By   January 24, 2011

 

toxic relationships

Dramatic image from Beirut Night Life: www.beirutnightlife.com

You meet at a party, through work or mutual friends and bond instantly.  You go shopping and love the same things.  You go out to eat and love the same drinks.  After a few fantastic play dates together, she meets a guy.  Or starts having problems with her boyfriend.  And that’s  all you ever hear about.  The guy.  Usually he dumps her and then, being the amazing friend you are, you’re there for her.  Through every tear, tantrum and meltdown.  Then the clouds finally dissipate for her.  She’s grateful that you were there for her.  The fun returns.  Shopping, playing and enjoying each other.

Then she meets a new guy.  She starts to disappear from your life.  She starts cancelling plans together and doesn’t call as much.  When you do get together, all she does is gush about him.  How wonderful he is to her.  Nothing about other things in her life.  Career, hobbies, family, friends.  And not too much interest in your life either.  Then she gets dumped.  And suddenly she needs you.  To get her through her new man problems.

The Faux Girlfriend.

She must be removed from your life.   Because it’s only about her and her self-created drama.  She dumps you like a hot rock when she has a new man.  Then expects you to be there when she (sniff!) needs you.  I had a girlfriend like this once.  Hasn’t everyone?  I helped her through a painful divorce.  Then she got a new boyfriend.  We got together and all she did was gush about him.  I was truly happy for her, but part of me saw The Faux Girlfriend scenario playing out.  But I didn’t want to believe it.  She wouldn’t do that for me.  “You helped me so much!”  She gushed.  “Thank you for making me strong so I could be this happy.”

And I smiled warmly back to her.  And pushed away that “she’s a Faux Girlfriend feeling.”

A few weeks later, she sends me and our similar circle of friends an email.  “I’m getting married!  I’m so happy!”  I emailed her back congratulating her and telling her how happy I was for her.  She never replied back.

And that was the last I heard from her.  I found out later I was the only one from our circle of friends that was not invited to the wedding.  Years later, when a member of our circle of friends had a party, she was there.  She came up to me all faux friendly.  Introduced me to her man and gushed over him.  After we chatted for a while, I felt yucky.  And I felt bad about feeling yucky.  Was I jealous of her happiness?

No.

I felt yucky because I noticed something I hadn’t before.  A few well placed, innocent sounding…

Catty remarks.

The Faux Girlfriend was a Competitive Faux Girlfriend, too.  And I remembered a few other things that she had said to me over the years.  My eyes were opened.  Then I was really grateful.  Thank goodness I wouldn’t have to deal with this woman’s drama and competitive nature anymore.  Shame on the women who compete with other women.  We should support each other, not bring each other down!

So let’s make a pledge to each other.  We shalt not compete with other women.  We shall dump Faux Girlfriends from out lives.  And we shall be happy!

Love, Goddess

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6 Comments on “The Faux Girlfriend

  1. SG Spell Vixen

    OH HELL YES BUH BYE FAKE/FAUX GIRLFRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Like seriously, let’s not be victims of this anymore.

  2. kelly

    Good point! There are people who are so into your life only when theirs is shamble. And then you do not hear from them when their life is wonderful – to the extent that they forget to even invite you to their events or parties. Yep, DUMP these faux girlfriends. They were never your friends to start with. Users.

  3. Alma

    What sucks the most is when the faux girlfriend is your family. I can’t get rid of her!!!! Help?

  4. Goddesspower

    Hey Alma,
    I know exactly what you mean. When I have to deal with Faux Girlfriends, I’m polite.
    I’m polite and exit conversations as quickly and tactfully as possible. Then I go for a
    long walk or kick box out any frustration I have! It really helps me stay in a good humor.
    Hope that helps, Love, Goddess

  5. michelle

    If you have been the Faux GF but you just couldn’t see it, how do you make it right again?

  6. Goddesspower

    Michelle,
    Your comment made me smile. xoxo I’m so happy that you care about your friend and want to make it right. A true Faux GF doesn’t care. This is where the fun part comes in.
    Make plans to show, tell and thank them. Why don’t you take them out to their favorite lunch or dinner spot? If money is an issue, take them out for a wonderful dessert.
    Or cook them their favorite dinner. Whatever you do, tell them how much you’ve appreciated them being there and you will be there for them. Give them a big warm hug.
    Notice what lights them up and give it to them. How does that sound? Love, Goddess

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