You meet at a party, through work or mutual friends and bond instantly. You go shopping and love the same things. You go out to eat and love the same drinks. After a few fantastic play dates together, she meets a guy. Or starts having problems with her boyfriend. And that’s all you ever hear about. The guy. Usually he dumps her and then, being the amazing friend you are, you’re there for her. Through every tear, tantrum and meltdown. Then the clouds finally dissipate for her. She’s grateful that you were there for her. The fun returns. Shopping, playing and enjoying each other.
Then she meets a new guy. She starts to disappear from your life. She starts cancelling plans together and doesn’t call as much. When you do get together, all she does is gush about him. How wonderful he is to her. Nothing about other things in her life. Career, hobbies, family, friends. And not too much interest in your life either. Then she gets dumped. And suddenly she needs you. To get her through her new man problems.
She must be removed from your life. Because it’s only about her and her self-created drama. She dumps you like a hot rock when she has a new man. Then expects you to be there when she (sniff!) needs you. I had a girlfriend like this once. Hasn’t everyone? I helped her through a painful divorce. Then she got a new boyfriend. We got together and all she did was gush about him. I was truly happy for her, but part of me saw The Faux Girlfriend scenario playing out. But I didn’t want to believe it. She wouldn’t do that for me. “You helped me so much!” She gushed. “Thank you for making me strong so I could be this happy.”
And I smiled warmly back to her. And pushed away that “she’s a Faux Girlfriend feeling.”
A few weeks later, she sends me and our similar circle of friends an email. “I’m getting married! I’m so happy!” I emailed her back congratulating her and telling her how happy I was for her. She never replied back.
And that was the last I heard from her. I found out later I was the only one from our circle of friends that was not invited to the wedding. Years later, when a member of our circle of friends had a party, she was there. She came up to me all faux friendly. Introduced me to her man and gushed over him. After we chatted for a while, I felt yucky. And I felt bad about feeling yucky. Was I jealous of her happiness?
I felt yucky because I noticed something I hadn’t before. A few well placed, innocent sounding…
The Faux Girlfriend was a Competitive Faux Girlfriend, too. And I remembered a few other things that she had said to me over the years. My eyes were opened. Then I was really grateful. Thank goodness I wouldn’t have to deal with this woman’s drama and competitive nature anymore. Shame on the women who compete with other women. We should support each other, not bring each other down!
So let’s make a pledge to each other. We shalt not compete with other women. We shall dump Faux Girlfriends from out lives. And we shall be happy!
© S Stevens Life Strategies