Why is he ignoring me? I get this one all the time. Here is one from a reader last night:
I have been dating a guy for a year. He was so sweet! But now I feel he is ignoring me. When we hang out he is busy with his phone. I feel he is not respecting me anymore. Also less text, less phone, and less communication. Should I tell him, “respect me when we are together, you’re too busy with your phone!” Or do I ignore him back like he does to me ??
Here is how I responded:
Why don’t you try a little honesty? The next time the guy you’re dating pays more attention to his phone than you: Look at him straight in the eye. State in an unemotional manner something like: “I’d appreciate it if you put the phone away while we are out together.” When he protests or makes a comment toward you, stay absolutely silent. If he still continues, raise an eyebrow while looking at him during your silence. If he continues to protest, call it an early night. And LEAVE. You want a man who is going to respect you and if he doesn’t in this small way, start looking for someone who will. Disrespect needs to be checked. When it happens. Wait until he picks up the phone and then follow this process. Let me know how it goes…Love, Goddess
Why not be honest, hotties? Why is it so hard to tell him when he’s being rude? Maybe…you’ve been letting it go on too long and now you are pissed? Maybe you argued with him when you knew you were right? Regardless, take a deep breath and then state what won’t fly. Then zip it. If you slip up the first time you do this, no worries. Practice makes perfect. So get in there and let the men you are dating know when something makes you happy or unhappy! Love, Goddess
Make it a cold day in hell before you become vulnerable to these sorts of men!
Dating Advice for Women Red Flags…
The first few dates are a great way to “qualify” a man. Does he meet your dating requirements? See or review: YOU choose the Man This is the stage where you make sure that this man earns the right for you to become more vulnerable to him. If we become vulnerable to the wrong man…oh the heartache! We’ve all been there. We must continually look beyond “how cute he is” and see the real man beneath. The man beneath who is either really good for us or really bad for us. Below are a couple huge red flags in dating. First the flag and then, in italics, the reason you may want to run!
Red Flag #1: He is a really bad tipper. There are numerous reasons for this being a red flag in dating. NUMEROUS. When I’m out on a date and a man is a bad tipper? I seriously question his willingness to give. The waiter/waitress is giving him service. He does not appreciate what they’re doing for him. Question that should be going through your mind: If I give to him will he appreciate it?
Red Flag #2: He is rude to service people. This one really gets me. Again, people are giving to him and his response is to be rude. Trust me. If he can do this to people he doesn’t even know well? What can he do to you? Worse yet… This sort of man is a coward and a bully. He picks on people when he knows he can get away with it. RUN from this type of person.
Red Flag #3: When you ask about his past relationships he disrespects his exes. Whoa. So he can do no wrong? Did he learn anything from them? Question carefully because if he hasn’t learned anything from past relationships YOU will be the next woman he disrespects.
It’s so important to be aware when you are getting to know someone! Are you letting your lust rule or your Bitch rule? Who Controls You … Your Bitch or Your Brat? It doesn’t seem to be a problem when we go out on a date we aren’t that excited about. But then…make him drop dead gorgeous and add chemistry? Uh oh…suddenly our Bitch starts to go to sleep, the Drama Queen awakens and does everything she can to screw it up! Here are examples of how the Drama Queen (in italics) and the Sassy Bitch (in italics) handle those red flags from above:
The Drama Queen:
Man: Drops $2.00 tip on the table for an $80.00 dinner. Drama Queen notices how “strong his hands are” and is thinking about how they would feel on her.
Man: “Hey Waiter! I asked you for water 10 minutes ago…where the hell is it?” Drama Queen is enamored by how “forceful” he is.
Man: Is dissing the women he has dated in the past. “They just didn’t understand me.” Drama Queen is saying to herself: “Oh they didn’t understand you! Those women are so stupid! I will understand you! Always!”
The Sassy Bitch:
Man: Drops $2.00 tip on the table for an $80.00 dinner. The Sassy Bitch is annoyed that he’s so cheap. On the way out she gives the waiter $15.
Man: “Hey Waiter! I asked you for water 10 minutes ago…where the hell is it?” The Sassy Bitch asks the man in an unemotional tone: “Do you always talk to people giving to you that way?” Man says something that doesn’t fly. The Sassy Bitch looks at her watch, thanks him for dinner and tells him she has an early day. Then leaves.
Man: Is dissing the women he has dated in the past. “They just didn’t understand me.” The Sassy Bitch has already checked out. She may finish her drink, she may not. When he is done she says in an unemotional tone: “Thanks for the drink. I have an early day tomorrow. Have a nice night.” Then leaves.
Notice the trend here? The Drama Queen is thinking with her lust. The Sassy Bitch studies, questions and gets to know the man first. To make sure he is worthy of her precious time and heart.
In conclusion…take care of yourself and what you value in a person from the very first date. Love, Goddess
I don’t care if he looks like this. Choose wisely in dating hotties!
Dating advice for women: You choose the men you want to date!
I have noticed something about the women around my orbit lately. In coaching, business and out and about. I have met not 1, not 10, but 23 women in the last two weeks that are succumbing to fear. They are letting go of their power of choice and letting the guy choose them in dating. It’s an unhealthy choice. It almost guarantees this going through their minds during a date: “If I spend one more minute with this guy I’m going to die.”
Men are sneaky. They will tell you upfront what’s wrong with them. In a humorous, self-effacing way. As a result, you will be amused, charmed. Make no mistake. You agree to a date? Check mate for him. Men turn on the charm when they want something from us. Like sex. They can make things like this sound heroic: I’m looking for a partner to face lifes’ battles with 110%! (In a husky, sexy voice) Meanwhile, he doesn’t take responsibility for his actions and has no idea what he wants to do. (except have sex with you at the moment) The reason why that tactic works? We SO want that as women. We want the man who will stand by us 110% through thick and thin. At our worst and best. We need that in a man to feel secure, loved and cherished. We want that when we are crazed…in child birth, when PMSing, or just having a bad day. And then we will surrender … for the most part … sassy smile. If a guy says this to us? We so want it to be us that we go temporarily insane and start saying things to ourselves like this:
“Awww…that’s what I’ve been searching for my whole life!”
“Pick me! I’d go the ends of the earth with you!”
“Finally. My Dashing Knight has arrived!”
LOL…come on…it’s a little funny our sentimental romantic, no? However…
We must never settle. Especially regarding the first date! If you “settle” for a guy on a first date? It puts you on the path of getting attached to a man who is not good for you. I can’t tell you how many men have told me point blank their “issues” on the very first date. If he tells you any of these things on the first date or before? This man is not good for you. I put the “Male Issue” first and then in italics exactly why it is not good for you.
Male Issue: “I just got divorced, broke up with someone.” Run…he needs time to heal emotionally. Don’t be his rebound girl.
Male issue: “I just got out of rehab, prison, etc.” Run…he needs time to adjust. NOT on your time.
Male Issue: “I’m having financially issues.” Run…he is telling you he is irresponsible. He’ll be asking you for money soon, girl. RUN!
Male Issue: “I don’t think I want to get married.” If you want marriage and a guy says this to you? RUN. He is telling you he will not commit up front. Then if you bring it up 2 years later, all he has to say is, “I told you I didn’t think I wanted to get married.” You have no recourse because by continuing to date him, you agreed to his terms!
Male issue: “I cheated on my last girlfriend.” Run. He just told you he is not faithful. If you continue to date him and he cheats? You should not be surprised. He is only following through with past actions.
So the moral of the story is…ask questions, listen, and know what you want! There are plenty of men out there who don’t cheat, are financially responsible and would do anything to make you smile. They follow up. They produce. Choose your criteria and men wisely! Love, Goddess
I was watching TV this morning when something stopped my restless remote surfing. An interview on Fox News about how not to screw up Valentines Day. It was with relationship expert Siggy Flicker of Marie Claire magazine. I thought most of her advice was good. One was horrible. Colorful language awful. It’s a big reason why relationships are so hard today and why it’s so hard to trust someone! A question was asked to Ms. Flicker: I want to break off with my boyfriend. Should I wait until after Valentines Day?
Difficult situation? Absolutely. Which one would you choose for your boyfriend?
Yes. Spare his feelings and let him take you out. Break off with him the next day. You don’t want to make Valentines Day a tragedy for him for the rest of his life.
No. Be honest and tell him that it’s not going to work. Wish him well.
The bottom line is you want to break up. Deal with that and don’t create more drama and hurt by lying and putting off the truth. What do you think, Sassy Ones? Ms. Flicker advice was option #1 from above. My blood boiled over that advice. How would you like to be taken on a wonderfully romantic date and then dumped the next day? To spare your feelings? Are you kidding me? If a man made love to me and then broke up with me the next day? I would realize it was just sex for him. So I would feel heartbroken and used! Regarding a difficult choice always go with the more honest option. At the very least you’re being honest.
You can’t love and trust without honesty.
I interviewed lots of men regarding this matter. Here are the most popular answers:
“The sooner the better.” Gary
“She’s giving him false hope.” Giovanni
“Before Valentine’s Day. My girlfriend dumped me on Valentine’s day. I spent my lunch money on chocolates and flowers and she dumped me.” Jon
“She isn’t dealing with the problem. She’s just putting things off.” Gary…again…great advice.
“By being afraid of hurting him she’s hurting him more.” Ben
“Wow. What a crappy way to break off with someone.” Paul
“She’s avoiding the problem.” Barry
“Both are bad. Personally if I were to end things I would wait ’til at least a week after Valentine’s Day. But if I have to choose between them, it depends how things are going. If things are clearly bad and we’d just be going through the motions on Valentine’s Day, I’d appreciate her dumping me before so I don’t have to spend a bunch of money creating a romantic night for us. If things are mostly ok but she wants to break up because it’s “just not quite right,” then I think we should have one last Valentine’s Day fun night together and then end it.” Howie Notice how this answer involves communication between the couple? Howie would communicate openly about the issue.
“I think, as a man, I would prefer the break up to happen before Valentine’s Day. Conversely, I think women would prefer the opposite.” Steven
“I guess, I would prefer before, to avoid that day and spending money on the young lady, because you would feel used.” Ezra
And input from my very wise and strong best friend Mary Ann:
“It’s the difference between the weak person and the strong person. The weak person avoids the problem, the strong one deals with it.” Mary Ann
So there you have it. The worst way to break up with someone. Love, Goddess