The beautiful phrase “I’m sacred and deserved this pleasure,” was on my mind…
Sunday night my girlfriends, Daniel and I watched football. I ordered something to eat and asked Daniel if he wanted some. He said: “Only if you feed it to me.” I smiled in appreciation of his playfulness. He massaged my feet and back during the game and made me feel beautiful and cherished. Suddenly I have this little sense of panic. I look up and see my girlfriends leaving the restaurant. “My friends!” I said and rushed toward them, Daniel following. I look at them walking away. They turn, smile and wave to me. They’re telling me it’s safe to be alone with him. Let it go, Goddess. Let it go.
We get a blanket and go to the beach. He says something about 3 times, but it only sort of registers. We start kissing. I say:
“Do you have a condom?”
“No,” he says.
“Then we’re not having sex.”
What happened next is deeply personal. I’ve been wondering how to relate this to my readers. It’s a little scary being this open and vulnerable. But…that’s the whole point in letting go and trusting, right? Daniel starts caressing my pussy and clitoris. Then softy kissing and licking…perfectly! I’m still having some resistance. I need him to say something to me and ask him to say: “You’re sacred and deserved this pleasure.” He holds me and says it over and over. He takes me over the edge and I start crying and shaking. A few minutes later he starts again. I have another orgasm.
This time I’m really shaking. I explain to him that I need a moment to slow down and be grateful. We looked into each others eyes and I caressed his face. I acknowledged all he was doing for me, thanked and appreciated him. I enjoyed how my appreciation made him feel so good. I stopped shaking. He asked me to say in 10 words or less what I was feeling. I said:
“Vulnerable. Alive, safe and beautiful.”
I started shaking again and he held me and caressed me softly. I stop shaking and he starts again. I don’t think I can do this again, but he doesn’t stop. Finally I stop resisting and have the most incredible orgasm! I truly let go. I’m shaking, but not as much as the other two. I stop because he holds me and looks into my eyes and gives me soft, reassuring caresses and words. Then I see the biggest shooting star of my life! It starts at the top of his head and moves to my left. Enormous! I get it, Universe…thank you!
He starts talking about love and how scary it is. How men cry when they’re alone. I start telling him my “letting go” story. I tell him that last week I let go of the love of my life. He says, “I’m not letting you go.” I wish I could remember all he said to me. I’m lucky to have remembered anything at all with what I experienced spiritually and emotionally. He kept repeating that he wasn’t letting me go. That another man would have to fight him for me. I would see that he was the real man. That’s how I remember it. He said it so much better! He walked me to my apartment and kissed me. He said that he would call tomorrow and that he wasn’t letting go.
When I got back home, Daniel called me to see how I was. He told me he wasn’t letting me go. I talked to Mary Ann about this. We agreed that Daniel was doing all the things that The Love of My Life should have been doing. I told her that he said “He looks into my eyes and feels like there’s something else he needs to give me.” Mary Ann said, “Oh my God.”
I’m deeply grateful for my Miami weekend of letting go. I’m grateful for my girlfriends’ supportive smiles. I’m grateful to my readers for supporting this site. I hesitated about posting the last part of my “letting go.” But this whole site is about partying about being female together. No judgement. Bitches are strong women who know what they want, go for it and support the hell out of their girlfriends. It has to start somewhere, right? Love, Goddess
© S Stevens Life Strategies