So You Had a Bad Day?

Picture from the fabulous blog All Things Wildly Considered

If you find yourself doing this, congratulations.  You’re on your own little self-inflicted joyless ride.  Because really, “why” is a pitiful word in this circumstance.  It gets you nowhere.  Except further down the “woe is my highway.”  Tears may be streaming down your face, you have the urge to listen to really pitiful music, sigh incessantly, eat huge amounts of bad for you food and watch depressing TV.

I’m going to ask you to do something that may sound a little strange.   A little…Goddess, you want me to do what?  You may think because I’m under the influence of my Drama Queen that I don’t know what I’m talking about.  But trust me, as you get to know your own personal Drama Queen, you’ll know exactly what to do with her.

Laugh at her.

Embrace her.

Learn from her.

Would it surprise you to know that after I wrote the first sentence of this post I started giggling?  I wrote it because I was absolutely 200 percent bummed about something and as a desperate move decided to share it to see if it made me feel better. I took action because (sniff) I was on the verge of being pitiful.

So here’s the “Goddess you want me to do what?” thing:  The next time you feel Drama Queen taking over, the next time you start questioning things you’ve done with a “WHY???!!!”  I want you to start writing your Drama Queen thoughts down.  Use the picture above as inspiration.  Use dark ink, do this  in a darkened room, drinking a dark beverage.  Think dark dark dark.  Record how many times you “sigh.”  Play a pitiful song like: “You Had a Bad Day” by David Powter: (lol… perfect…his last name sounds like “pouter”) After you’re done read your dramatic essay out loud.

I want you to surrender completely to your dark little mood.

Then I want you to do something uplifting.  Take a hot shower with your favorite potions and scrub away all the yucky feelings.  Play your favorite dance songs, or pick a song like “Celebrate” by Madonna.  Dance your luscious butt off to it!

Then…record your findings in a diary, in word or an ex cell sheet if you’re really cerebral.  Ask a girlfriend…maybe one on our Face Book page?  To help you with your Drama Queen low.  Or go all out and have a Worry Party. You may be surprised by how good it feels to embrace your Drama Queen.  Because underneath all the “why” drama, she’s trying to tell you something.  Something important that you can’t see because it’s buried.  Buried in being over worked, too stressed, under appreciated and or angry.  When you stop and take care of that frustration, it dissipates.  Things, over time will be unearthed about your wants, needs and how you want to be treated.  Over time you choose to embrace what feels good instead of things that turn you into Drama Queen.  Does that make sense?  You’re letting go of the unpleasant to get to the good.  A huge step in unearthing your strong Inner Bitch.

How does that sound?

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Playing Hard To Get

Picture from Sensibly Sassy

A guy friend of mine and I are having a discussion about dating. Him:  You should play hard to get. Me:  (smiling and sassy)  I am hard to get. Playing hard to get. Please.

There are two ways to look at this concept.  The first way is negative.  Purposely playing hard to get pisses men off.  This way makes you feel icky.  You bad girl.  You’re making it so difficult for him to get what he wants.  YOU.  It makes you feel bad because, aww…you shouldn’t tease a man that way.  So just let him have you and be done with you.  And this way you will get a man.  For like, 20 minutes.  This gives him all the power.

The other way.  The Bitches Way.  You aren’t playing hard to get.  You are hard to get.  Guy comes along and he has to show you that he is worthy of time with you.  Is he worthy of taking time away from what you truly love?  Career?  Hobbies?  Those who love and always support you?  Does he add to your life and not create drama?

Notice how we took all the power back from that statement?  We are now focused on what a man can do to make us happy.  Just like anything worthwhile (you) it has to be earned.  And this doesn’t happen after the first date.  Or the third.  Or a month.  This happens over time.  So what makes me all hot and bothered so I’ll want to spend more time with a man?  My why is in italics.

1.  A man who does what he says he’s going to do.  Actions make me smile.

2.  A man who supports me in my career.  He’s there for me, supporting my struggles on the way up.  Because if he isn’t there for me then I sure as hell know he’s not going to be there when I reach the top.

4.  A man who on my bad days knows that what I need is to be pulled into a long, warm hug.  He does this because I’ve told him that’s what I need to fix my problem.  His strong arms give my vulnerable, feminine side strength. 

6.  He’s introspective, honorable and courageous.  In other words, he’s willing to stand up and do the honorable thing.  Like protecting the weak and innocent.  Or defending those he loves.  This makes me really turned on!  A man who I know will have my back if the chips are down.  If someone is giving me a hard time, he’ll step up and fight with and for me.

7.  A man who will put me in my place when I need it.  He’ll tell me what he needs and how I’m not respecting him.  And because of #6, I respect and admire him.  I’m not a Drama Queen Brat so I can step back and see how I was wrong, listen and give him what he needs.   Because love is action and reciprocal.

8.  Since love and action are reciprocal, I can call a man on his crap and he’ll do #7 for me. 9.  Did I mention strong loving arms on a bad day?  He might like the same thing, too.

This is a man that will not see you as “Playing Hard to Get.”  He’ll view you as a prize.  He’ll see you as a woman worthy of fighting for and will, by his actions, show you he wants to earn your trust.  This is the man that you view in high esteem and appreciate the hell out of.  The man you want to marry.

So what’s on your list of a good mate, luscious?  Are you confident and willing to give as good as you get?  Confidence is the key to sticking to your list.  As confidence grows, the not so great guys fall away and are replaced by really good men.  So get your groove on, girl.  Dating is the ultimate job interview.  Who do you want to form your permanent partnership with?  Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. Validation
  2. What You Can Do to Land a Man.  Gimme a Break.
  3. Bitch Lifestyle the Manual
  4. Bitch Lifestyle Home 

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Sheila Kelley-S Factor Founder-Be Inspired

Capture Sheila Kelley 300x213 Hot Links Sites I Love!
Pictured: Founder Sheila Kelley

I love sassy, powerful and successful women.  Women who embrace their feminine power and never give it up.  The reason why they don’t give it up is they’ve seen it both ways.  The ways they’ve given it up and how much better it works when you just enjoy that power.   We’ve all done it.  We’ve done it with men because in the last few decades, that’s what we’ve been taught.  Books like “How to Land a Man” and “He’s Just Not that Into You” epitomize this.  Just put the books down Bitches!  Instead look toward women like the fabulous Sheila Kelley.

Cast in a role that required her to be a stripper, “Dancing at the Blue Iguana,” she researched the role in strip clubs.  She discovered  how beautiful a woman’s body was.  The beauty of the curves, slowly moving to beautiful, sexy music.  The power of that movement.  How the power disappeared after she took money from a man.  She clearly saw the gem lingering in that moment.  She also loved how long, lean and fit her body became.  So she created a business, S Factor based on her experience.  Unlike other pole dancing work outs, this is all about women.  Us enjoying our curves, our bodies.  How good it feels to move slowly, sensually to gorgeous music.  How it transforms.  She has taken the negative applied to pole dancing:  All for the men and made it all about the woman, her power, her curves and the gracefulness of her body.  That rocks!

I’ve been given permission from Sheila to share stories about how she stays grounded in her femininity.  How she handles the highs and lows.  Enjoying men without giving yourself up.  Kicking them in the butt when they need it.  Following is something she wrote I just loved:


Here’s the truth of the matter… There ain’t nothing like a huge dose of masculine testosterone-filled, body immersion to make an S woman shine!

Men. In all their glorious colors, shapes and sizes are interesting creatures, they are. I talked about this last year when I was shooting LOST, but damn the boys on the film set in Hawaii were SMOKIN’ HOT! Of course I am referring to shooting Hawaii Five-0 a couple of weeks ago. I guess I am going to have to get a role every other month to get my man power fix. That, or find another man-filled arena to bask in. Come to think of it, golf courses are great, especially if you tag along with a bunch of guys like I do. Hmmmm, now that I’m thinking about it, racetracks, be it car or horse would suffice. There are public basketball courts and softball fields in whatever city you live in that might work out nicely too. Some of them even have built-in benches or bleachers for the feminine viewing public.

Being around all that man power used to make me shrink my feminine power. It used to make me “man up” — toughen myself, or guy myself up — so that I would be seen as worthy of conversation, not just as the object of their visual quest. I used to feel like it was either be the feast for their voracious eyes or be taken seriously. Never did I feel I could be and have both, beauty and brains. Until S came into my life, and I learned to eat, sleep, drink and breathe my Erotic Creature. If I were really being honest with you, and myself for that matter, I’d fess up and say that I used to de-feminize myself because living in my feminine space felt too vulnerable. And I didn’t know how to protect myself in that vulnerability, whether it was on the set of ER, or a movie set, or just hanging with my hub-man’s friends in the softball league in NYC. I wanted to have something in common with the guys, my friends, co-workers. I wanted to be “taken seriously.” I didn’t want to be one of the peripheral Social Network chicks. (You know how in the film The Social Network there’s that scene where there is a busload of girls literally bussed into a fraternity party for merry-making…and nothing more? I didn’t want to be that.)

Through S and living proudly in my Erotic Creature daily, I take great glee in illuminating the differences between women and men, instead of trying to homogenize and be so like them. What I realize is that I didn’t know my feminine or erotic self enough to inhabit her body, mind, heart and soul. Even though men might have seen me as “erotic,” I didn’t feel it and didn’t know that side of myself enough to live powerfully in her.

And now? I know her oh so well. I WANT to be oh so femininely different. I want to teach men the art of the feminine mind. I want to educate them on the eloquence of the femme heart. I want to awe them with the inhabitance of the soulful feminine body. All the while holding court on the state of politics in the world. Ah, yes, I am inspired to be all I can be. (I knew that Army slogan would come in handy some day!)

This week in class, “Be all you can be!” The body, mind, heart and soul of you! Slink your beauty forward into the light of the red, red, glow of your studio, and burn brightly! 

So there you go.  Go pursue and revel in your gorgeous feminine self. Revel in your “Inner Erotic Creature” as Sheila calls her.  You’ll find magic!  Love, Goddess

S Factor Website

S Factor on Facebook  

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Yawn to New Years Resolutions!

new years resolutions,
Cartoon from the awesome Ask Dave Taylor

New Years Resolutions.  Oh the pressure!

This morning, after dropping numerous things and tripping over several others, I did one of the things that always makes me feel better.  Take a long, hot, steamy shower with all my favorite lotions and potions.  As I take my pouf and start sudsing myself down, I look down at my outer thigh.  There is a bruise the size of a large grapefruit there!  I stop and think, where did that come from.  I mean, this is the kind of bruise that has a story.  LOL.  Then I realized.  Oh yes.  PMS.  Do these things ever happen to you?  So I was relieved that all this klutziness and bruising was cyclic.  And moved on to other projects for the day.

As the day wore on, I got quite a bit done but noticed that I was really spacy.  I have a pretty bad cold, so I attributed it to that.   On I went with my work.

It got worse.  I was doing things I NEVER have done.  I was surprising even me.  Finally, after a day of klutziness, spaciness, doing things I’ve never done before, complete exhaustion, bruises with no fun story attached, I stopped.

Then I started again, because after all, this is the first REAL work day of 2011!  I have sooooo much I want to do, have to do, need to do.  It’s New Years and we must get to those resolutions.

Then I did another thing I never ever do.  And it really surprised me.  I was taken aback surprised.

So I stopped.  And I finally realized what had been going on.

Expectation had reared her ugly, bratty little head.

And she was refusing to let go.  Until now.  I’m writing this and thinking…it’s okay.  You can stop thinking.  And start laughing and relaxing.  Laugh at all the “expectations” the whole New Years Resolution thing is.  There is a lot of pressure in that!  And know this:  when you’re not in this mode of “expectation” so much more gets done.  I spent hours on a post this morning.  This I did in less that 10 minutes.  Okay.  Maybe 20 minutes with my typing.  (insert sassy smile here)

So here is my New Years Proposition to you.  Let’s work together to stop the expectations.  “Society’s Rules”  are only rules if you let them be.  Let the masses follow the rules.  You and I both know that by breaking them, sometimes magic happens.  I’m not talking about hurting others.  We shouldn’t be doing that.  I’m saying if your tired, acknowledge it and stop.  Figure out how you can take care of you so you aren’t just getting by.   Then when you get a “no” to something you want, you see it as a little challenge.  “Hmmm…you say.  That didn’t work.  I wonder if this will?”  It’s not giving up when you take care of you first.  It’s like the lioness in search of prey.  She sits back, slows down, looks for the best odds of winning and goes for it.

When you’re PMSing, sick, hurting and “the crazy” is flying at you, sit back, relax and just stop.  It’s okay.  The world and your body is telling you to slow down.  And after you take that rest, it’s amazing what you can see, the ideas that you create and how much more you can get done.   Dare to stop.  Dare to listen what your body is telling you.   Trust YOU when you’re surrounded by the worlds’ noise.

Big New Years Hugs and Love, Goddess

Check out this website for fab tech advice from Mr. Dave Taylor:

© S Stevens Life Strategies