I Hate Myself

i hate myself, depression, insecurity,how to control anger,am i depressed,
Gorgeous quote found at We Heart Vintage: http://weheartvintage.co/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/coco.jpg

“I hate myself,” said one of my long term clients on our very first call.  She was getting a divorce, had lost her passion for life and spent the day Google-ing phrases like: “I want to die,” “I want to be happy again,” “what are the symptoms of depression,” “am I depressed,”  “how to control anger.”  By the end of the call I managed a true giggle from her.  I could hear her smile. It made us both feel so good.  She was able to see how her Drama Queen was in charge of her life.   She has worked very hard at controlling her Drama Queen and feels so much better. Now…both of us love the story of her first call!

Let’s be scary honest.  Most, if not all of us, have uttered, deep in our minds these phrases:  “I want to die,” I want to be happy again,” “what are the symptoms of depression,” “am I depressed?” “how to control anger!”  Yeah…the Bitch gets pissed off and depressed, but she lets it out in a structured way and takes care of it.  She rocks her anger tools:  Anger is Scary if You Let it Be 

Life can be VERY difficult.  Terrible things happen to us every day.  How do we cope?  How do we flip it into the positive?  I’ll never forget how a client of mine turned tragedy positive by using gratitude.  Her story:  In three short months she had found the love of her life.  She had wanted to date him for so long.  Finally they were and planning for their future!  Then a few months later he wasn’t feeling well.  He went to the hospital.  He was diagnosed with cancer and never left.  He was gone in days.  I wish I could share with you how she turned this story into a thing of strong, grateful beauty.  Every time I think of her I cry and am grateful for her sharing this with me:  Turning the high and low of her life into a beautiful honoring of their love.  She mourned gorgeously.  She pampered herself and allowed people to be strong for her.  This is true Sassy Strength.  For more:  Sass Zappers Part 3

I, personally hate negativity and am doing me best to release it from my life.   This “positive job” is not easy.  I used to be on Twitter a lot.  Now not so much.  There is so much negativity in the timeline.  Even my positive filled one!  Today I almost got run over by a very angry woman in the grocery store.  Driving home I was almost killed by a distracted driver while listening to radio DJs complaining about XYZ celebrity.  We are surrounded by unhappy people and the pool seems to be growing.  I’ve weeded out the bad and opened my heart to the new.  This was not done without pain.  It is hard to let people go.  Deep down, despite the unhappy around us, we want to believe in a person.  Sometimes, for our own sanity we must let go of things and people that make us miserable.

Instead…we must think about what does make us happy.  Find the tiny fragments in the midst of tragedy and pain.  We must mourn, yes.  But we also must live and enmesh ourselves in our passions. Those are things that will always be with us for us to take refuge in.  So please…even on a bad day, try to sit back and be grateful for one thing and or thing you would love to do.  And when you have an inkling to Google “I hate myself,” which our Drama Queens adore, try something ANYTHING that would turn you on.  Google the word “fun.” Love and a big warm hug, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. Adversity
  2. Drama Queens Love… 
  3. My book on Amazon: Bitch Lifestyle the Manual
  4. Bitch Lifestyle Home

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Divorce Depression…How to Remove the Drama?

divorce depression, divorce advice,dealing with divorce,relationship advice,
Images galore for you at 25 Dip 

Divorce depression…how do we remove the drama?

Divorce is one of the most difficult, emotionally charged and draining life events to deal with.  Break ups with boyfriends are emotionally tough but divorce really ups the ante!  You’ve planned a life with someone because you believed heart and soul that you found your soul mate.  Then you lose them.  Why would not be in the throes of divorce depression?

I’ve had many women clients who are going through this very thing.  They come to me when they have realized they have lost who they are.  They want to get passed the pain and stress of divorce depression and re-discover themselves!  They don’t know how and they have little time.  They have careers, responsibilities and possibly children.  What they need is to stop for a few moments and start taking care of themselves, no guilt, so they can take care of everything else.   They need to heal and don’t know how to feel good again.  I really and truly believe that life events like this must be mourned.  For us to take every drop of emotion we have about it and let it out.  Cry until we are exhausted, rage until we collapse, sleep until we are no longer spent.  When we give ourselves permission to feel it instead of pushing emotion away, then we begin to heal.

 “You’ve got to feel it to heal it.”  Dr. Christiane Northrup

I’ll never forget the first time I read that quote.  The world slowed down to a stand still.  Me…Miss Push Everything Aside and deal with the next thing just stopped everything.  When I was in my very early twenties I got hurt by several people whom I thought were friends.  I remembered thinking to myself, well, that’s it.  I’m not going to let anyone or anything hurt me ever again.  And I got so good at it.  For years nothing.  I would never give anyone the satisfaction of hurting me again.  Great, right?

Wrong.

When I read that quote I realized I had gone to sleep all those years ago.  I needed to wake up from my own protective advice!  Advice I took on to save myself from hurting.  I needed to wake up and start LIVING again.  The quote woke me up…but how was I ever to stay awake and deal with painful things in a mature way?  This led me to some important questions.  How do I fall apart in a structured way so I can pick up the pieces of my life and start to live again?  Why were we given emotions to only push them away?  We aren’t robots, right?  What is the use in us being robots?

Life is full of rituals that we celebrate.  Births, Graduations, Birthdays, Weddings.  We have rituals from the simple to the extraordinary to celebrate.  Why don’t we have something for lifes’ non-celebrations?  A way to let go, release and heal.  We must honor all these passages in our lives.  The good and the bad.  Women are vibrant, emotional beings.  We must live through our emotions so we can find the truths that they hide.  Not only so we heal ourselves, but so we learn and don’t make similar mistakes again.  Like choosing the wrong guy!  Does this sound amazing to you?  The release and clarity we receive is cathartic in our growth process.  And I’ve put it all in this course:  Re-Awakening There is absolutely no judgement.  We will immerse ourselves into our emotions and I will give you key tools that will awaken your spirit.  Tools that will help keep you focused and alive even while dealing with challenges that we face in life!  Help move us from divorce depression into celebration.  It works with relationship depression too. Are you ready?  Email me so we can get started!  goddess@bitchlifestyle.com

I’m so in my **** I can’t even take it.  Not having to do anything, expect anything or worry is the best feeling ever.  I’m grateful beyond words.  Thank you Sharon!”  Janine

“In the very first session you gave me a lifesaver.  The anger tool rocked my world!  Thank you so much.”  Sandra

“I didn’t realize how deeply asleep I was.  Your course invigorated me mind and spirit.  I feel like ME again.”  Isabella

“I am so glad I found you and your Re-Awakening course!  I’ve finally moved on from my divorce and the depression I was feeling.”  Barbara

Bitch Lifestyle Home

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Are We Losing the Bottom Line?

I hereby crown random radio call in dude.  Image from wikiHow

Are we losing the bottom line?

Has rumor, speculation, gossip and heresy from social media, television and other forms of communication confused us?  Is all this “noise” distracting us from making simple choices?

This question came at me pre-coffee today.  Barely out of my sleepy slumber.  So for me to get all fired up about something it has to be pretty mind-blowing.  I like to listen to my sports in the morning.  Yeah…it can be drama.  All the commentators love to speculate about the off field stuff.  But there is a part of sports that is still pure and simple.  Who will win.  That’s the part I love!  Whenever the off field stuff is too much, I stop listening.  However the whole Aaron Hernandez thing going on with the New England Patriots is difficult to ignore.  I still listen to daily re-caps.  This is what I heard this morning that jarred me out of my morning stupor.

One of the local TV channels I listen to has radio show Dennis and Callahan from WEEI on.  They were taking phone calls.  This guy calls with a question.  Back story:  This weekend the Patriots said that if you had an Aaron Hernandez jersey they would swap it for another players’.  So a lot of people went to Gillette Stadium to do just that.  Back to the guy with the question.  He calls to tell Dennis and Callahan that he “forgot” it was this weekend.  When he went to Gillette, the “swap day” was over.  Still…he was given a gift card to purchase another jersey with.  This was the guys’ question/concern:

Caller on radio:  I got this gift card.  What am I going to do with this jersey?

He missed the day where the Patriots literally TOOK the jersey and swapped it for a new one.  He had a horrible dilemma on his hands.  He had in his physical possession a jersey and he did not know how to dispose of.

Really?  You have to call a radio station to figure out what to do with a jersey you don’t want?  And you are trying to blame the Patriots for this?  If it was really that important to you, you wouldn’t have “forgotten” to go.   Are you in such Drama Queen mode that you need to ask two guys you don’t know what to do with a jersey you don’t want?  Here’s an idea…throw it in the trash.  So simple yet so unbelievably dramatized.  This was disturbing for me not just for the drama and missing the bottom line but it was from a DUDE!  Guys are normally pretty bottom line.  Is our society turning them into Drama Queens?  Or was this caller a random one?  Looking back at listening to the radio I’ve realized this happens a lot more than I thought.  I turn off the drama when it happens and yes…it happens a lot during call in sessions.

Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised by this.  Are you?  I am on all the social networks but I’m pretty selective about what I share and with and whom.  I see what others share and just roll my eyes.  I see people go on and on about something that is so simple.  I’ve gotten really good at filtering out the noise of what others say, do and claim to be true.  I would really love to know what you all think about this.  How easy is it for you to see the bottom line and how do you fish through all the rumor and heresy to find truth?  Let’s discuss.  Love, Goddess

For more:

  1. Honesty Serves Your Inner Goddess

 

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Sass Zappers Part 2

Visit Media Web Apps for more gorgeous images and quotes: http://www.mediawebapps.com/timeline/images/time-13.jpg

Yeah…there are more.  More sass zappers that leave you feeling drained, pissy and wanting nothing but a means to medicate the feeling out!  Here are a few more to be wary of and actions to get you OUT of the Sass Zapping Drama Queen Zone!

1.  Spending time with the wrong people.  The Faux Girlfriend, the guy who doesn’t want a relationship with you, the relatives that know how to push your buttons. They make you start screaming “I am so unhappy!” Deeply within you. The thought of spending time with them can leave you in a deep depression.  Action:  Kick boxing yourself into a relaxed state so you can take back control.  Then you can use the ultimate taking control tool.  Being polite and then knowing how to dismiss yourself from their presence.

2.  Being everything to everyone.  I SO had to get over this one.  When you are trying to be everything to everyone you are not taking care of yourself.  This is insecurity and lack of trust.  You are trying way too hard to keep things together and not trusting the process.  Controlling it.  The fear is if you control everything and everyone they won’t leave you.  Action:  Take care of yourself first and you will be stronger, healthier and more relaxed.  It is one of the hardest things a woman will ever do because it’s in our DNA to help everyone.

3.  Explaining yourself.  Your enemies won’t care and know that you are being insecure.  Your friends already get that about you and accept it because they love you.  Action:  Stop it.  Trust that you made the right decision for you.

4.  Being afraid of making mistakes.  Yeah…big old fear.  Happens to everyone.  Action:  Stop fearing mistakes.  The problem comes when you keep making the same mistakes and don’t learn from them!

5.  Overlooking the beauty in small moments.  One of the very first things I tell my clients is to make their “Sassy Bitch List.”  This list is a living document that they will add and subtract from as the years go by.  Whatever my clients want from the small to the ridiculous!  This requires slowing down and really focusing on what they want, need and desire.  Noticing what lights them up around them.  Savoring!  Action:  Make your list.  Plan for fun.  Plan for challenges.  Plan for doing absolutely nothing!  No guilt.  Love, Goddess

For more:

1.  Sass Zappers 101:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2013/05/sass-zappers-101/

2.  Own Your Sass, Adios Drama Queen:  Bitch Lifestyle the Manual

3.  Let me Re-Awaken the Sassy You:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/07/your-re-awakening/

© S Stevens Life Strategies