he takes it.  Because he really doesn’t want to get into an argument.  He needs the down time so he can deal with the next thing.  Which will be an argument with you after he deals with his bad day.

When you’re in Bitch mode…your inner silence is strong.  You can hear what the man you love is really saying to you.

Boyfriend/Husband:  I’ve had a really tough day.   (Heads toward his man cave)

You feel the fact that his ego may be battered a bit.  It’s not personal.  He is going into his man cave and when he comes out, he’ll be stronger.  So you give that to him because you love him.  When your in your Bitch, you smile warmly, head into the kitchen, grab him a beer or glass of wine and hand it to him.  You say something like this:

Bitch You:  Take all the time you need. I’m going out to do some errands and will be back later.

Give him the space he needs and he will be thrilled with you! But Goddess…he was rude to me.  Maybe he was.  Don’t take it personally and remove yourself from the situation. (Hence the errands)  When you come home, I’m sure his attitude will be adjusted.  You gave him what he wanted.  Alone time.  So make the best of it and go shopping, to a movie or do something else you want to do.  Take care of you when he’s taking care of himself.  Silence the noise like Rapunzel did http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/08/rapunzel-and-her-tower/ Understanding and love will flow back to you.

There is an onslaught of noise you encounter every day disrupting your inner silence.  Things in the past that crop up again and again that haunt us, new voices telling us what is wrong with us, patterns we’ve formed to protect us.  And the oh so present conditioning.  Those special little reminders society puts upon us to keep us in line.  Your happiness and fulfillment depends on you developing listening skills.  For you and those you love. “Love Every Drop of Gorgeous You.”  So how do we do it?  You find what gives you peace: what quiets your mind so you can truly listen.   Ideas for you to explore:

1.  Meditation:  This is very beneficial to some.  I’m too impatient for it.  I really respect the people who can sit, relax, ease their minds completely and just be.  I’m working toward this.

2.  Release control: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/03/control/

3.  Practice your communication skills: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/03/on-being-blunt/

4.  PLAY!  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/10/fun-playful-and-slightly-outrageous-things-to-do-this-weekend/

5.  Share!  Please share your ideas on getting rid of the noise on our Facebook page!  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Cravings.

They’ll drive you crazy if you don’t control them.  But Goddess…you’re always talking about how we can’t deny ourselves.   Yes, but when we indulge until it doesn’t feel good, that’s not good either.  Like when you’re depressed and eat a whole cookie.  You know the giant one you can buy at the mall with all the frosting?  You know what your stomach feels like after that.  Over indulgence not good.

How do we keep from going over the deep end with cravings and satisfy them at the same time?  Willpower.  Oh that word makes me want to nap.  It is one unfun word.  Think about it.  Will power is a “test” of your strength to carry out your decisions and plans.  The dessert buffet tested my willpower…  To me this is a bit dramatic for everyday life.  That just sucked all the fun out of the dessert buffet.  Instead of enjoying a few bites of deliciousness, it becomes all about the fat, calories and what we should and shouldn’t do.  How come we can’t just enjoy those few bites of deliciousness without the guilt and worry interrupting the pleasure?

Conditioning.

We hear about what we should and shouldn’t eat all the time.  What we should and shouldn’t do all the time.  You know that scientific experiment where they put a little kid all alone in a room with nothing to do?  And then the ONE thing they have in the room is a beautiful chocolate chip cookie on a little white plate.  Then they tell the poor little thing not to eat the cookie.  Then the scientists go into their own little room and watch the little kid watch the cookie.  They put on their glasses and pick up their clip board and pens.  Then they say things like:  Will the child have the “will power” not to eat the cookie?  What if we do A B or C to test a different hypothesis?   Then they report to whoever.   My craving lately has been cup cakes.  Can you imagine if they tried the little room experiment with me?  This Bitch would give them an earful.  Ooohhh…that would be so fun.  They would bury the study for not being in “the norm.”  The norm is the poor person in the room eating the cookie at some point out of frustration.  And it’s not a fair experiment anyway.  There is nothing else to do in the room.  No reading, not puzzles, no painting, no nothing.   So maybe…

We don’t really want the damn cookie or cup cake.

Way to complicate cravings even more, huh?  So what is that about?  Is it all the noise telling us what we should and shouldn’t do making us want something we don’t?  How do we stop the noise?  By giving the noise a salute.  (Use the finger of your choice.)  I think, as a nation, we would shed serious calories, enjoy our food and exercise more if we just focused on how good we felt when we take care of ourselves.  For instance, I used to love nachos.  All gooey with loads of real guacamole and jalapenos.  On my birthday I treated myself to a small nacho at my favorite taco place.  Because of my healthier eating habits, I felt awful for the rest of the day.  Lethargic, indigestion, heartburn.  It took the fun right out of eating it.  Figured it out all by myself, too.  No will power necessary.

Think of all the things we crave that make us feel like crap.  The guy who is a jerk.  (That’s our ego not wanting to let a jerk go…we invested!  We couldn’t be that wrong about him!  He’s so cute!)  Hanging out with people that aren’t good for us so we won’t be alone.  Like the Faux Girlfriend http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/01/the-faux-girlfriend/ Loneliness makes us do some unhealthy things.  On a small and large scale.  So the moral of this little story is do something good for yourself today.  And everyday.  When you make doing good for yourself into a habit, you crave less of the bad things.  Then you start craving more of the really good things!  You become more confident and choose what you want with relish and with definite purpose.  Enjoyment.  What really good things for you would you like, beautiful?

“There is no end of craving. Hence contentment alone is the best way to happiness. Therefore, acquire contentment.” Swami Sivananda

Contentment…so much more satisfying sounding than craving…

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Greed Meets Sass.

It was crazy.  I turned into a Greedy Little Brat over something I didn’t even want!  What was up with that?  And more importantly, what was it I was LACKING that turned me into a Greedy Little Brat?

I was one very lucky Bitch yesterday.  I have a friend who has access to luxury suite tickets at Yankee Stadium.  I got to go yesterday.  Thank you thank you thank you!!!!  Everything you could possibly want is included.  The food and service is incredible!  On the way out to your seats, there is this huge wall of concessions that you can take to your seats.  Popcorn, cool towels, water, sunscreen and more.   What did I become obsessed with?  The freakin’ candy.  It’s like I became a 6 year old girl in THE Candy Store of my dreams.  I was surrounded by Kit Kat bars, M&Ms, Snickers, Twizzlers, Ring Pops.  You name it.  I couldn’t take a lot of these things to my seat either because the chocolate would melt in the heat.  Lol.  So what was up with that?

1. I’m watching my sugar levels, so I’m pretty sure the fact that I could have ALL the candy I wanted was messing with my healthy eating mind set.  It’s kind of funny when you think about it.  I conjure all the candy I could ever want and with my healthy diet and the heat I couldn’t enjoy it.  So…is it something I really want after all?  My Bitch came up with the answer.  NO.
2. My conclusion became this.  I’m lacking in another area that I need to focus on.  I know how to get it, and I’m taking action now.

I was putting my attention on something I didn’t really want-all I can eat candy.  Attention was what I really wanted.  I don’t want to go into details about what attention I want.  I’m pretty open about my personal life on this web site.  So we can learn together.  This one I’m not quite ready to open up about, so please be patient with me.  It’s real scary and I promise I will open up soon.  I want to make sure I communicate clearly with the fear I’m experiencing right now.  I want to do the fear justice and you justice.

So why is it that we become a Greedy Little Brat and focus on something we don’t want?  It’s the fear.  What happens if we get what we want and then lose it?  If we invest time, emotion, our blood sweat and tears into something and it leaves us?  Or isn’t successful?  Fearing failure can lead to all sorts of unhealthy habits.  Pushing away fear can keep us from feeling.  I did it for years when I decided I didn’t want to be hurt anymore.  By anyone.  That’s why I also think we hold on so tightly to some things.  Like men.  Why would we want to hold onto a guy who is rude, doesn’t answer our messages, flirts openly on Facebook with other women, etc.  We’ve invested time and we just can’t see that he is candy.  The Faux Girlfriend:  we’ve invested time and energy into her and all she does is take.  So the next time you become obsessed with having something, try asking yourself this:   It might taste and look good, but is he/she/it really good for us?

Sweet food for thought…Love, Goddess

For more:  Who Controls You, Your Bitch or Your Brat: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/01/who-controls-you-your-bitch-or-your-brat/

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Party with Fear!

Really.

A while back I wrote an article inspired by a radio show I was listening to.  The hostess, Mel Robbins, was talking about how we all have rituals in our lives:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/06/beauty-rituals-empower-you/ She discussed how everyday rituals in our lives empowered us.  So I started thinking…hmmm…what can we do to have a little fun with all those messy emotions?  The ones that creep in daily and may throw us off?   How do we take action?

We can make up a ritual.

Here’s an example of one of my recent rituals.  One day I was feeling depressed.  It was lingering and I was letting it.  I was letting insecurities get to me.  Not acceptable.  A “Worry Party” http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/09/turn-worry-into-fun/ wasn’t what I wanted.  I was craving a more deliberate process to let these toxic emotions go.  So I decided to do a ritual.  I wrote down all the things I hated about myself on pieces of paper.  I put the pieces of paper into a small bag and headed to the beach.  The beach is one of my favorite places in the whole wide world.  I feel at peace there.  I took out my pieces of paper and read each one.  After I read them I put them in a large ashtray.  After all the pieces of paper were in the ashtray, I set fire to them and let them slowly burn down to the ashes.  While they burned I relaxed and exhaled any negatives from my body.  Then I took the ashes to the edge of the ocean, took a deep breath and scattered the ashes.  It felt really good to have a formal release of the frustration and pain.  Then I went home and danced to “Born this Way” by Lady Gaga.  The Sassy was coming back!

So what ritual will you create to get rid of those negative emotions?  Whatever ritual you decide to create, include these steps to Bitch it Up:

1. Acknowledge whatever negative feelings you are having.
2. Honor them by creating a structure to let them go.
3. After you complete the ritual do a victory lap.  Honor YOURSELF by taking care of you in some way.  Play your celebration song like “Rocky,” for example.

Anything we can do to push through negative emotions will toughen us up for the bigger and harder to deal with problems we will face in life.  Tragic break ups, toxic relationships, job losses, stress at work will always be there.  By taking the time to deal with these emotions over time in a practical way, it may help us in the long run.   Doesn’t that sound worthy of a ritual?

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies