Festive napkins can be ordered at Monster Marketplace  http://www.monstermarketplace.com/oh-boy-toy-company/anne-taintor-napkin-mistletoe

Don’t date a man that doesn’t mesh with what you want.

Simple advice.  Is it really so simple?   No.  The tools you must have are confidence and knowing what you like and deserve so well that you can change your decision in a flash.  To avoid the pain of a guy who cannot or will not give you what you need.

I know I can walk into a room, pick a guy I want and have it proceed or not proceed exactly how I want.  This is not arrogance.  It’s confidence.  This is me knowing who I am so well that I will watch a mans’ actions and decide whether I want to get to know him better.  On the spot.  If I decide that I want to get to know him better, I communicate what I want and then see if he produces.  Every woman deserves this.

I recently went on vacation with my best friend Mary Ann.  We had so much fun.  Some girlfriends were having a party and we invited attractive guys to it.  A few years ago I would have been too shy to do this, but now if a friend sees a cute guy I will approach him and invite him and his friends to our parties.  It’s so fun.  I love helping my girlfriends meet fun, cute men!  We were swimming in the ocean and I noticed a seriously hot guy.  Tall, gorgeous smile and boy works out.  I swam up to him and invited him to the party.  I’m thinking to myself, yeah…I could play with you.  His name was Eric.  As we were flirting my other girlfriends swam up and started enjoying Eric as well.  I was a little irritated at first.  Then I became amused.  What woman wouldn’t find Eric hot?  For things to proceed for me the guy needs to give me all his attention.  He can’t be putting attention on me, then going to someone else, then coming back to me, etc.  That doesn’t make me feel beautiful.  It makes me feel “next in line.”  Which doesn’t fly with me.

Tip #1:  It’s fine to approach men in social situations.  If you feel like you can invite them into your circle of friends safely, fine too.  Be aware of their actions.  You can still let them come to you.  If you are surrounded by your friends and he is evenly talking to everyone?  He may still like you or he may be waiting things out to make HIS selection on who he likes the best.  Remember YOU are the chooser.  Even when he makes up his mind it’s you, decide whether he is YOUR choice.

Fast forward a few hours later at the party.  There was a young hot little stud who was making eye contact, talking and flirting with me.  I joined my best friend Mary Ann and she says “That boy is cute that is checking you out.”  I agreed.  I also noted he was flirting with whatever girl was in his orbit.  I’m already done.  One minute he’s grinding some girl on the dance floor, the next trying to make eye contact with me.  No thanks.

Tip #2:  If you’re in a social situation, note the guys that are checking you out.  Let them come to you.  Until they come to you, notice if they are flirting with everything that moves.  If that kind of challenge “winning” the guy every girl wants is for you-that’s fine.  A lot of girls get into that game.  I don’t.  It’s a preference.

Which brings me to our moonlit swim party in the ocean at midnight.  Absolute blast!!!  I was swimming with my girlfriends and Eric and a friend of his, Cary, saw us and waded up to us.  Eric thanked us for inviting them to the party.  They had an amazing time and thought the swim was a great idea too.  Still thinking Eric is hot I start flirting with him.  All my friends want him though, so I let it go.  I start talking to Eric’s friend Cary.  We had a nice conversation and he is putting ALL of his attention on me.  I like this.  I decide to tell him a specific want to see if he produces.  I say, ”I love how men are protectors.  I like a man who makes me feel safe.”  So we’re all getting out of the water and it’s freezing!  He picks up a towel and puts it around me.  He also uses his body to shield me from the cool wind that has picked up.  I give him a smile of appreciation and say “protection.”  He says, “Yeah…you said you liked that.”

Tip #3:  You have control over what guy you choose.  When you know what you want from a guy and know exactly how you want to be cherished, you can communicate it.  If he produces and acts in a way that makes you feel beautiful it’s so good.  You can start to feel safe and he can show you ways he likes you.

Keep grounded in the things that are deal breakers for you.  Even when he is producing.  This will allow you to enjoy a man while keeping your eyes wide open.  It keeps you from getting too involved too quickly.  Which leaves you open for hurt.  Remember:  Just because a guy wants to have sex with you doesn’t mean he likes you.  Guys always want to have sex with you!  The guy who earns your trust is the one who, over time, gives you what you need to feel safe, cherished and beautiful.  The prize for him is winning your love and trust.

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Anne Taintor image from Delaney’s World:   http://delaney55.wordpress.com/2008/07/29/delaneys-world-chuckle-for-the-day-38/

Sometimes they just won’t go away.  All the ignoring in the world doesn’t work.

The Jerk.

The guy that is chasing you that doesn’t care about you.  You’ve communicated with him in a bottom line way.  He still continues.  Instead of respecting your words he ups the ante.  The goal is seeing exactly what works to reach his goal.  Just having you.  Yes, I’m talking about “Chase Guy.”  I hesitated writing this because I don’t want to feed his ego in doing it.  Which I know it will.  There are a million reasons why not to write it.  None matter because one of the goals at Bitch Lifestyle is for women to be able to handle the jerks and not let them push their buttons.  It’s like the Universe plopped this guy into our lives and now we all have to deal.  One of those “teachable moments.”  Because…

After months of me ignoring him, “Chase Guy” upped the ante.  He liked and posted on Bitch Lifestyle’s Facebook page.  I don’t even have to tell you who he is.  If you go, you’ll be able to tell.  Don’t engage him.  That isn’t the point.  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841  He posted something obnoxious and self-serving.  If it had been when we first met?  I would have laughed and been playful with the comment.  Because of his actions I’m not in a playful mood.  Remember this post –  it will ground you with obnoxious men:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/10/dealing-with-a-demanding-man/  Remember.  If he wants access, he has to play by YOUR rules.  When he plays by your rules, he gets nice accommodating you.  When he doesn’t?  You call him on it and watch his actions.  If he gets it, he’ll do what you ask.  If he doesn’t care he’ll send you something disrespectful like this:

“Didn’t mean to misunderstand, just giving you naughty pleasure crossed my mind and wanted to say hi since back in town   Maybe we’ll cross paths, maybe not. Hope you’re well “

The only person I want “naughty pleasure” from is a man I can trust.  No girl should ever trust a guy like this.  Unless of course she is an EXTREME bad ass and can have such naughty pleasure with the guy that it throws him for a loop.  And then she dumps him.  Notch on her bed post.  I totally respect that.  It’s not me, however.  Remember, “Chase Guy” travels in a circle of friends I have.  So at some point I will see him.  Upping the ante.  One day he’ll realize that I’m not playing.  None of us Sassy Bitches are.   Love, Goddess

Related Posts:

1. Call Me:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/04/call-me/
2. Dating Concept #1:  Signs That a Man Wants You to Chase Him:   http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/08/dating-concept-1-signs-a-man-wants-you-to-chase-him/
3. Let a Man Chase You.  Here’s How:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/06/let-a-man-chase-you-heres-how/

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Sassy Anne Taintor pic can be purchased at Word Power Books:  http://www.word-power.co.uk/author/Anne-Taintor/

Men who want you to chase them.  Read this article and then I will follow-up with you on the latest:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/10/how-to-get-a-girl-to-chase-you/   The latest:  the other night I was on Twitter working late.  I got a message from a guy that I went out with a couple of times.  The guy from the article I wanted you to read above.   Some time has passed since he last tried to get me to chase him.  I’d forgotten that we even follow each other on Twitter!  This is the message he sent me:

Chase Guy:  Hey Sharon I miss your face!  Call me.

Me:  I’m not your type.  I don’t chase.

Within minutes…can you guess, Sweet and Sassy Bitch what happened?  Yeah…I get a phone call.  From Chase Guy.  Do I answer?  Hell no.  Am I mad?  No.  I think it’s amusing.  When I listened to his voice mail, he was all “sensual and alluring.”  Trying to lure me into calling him so we can “catch up.”  Then I go on Twitter and he has sent me a couple tweets.  Excuses for why he hasn’t been in touch. How he tried to call me but my phone gave out a “no call” signal-all garbage.  Garbage and lies, because girlfriends, I have the voice mail he left me.  Still not mad.  In order to get mad you have to care.  What I care about is YOU and YOU recognizing the signs of a guy trying to get you to chase him.  A guy who is making it all about getting YOU to please him.  That’s his challenge.  Getting you to jump through hoops for him.

Today Chase Guy sent me a direct message on Twitter.  Something about you pleasure me, or something and a link.  Curious to what this tactic was, I clicked on it.  It led to a blank page.  LOL.  Kinda metaphoric, huh?  There’s nothing there.

You know what works with me?  This does:

I sent a text to a friend of mine-M.  M and I have been friends for a long time.  We are also very attracted to each other and enjoy a physical relationship as well.   Before my vacation, I sent him the following text:

Me:  The next time I see you I want you to tickle me until I beg for mercy!

M:  Okay

Me:  Happy and excited smile!

Notice the text exchange is short, sweet and playful.

A couple of nights later he texted me-following up on our last flirtation.  It was hot, fun and playful.  M was going to try to come up and see me for a “departing tickle” before I left on vacation.  It didn’t work out because he travels with his full-time job and runs a business on weekends.  To say that he is busy is an understatement.  Knowing how busy he is, and appreciating him making the effort to please me, I happily let him go do his thing.  I know that he will produce my want for me.  No doubt.  Besides…we agreed, the wait would make it that much sweeter!

The night after getting back from vacation, I got a text from M asking me how my vacation was.  We sent sexy and flirtatious texts while he was waiting to get on a plane hours away.  He said it was too bad he wasn’t closer because we couldn’t do what we were discussing in the texts.  About an hour later I get a text from him saying he was “closer” because his plane just landed.  And he could be closer still.  He wound up driving an hour to see me and we spent an incredible night together.  It ended with him saying, “Welcome Home.”  I said “Welcome Home” back and kissed him.

This man is SO busy.  Yet, after a busy day of work and travel he wanted to see me.  The memory makes me purr.  This is making a big effort, ladies!  This is a man who likes you and wants to please you.  So which sounds like more fun to you hotties?  A man who travels an hour to pleasure you and see you?  Or a guy who tells you to “call me?”  Yuck.  Yeah…I think we all know the answer to that one!

PS:  I will definitely be keeping you up to date on the tactics “Chase Man,” uses.  I don’t see him stopping in the near future.

Love, Goddess

Related Reading:

1. Dating Concept #1:  Signs That a Man Wants You to Chase Him:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/08/dating-concept-1-signs-a-man-wants-you-to-chase-him/
2. Let a Man Chase You.  Here’s How:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/06/let-a-man-chase-you-heres-how/
3. Dealing With a Demanding Man:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/10/dealing-with-a-demanding-man/

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Strong male hand at work can be found at Royalty Free Stock Photos 123rf:   http://www.123rf.com/photo_5313692_repairing-work-spanner-wrench-tool-in-human-hand.html

Do you know when a man is being vulnerable with you?

A close male friend, “M” and I are talking.  We’re talking about his family.   ”Ms” Dad is so cute and I ask him how he is doing.  M says he’s good but he isn’t able to use his hands like he used to.  M is so like his Dad to me in that way-how much they love to work with their hands.  The next thing M says puts the exclamation point on it:

“I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t work with my hands anymore.”

Do you understand how much a man just said to you when he says something like this?  He’s stating a huge part of who he is and the fear of losing it.  This is him being vulnerable and open with you.   An interesting metaphor is menopause for women.  BOTH sexes are losing the ability to produce.  Never to come back.  This post is something for us as women to think about and be aware of.  What is something about a man you care about that is SO important to him?  Does he relish his business mind?  His creativity?  His ability to discover solutions to problems?  Does he crave adventure?  These are keys to appreciating the men you care about.   As he gets older, his body and mind will bear the inevitable aging process.  Strong, loving you will find ways to make sure he still feels strong and connected to his joys in life and the deeply male, primal need to produce.

Truly loving involves reciprication.  Communicating wants, desires and letting the other produce for you.  Truly loving notices what the other lives for and encourages always.

Related Reading:

1. The Dark Side of the Male Ego:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/08/the-dark-side-of-the-male-ego/
2. Giving You a Hot Sexy Shot of Testosterone:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/07/giving-you-a-hot-sexy-shot-of-testosterone/
3. What You Can Learn From Men’s Magazines:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/06/what-you-can-learn-from-men-magazines/

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Focus Image from the web site Life Hack:  http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/how-to-practise-the-art-of-detached-focus-to-achieve-your-goals.html

Focus Bitch.

This is for the beauties who read this web site and are worried about a guy they like or are dating.  It’s for the beauties that are rockin’ their guys and need a gentle reminder.  We all do sometimes.  We’re emotional creatures and sometimes our emotions, our Drama Queens crave attention.  Sometimes we misplace that attention.  We put pressure on our guys to give us that attention when we could just as easily put it on ourselves and allow him to give freely.  The key is the word “pressure.”  Maybe it’s the oxytocin:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/04/the-cuddle-hormone-2/ maybe we haven’t quite grown into our Sassy Bitch and our confidence isn’t there.  Maybe we don’t get the fact that we are truly beautiful.  Then our Drama Queens take over and “attach” ourselves to a guy because we want attention from him.  HIM.  We like him so much!!!!  We must have him!!!!  When you find yourself saying, writing, worrying about how to get him to chase you, love you, want you, it’s time to make a choice.  Worry?  Or…

FOCUS.

Focus on what you can control.  Cuz’ it’s not him.  What you can focus on is YOU and your choices.

You can choose to worry about why he hasn’t answered a text and send another one.  Then you can worry about why he hasn’t answered the original text and the 2nd text.  Then you can get a bit pissed off and send a 3rd text.  Now you can worry and fret about why he hasn’t answered 3 texts you’ve sent him.  And send another…and another.

Or.

You can focus on what truly matters to your growth as a person, those you care about and your career and life goals.  Or you can whine about the fact that the choice I just gave you doesn’t “get him to chase you.”  That is so very cute of your Drama Queen, isn’t it?  That’s not why your reading this.  You’re reading this so you can claim your Sassy Bitch.  So give your Drama Queen the attention she wants by focusing attention on you:

1. Make a list of everything you want to accomplish in life.  The fun, the crazy the ones that will fulfill you.
2. Volunteer.  If your Drama Queen really needs a kick in the butt?  Volunteer at a hospital.  A hospital is full of sick and dying people.  That should put worrying about a text in perspective.
3. For Valentines Day-what I like to call the “Day of Love” make a list of those that truly love you.  Your Dad, Brother, Mom, Sister, Nieces, Nephews, your BFF.  Make heart felt Valentines for them.
4. Keep your calendar full. Your goal being a calendar full of things that light you up and make you feel good.
5. Appreciating your beauty every day.  Be grateful for your gorgeous skin, curvy thighs, beaming smile, sparkling eyes.  Blow yourself a kiss when you walk by a mirror.
6. Get spiritual.  Meditate, relax, go for a long walk, kick-box.
7. Eat yummy healthy foods.
8. Giving out love sends it back to you.  Greet those you love with a warm hug always.  When you depart, give them a warm hug again.
9. When you start worrying, start listing all the things you’re grateful for.  Use this as a tool when you start worrying again.

Oh…and one more thing.  You know those guys you don’t like that constantly text you, ask you out and are chasing you that you don’t want to date ?  Don’t be “that guy” to your guy.  Here’s an article just for you:  Why Men You Don’t Like Chase You:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/04/why-men-you-dont-like-chase-you/

Another thing to be aware of:  How to Get a Girl to Chase You  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/10/how-to-get-a-girl-to-chase-you/

Here is one last tid bit to get you re-focused on YOU and not worried about a guy who is not chasing you.  If he isn’t asking you out, calling you and trying to make hot little you smile?  I’m a little worried about his taste.  (Sassy smile)  Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Careful of the Pussy’s hiss!  From the fab blog:  Iva Messy   http://www.ivamessy.com/2009/07/men-and-women-annoying-habits.html

There’s something that men do that can be SO annoying to us women.  It’s when we, as women, are talking about one of our dearest passions, and a man starts giving us crap and poking fun at us about it.  So what’s that all about, Bitch?

Attention.

They like you.  They want attention from you.  Unfortunately, they’re going about it the wrong way.  A lot of us women don’t really dig that.   It can get our panties in a bunch.  Here we are, all excited about our passion, and he’s dissing us, teasing us and we just want to smack him.   So what do we do about this, Sassy Bitches?

Play our cute, curvaceous butts off about it!  We take our studies from ”You’ve Been Sassed,” http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/01/youve-been-sassed/  and Bitch it up.     We not only call them on their crap and use their own words to do it, we do it all sassy and playful.  Why?  Because you know you can play his own “game” (more on that in a bit) *** and relish the fun challenge he’s presenting you with.  Because remember, men love a challenge.  Can he handle the challenge of hot little you?  (God…he hopes so!)  An example from my life today:

My friend J calls me.  We have things to discuss regarding a project we’re working on together.  All goes well and we end the phone conversation.  We hang up.  He IMMEDIATELY calls again.  I pick up.  Here is part of our conversation:

J:  Sharon, I was just calling you to tell you “Go Giants!”

Me:  Now you know the only reason you’re telling me that is to push my buttons.  Football is one of my passions.  (He had started the day before on me.  This time using the Ravens.  And I knew he was calling me back to give me crap about my deep passion for Patriots football)

J:  Don’t be so sensitive, Sharon.  It’s just an opinion I have.  Football isn’t a really important thing.

Me:  Oh no.  (really playfully)  Like for me I don’t understand why people meditate.  I think it’s for people with way too much time on their hands.  Just my opinion.

J got irritated.  Score a big one for the Sassy Bitch.  A few more words and then the conversation changed.  Why?  J is really into meditation.  I like it too.  The point is, HE has this passion for meditation and I used that to call him on his crap.  Used his own words against him.  So playfully fun, too.  Bitch won because he DROPPED it.

So why wasn’t I mad?  No reason to be.  This is how guys talk to each other.  You ever notice how much crap they give each other?  They respect the person who gives it back to them and don’t lie down and take it!   So it actually is a playful game *** they are “playing” with you and you are just  ”playing” back.  You just can’t let it piss you off (kick box it out!)  and play back.  That is the sort of play they understand.  Got it?

Now get in there and play back with those scoundrels who are just craving your attention.  Sassy wink!   Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Picture of Jackie Chan from  http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/jukg9/no_make_up_my_assughwhy_do_they_do_that/

You want to be respected in all your glorious femininity, right?  Absolutely.  Do you send that out to men?  In other words, do you give them the respect of how hot the masculine is?  To get respect you must give respect.  Unfortunately, I see women disrespecting men all the time.  In lines at stores.  At friendly gatherings.  Usually he’s making a valid point and she is being dismissive.  Or she is ordering him to do something for her.  Or…he’s trying to do something for her and she’s resisting it.  Or testing him with outrageous requests to see how much he “cares for her.”   I’ve noticed the love he is giving out and she is being dismissive, rude or unappreciative.  What brought this little Sassy Bitch tangent on?  A trip to Walmart.

I was in Walmart two days before Christmas.  Yes…utter zoo.  Don’t hate me, but I’d gotten all my shopping done and was just relaxing and enjoying all the colorful packages and bargains in the make up area.  Out of the corner of my eye I notice a handsome man looking at the make up.  I wandered to the next aisle and soon he was in the same aisle with me.  Looking completely confused.  That’s love I thought.  I hope she appreciates him.  We make eye contact and here is our conversation:

Handsome Man:  Could I ask you for some advice?

Sassy Bitch:  Sure.

Handsome Man:  Where is the Bare Escentuals?

I’m thinking…really…you sent out your man to find you make up for Christmas?  What the hell is wrong with you, girlfriend?

Sassy Bitch:  You can’t buy that here.  You’re in the right section, it’s mineral make-up, but you can only get Bare Escentuals at high-end stores like Sephora or Ulta.

Handsome man looks at the make up.  Knowing what he’s thinking I say:

Sassy Bitch:  And you can’t buy this mineral make up.  She knows what she wants…the Bare Escentuals.  If you buy this, you’ll be screwed.

Handsome Man laughs in appreciation of my honesty with him. 

More conversation and then I send him on his way.  With simple instructions.  “Go to Sephora.  Ask for help picking out something when you are there.”

What woman in her right mind would send a man to get her make up for Christmas?  It’s okay to want these things, ladies.  It’s okay to ask your men to do these things for you.  But be smart!  Tell him something like this:  I would love this product as a gift.  You can only get it from Sephora.  I would so appreciate it if you would give me a gift certificate to Sephora so I can go wild with experimentation!  I’ll email you a link.  Done.

It’s emasculating to get a man to shop for make up for you.  It’s like him asking you to change his oil for him, go to Home Depot and find 3/4 inch flat screws or weed wack for him.  The hot men I know would never ask their women to do these things for them.  So why do women emasculate their men like this?  Anger, Bitches.  We all get angry with men.  Men from our past, things our Dads did to piss us off, communication differences, blah blah blah.  If you don’t think you’re angry at men…you are one scary Bitch.  You aren’t being honest with yourself.  You are truly scary!  Get rid of the anger, ladies…you will start to see the love.

Sometimes in our zeal to have a man show us love, we miss the ways he is already showing us.  This is a symptom of not taking care of your anger.  As for the people out there who are trying to turn men into women?  This is an angry woman at work.  They don’t get them so they’ve decided to change them.   And give up all their power.  Men are not women.  The sexes have differences.  Brilliant differences that work in our favor as women.  Men produce for us.  Let them do it.  In their own way.  Yes, tell them what you want, but respect their hot maleness.  Get rid of the anger and you will start to see how they would do anything to make us smile.  Even shop in the make up aisle at Walmart!  Just because they would do that for us doesn’t make it right.  Respect.

Appreciation gets you so much more.  When your anger starts simmering, breathe, don’t be critical and try not to take your frustration out on him.  This is taking your power.  This is the ultimate control.  Let men be men.  Don’t control them by getting them to do things for you to “see how much they care.”  It’s sooo good when you release that control and appreciate.  You can’t even imagine.  Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Picture of “Women Having Fun” from the fab Schattebout website: http://schattebout.com/2010/12/26/everything-you-ought-to-know-about-handmade-clothes-for-girls/

I was out with a girlfriend the other night and I realized something.  I was feeling burdened by the people I didn’t seem to be helping with this website.  I get letters and comments every day from women who are letting men walk all over them.  I feel for them because they don’t have the confidence to deal with men.  I answer their questions as best as I can.  I don’t hear back from them because I didn’t tell them what they wanted to hear.  I couldn’t instantly “fix” their man for them or get them to chase them with a few words.  I couldn’t get their guys to love them in a snap.  Love is not that simple.  You simply cannot get a man to chase you, love you, adore you.  It has to be his choice.  Just like it is YOUR choice of who you love.  We choose how we go about the day.  So if you’re reading this and you’re worried about some guy?  This is for you.  We’ve all been there.  Over thinking and worrying about men.  I’m telling you to take control by loving yourself and taking action!  Loving yourself and action are the keys to having a fulfilling life and relationship.  The key to everything is your confidence!

The Drama Queen when she likes a guy versus the Sassy Bitch in italics…

1. The Drama Queen worries about when or if he will call her.   The Sassy Bitch occupies her mind with things she has control over.  Like maximizing her portfolio.
2. The Drama Queen worries about everything she says to a guy.   The Sassy Bitch says what’s on her mind.  Having an opinion and not backing away = confidence.
3. The Drama Queen wonders why a guy sends mixed messages.   The Sassy Bitch doesn’t have time to analyze mixed messages from men.  She likes the guy who knows what he wants.
4. The Drama Queen considers loaning a guy money.   The Sassy Bitch can take care of herself and wants a man who can take care of himself!
5. The Drama Queen worries about not having a date.   The Sassy Bitch flirts with everything that moves.  She focuses on the moment without expectations.
6. The Drama Queen wants to marry a guy after the first date. He’s so cute!  The Sassy Bitch, even if she may really like a guy, takes her time and gets to know him.
7. The Drama Queen falls in love over Facebook without ever having met him.  The Sassy Bitch knows that IM and a picture does not equal love.
8. The Drama Queen gets upset when a guy she likes ignores her or flirts with other women.   The Sassy Bitch pays attention to those who pay attention to her.
9. The Drama Queen doesn’t let herself heal after a bad break up.   The Sassy Bitch takes time off from dating and gets busy! 

Examples of how a Sassy Bitch uses her time instead of worrying, chasing, endlessly texting and over thinking about a guy:

1. The Sassy Bitch gets rid of the negative energy by upping her work outs.
2. The Sassy Bitch takes up a new hobby.  Skiing, crafting, cooking school, book club, wine club, etc.  She puts the focus on loving herself and fun things to light her up!
3. The Sassy Bitch keeps her calendar full with friends, hobbies, and family activites so she has things to look forward to.  New places, new discoveries lead to new passions and meeting new and exciting people.  She also will cut herself some slack if she needs to stay home and have a good cry.
4. If the Sassy Bitch needs to cry, she cries.  She lets it out.  She knows this is a healthy release.  So when she cries, she cries her heart out…really committing to that cry!  Then, so she doesn’t let it weigh her down or fall into a pity party, she gets busy living.  Unless of course she needs a pity party:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/09/turn-worry-into-fun/

So dig in, hotties.  Get out there and create the world you want!  When you are happy, loving yourself and your world…it’s going to attract those who want to be a part of your life.  They are attracted to you because you have the confidence to go for it.  You go for your passions, express your opinions without apology and are truly happy and satisfied with your world!  xoxo  Love, Goddess

Private coaching available.  Email:  Goddesspower978@hotmail.com for details.

© S Stevens Life Strategies

A couple enjoying themselves.  Game Free.  From the Holly Azouz Photography website  http://hollyazouzphotography.com/category/photographs/couples/

I’ve met a guy who has been trying to get me to chase him.  I’ve been mildly amused at his tactics.  We are both part of a circle of acquaintances, so I run into him often.  He’s tried it all.  Texts designed to get my attention.  All in the wrong way.  All about him, no how are yous.  He’s used other women to get a reaction out of me.  He has lied.  It all makes me want to nap.  On Sunday night I was noting his tactics.  None of which I was buying.  A disturbing thought came up.  I thought, where is he getting this?  Is he learning these tactics somewhere?

So I googled “how to get a girl to chase you.”  42 million hits.  There are male coaches out there teaching other men these tactics!  I guess I was a little naive.  Okay…a lot naive.  So I started reading some of the tips.  All playing on a womans’ desire for attention.  Here are a few of the more common tactics.

1. Questions designed to put you on guard so YOU are no longer doing the choosing.  HE is.
2. Acceptance:  The woman has passed the mans’ specific tests.  Now the male can tell the female he approves of her.  Extra points for dragging it out so she has to work harder.
3. Various talk about how her “hormones” will become heightened when they are attracted to a man.
4. Men discussing how exciting it is for the woman when she chases the man. 

Yuck.  I could go on, but the whole thing disgusts me.  Want to know the reason there isn’t more love in the world?  It’s crap like this.  42 million pages on the internet alone about it.  These sites are not about “loving behavior” they are about “manipulation.”  This stuff breeds bad karma, lack of trust and potentially ruins love for good men and women.  So what’s a Bitch to do?  REBEL.  The moral of this little write-up is to be aware, ladies.  Be aware of the list above.  Watch for signs that a man wants you to chase him.  Don’t allow him this power over hot little you.   http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/08/dating-concept-1-signs-a-man-wants-you-to-chase-him/ and http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/09/respect-and-the-first-date/  This is about changing the Karma, embracing our power to choose and taking the power back from this manipulation.

Dating the Bitches Way:

1. Women are the choosers and the seducers.
2. We say “HELL NO!”  To men trying to get us to chase them.
3. We adore the men that don’t play games and adore us.  Games we approve of involve tickling or some other such fun activity (sassy smile).

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Anne Taintor magnets available from Kaboodle: http://www.kaboodle.com/reviews/anne-taintor-magnets

A.  The Deflection Defined:   It’s when you call a man on his crap and he deflects by putting it on you.

Example:  This is priceless.  It’s from Lisa, one of our hotties on our Facebook page.  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841  Lisa was dating a guy and he got drunk before they started a date!  She called him on it.  Saying it was “unacceptable.”  His response?  She was being “judgemental.”  I love how our Sassy Bitch was all “LOL…well yeah!”  The deflection was incorporated by this guy when he called her “judgemental.”

B:  Why do men use Deflection in an argument? 

1. Guys admit that if you “give an inch, we’ll take a mile.” They want to see what the boundaries are with you.  So they test you.  This is the wild child in them.  And Tarzan needs Jane-a woman he respects-to keep him in line.
2. Men think women are “emotional.”  He doesn’t know what is going to set you off.  He has learned that he can “set you off” by playing with your emotional buttons.  Calling you something like “judgemental” works on women that he can control and walk all over.  And yes, who wants to be called “judgmental?”  We women want to be seen as “reasonable.”  A strong, confident sassy woman sees the hogwash behind deflection.  Important:  Understand that the really good men will do this so they don’t get too involved with a woman who they think is over the top emotional. (like the Faux Girlfriend http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/01/the-faux-girlfriend/ ) Who can blame them?  We don’t want her in our lives either.  We’re dumping the Faux Girlfriends, too!  Setting the boundaries about what isn’t going to fly with you works with the bad guys and the good men.  Either way works.
3. Men don’t like admitting they are wrong.  So they deflect.  Making him admit he is wrong-just words.  And it’s emasculating.  So don’t make it about YOUR EGO just to make him say he was wrong.  Watch his actions.  Make that your barometer on how things proceed.

C.  Here’s how you handle Deflection:

1. Like Lisa did.  With humor and conviction.
2. Call him on his deflection.  You could say something like, “Yeah I’m being judgemental and you don’t look good.”
3. If you’re dating more seriously?  And you’ve called him on his deflecting ways in the past?  You could say, “You’re deflecting.”  Then state what won’t fly.  Repeat if necessary.
4. Don’t react emotionally.  Then he knows he has control.

Guys are going to deflect blame in arguments.  I think it’s in their DNA. (said with playful sarcasm)  Listen for the signs of deflection.  At first, you are going to feel yucky when he does it.  Being called “judgemental” is designed to do that.  When you understand the motive behind it-for him to gain control-you can take the power back.  When you do it in a “bottom line” type way, that will really rock his world!  The bad guys won’t be able to control you and disappear.  Good riddance.  You’re way too much woman for him.  The good men?  They’ll stick around.  They’ll call you on your crap back.  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/07/playing-hard-to-get-part-two/  There will be reciprocal listening and respect.   Mmmmm….and you are so worth this hot, sexy kind of REAL man!

Love, Goddess

And there will be oh so much more on this subject in the book I’m writing “Bitch Lifestyle: The Manual.”  For a preview:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/book-previews/

© S Stevens Life Strategies

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