Surrender!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥  All strange and terrible events are welcome, but comforts we despise.  Cleopatra  ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

 

Discover who you are.  What you like and will not tolerate.

Learn how to communicate what you like and will not tolerate.

Surrender.

Wait.  Back up Goddess. Huh?  Surrender to what?  The right career path.  The people you love spending time with.  The caress that feels good with absolutely NO “uh oh…” going on in your body.   Knowing that by loving and adoring yourself you can make the best decision for yourself and spare yourself (as much as possible anyway) long term pain.  It’s like the Samantha Jones (Sex in the City) in you-girls’ a bitch.  She won’t let go of who she is.  Even when she falls in love.  Samantha to Richard, the man she loves:

Samantha:  I can’t do this anymore.  I can’t be running around wondering who your banging when.

Richard:  I promised I would try to never hurt you again.  I love you.

Samantha:  Yeah?  Well I love me more.

Richard cheated on her once.  Samantha tried to get past it but she knew who he was.  Richard was not capable of being faithful.  She understood that so well because she understood herself so well.   Samantha was the female Richard.  She knew intellectually that it just couldn’t work.  Even though she was madly in love with him she let him go.   Instead of choosing to be a Drama Queen and worry about what he was doing all the time she chose herself.

Women hold on to men all the time they should let go.  This is control.  Does it **** that you can’t have the man you want?  Hell ya!  But it ***** even more when you lose yourself and still wind up alone.  I hear about it from girls everyday.  Just let him go.  Don’t let your ego (not having him) get in the way.  Surrender…

Surrender to what you love and what serves YOU.  The friendships that fulfill you.  The people that are always there for you.  Chocolate in every form imaginable.  Music that makes your heart and soul smile.  Tickling.  Reading and entertainment that fulfills you.  Education that grows your mind and bank account.  Volunteering.  Making a life long “What I want” list that is so hot it makes you smile just thinking about it!  Surrender to you.  Every single day.  If you find yourself obsessing about a man, a problem, talk to a girlfriend.  Take action.  Surrender to anything that makes you feel good.  Still in a funk?  Repeat Cleopatra’s quote above.  Over and over until you start to feel it in your body.

Why the quote above you may ask?  Comforts we despise?  Yeah.  How many times a day do you not do what is good for you because you are too busy.  Notice what you are busy doing.  Are you obsessing over someone or something you have no control over?  That’s when you switch.  Surrender to what you love.  Then and there.  Love, Goddess

Need more?  Bitch Lifestyle the Manual is now on Amazon!  Bitch Lifestyle the Manual

Not sure where to start or is the Drama Queen ruling in your life?  Let me give you the tools to embrace your Sassy Bitch: http://bitchlifestyle.com/private-coaching/

© S Stevens Life Strategies

The Deflection

Anne Taintor magnets available from Kaboodle

A.  The Deflection Defined:   It’s when you call a man on his crap and he deflects by putting it on you.

Example:  This is priceless.  It’s from Lisa, one of our hotties on our Bitch Lifestyle Facebook page.   Lisa was dating a guy and he got drunk before they started a date!  She called him on it.  Saying it was “unacceptable.”  His response?  She was being “judgemental.”  I love how our Sassy Bitch was all “LOL…well yeah!”  The deflection was incorporated by this guy when he called her “judgemental.”

B:  Why do men use Deflection in an argument? 

  1. Guys admit that if you “give an inch, we’ll take a mile.” They want to see what the boundaries are with you.  So they test you.  This is the wild child in them.  And Tarzan needs Jane-a woman he respects-to keep him in line.
  2. Men think women are “emotional.”  He doesn’t know what is going to set you off.  He has learned that he can “set you off” by playing with your emotional buttons.  Calling you something like “judgemental” works on women that he can control and walk all over.  And yes, who wants to be called “judgmental?”  We women want to be seen as “reasonable.”  A strong, confident sassy woman sees the hogwash behind deflection.  Important:  Understand that the really good men will do this so they don’t get too involved with a woman who they think is over the top emotional. (like the Faux Girlfriend ) Who can blame them?  We don’t want her in our lives either.  We’re dumping the Faux Girlfriends, too!  Setting the boundaries about what isn’t going to fly with you works with the bad guys and the good men.  Either way works.
  3. Men don’t like admitting they are wrong.  So they deflect.  Making him admit he is wrong-just words.  And it’s emasculating.  So don’t make it about YOUR EGO just to make him say he was wrong.  Watch his actions.  Make that your barometer on how things proceed.

C.  Here’s how you handle Deflection:

  1. Like Lisa did.  With humor and conviction.
  2. Call him on his deflection.  You could say something like, “Yeah I’m being judgemental and you don’t look good.”
  3. If you’re dating more seriously?  And you’ve called him on his deflecting ways in the past?  You could say, “You’re deflecting.”  Then state what won’t fly.  Repeat if necessary.
  4. Don’t react emotionally.  Then he knows he has control.

Guys are going to deflect blame in arguments.  I think it’s in their DNA. (said with playful sarcasm)  Listen for the signs of deflection.  At first, you are going to feel yucky when he does it.  Being called “judgemental” is designed to do that.  When you understand the motive behind it-for him to gain control-you can take the power back.  When you do it in a “bottom line” type way, that will really rock his world!  The bad guys won’t be able to control you and disappear.  Good riddance.  You’re way too much woman for him.  The good men?  They’ll stick around.  They’ll call you on your crap back. See Mind Games:  Playing Hard to Get Part Two  There will be reciprocal listening and respect.   Mmmmm….and you are so worth this hot, sexy kind of REAL man!

Love, Goddess

Want more?  Read my book Bitch Lifestyle the Manual

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Control

 My favorite flower-Hibiscus.  Picture from http://www.hickerphoto.com/picture-of-a-hibiscus-flower-10306-pictures.htm

Control.

How many times have you said to yourself, “I don’t want to lose control.”  If you’re saying it, you may already be halfway there.  Halfway to your Drama Queen Brat.  Close your eyes.  Take a deep breath.  Take another deep breath.  Open your eyes and do what needs to be done.  That’s taking control in a good way.  “Control”  can be a very bad thing.  It also can be the best thing that ever happened to you.  When you’re Drama Queen Brat is a ranting and a raving, wallowing and a stewin,’ that’s bad.  When you let your Bitch take over and push her away, that’s good.  Here’s how you start going for the good:

1.  Take care of yourself.  Health, mind, body, and soul. 

2.  You make time for fun.  Always.

3.  You know how to release frustration and anger.  So you don’t let that emotion control you.

When you take these steps, over time, you start to see things more clearly.  The more you release your anger and frustration, the more relaxed you become.  Relaxation helps you start seeing what you truly love and truly don’t.  You gravitate toward the good because the Drama ain’t noooo fun.  When you have to deal with drama…and you will, you’re calmer.  Or you know what to do to dissipate negative emotions to get you to calm action quicker.  See why I’m always harpin’ ’bout you taking care of yourself?  That’s the bottom line.  That’s the seed you’re planting for your Bitch to grow.  Just like a plant. You need to nurture, feed, and provide the right environment for YOU to grow and blossom.  Yes, it’s an over used cliche,’ but it’s also the perfect one. 

So what kind of flower are you, honey?  What is your favorite fertilizer, type of water?  If you could sit anywhere, where would it be?  What pisses you off and makes you shrivel and dry up?  What pisses you off and makes you shrivel and dry up? I’m repeating that because it’s so important.  What keeps you from your vitality?  Know these answers better than anyone.  Then you can take control by taking action to do that which brings you to life!  You’re sassy, sexy, witty…force of nature.

Love, Goddess

Related Articles:

1.  Fun, Playful and Slightly Outrageous Things to Do This Weekend: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/10/fun-playful-and-slightly-outrageous-things-to-do-this-weekend/

2.  Drama Queen Week Determination! http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/01/drama-queen-week-determination/

Who Controls You, Your Bitch or Your Brat?

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Who controls you, your Bitch or your Brat?  Do you see the wonder around you or do you choose to wallow in the dirt?  The Bitch sees the joy.  The Brat wallows.  We have both in us, hotties.  Here are the traits of the Joyful Bitch and the Drama Queen Brat:

The Bitch at Work:  Loves what she’s doing.  She feels fulfilled and enjoys each goal and aspiration met.  She doesn’t whine about a problem she solves the problem.

The Brat at Work:  Hates what she is doing, whines and bemoans her job and gets too involved with the Drama Queens and Kings at the office or wherever she hangs her career cap.

The Bitch at Home:  Whatever the size or limitations, has done everything she can to make her home her castle.  It’s clean, neat and organized.  (And she cuts herself slack if it’s not always perfect)  It’s full of things that make her comfortable: pictures, music, aromas, food and fond memories that make her smile.  She makes the most of what she has and is grateful for all she has produced.

The Brat at Home:  Looks at everything she has and laments the things she doesn’t have.  Nothing is ever good enough, pretty enough, expensive enough.  She cannot see the joy around her everyday because she chooses to see what she doesn’t have.

The Single Bitch:  Her life is full of friends, activities and passions that fulfill her.  She never “settles” in a relationship because “settling” is far worse than being single.

The Single Brat:  Laments she doesn’t have a man in her life, berates women who do and competes with other women over any guy in their orbit.  She doesn’t appreciate the freedom of being single.  It’s all about whining about not “finding the one,” “the perfect guy” and being “lonely.”

The Bitch in a Relationship:  Appreciates everything her man does for her.  She is always happy to see him and tells him so.  When he disrespects her she is polite but unemotional.  That puts the disrespect ball firmly in her court.  If he is a man he’ll be jumping through hoops to try and make things up to her.  If he’s a boy he’ll do various things like pout and try and blame it on her.  Which of course, won’t fly.

The Brat in a relationship:  Worries about “where things are going.”  She wonders when he will “pop” the marriage question and over analyzes everything a man does or says.  She gives up things she likes to do and pouts when he wants to have a beer with his buddies.  She calls and texts him constantly.  She allows disrespect from her man because she is afraid of losing him.  What she doesn’t understand is she has already lost him by these actions.

The Bitch has made a choice.  So has the Brat.  What is more fun…wallowing in what you don’t have or enjoying the hell out of what you do?  I’ve found that when I focus on the positive, more positive comes my way.  Yup.  I get down.  We all do.  That’s why I have a whole subject on this web site called “Drama Queen.”  It’s where we can acknowledge all the drama in our lives and then take steps to be done with it.  And have a little fun in the process!  Then we can get back to all the Bitchy Sassiness.  The only thing you can control in life is the positive attitude you put forth when bad happens.

So…what’s your choice, hot ones?  Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. If a Man Wants to Borrow Money
  2. Outsmart Back Stabbers!
  3. Now on Amazon:  Bitch Lifestyle the Manual
  4. Bitch Lifestyle Home

© S Stevens Life Strategies