By   August 6, 2013


Unexpected Sign of Strength

Picture From www.Tradition.tumbler.com

You know how I’m always writing about a Bitch taking action instead of becoming the whiny and lamenting Drama Queen?

Sometimes…it is stronger to do nothing.  Wait.  Cool off.  Chill.  I have a client who is very cute about this scenario.  Someone will send her an email or a text that throws plans for a loop and she immediately tries to fix the problem…not waiting to cool down.  She realized this was not working for her.  Things get blown out of proportion and she needs to be able to respond and communicate better.  Here is an example I recently gave her from my life:

A few days ago I got an email from someone in the improv group I run.  Even though he meant well, he had a major brain cramp.  He plays guitar for our group.  He had a last minute conflict come up and couldn’t make our show.  So he took it upon himself to find a replacement.  Someone who used to be with the group but hadn’t rehearsed with us for almost two years!  Even though I liked the replacement there was no way this was happening.   It really pissed my Bitch off for the following reasons.

  1. He didn’t consult with me first.
  2. The replacement didn’t have time to rehearse for our show.
  3. He didn’t consult with me first.
  4. The replacement, even though he had worked with us in the past, did music very differently than we do now.  Hence needing rehearsal.
  5. He didn’t consult with me first.

Notice I used one reason three times?  That is what really pissed my Bitch off.  Beyond pissed.  In the email he sent, he sent to three other people.  So to avoid a 4-way discussion on the topic, I had to respond quickly.  But I was pissed.  And…since I’m working out early in the morning and eating healthy…STARVING because I was just about to have lunch.  Pissed and hungry = not a good time to communicate.  So I stepped back from the computer, had a nice lunch and came back to it.

I had to address several issues in the email:

  1. Appreciate that Mark made an effort to not affect our show with his last-minute lack of availability.  He did try to not leave us hanging.
  2. Let Mark know despite that, he should not have taken action without discussing it with me.
  3. Word in a way that does not make the replacement, John, feel unappreciated for taking the time to help us.
  4. Reinforce group rules and goals that were violated…or “spaced.”
  5. Address this in a way that will close the subject so an email thread with 4 different people is avoided.

Because I took a few minutes to let my anger dissipate, I communicated clearly and resolved the above issues:

Hi Everyone,

Mark—I appreciate that you got John to cover for you on Saturday.  However, you should have consulted with me first.  We are doing music differently now than when John was with the group.  John is not going to have the chance to rehearse with us prior to the show.  I love you John but we would need to get on the same page musically and right before a show is not a good time. 

Our goal is to reach the next level in our performances/professionalism with coaching and it wouldn’t be fair to us, our audience or to John to put him in a show without rehearsing first.  For Saturdays’ show we will go guitar-less.

Sharon

When we don’t acknowledge and deal with our anger, it can get us into a lot of trouble.  We can say the wrong things.  If we don’t deal with situations like these in a decisive and clear way, it leaves the door wide open for drama.  Next thing you know multiple people are discussing something that can be resolved quickly!  Email threads can be useful, but boy…can they be a time waster.  Sassy Bitches have little precious time to deal with it!  So the next time an email or text like this sets you off…it’s okay to acknowledge your anger and take a moment to breathe.  You will be coming from a seat of strength.  When you can step back for a moment and let a situation breathe…it is a huge sign of Sassy Strength!  My client is now giving herself the chance to cool her jets a bit before responding to annoying texts and emails.  She feels better and more in control.  So will you!  Love, Goddess

More on this subject:

  1. Anger IS Scary.  If you Let it Be.
  2. Love Every Drop of Gorgeous You!
  3. Your Re-Awakening!

© S Stevens Life Strategies

 

2 Comments on “Sign of Sassy Strength!

  1. Mistress Didi*

    Fabulous, as always! The 12 Step Programs recommend HALT = to stop, check in, and take a step back to get yourself together whenever you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Acronyms are very useful for all of Us who embrace Our BITCH = Being In Total Control of HerSelf!

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