Careful of the Pussy’s hiss!  From the fab blog:  Iva Messy   http://www.ivamessy.com/2009/07/men-and-women-annoying-habits.html

There’s something that men do that can be SO annoying to us women.  It’s when we, as women, are talking about one of our dearest passions, and a man starts giving us crap and poking fun at us about it.  So what’s that all about, Bitch?

Attention.

They like you.  They want attention from you.  Unfortunately, they’re going about it the wrong way.  A lot of us women don’t really dig that.   It can get our panties in a bunch.  Here we are, all excited about our passion, and he’s dissing us, teasing us and we just want to smack him.   So what do we do about this, Sassy Bitches?

Play our cute, curvaceous butts off about it!  We take our studies from ”You’ve Been Sassed,” http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/01/youve-been-sassed/  and Bitch it up.     We not only call them on their crap and use their own words to do it, we do it all sassy and playful.  Why?  Because you know you can play his own “game” (more on that in a bit) *** and relish the fun challenge he’s presenting you with.  Because remember, men love a challenge.  Can he handle the challenge of hot little you?  (God…he hopes so!)  An example from my life today:

My friend J calls me.  We have things to discuss regarding a project we’re working on together.  All goes well and we end the phone conversation.  We hang up.  He IMMEDIATELY calls again.  I pick up.  Here is part of our conversation:

J:  Sharon, I was just calling you to tell you “Go Giants!”

Me:  Now you know the only reason you’re telling me that is to push my buttons.  Football is one of my passions.  (He had started the day before on me.  This time using the Ravens.  And I knew he was calling me back to give me crap about my deep passion for Patriots football)

J:  Don’t be so sensitive, Sharon.  It’s just an opinion I have.  Football isn’t a really important thing.

Me:  Oh no.  (really playfully)  Like for me I don’t understand why people meditate.  I think it’s for people with way too much time on their hands.  Just my opinion.

J got irritated.  Score a big one for the Sassy Bitch.  A few more words and then the conversation changed.  Why?  J is really into meditation.  I like it too.  The point is, HE has this passion for meditation and I used that to call him on his crap.  Used his own words against him.  So playfully fun, too.  Bitch won because he DROPPED it.

So why wasn’t I mad?  No reason to be.  This is how guys talk to each other.  You ever notice how much crap they give each other?  They respect the person who gives it back to them and don’t lie down and take it!   So it actually is a playful game *** they are “playing” with you and you are just  ”playing” back.  You just can’t let it piss you off (kick box it out!)  and play back.  That is the sort of play they understand.  Got it?

Now get in there and play back with those scoundrels who are just craving your attention.  Sassy wink!   Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Picture of Jackie Chan from  http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/jukg9/no_make_up_my_assughwhy_do_they_do_that/

You want to be respected in all your glorious femininity, right?  Absolutely.  Do you send that out to men?  In other words, do you give them the respect of how hot the masculine is?  To get respect you must give respect.  Unfortunately, I see women disrespecting men all the time.  In lines at stores.  At friendly gatherings.  Usually he’s making a valid point and she is being dismissive.  Or she is ordering him to do something for her.  Or…he’s trying to do something for her and she’s resisting it.  Or testing him with outrageous requests to see how much he “cares for her.”   I’ve noticed the love he is giving out and she is being dismissive, rude or unappreciative.  What brought this little Sassy Bitch tangent on?  A trip to Walmart.

I was in Walmart two days before Christmas.  Yes…utter zoo.  Don’t hate me, but I’d gotten all my shopping done and was just relaxing and enjoying all the colorful packages and bargains in the make up area.  Out of the corner of my eye I notice a handsome man looking at the make up.  I wandered to the next aisle and soon he was in the same aisle with me.  Looking completely confused.  That’s love I thought.  I hope she appreciates him.  We make eye contact and here is our conversation:

Handsome Man:  Could I ask you for some advice?

Sassy Bitch:  Sure.

Handsome Man:  Where is the Bare Escentuals?

I’m thinking…really…you sent out your man to find you make up for Christmas?  What the hell is wrong with you, girlfriend?

Sassy Bitch:  You can’t buy that here.  You’re in the right section, it’s mineral make-up, but you can only get Bare Escentuals at high-end stores like Sephora or Ulta.

Handsome man looks at the make up.  Knowing what he’s thinking I say:

Sassy Bitch:  And you can’t buy this mineral make up.  She knows what she wants…the Bare Escentuals.  If you buy this, you’ll be screwed.

Handsome Man laughs in appreciation of my honesty with him. 

More conversation and then I send him on his way.  With simple instructions.  “Go to Sephora.  Ask for help picking out something when you are there.”

What woman in her right mind would send a man to get her make up for Christmas?  It’s okay to want these things, ladies.  It’s okay to ask your men to do these things for you.  But be smart!  Tell him something like this:  I would love this product as a gift.  You can only get it from Sephora.  I would so appreciate it if you would give me a gift certificate to Sephora so I can go wild with experimentation!  I’ll email you a link.  Done.

It’s emasculating to get a man to shop for make up for you.  It’s like him asking you to change his oil for him, go to Home Depot and find 3/4 inch flat screws or weed wack for him.  The hot men I know would never ask their women to do these things for them.  So why do women emasculate their men like this?  Anger, Bitches.  We all get angry with men.  Men from our past, things our Dads did to piss us off, communication differences, blah blah blah.  If you don’t think you’re angry at men…you are one scary Bitch.  You aren’t being honest with yourself.  You are truly scary!  Get rid of the anger, ladies…you will start to see the love.

Sometimes in our zeal to have a man show us love, we miss the ways he is already showing us.  This is a symptom of not taking care of your anger.  As for the people out there who are trying to turn men into women?  This is an angry woman at work.  They don’t get them so they’ve decided to change them.   And give up all their power.  Men are not women.  The sexes have differences.  Brilliant differences that work in our favor as women.  Men produce for us.  Let them do it.  In their own way.  Yes, tell them what you want, but respect their hot maleness.  Get rid of the anger and you will start to see how they would do anything to make us smile.  Even shop in the make up aisle at Walmart!  Just because they would do that for us doesn’t make it right.  Respect.

Appreciation gets you so much more.  When your anger starts simmering, breathe, don’t be critical and try not to take your frustration out on him.  This is taking your power.  This is the ultimate control.  Let men be men.  Don’t control them by getting them to do things for you to “see how much they care.”  It’s sooo good when you release that control and appreciate.  You can’t even imagine.  Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Picture of “Women Having Fun” from the fab Schattebout website: http://schattebout.com/2010/12/26/everything-you-ought-to-know-about-handmade-clothes-for-girls/

I was out with a girlfriend the other night and I realized something.  I was feeling burdened by the people I didn’t seem to be helping with this website.  I get letters and comments every day from women who are letting men walk all over them.  I feel for them because they don’t have the confidence to deal with men.  I answer their questions as best as I can.  I don’t hear back from them because I didn’t tell them what they wanted to hear.  I couldn’t instantly “fix” their man for them or get them to chase them with a few words.  I couldn’t get their guys to love them in a snap.  Love is not that simple.  You simply cannot get a man to chase you, love you, adore you.  It has to be his choice.  Just like it is YOUR choice of who you love.  We choose how we go about the day.  So if you’re reading this and you’re worried about some guy?  This is for you.  We’ve all been there.  Over thinking and worrying about men.  I’m telling you to take control by loving yourself and taking action!  Loving yourself and action are the keys to having a fulfilling life and relationship.  The key to everything is your confidence!

The Drama Queen when she likes a guy versus the Sassy Bitch in italics…

1. The Drama Queen worries about when or if he will call her.   The Sassy Bitch occupies her mind with things she has control over.  Like maximizing her portfolio.
2. The Drama Queen worries about everything she says to a guy.   The Sassy Bitch says what’s on her mind.  Having an opinion and not backing away = confidence.
3. The Drama Queen wonders why a guy sends mixed messages.   The Sassy Bitch doesn’t have time to analyze mixed messages from men.  She likes the guy who knows what he wants.
4. The Drama Queen considers loaning a guy money.   The Sassy Bitch can take care of herself and wants a man who can take care of himself!
5. The Drama Queen worries about not having a date.   The Sassy Bitch flirts with everything that moves.  She focuses on the moment without expectations.
6. The Drama Queen wants to marry a guy after the first date. He’s so cute!  The Sassy Bitch, even if she may really like a guy, takes her time and gets to know him.
7. The Drama Queen falls in love over Facebook without ever having met him.  The Sassy Bitch knows that IM and a picture does not equal love.
8. The Drama Queen gets upset when a guy she likes ignores her or flirts with other women.   The Sassy Bitch pays attention to those who pay attention to her.
9. The Drama Queen doesn’t let herself heal after a bad break up.   The Sassy Bitch takes time off from dating and gets busy! 

Examples of how a Sassy Bitch uses her time instead of worrying, chasing, endlessly texting and over thinking about a guy:

1. The Sassy Bitch gets rid of the negative energy by upping her work outs.
2. The Sassy Bitch takes up a new hobby.  Skiing, crafting, cooking school, book club, wine club, etc.  She puts the focus on loving herself and fun things to light her up!
3. The Sassy Bitch keeps her calendar full with friends, hobbies, and family activites so she has things to look forward to.  New places, new discoveries lead to new passions and meeting new and exciting people.  She also will cut herself some slack if she needs to stay home and have a good cry.
4. If the Sassy Bitch needs to cry, she cries.  She lets it out.  She knows this is a healthy release.  So when she cries, she cries her heart out…really committing to that cry!  Then, so she doesn’t let it weigh her down or fall into a pity party, she gets busy living.  Unless of course she needs a pity party:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/09/turn-worry-into-fun/

So dig in, hotties.  Get out there and create the world you want!  When you are happy, loving yourself and your world…it’s going to attract those who want to be a part of your life.  They are attracted to you because you have the confidence to go for it.  You go for your passions, express your opinions without apology and are truly happy and satisfied with your world!  xoxo  Love, Goddess

Private coaching available.  Email:  Goddesspower978@hotmail.com for details.

© S Stevens Life Strategies

A couple enjoying themselves.  Game Free.  From the Holly Azouz Photography website  http://hollyazouzphotography.com/category/photographs/couples/

I met a guy who has been trying to get me to chase him.  I’ve been mildly amused at his tactics.  We are both part of a circle of acquaintances, so I run into him at often.  He’s tried it all.  Texts designed to get my attention.  All in the wrong way.  All about him, no how are yous.  He’s used other women to get a reaction out of me.  He has lied.  It all makes me want to nap.  On Sunday night I was on my way home from Boston and noting his tactics.  None of which I was buying.  A disturbing thought came up.  I thought, where is he getting this?  Is he learning these tactics somewhere?

So I googled “how to get a girl to chase you.”  42 million hits.  There are male coaches out there teaching other men these tactics!  I guess I was a little naive.  Okay…a lot naive.  So I started reading some of the tips.  All playing on a womans’ desire for attention.  Here are a few of the more common tactics.

1. Questions designed to put you on guard so YOU are no longer doing the choosing.  HE is.
2. Acceptance:  The woman has passed the mans’ specific tests.  Now the male can tell the female he approves of her.  Extra points for dragging it out so she has to work harder.
3. Various talk about how her “hormones” will become heightened when they are attracted to a man.
4. Men discussing how exciting it is for the woman when she chases the man. 

Yuck.  I could go on, but the whole thing disgusts me.  Want to know the reason there isn’t more love in the world?  It’s crap like this.  42 million pages on the internet alone about it.  These sites are not about “loving behavior” they are about “manipulation.”  This stuff breeds bad karma, lack of trust and potentially ruins love for good men and women.  So what’s a Bitch to do?  REBEL.  The moral of this little write-up is to be aware, ladies.  Be aware of the list above.  Watch for signs that a man wants you to chase him.  Don’t allow him this power over hot little you.   http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/08/dating-concept-1-signs-a-man-wants-you-to-chase-him/ and http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/09/respect-and-the-first-date/  This is about changing the Karma, embracing our power to choose and taking the power back from this manipulation.

Dating the Bitches Way:

1. Women are the chooses and the seducers.
2. We say “HELL NO!”  To men trying to get us to chase them.
3. We adore the men that don’t play games and adore us.  Games we approve of involve tickling or some other such fun activity (sassy smile)

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Anne Taintor magnets available from Kaboodle: http://www.kaboodle.com/reviews/anne-taintor-magnets

A.  The Deflection Defined:   It’s when you call a man on his crap and he deflects by putting it on you.

Example:  This is priceless.  It’s from Lisa, one of our hotties on our Facebook page.  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841  Lisa was dating a guy and he got drunk before they started a date!  She called him on it.  Saying it was “unacceptable.”  His response?  She was being “judgemental.”  I love how our Sassy Bitch was all “LOL…well yeah!”  The deflection was incorporated by this guy when he called her “judgemental.”

B:  Why do men use Deflection in an argument? 

1. Guys admit that if you “give an inch, we’ll take a mile.” They want to see what the boundaries are with you.  So they test you.  This is the wild child in them.  And Tarzan needs Jane-a woman he respects-to keep him in line.
2. Men think women are “emotional.”  He doesn’t know what is going to set you off.  He has learned that he can “set you off” by playing with your emotional buttons.  Calling you something like “judgemental” works on women that he can control and walk all over.  And yes, who wants to be called “judgmental?”  We women want to be seen as “reasonable.”  A strong, confident sassy woman sees the hogwash behind deflection.  Important:  Understand that the really good men will do this so they don’t get too involved with a woman who they think is over the top emotional. (like the Faux Girlfriend http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/01/the-faux-girlfriend/ ) Who can blame them?  We don’t want her in our lives either.  We’re dumping the Faux Girlfriends, too!  Setting the boundaries about what isn’t going to fly with you works with the bad guys and the good men.  Either way works.
3. Men don’t like admitting they are wrong.  So they deflect.  Making him admit he is wrong-just words.  And it’s emasculating.  So don’t make it about YOUR EGO just to make him say he was wrong.  Watch his actions.  Make that your barometer on how things proceed.

C.  Here’s how you handle Deflection:

1. Like Lisa did.  With humor and conviction.
2. Call him on his deflection.  You could say something like, “Yeah I’m being judgemental and you don’t look good.”
3. If you’re dating more seriously?  And you’ve called him on his deflecting ways in the past?  You could say, “You’re deflecting.”  Then state what won’t fly.  Repeat if necessary.
4. Don’t react emotionally.  Then he knows he has control.

Guys are going to deflect blame in arguments.  I think it’s in their DNA. (said with playful sarcasm)  Listen for the signs of deflection.  At first, you are going to feel yucky when he does it.  Being called “judgemental” is designed to do that.  When you understand the motive behind it-for him to gain control-you can take the power back.  When you do it in a “bottom line” type way, that will really rock his world!  The bad guys won’t be able to control you and disappear.  Good riddance.  You’re way too much woman for him.  The good men?  They’ll stick around.  They’ll call you on your crap back.  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/07/playing-hard-to-get-part-two/  There will be reciprocal listening and respect.   Mmmmm….and you are so worth this hot, sexy kind of REAL man!

Love, Goddess

And there will be oh so much more on this subject in the book I’m writing “Bitch Lifestyle: The Manual.”  For a preview:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/book-previews/

© S Stevens Life Strategies

]]> http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/10/the-deflection/feed/ 0 http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/09/male-strength-and-you/ http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/09/male-strength-and-you/#comments Fri, 23 Sep 2011 17:39:25 +0000 Goddesspower http://bitchlifestyle.com/?p=2874

Spa photo from the Natural Detoxes web site:  http://www.naturaldetoxes.com/detoxifying-spa-treatments/

Male Strength…

Men are strong for the people they love.  Remember one of my favorite scenes from Magnificent Seven:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/07/giving-you-a-hot-sexy-shot-of-testosterone/   Men work hard for us.  They are providers.  They want be heroes.  Charles Bronson plays O’Reilly who develops a fan following of young boys.  The boys are in awe of O’Reilly’s skill as a gunman.  One tells him that he thinks he is courageous, unlike his father.  O’Reilly slaps him for the disrespect and says:

“Don’t you ever say that again about your fathers, because they are not cowards. You think I am brave because I carry a gun; well, your fathers are much braver because they carry responsibility, for you, your brothers, your sisters, and your mothers. And this responsibility is like a big rock that weighs a ton. It bends and it twists them until finally it buries them under the ground. And there’s nobody says they have to do this. They do it because they love you, and because they want to. I have never had this kind of courage. Running a farm, working like a mule every day with no guarantee anything will ever come of it. This is bravery. That’s why I never even started anything like that… that’s why I never will.”

Because he loves you.  If he can make you smile, it makes him smile.  HOT!!  He gains strength from your well being and happiness.  This is so smokin’ hot it makes me warm all over.  That’s why whenever your man comes home to you I want you to wrap him in your arms and give him a warm hug and a hot, sexy kiss.  I’m going to share with you a poem one of my followers on Twitter wrote and sent to me.

To Be Of That My Moiety

It sounds like when a man has a strong loving woman in his life, he comes home to his own Private Spa at night.  Think about it.  That’s how much power we have!  So if you have a good man who is providing, loving and adoring you?  Why not be his Warm, Sassy Bitch Spa?  xoxo  Love, Goddess

For more gorgeous poems, check out Duke’s web site:  http://duketheman465.blogspot.com/2011/09/to-be-of-that-my-moiety.html?spref=tw   on Twitter:  @DUKETHEMAN1

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Can you look this man in the face and call him on his crap?  How about date and flirt with other men?  While you have him as a lover?  How about meeting a man much less attractive, 20 years older and prefer the less attractive man?  Or should we just be happy to have a handsome man as a lover?  We shouldn’t keep our options open, right?  We wouldn’t want to look slutty or anything.  Doing what we should do all the time bores me.  When people ask nosy questions, how about giving a vague answer back?  And that’s it.  They’ll get the message.  If not, you can always excuse yourself.  When you are clear and confident about what you want it’s amazing how many of “society’s rules” you can break.  Your happiness and wants matter.  You follow your own rules, communicate them and aren’t a Drama Queen wrecking emotional havoc wherever you go.  That’s a Drama Queens’ MO:  ”shoulding” all over the place.

One of the biggest ways we “shoulda” all over the place seems to be with men.  This article is for advanced Bitches.  Keeping your options open, calling men on their crap and enjoying every man you meet is not an easy place to get to.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m there myself!  This morning I realized I was, thankfully, in Advanced Bitch mode.

It’s 7:00 am.  I’m enjoying the last of my coffee and yummy breakfast.  I’m channel surfing and land on the Biography Channel.  The subject:  Don Johnson.  My mouth drops.  My lover could be Don Johnson’s twin.  Notice I say lover.  NOT boyfriend.  I’m not sure I want a boyfriend right now and if a man changes my mind, well…still I’m not sure.  But a Bitch has her needs.  (Sassy smile)  I was a little taken aback from the realization I had Don Johnson as a lover.  Did it make me want him more?  No.  In fact, I’ve been broadening my horizons.  I’ve called my lover on his crap and he has responded beautifully.  He’s smart, too.  So what’s the deal?  What I want more than I want a boyfriend—-is to PLAY!!  I would love to meet a playful man, I thought as I was driving to my eye doctor appointment.

Ask…and ye shall receive.

When I got to the office my medical assistant was a wonderful man to flirt with.  Someone who really responded to my flirtatious and playful ways!  He is much older than my Don Johnson lover.  I enjoyed him in a different way, of course, but I still enjoyed him.  It reinforced how much I wanted to play play play with different men.  Does that mean I’m going to bed every one?  Hell no.  Does that mean I’m going to tie myself down to one?  Hell no.  I’m going to keep my confidence sky high, tell men what I want, call them on their crap when necessary, watch how they respond and relish not being tied down.  How ’bout it Bitches?  Does that sound like fun to you?  You have to be ready.

1. Take care of yourself.  As a result, you know what you have to do to get to fabulous and accept nothing less:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/06/when-do-you-feel-most-beautiful/
2. Create your life rules.  Know what you want:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/07/command-respect/
3. Flirt with everything that moves so you can call EVERY man on their crap:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/10/dealing-with-a-demanding-man/
4. Go easy on yourself if you slip and fall in the “shoulda.”  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/01/so-you-had-a-bad-day/
5. Play Play Play!  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/10/fun-playful-and-slightly-outrageous-things-to-do-this-weekend/

You have to be sure that this is the kind of thing you want to do.  You have to be glued to what you KNOW turns you on so that you know how to stop doing that which turns you off.  Start enjoying each man you meet.  Looks are not everything.  Looks are nice.  Nothing beats a man who makes me laugh and smile!  Or a man who says he will do something and then does it.  Or is courageous.  Or calls you on your crap after you call him on his.  Or warm, strong arms.  Or…be still my heart, blunt honesty.  What do you want, hottie?

Mmm…it’s getting warm in here.  The possibilities endless.  And not a “shoulda” in sight.

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

I want to preface this article by saying I LOVE men and if you’re a man reading this, I am writing it for the women.  Not for you.  My goal is to have your glorious ego understood better by them.  So, in the effort to communicate to them, it may seem like I’m being a bit harsh to you.  That’s not my purpose.  Please indulge me by not reading this and going directly to this article where I extol the virtues of all things male: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/07/giving-you-a-hot-sexy-shot-of-testosterone/   Thank you!

The dark side of the male ego.  I’m dealing with one now.  It’s going to take all my patience to deal with it effectively.  And some extra kick boxing sessions.  LOL.  So now you’re probably wondering why, as a Bitch, I don’t I just kick him in the ass?  Because if you care about someone, you don’t kick them when they’re down.  You love them more.  Us Bitches are always looking for action.  And since we can’t get HIM to do anything he doesn’t want to do, we take care of ourselves.  We take action by getting rid of the frustration we may experience when our wonderful male friends have been dealt a blow.  So we can be strong for him.  Remember love is reciprocal:  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/09/when-does-he-start-caring-for-you/

A friend of mine just lost his job.  Massive blow to anyones’ ego.  Especially to the males among us.  Men are all about production.  We run something together.  I knew I was in for it when he said he lost his job.  Knowing him so well, I knew that he would be driven to find somewhere to be productive.  Our project is the perfect choice.

Albert Einstein on the success of his 50 year marriage:

When we first got married, we made a pact. It was this: In our life together, it was decided I would make all of the big decisions and my wife would make all of the little decisions. For fifty years, we have held true to that agreement. I believe that is the reason for the success in our marriage. However, the strange thing is that in fifty years, there hasn’t been one big decision. 

Valuable advice I’ve put into play with my friend.  I’ve been indulging his ego with his “little decisions.”  I know that he means well.  I know he wants to help more.  Even though he is asking for these things with a pompous air.  I get the pompous air.  Ego in full, less than fun force.  Here is a recent conversation.  What I’m thinking is in italics.

J:  Who is going to be here?    Said in full pompous glory.

Me:  A, B, C and D.   Said in calm unemotional Bitch.

J:  How come people aren’t communicating with me regarding this?    Here we go…remain calm, Bitch.  Note:  His organizational skills are atrocious and for communication purposes I’ve been handling attendance.  This is something he agreed to.  Even though, in some cases you might want to give him a flip, sarcastic comment regarding this, it’s the LAST thing you should do.  This will only rile him up further.

Me:  We agreed to let one person handle attendance.  Less back and forth with the emails.  Non-accusatory way of communicating why he isn’t handling this organizational task. 

J:  Yes, but I think people should tell me now too.     Men can be Drama Queens too…and she’s coming out!

Me:  Would that make you happy?   You have a choice, Bitch.  Do you want to have a pointless argument with him or do you want to make him feel better?  Which sounds more fun?

J:  Yes, that would make me happy.

Me:  Okay, done.

Conversation over.  I’m giving him this even though it’s kind of not necessary.  BUT if it will make him feel better to have this information, okay.  I’ll put it out there and we’ll see what happens.  Nothing might.  He may forget about it and never address it again.  Is there a point where his pompous-ness needs a kick in the ass?  Yeah.  Remember in Dirty Dancing when Patrick Swayzes’ character pushes it with Jennifer Grey’s…she puts him in his place perfectly.

The point is THIS:  He is looking for something to DO.  Now is the time to think about what I want done and see if he’ll do it.    It’ll make him feel better in this crisis, and I have plenty to do, so yes…let him at it!  Can it be annoying when he asks me so pompously?  Hell yeah.  But ladies.  How annoying can we be?  We have perfected it so well…with our Inner Drama Queen Brats.  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/01/who-controls-you-your-bitch-or-your-brat/

Another note to be aware of.  Men act differently to different situations. YOUR man may or may not try to take charge.  He will have his own way of dealing with a blow to his ego.  Being aware of how much men love to produce and make their mark on the world may give you, hopefully, leg up on dealing with this dark side.

In conclusion: when our men have something really awful happen to them, especially if it involves their sense of purpose, they are going to be searching for a way to produce in other areas.  Indulge them in their ”little decisions.”  Then go for Advanced Bitch and give them opportunities to produce.  Do NOT be pushy with this.  Take care of yourself in the process and this bump in the road can work out beautifully for both of you!

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Repeat after me: “I will not play games with men in love.”

A while back, I wrote about ”Playing Hard to Get.”  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/01/playing-hard-to-get/ The inspiration for the post was a friend who advised me, during a conversation about dating, to “play hard to get.”  I rolled my eyes at him and said, “I am hard to get.”  I had a long email conversation about this with a hot male friend of mine on Twitter, Bob.  We talked about how confusing it is for men when women “play” hard to get.  You don’t have to pretend you’re a hot commodity, hottie.  You already are!

When I say be busy and “move to your own groove,” I want you to be having so much fun with your life, friends, passions, career, etc. that you are sincerely busy. You’re having so much fun attaining what you want that it isn’t a “game.”  You communicate when you’re available when he asks.  You also don’t:

1. Do things to make a man jealous, just to get his attention.
2. Talk about “your boyfriend” or “all the guys interested in you.” Guys do this to get a reaction out of women.  When you do it to them, it turns them off.  They GET this game.
3. Ignore him when he’s being nice, or try to get his attention when he ignores you.

You don’t do these things because you’re too busy!

So this Busy Bitch got a wake up call a few days ago.  I’m dating a man who is sexy, smart, and we have lots in common.  I did something for him and he didn’t respond.  He also didn’t respond to a couple messages I’d sent him.  Not cool.  So I told him so.   I wasn’t going to play this game with him.  He tried to backtrack during our conversation.  Then he tried to put it on me.  No way I was going to let that happen.  I ended the conversation and left the ball in his court, so to speak.  His choice whether he wanted to stop playing games, answer my messages and continue seeing me.

The next day I got a text from him acknowledging the problem and telling me he tried to follow up on missed messages.  Good, but there was more to go.  I didn’t respond.  Later that night he sent two more messages.  One, admitting he might have been game playing, he should have responded and he had no real excuse.  (This is male speak for admitting you were right, honey.  Note there is no sorry.)  Men show they are sorry by doing what you tell them is unacceptable.  Ie: not answering or ignoring messages.  And THIS he was doing now.  Good.  I was happy.

Here’s the kicker.  He called me on my own crap right back.  He was frustrated because I was “so busy.”

Ohhh.  Yes.  I guess I have been.  He’s right.  So what’s a Sassy Bitch to do?  He’s giving me what I wanted, now it’s time for me to communicate and make the effort to free up time for him.

So what’s the moral of this little story?

1. If you call a guy on his crap,  ie “It’s not acceptable for you to ignore my messages,” and he responds by doing what you wanted, he likes you and is making the effort with his actions.
2. Men rarely say they’re sorry, they show you they’re sorry by doing what you told them was unacceptable.
3. If a guy tells you what frustrates him about something you’re doing, LISTEN.  He may have a point.  Good guys do.  And just like good women, good men want to be respected.  So respect them by listening to them with an open mind.

So…when you’re finding yourself thinking or worrying about a guy you’re dating too much, get busy.  Find other things to occupy your mind with.  Communicate what is not acceptable behavior, watch his actions, and if he responds by giving you what you want he’s being a good man.  Be a good woman in return and listen to what he needs from you and give back.

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

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