Choosing The Guy You Want

Festive napkins can be ordered at Monster Marketplace

Don’t date a man that doesn’t mesh with what you want.

Simple advice.  Is it really so simple?   No.  The tools you must have are confidence and knowing what you like and deserve so well that you can change your decision in a flash.  To avoid the pain of a guy who cannot or will not give you what you need.

I know I can walk into a room, pick a guy I want and have it proceed or not proceed exactly how I want.  This is not arrogance.  It’s confidence.  This is me knowing who I am so well that I will watch a mans’ actions and decide whether I want to get to know him better.  On the spot.  If I decide that I want to get to know him better, I communicate what I want and then see if he produces.  Every woman deserves this.

I recently went on vacation with my best friend Mary Ann.  We had so much fun.  Some girlfriends were having a party and we invited attractive guys to it.  A few years ago I would have been too shy to do this, but now if a friend sees a cute guy I will approach him and invite him and his friends to our parties.  It’s so fun.  I love helping my girlfriends meet fun, cute men!  We were swimming in the ocean and I noticed a seriously hot guy.  Tall, gorgeous smile and boy works out.  I swam up to him and invited him to the party.  I’m thinking to myself, yeah…I could play with you.  His name was Eric.  As we were flirting my other girlfriends swam up and started enjoying Eric as well.  I was a little irritated at first.  Then I became amused.  What woman wouldn’t find Eric hot?  For things to proceed for me the guy needs to give me all his attention.  He can’t be putting attention on me, then going to someone else, then coming back to me, etc.  That doesn’t make me feel beautiful.  It makes me feel “next in line.”  Which doesn’t fly with me.

Tip #1:  It’s fine to approach men in social situations.  If you feel like you can invite them into your circle of friends safely, fine too.  Be aware of their actions.  You can still let them come to you.  If you are surrounded by your friends and he is evenly talking to everyone?  He may still like you or he may be waiting things out to make HIS selection on who he likes the best.  Remember YOU are the chooser.  Even when he makes up his mind it’s you, decide whether he is YOUR choice.

Fast forward a few hours later at the party.  There was a young hot little stud who was making eye contact, talking and flirting with me.  I joined my best friend Mary Ann and she says “That boy is cute that is checking you out.”  I agreed.  I also noted he was flirting with whatever girl was in his orbit.  I’m already done.  One minute he’s grinding some girl on the dance floor, the next trying to make eye contact with me.  No thanks.

Tip #2:  If you’re in a social situation, note the guys that are checking you out.  Let them come to you.  Until they come to you, notice if they are flirting with everything that moves.  If that kind of challenge “winning” the guy every girl wants is for you-that’s fine.  A lot of girls get into that game.  I don’t.  It’s a preference.

Which brings me to our moonlit swim party in the ocean at midnight.  Absolute blast!!!  I was swimming with my girlfriends and Eric and a friend of his, Cary, saw us and waded up to us.  Eric thanked us for inviting them to the party.  They had an amazing time and thought the swim was a great idea too.  Still thinking Eric is hot I start flirting with him.  All my friends want him though, so I let it go.  I start talking to Eric’s friend Cary.  We had a nice conversation and he is putting ALL of his attention on me.  I like this.  I decide to tell him a specific want to see if he produces.  I say, “I love how men are protectors.  I like a man who makes me feel safe.”  So we’re all getting out of the water and it’s freezing!  He picks up a towel and puts it around me.  He also uses his body to shield me from the cool wind that has picked up.  I give him a smile of appreciation and say “protection.”  He says, “Yeah…you said you liked that.”

Tip #3:  You have control over what guy you choose.  When you know what you want from a guy and know exactly how you want to be cherished, you can communicate it.  If he produces and acts in a way that makes you feel beautiful it’s so good.  You can start to feel safe and he can show you ways he likes you.

Keep grounded in the things that are deal breakers for you.  Even when he is producing.  This will allow you to enjoy a man while keeping your eyes wide open.  It keeps you from getting too involved too quickly.  Which leaves you open for hurt.  Remember:  Just because a guy wants to have sex with you doesn’t mean he likes you.  Guys always want to have sex with you!  The guy who earns your trust is the one who, over time, gives you what you need to feel safe, cherished and beautiful.  The prize for him is winning your love and trust.

© S Stevens Life Strategies


Drama Queens Love…

Assuming I’m nice? Pic can be purchased at Zazzle


(Cue morose music)

Drama Queens assume that someone doesn’t like them.  Assume their boyfriends are cheating on them.  Assume that people are out to get them.  Drama Queens assume that their bosses don’t respect them. Because their bosses hate them, Drama Queens assume that their bosses would never promote them, never listen to them or give them a raise.  Drama Queens assume that they aren’t hot enough for some guy. Assume that they don’t have enough money for this or that but they DESERVE it.  (insert whine here)  Assume that no one understands, cares, loves, appreciates them.  Blah Blah Blah.

Bitches don’t have time to assume.  They’re too busy.  If they have a question on their minds, they ask it and be done with it.  They don’t spend hours wallowing in it.  Assuming, like whining, makes a Sassy Bitch want to nap.

When you are in “assuming” mode, you know your Drama Queen is ruling the roost.  She must be exercised.  Literally!   Exercise that little whiny brat out.  My Drama Queen surfaced yesterday.  Was I ever a little brat.  Just back from a fab vacation.  My coaching sessions with some really beautiful, inspiring women were so fun!  And my panties were soooooooo in a bunch.  It was raining out so my Drama Queen couldn’t go for a walk. (Dramatic sniff)  So what does a Sassy Bitch do when exercising won’t get rid of the brat?

Appreciation.  I went over and over in my mind what I was thankful for.  I felt better.  Then I found out a family friend had died.  He had cancer, was not expected to live long, but he died much quicker than anyone had thought.  Another reason to be grateful.  I was happy, healthy and surrounded by those I love.  More appreciation needed and completed.

So when your Drama Queen goes into “Assume Mode,”  try the following:

  1. Exercise the brat out of you.
  2. Be deeply grateful for all you have.  List all the things over and over in your mind.
  3. Lather, rinse and repeat until you are feeling your happy sassy self again.

Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. Adversity
  2. Is There Such a Thing as a Good Cry?
  3. Healing from a Broken Relationship
  4. Bitch Lifestyle Home  

© S Stevens Life Strategies

The Jerk

Anne Taintor image from Delaney’s World

Sometimes they just won’t go away.  All the ignoring in the world doesn’t work.

The Jerk.

The guy that is chasing you that doesn’t care about you.  You’ve communicated with him in a bottom line way.  He still continues.  Instead of respecting your words he ups the ante.  The goal is seeing exactly what works to reach his goal.  Just having you.  Yes, I’m talking about “Chase Guy.”  I hesitated writing this because I don’t want to feed his ego in doing it.  Which I know it will.  There are a million reasons why not to write it.  None matter because one of the goals at Bitch Lifestyle is for women to be able to handle the jerks and not let them push their buttons.  It’s like the Universe plopped this guy into our lives and now we all have to deal.  One of those “teachable moments.”  Because…

After months of me ignoring him, “Chase Guy” upped the ante.  He liked and posted on Bitch Lifestyle’s Facebook page.  I don’t even have to tell you who he is.  If you go, you’ll be able to tell.  Don’t engage him.  That isn’t the point.   He posted something obnoxious and self-serving.  If it had been when we first met?  I would have laughed and been playful with the comment.  Because of his actions I’m not in a playful mood.  Remember this post –  it will ground you with obnoxious men: Dealing With a Demanding Man  Remember.  If he wants access, he has to play by YOUR rules.  When he plays by your rules, he gets nice accommodating you.  When he doesn’t?  You call him on it and watch his actions.  If he gets it, he’ll do what you ask.  If he doesn’t care he’ll send you something disrespectful like this:

Didn’t mean to misunderstand, just giving you naughty pleasure crossed my mind and wanted to say hi since back in town 🙂  Maybe we’ll cross paths, maybe not. Hope you’re well 🙂 “

The only person I want “naughty pleasure” from is a man I can trust.  No girl should ever trust a guy like this.  Unless of course she is an EXTREME bad ass and can have such naughty pleasure with the guy that it throws him for a loop.  And then she dumps him.  Notch on her bed post.  I totally respect that.  It’s not me, however.  Remember, “Chase Guy” travels in a circle of friends I have.  So at some point I will see him.  Upping the ante.  One day he’ll realize that I’m not playing.  None of us Sassy Bitches are.   Love, Goddess

Related Posts:

© S Stevens Life Strategies