Do You Enable or Empower Those You Love?

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                                          Alexis Colby.  Bad Ass. Quote from:  Ginger Rogers Quote Pinterest.

Do you enable or empower those you love?

From Meriam-Webster:

Enable:  to provide with the means or opportunity

Empower:  to promote the self-actualization or influence of

Upon reading both these definitions in the Meriam online…I realized that both words were quite similar. One however, “enable” didn’t require any follow through.  Enabling seems like love but it’s not.  It weakens the person that you think you are helping.  How does it weaken?  No consequences attached.  For example, a client of mine knew she was enabling her father.  She knew she had to stop.  She just couldn’t put the words and actions together so she could stop.  She wanted help from me to effectively do that.  Here is the scenario:

Justine’s 87 year old father is living on social security and recently moved in with her.  Part of the reason he moved in with Justine is because a young woman was taking his social security money from him every month.  Justine’s father would just give it to her without consequences.  He didn’t require proof that she was doing what she said she would with the money.  Nothing.  Zilch.  This young woman was okay leaving him with nothing to live on!  He told Justine he would stop.  Three months after moving in, Justine found her father was still giving this young woman his social security money.


Justine’s father was enabling this young chick by letting her take advantage of him.  What was the incentive for her to take care of herself if she didn’t have to pay back her “Daddy?” Zero. Justine would be enabling her father to continue this behavior if she didn’t find a way to stop him.  Here is how we solved the problem.  I told her exactly what to do:

  1.  Justine was to tell her father that his “rent” was to never pay that chick one red cent again.  Ever.
  2.  Justine and her husband were to go and have a little chat with the chick.  It was not to happen again and if it did they would have her arrested.

Would the young chick be empowered by this?  Probably not. Not Justine’s problem. Justine had to focus on how this would help her father.  Would he be empowered?  Hopefully.  At least he would be able to spend his money! Justine would definitely be empowered because she wasn’t allowing anyone to hurt her father.  Just sitting by while these things happen to those you love is not helping them.  Sometimes you have to fight for those you love.  That is one of the many ways to truly be there for someone.  By fighting for them when they are unable.

Justine’s father is doing much better.  He’s not giving the young chick money anymore and she, of course, has disappeared.  Justine’s father is a little lonely (Justine’s mother died a few years ago) but is enjoying his grand kids and new family life.  Justine wanted to share this story here because she was relieved when she stopped enabling her father.  Thank you Justine!  You’re strength is an inspiration to us all.

So beauties…how about it?  Are you enabling anyone you love in your life?  Are you being too nicey-nice when you should be kicking someone in the butt?  Assess and address.  And here is the biggest question of all.  Do you enable or empower YOURSELF?   Yes.  We will address and asses…in the very next post.   Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1.   Are We Losing the Bottom Line? 
  2.   How to Win an Argument with a Man
  3.   Bitch Lifestyle the Manual

© S Stevens Life Strategies

July 4th Sassy Assessment

Celebrate everything this July 4th…Image from Public Domain Pictures

Hey there Beauties!  Are you excited about the super long weekend?  July 4th falls on Tuesday and we have 5 full days to celebrate our country and how lucky we are in every facet of our lives!  Are you ready to up the ante a bit? How about adding your Drama Queen, Bratty Brat or Bitch to the mix? Are you feeling…

  1. Drama Queen:  Are you in your Drama Queen?  Are you mad because you aren’t getting the attention you deserve?  Are you throwing hissy fits because your favorite bagel is gone at the local bake shop?  Irritated at your man because he isn’t doing exactly what you want when you want?  Take control of this Drama Mama by putting all your attention on you.  Turn off your cell.  Turn off your computer.  Assignment:  Read this article Beauty Rituals Empower You and create your best EVER.  Luxuriate in it.  L u x u r i a t e.  !!
  2. Bratty Brat:  No one does it all like you do.  YOU do it perfectly.  No one works harder at work. No one keeps their home cleaner. No one has the financial mind you do. No one knows how to throw a dinner party like you do.  NO ONE.  Problem is, Brat?  You’re really not so fun to be around because you aren’t slowing down to appreciate all you have going for you.  Assignment: Appreciate.  Now this is going to sort of piss you off but I want you to try anyway.  I want you to spend the long weekend appreciating everything you have. From the air you breathe to the pipes that bring you indoor plumbing.  Every single little thing, Bratty Brat!
  3. Bitch:  You’re in your Bitch.  Congratulations!  I even have an assignment for you.  It’s something the Drama Queen and Brat have a seriously hard time doing. Assignment:  Sit back, smile your most beautiful smile and be in the moment.  Notice the moment.  The more you are in your Bitch the more you are in the moment. Whatever is happening is happening and you are serene, happy and content.

Happy is one of the most beautiful things in the world.  Find your happy this long weekend.  Or up the ante on your happy.  Celebrate whichever face of the feminine you are in and discover how wonderful each one is.  Let me know where you are…how the assignments go and have the happiest July 4th ever!!!  Love, Goddess

Still not sure which assignment to try?  Read these article for more incite:

  1.  Self-esteem Quiz
  2.  The Sassy Bitch Rules
  3.  Venting Anger 101

© S Stevens Life Strategies









How to Spring Clean Toxic Things From Your Life!

How to spring clean toxins from your life!
Awesome quote from Toxic Family Quotes

How to spring clean toxins from your life!

Just start.  One baby step at a time…Just do the ONE toxic habit.  When you have conquered that toxic habit then consider taking on another toxic habit.  This is why we are doing this one week at a time.  A client of mine, Pam, was so cute.  She was the inspiration for this post.  During a session she was so edgy!  The Brat was just ruling her life!  After a series of questions from me, she finally fessed up.  She had gone on a diet, started exercising AND quit smoking.  All in one week.  No wonder she was being ruled by the Brat.  So we worked out a schedule.  Now Pam is smoke-free, lost 10 pounds and is enjoying glowing skin.  She took it slow and it made all the difference.

Week One:  Clear the toxic clutter in your inbox, Facebook, Twitter, other social media.  Old lovers, ex-friends? Delete.  Delete anything you follow or follow back that is not empowering.  I recently had to tell someone on one of my business pages to STOP posting negative stuff.  I told her exactly why and she did.  But if she hadn’t? Gonzo. Social media is full of toxic people looking for attention.  Honor yourself by not giving them any of your valued time.  Replace with POSITIVE fun feeds and energy.

Week Two:  Identify ONE toxic habit you would like to stop doing.  Assess what makes you go to the “toxic habit.” Then you will know the trigger.  Then you can deal with the trigger when it happens.  For me?  It’s taking care of myself…mind, body and soul.  You see when I am passionately doing things everything else falls away!  Time flies and I find I haven’t had lunch. Then I’m starving and more likely to eat crap, for example.  I deal with this by always having healthy and yummy food around.

Week Three:  Change a negative toxic feeling into a positive one.  This is freakin’ hard. Miss Drama Queen in your head is always messing with you:  Drama Queens Love…  Something happens and whammo!  She starts looking at all the worst case scenarios instead of the bottom line. Solving the problem.  Seeing opportunity in adversity. (Yes, it’s there) This requires re-programming that cute little brain of yours with positive thoughts.  I know…some of you are rolling your eyes.  Don’t blame you.  That’s your Brat talking: Who Controls You Your Bitch or Your Brat?   This action is required practice to slay the negative feeling toxins from your body.  One way to do this is to fall asleep to a positive affirmation video on You Tube.  

That’s enough for one lesson.  When you’re done with these?  Visit the Drama Queen section on this site for more articles so you can remove all the nasty toxins from your life…like the Faux Girlfriend!  Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom (Revised Edition): Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing
  2. I Can Do It® 2016 Calendar: 366 Daily Affirmations
  3. Bitch Lifestyle The Manual

© S  Stevens Life Strategies

Are You Overwhelmed?

Awesome image from Samantha Dunawa Bryant

Are You Overwhelmed?

If you are?   You’re handling so much with so much style and flair that the Universe just keeps on giving you more!  Why would she do such a thing?   Because you are on the fast track. The Universe, the people around you, and the people who rely on you know this: you will help them rock their worlds.  And why wouldn’t they admire your style and flair under pressure?   People that are rocking their lives so hard are inspiring.  Sign me up!

So how in the world do you keep up with all this?  You have to know when the overwhelm is too much even for you, Rock Star. You do this by…showing the Universe you need a little break.  So take a deep breath beauty and try one of the following:

  1. Do only what you can do, Goddess.   There’s no shame in delegating!  Don’t let the “what I should be doing” ruin your style and flair.  Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself?  Is…
  2. Take a break.  Turn on your fave tunes and dance your cute butt off.  Or…go here and dance to one of these:  Your Celebration Song.
  3. Say no.  Don’t you dare add one more thing to your plate if you don’t have time to take a dance break from #2.  You don’t have 3 minutes to dance? Really?
  4. Know how to schedule those mindless tasks that consume time and make you dread doing them.  2 days a week I do the following: Fave TV show, lap top, clear the email in boxes. Spa music on Pandora helps too.  Relax in bed. Sip some wine.  Or if it’s winter try a hot chocolate laced with a little Kahlua, Bailey’s or both.  Make the mundane pleasurable.  It’s amazing how much I can get done when I add pleasure to boring but necessary tasks.
  5. Screw expectations.  Stop expecting perfection.  It will drive you bat **** crazy.  Let it go.
  6. Ask for help.  Really.
  7. Shut out distractions.  Turn off the cell, lap top, TV.   Say no to tech for a few hours or an entire evening so you can relax a bit. Don’t feel guilty about it.  You deserve it!
  8. Laugh.  Get together with the friend that makes you laugh, watch your fave comic, TV show or movie.  Laugh until it hurts. Laughing releases so much tension!

What are your favorite ways to own your overwhelm and rock your life even more?  Please share with us here and on Facebook!   Bitch Lifestyle on Facebook.  Love Goddess

Want more?  Suggested Reading:

  1. Are We Losing the Bottom Line?
  2. Fun Release 
  3. Bitch Lifestyle The Manual

© S Stevens Life Strategies