Last week on Facebook the assignment was for you to get either kissed or tickled.  I wasn’t thinking about my fun regarding that, I was thinking about yours.   And what happens?  Yesterday I get tickled in an unexpected way from an unexpected person.  Which turned into unexpected fun and pleasure.

Yesterday was a gorgeous day and a friend of mine and I were chatting and working outside.  I talked about the homework assignment that I gave everyone on Bitch Lifestyle Facebook.  We discussed how tickling is so fun, a great stress reducer and adults really need to do it more often.   You know…laughter being the best medicine and all http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/08/laughter-is-the-best-medicine/ We talked about so much.  We talked more than work, but no worries.  This was Sunday and any work done was a bonus.  Especially on a brilliant summer day! Then it was time to go.   He walked me to my car, I opened the door and I was surprised when he cornered me inside the door and playfully started tickling me.

Now is the point where I ask you this:  Can you enjoy an unexpected pleasure from a man?  Without thinking and over analyzing “What it all means?”  That’s a tough one, I know.  Our brains are always working overtime.  And yes, there was some of that going on with me.  I pushed away the worry and focused on the fun, laughter and playfulness of the unexpected.   It was really fun and surprisingly sensual.  But The Bitch was in control.  Even when he started caressing me softly.  Even when he tried to kiss me.   I just savored.  Finally I firmly took his lower arms, smiled as I looked into his eyes and said, “Thank you, this has been a lot of fun.  I’m going now.”  He smiled, laughed and said…”Good job taking control, Sharon!”  We both laughed because we had been talking about that very thing that afternoon.

How women have all the control over a man. 

Unless we give it up.  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/08/empowered-dating-mommy-or-strong-sexy-bitch/

Can you surrender to this kind of a moment with a man and stay firmly in control?   Surrender and Control moving together in a hot little dance.   Surrendering to a moment and truly enjoying it is not scary.   Especially if you take care of yourself and know what you want.   Take the first step in Love Affair week Day One:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/06/our-own-love-affair-day-one/  Share incites and interact on our Facebook page:  http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Related Reading:

1. Laughter is the Best Medicine:   http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/08/laughter-is-the-best-medicine/

2. Empowered Dating: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/08/empowered-dating-mommy-or-strong-sexy-bitch/

3. Understanding Men Michael Buble’ Video: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/01/understanding-men-michael-buble-music-video/

Would you like to join me for a week of fun assignments and play?  All for free.  Our goal: to push forward the spreading of fun and play worldwide.  On my Facebook and Twitter page I will be posting lots of things for you to explore and have fun with.  Go solo or invite your friends, sisters…any woman you would like to do this with.   If you are really left brained put together a quick spreadsheet to plot your playful “Love Affair” experiment.  Here’s where we’ll rock it:

Bitch Lifestyle on Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841  Here we can interact with each other full out for the week.

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Goddesspower 

To give you a little taste of the fun to be had, here’s your assignment for the weekend:  Get yourself kissed or tickled this weekend.  Your choice.  (sly wink!) 

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Related Reading:

1.  Elle Woods:  Legally Blonde and Great Friend: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/05/elle-woods-legally-blonde-and-great-friend/

2.  Passionately Curious: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/03/passionately-curious/

3.  Survivor:  Learn the Art of Flirting from a Villianess:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/04/survivor-learn-the-art-of-flirting-from-a-villainess/

 Photo from the fantastic hannahsworld.wordpress.com/2008/02/18/heart-art/

Do you concentrate on your “lack of love” or “giving love?”

Years ago, I used to focus on the lack of love in my life.  I gained weight and got sad and pissy.  On the inside I was focused on the lack of love I was receiving.  The outside was sunny and warm.  And false.  I decided that was not working for me.  And I couldn’t fit in my cute clothes anymore!  So I surrendered.  I waved a little light pink flag high in the air.  I realized that I was giving love to the wrong people.  People who didn’t love me back and pretty much took all that I was giving.  Over and over.  Why would I do that?  It’s safer.   Huh?  Yes.  If I’m giving love to the people that don’t deserve it, I’m keeping up with that internal monologue I had going.  “I have a lack of love.”  And I’m protecting myself from opening up to the real thing.  Which was much scarier to me. I even added an extra layer of fat to my body as “insulation.”  That insulation was a metaphor for my life.  You won’t hurt me because I have a wall I cleverly put up physically and mentally to keep you out.  Upon that realization I celebrated.  I waved my little pink flag. 

I decided to surrender to the idea of not protecting myself anymore.  By concentrating on giving love and being thankful,  I’ve reset that internal “lack” clock with “abundance.”

And I’ve lost the weight.  I really take care of myself.  The warmth I was exuding on the outside entered my body.  The most amazing, adoring, wonderful, giving men have entered my life.  They stick like glue.  I’m grateful and love them back.  I have a circle of friends that would do anything for me.  The ones that have used me in the past have disappeared.  I don’t miss them or the drama that accompanies them.  It’s wonderful to have a group of friends that I know will be there for me.  I know that when I do something they don’t agree with, they’ll love me anyway.  Because it is who I am and they love me.  As I am.

It starts by waving that little pink flag.  Or lavender flag…whatever colored flag you want.  And starting your love affair with yourself.  Falling in love with yourself is one of the scariest things you’ll ever do.  But it is one of the most fulfilling.  You will never leave you.  Next week we’ll kick off our “Love Affair Week.”  Step by step, day by day we’ll reverse the lack of love, let go and just do it.  Love.  We’ll adore ourselves and those that adore us back.

You ready to take that first step, gorgeous?  Play with me.  I can be a lot of fun! 

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

I want my home to be a pleasure for me and those I love.  I put this phrase in a word file, colored it and put it in a beautiful frame on the mantle.  It’s one of the first things people see when they walk into my home.  I got the idea from Isabella Stewart Gardener.  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/10/think-youre-too-old-and-ugly-to-be-a-seductress-think-again/ She loved art, collected it and then put it in a museum that was named after her.   She put a similar phrase at the opening of the doorway to the museum.  A warm welcoming to her guests.  I loved it!

I’ve worked really hard to make my home welcoming to my guests and the people I love.  But it wasn’t really work.  The whole process was a pleasure.  Picking out beautiful pillows, candles, a soft faux fur blanket, incense, pink boas, etc.  The words that I used as inspiration were “Sensual,” “Feminine,”  “Warm,” “Comfortable,” “Inviting.”  I got a wonderful compliment from a friend who visited with me yesterday.  They loved coming over because it was so comfortable.  They felt they were on vacation and had really gone away!  Yay!

I haven’t spent a lot of money.  I just keep an open eye and mind to pieces that fit in my home, where I can arrange them, and my favorite colors.  You can spend a lot of money on things and never really enjoy them.  The faux fir blanket that I get so many compliment on only cost $19.95 at Marshall’s.  One comfy piece can make a room.  How about you, lovely one?  Have you made your home a comfy palace for you? No matter how small the space you can make a little sanctuary for yourself.   Incorporate as many senses as possible:  sight, taste, smell, hearing and touch.  Here are some ideas:

Kitchen:  Buy herb plants and put them in a sunny window, pick some daisies and put them in a vase on the table, get some new bright colored plates for summer, have your favorite thing to eat in the pantry or refrigerator.

Entry Way:  Hang some eucalyptus with a pretty bow, vacuum and get rid of any clutter, put some pictures up, or add a shelf to organize.

Family Room:  Add candles, incense, a beautiful art print, put a bright colored geranium in the window, get a new throw for your couch, or throw around some beautiful pillows.

Bathroom:  Put your favorite hand lotion next to the sink.  Throw out any old, worn out towels and toiletries. 

Bedroom:  Add your favorite color, a splash of pink, lavender, whatever you love.  Get some sexy smelling candles.  De-clutter your make-up area.  Put your most beautiful make-up, brushes, perfume bottles, lotions and potions on display.  Put your favorite glitter or lotion next to your night stand to enjoy before turning off the light. 

Sound like fun?  It really is fun decorating your space.  I was amazed at how many beautiful things I had just sitting in a drawer.  So pick a room to play with.  Make it your own little “Picasso in the works.”  And please share your fun ideas, beautiful.  We would all benefit from them!

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Related Reading:

1.  Elle Woods:  Legally Blonde and Great Friend http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/05/elle-woods-legally-blonde-and-great-friend/

2. Unknown Worlds of Discovery http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/05/unknown-worlds-of-discovery/

3. Bitch Rules http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/05/bitch-rule-1-love-yourself-with-abandon/

“Your power to live a pleasurable, prosperous life lies in your willingness to put your attention on thoughts, people, places, and events that are joyful, fun, sexy, and uplifting.”   Christiane Northrup, MD 

I love Dr. Christiane Northrup.  She’s the author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.  I watched her special on PBS yesterday and learned about healthy, pleasurable, prosperous living.  Here is supportive data from Dr. Northrup and other sources supporting  “Joy.”

1.  When a woman does an activity that makes her feel good, the body releases a chemical called nitric oxide from the lining of the blood vessels.   Dr. Northrup

2.  High nitric oxide levels result in increased levels of feel-good chemicals like serotonin and beta endorphin (a natural, morphine-like substance produced by all things pleasurable). High levels of pleasure (and nitric oxide) will provide you with increased blood flow to your breasts and to all other internal organs (including the vagina). You also experience enhanced parasympathetic nervous system tone which relaxes your muscles.  Dr. Northrup

3.  A mans erection depends on the release of nitric oxide in his body.  http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/press/2002/march/020318.htm

4  “Nitric Oxcide” is the trade name for Viagra.  http://www.medicinenet.com/sildenafil/article.htm

Whoa!  This is pretty sad when you think about it.  Are we relying on a synthetically produce pill to “get pleasure?”  Our body produces this naturally.  Both females and males.  At the top of this “Pleasure and Fun Mountain” we have females.  When we get too tired and busy from all the work we are doing we don’t take the time for some joy.  We are way too pooped.  There isn’t a ”man shortage”  there’s a “fun and pleasure shortage.”   Take the time to reach for your own individual joy.  Let your body do the rest and produce more nitric oxide. 

Then we have the men.  They are directly, ahem, affected by our joy and happiness.  Ladies, we could put the Viagra business out of business.  And clean out half the SPAM in email inboxes world wide.  Another way to make the world smile.  LOL.  We have that much power.

More from Dr. Northrup:

Orgasm is the physical metaphor for how pleasure works in the body and in life.   To experience an orgasm, you must surrender to pleasure and approval. You can’t experience an orgasm by willing it with your intellect. You must get out of your head and into your body. Women were born for orgasms. Why? Because we have a clitoris—the only organ in the body whose sole purpose is pleasure. This organ contains 8,000 nerve endings—all devoted to pleasure.  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/06/embrace-your-sexual-organs/

Orgasm is how the body resets its electromagnetic grid and maintains vibrant health and pleasure. In order to feel joy and pleasure daily, our brains need a constant supply of beta-endorphin, that morphine-like feel-good chemical I mentioned earlier. Because nitric oxide is the uber neurotransmitter that is responsible for all the other feel-good neurotransmitters like beta endorphin, you need to follow a pleasure-enhancing lifestyle that keeps your nitric oxide levels high. If you don’t get pleasure deliberately and healthfully, your body will get its beta endorphin through drugs, alcohol, or sugar.

Or…let me add my two sense…food.  

So I’m putting you on a fun diet.  Right now.  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/01/bitchy-sassy-and-fun-organization/ Visit the FUN section on this web site.  Make it one of your goals.  Organize it.  If anyone gives you a snarky look or comment (these are the people that really need some nitric oxide)  back it up with the supportive data that I gave you.  Then smile to yourself.  You’re so much farther ahead of the game.  Know it.

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Related Reading:

1.  Embrace Your Sexual Organs  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/06/embrace-your-sexual-organs/

2.  Bitchy, Sassy and Fun Organization http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/01/bitchy-sassy-and-fun-organization/

3.  Embrace Your Sexual Organs-Hot New Info! http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/06/embrace-your-sexual-organs/

I’m talking about loving and opening up to everyone I meet.  Sending a sunny smile out there, a laugh, a tickle, a warm embrace.  Opening up to more love from more people.  New friends, old friends and family.  Love is an act and to get more you have to put it out there.   And trust that it’s going to come back to you.  Smile at the hiccups on the path of loving.   What fun are hiccups?  LOL…actually, they can be very funny.  But it’s a relief to say good bye to them too.  Whoa…the hiccup metaphor is simply this:  Smile at curve balls thrown your way, take a deep breath and then get back to focusing on opening up to fun and love.  There’s so much wonder that surrounds us everyday.  Don’t let the hiccups distract you.  Couldn’t resist one more. 

Your assignment is to throw all the love you have out to the world.  See what comes back.  Want to Bitch it Up even more?  Tell one of your deepest darkest most wonderful thoughts or desires to someone you love.  Just because.  Can’t wait to hear from you!

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

I miss him too.  I miss his playfulness, warm arms and sexy smile.  I haven’t told him I love him or used the word in any capacity.  I don’t know if I’m in love with him.  He understands this because we’ve discussed it.  He said that he knows he has to prove through his actions that he is worthy of my love.  He said he would prove that he’s a man in my eyes and that he is not a boy.  He said he would fight to win my love if anyone else tried to win it. 

Valentines’ Day is coming up and I expect nothing from him.   What he just said to me was my “Valentine.”  It’s perfect.  He called me “his love” on his own-without a Holiday telling him to do it.  And that means so much more to me than a date on a calendar.   A date that the world has put on a calendar.  A date that puts pressure on him to show me that he loves me.   

How about you?  What does Valentines Day mean to you?   Do you dread it because you’re not dating someone?  Are you praying to meet someone to celebrate with?  Are you disappointed when your boyfriend gets you something you don’t want, need or is unromantic?  Get a grip, Bitches!   That’s your Brat acting up.  And you know the Brat.  It’s all about what she doesn’t have and what she should have.  And she’ll never be happy because she can’t be in the moment and be grateful for the wonderful that comes her way.  She’s stuck on a date that the world has put on her calender.  

We are going to squash that Brat over the next couple weeks.  That’s what Bitches do.  We are going to enjoy the hell out of Valentines Day by not pressuring ourselves or the men in our lives.   We are going to do it together.  You, me and everyone else on this web site.  We are going to fall in love with our luscious asses (literally and figuratively)  We are going to shower everyone we love with love on the Holiday of Love:  Valentines Day.  We are going to put a Sassy Bitch spin on it.  I now present Valentines Day Bitch Style!

1.  Enjoy those aisles stocked with Valentine goodies in the stores.  I had so much fun in Target last night looking at all the pink, red and heart shaped items there.  Yummy candies, cards, rose petals, candles and this really soft pink heart pillow.  I enjoyed how wonderful that soft pillow felt on my skin.  And I got the cutest cards for my girlfriends.  Which leads me to Number 2:

2.  Buy some adorable Valentines and give them out to those you love.  Spread the love to your girlfriends!  Girls are the ones who get excited over these frilly little cards.  Your Mom, Grandmother, aunts, cousins and nieces would appreciate them so much more than a man.   I bought  Fashion Barbie cards that come with really cute tattoos.

3.  Show that hot body of yours some love.  Pamper yourself by using everything on your body that makes you feel beautiful.  Skin care, perfume, glitter, clothes and accessories.  Find a look in a magazine that you would love to try and then do it!  Copy some make up ideas, hair ideas.  See if you like it on you.  Experiment with your beauty.

4.  Make a commitment to falling in love with wonderful you.   Kick it up a notch, as Emeril would say.  Go to a store and try on a diamond ring.  Or any ring with a huge gem in it.  Enjoy the gem sparkling on your skin.  Try different jewels to see which one you like best and note why.  Promise to love and adore yourself as you gaze at you and the ring in a mirror.

5.  Share with us on this site:  Anything fun that you do to adore YOU.  Spread the fun, Bitches!

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Letting go. Whether it’s using up the last bit of your favorite beauty product, friends you’ve lost touch with, doubt, or the love of your life. It’s difficult to let go of things that once made us feel so good, but don’t anymore. I’m letting go of some huge things in my life. By letting go I’m moving forward.

Letting Go Number One: My need to be a beauty product junkie. My need began when I was an actress in Los Angeles years ago. I was broke. Whenever I had an important social event I couldn’t afford a new outfit. I could afford a new 99 cent eye liner or nail polish. Those were my treats. So when I started making more money, I would go nuts buying whatever beauty product my heart desired. The pay off is amazing skin. But I had a closet full of beauty products that kept growing! I was buying more beauty products than I could use, and holding on to them for dear life. It symbolized something I’d attained: the ability to obtain fun, expensive beauty products. But I’m not a broke actress anymore. Over the last couple weeks I’ve slowly been going through them. Savoring them and appreciating that I could now afford to replace them.

Letting Go Number Two: Letting go of The Love of My Life. Years ago I was at the premiere of a play called “Just Say Love.” When I saw it, it touched me deeply. I so desired for the Love of My Life to tell me he loved me. I thought that was the lesson of the play entering my life. It wasn’t. The lesson was for me to “Just Say Love” to me. This play’s premiere was a metaphor for the start of my personal love affair with me. And it grew into this web site! I had to start choosing myself over the Love of My Life. I was working way too hard for the love of my life and getting hurt and not appreciated in return. No more. I now choose myself. “Just Say Love” has been all over me this week, and whenever I need to choose loving myself first and foremost. Amazing, huh?

Letting Go Number Three: Letting go of my leadership responsibilities. For the first time in 6 years I will not be present at a show for the improvisational comedy group I created. This very important show is this weekend. I had practice the last couple months. I was present in shows, but did not take the leadership role. All I had to do was play. That was hard for me to do at first but felt wonderful. Last night I was uptight before rehearsal. Jason, one of the actors in the troupe knew that something was up for me. He asked what it was and I told him that this week was all about “letting go,” and gave him details. He listened beautifully and kept reassuring me everything was going to run perfectly. Thank you Jason!  Which leads me to the reason why I won’t be at the show this weekend:

Letting Go Number Four: My semi-annual trek to Miami with my 300 girlfriends is this weekend. It’s all about researching our pleasures and wants. LETTING GO. Surrendering to the “slightly wicked” in us…or the “deeply wicked.” It depends on how far we want to go. It’s all up to each of us. It’s safe. These wonderful 300 women will not judge. You’re a trapeze artist on the edge of a precipice…on the verge of flying. Your safety net is 300 gorgeous smiling women. And there is so much pressure! Even with all the permission in the world in a safe setting it’s hard to fully let go! But that, ladies, is not what I will focus on. I will focus on being in the moment and not worrying. And I’ve begun by starting before I go this weekend. I’m doing this by taking the best care of myself. Taking more time to pamper myself, rest, and communicating my unease at “letting go.” Reveling in all the vulnerability this entails.

This is a lot in one week, huh? If I can do it…so can you. So take a little bite at letting something go today. Just a little one. A taste. A sample. Maybe tomorrow you take a little rest…or do a bit more. It’s your love affair. You’re the boss. (Sly wink) Love, Goddess

From The Free Online Dictionary:   http://www.thefreedictionary.com/admiration

ad·mi·ra·tion (dm-rshn) n. 1. A feeling of pleasure, wonder, and approval. See Synonyms at regard.

2. An object of wonder and esteem; a marvel.3. Archaic Wonder.

When I then look up “Loving Yourself,”  there seems to be a lot of negativity attached to it.   The first that struck me was the article on loving yourself and eating disorders.  http://www.womenshealth.gov/bodyimage/eatingdisorders/  I worked out today and have eaten healthy all week and that one still got to me.  It gave me an emotional reaction.  Remember my blog on how men use the emotional reaction button on women to get there way?  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/06/let-a-man-chase-you-heres-how/ I thought, wow.  Yes, women are bombarded with the “food and how they look emotional button” all the time.  That was depressing me so I unpushed the emotional button.  I did this by getting away from the negative and moving on to the positive.  I put my focus back on Admiration.

Admiration  1. A feeling of pleasure, wonder, and approval.  Doesn’t that feel better?  LOL.  So what do you admire about you, lovely one?  Is it your eyes? Skin? Ability to see the humor in everything?  Your smile, fun-loving nature or your killer business sense?  Can you get the best parking and free food wherever you go?  (Those are two of my talents!)  Have you raised amazing children, broken a record, run a marathon?  Do you cook the most amazing dish in the world, sing beautifully or can make anyone laugh?

My wish for you today is to bask in your accomplishments.  What makes you special!  Your talents and your achievements.  Big and small, silly and serious.   Next time you’re out with your friends, order a sexy drink and have a moment of “Admiration” for each girls’ talents.  Toast to them.   Share them with me so I can admire you and all you do, too!

With Love and Admiration, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

1.  I love being female because I’m the ultimate creatrix.   I can create life. 

2.  I love being female because as the ultimate creatrix, I have been blessed with the ability to nurture.  I can nurture anything:  A baby, a career, a passion, you name it! 

3.  I love being female because we are so sensual.  I can make my surroundings feel good not only with touch (soft pillows, sweaters, blankets) sight (candles, art, plants, flowers, pictures of those I love and love me) taste (chocolate, my favorite yummy foods, wine) sound (music of all kinds, the nature outside my window) and smell (incense, perfume, flowers)

4.  I love being female because there are so many fun shopping destinations.  So many places to play in!

5.  I love being female because men adore us.  Men and their adoration is so much fun!  Thank you for adoring us females, men.

6.  I love being female because I have all these beautiful curves.  Breasts, waist, thighs and butt.  And just like Maya Angelou says, they mesmerize!

7.  I love being female with my girlfriends.  Getting into deep conversations, getting emotional, cheering each other on, getting all dressed up and flirting with each other, dancing. 

8.  I love being female because I love dancing!  I love learning new kinds or just getting up and shaking it to the latest hot song.

9.  I love being female because I can surrender to a man on the dance floor.  It doesn’t matter if he is skilled or not.  He opens his arms to me and I surrender to those strong muscular arms.  

10.  I love being female because I can multi-task like nobody’s business!

11.  I love being female because I can empathize with people’s problems and fears. 

12.  I love being a female because I have a clitoris.  An organ that was made with one purpose…mind blowing pleasure.

13.  From Passionate Blogger:  Being female today definitely is a blessing in most parts of the world, and women are becoming more powerful and influential in almost all aspects of life – directly or indirectly.   I just hope this development will be appreciated by all.

I think that’s a good place to end this part of our wikipedia.  I cannot wait to add to this and hear all the ways you enjoy being female!  Love, Goddess