Question of the Week? Toxic People

Question of the Week? Toxic People...

Oh no!  Here they come!  Get me my bottle…***

Question of the Week?  Toxic People…

In the previous post on this topic we discussed dealing with “Rude People.”  Click here for the post.  This post is about that other, lovely group of people…the toxic ones.

First, let’s review the difference between “rude” and “toxic” people:

  1.  Rude:   Refers to bad behavior or just plain bad manners. For example, children are taught to say “please” and “thank you” or they are considered rude.
  2.  Toxic:  Signs you’re surrounded by a toxic person:  You’re emotionally affected by their drama. You dread (or fear) being around them. You’re exhausted or you feel angry while you’re with them or after your interaction.

Yes…the Toxic Person can definitely be the oh so dreaded drama filled person.  Nothing is ever good enough, exciting enough, complicated enough.  They don’t seem to ever be happy unless everything is going exactly their way!  And then?  They will still find a way to be unhappy.  They may be old friends, family, acquaintances, or someone you are forced to work with.  Examples:

  1.  The Toxic Friend who cried on your shoulder during a break-up.  You were totally there for them and then they get a new boyfriend and never see them.  OR…you have served your purpose.  They disappear.  Until they need you again.  If you need them?  They are always busy and never return calls.
  2. The Toxic Work Person  The work place person who is always complaining about something, someone and how disrespected they are.  You have a deadline and try to explain, but they say they really need to talk and may even try and guilt you into giving them attention.
  3. The Toxic Family Member who is always gossiping about someone else, whining, not appreciative, nosy….you get the picture.
  4. The Social Media Meanie who insults people.   Basically if you don’t agree with them (oh the nerve!)  you are human pond scum.

I think that is a fairly good list to start with, no?  Let’s delve a bit further into each type and discuss ways to deal.

  1.   The Toxic Friend:  I did a WHOLE article of the “Faux Friend.”  I think we have all had one, right?  Here is the link to “Faux Girlfriend.”
  2.   The Toxic Work Person:  It’s a simple…albeit tough sometimes solution.  Be nice, polite and never…ever…let this person make you look bad to anyone.  And they may try…through gossip or another such toxic way.  Getting involved in this persons’ drama will affect your work.  There are probably plenty of your fellow co-workers annoyed by them too! If you are busy … ahhhh  …. working … politely let them know that you can’t talk now.  Who cares if they gossip or say bad things about you?   Your professional attitude will only make them look bad.  Remember this when they are driving you a bit batty.  By you being polite, you will drive them battier and they will try and find another target. Why?  You aren’t any fun because you aren’t contributing to the “drama.”
  3.   The Toxic Family Member:  Remember we can only control our own actions, not other people, so we need to suck it up.  None of us are perfect all the time so family is the one area in our lives we can truly be ourselves.  We all have bad days and need a safe place to let it go and family is one we are lucky to have!  Uncle Bernie the close talker may be annoying, but not toxic.  But what do you do with the negative or bossy Aunt at the family reunion?  Be polite.  It’s only for a few hours.  If a family member tries to gossip?  Make a polite exit.  Being polite is so powerful when someone is having a meltdown or is trying to push your buttons.  The point of anyone pushing your “buttons” is to get you upset.  Don’t get upset!  Do something that will help you pre- or post encounter to help keep your “buttons” happily un-pushed.
  4.   The Social Media Meanie:  The person who insults you on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube.  Don’t engage.  I’m not talking about the people who correct you in helpful way.  Example:  I’ve had people give me information about things on this site.  When I’ve been wrong I’ve thanked them and updated content.  These are people who are truly being helpful and that rocks!  I’m talking about the people who insult just to insult.  I’ve seen people post things on other peoples’ sites like:  “You two are SO ugly,”  “I think your channel sucks,” “Your content is stupid,” and those are the nice ones!  Again, ignore.  Think about how sad it is that people do this.  To people they don’t know.  They could be out doing something productive to help the needy, developing a hobby, chores…really the list goes on.  If someone does this to you ignore and go do something good for you or someone else.

In conclusion…the only thing you can control is you.  So do your best not to let these toxic people get to you.  It’s the only way you have a chance at winning.  Lastly…do your best to surround yourself with amazing people everyday.  You find a gem of a person?  Let them know you love them, will do anything for them and always be there for them.  Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1.   Dealing with success OR stress:  Are You Overwhelmed?
  2.   My book on Amazon:  Bitch Lifestyle The       Manual
  3.   Dodging Energy Vampires
  4.   ***Cute baby image from Big Blue Wave
  5.   Bitch Lifestyle Home

Bitch Lifestyle has affiliate relationships with Amazon and Hay House.  I’ve selected these affiliates to share books, videos and classes that I’ve enjoyed and hope readers on this site will as well.  Clicking on a link will be of no cost to you.  I will only receive a commission if you decide to make a purchase.

© S Stevens Life Strategies

 

Question Winner of the Week?

Image result for anne taintor images, rude people, toxic people, how to deal with,
              Gorgeous Anne Taintor found at the fab website Creating Myself. Check it out…

Question winner of the week?  It was a biggie!  I get a lot of emails about boys, but man oh man…this month your burning question is…

How do I deal with rude or toxic people?

First, let’s define “rude” and “toxic.”

  1.  Rude:   Refers to bad behavior or just plain bad manners. For example, children are taught to say “please” and “thank you” or they are considered rude.
  2.  Toxic:  Signs You’re Surrounded by a Toxic Person:  You’re emotionally affected by their drama. You dread (or fear) being around them. You’re exhausted or you feel angry while you’re with them or after your interaction.

In this blog post we will deal with the “rude” person.   The next post will deal with those delightful “toxic” people.  The bottom line with dealing with anyone is this:  We cannot control other people.  We can only control how we REACT toward other people.  Like the woman in the Anne Taintor image above?  We have the power to control how we want to deal with any situation.  So let’s go over several common “rude” occurrences and ways to deal with them in an empowered way.

Scenario #1:  Random Rude Person:  The rude person may just be having a bad day, frustrated by the toxic people around them or…ahem, just a bit of a jerk.  Usually they are casual acquaintances you rarely see or strangers you run into as you go about your day.  So how do you deal with Random Rude Person?   The best way really isn’t that much fun.  But it is the most practical and sensible way.  Ignore them.  Put your attention on something else.  Immediately.  This works with most everything.  A person makes a derogatory remark to you, jumps ahead of you in a line, makes a lot of unnecessary noise, etc.  You get the picture.  It’s not worth it to give this person the time of day.

Scenario #2:  What if someone invades your space?  For example, you are at the grocery store.  You’re trying to pick up something and someone reaches and grabs something else while touching you or pushing you away?  A firm “Pardon, Me,” works well.  It’s a hoot when someone reacts to this with “Oh, no problem.”  Have a little chuckle to yourself.

Scenario #3:  Can being overly nice serve to disarm a rude person?  Oh…yes it can.

A stranger angrily confronts you about something.  You have no idea what because it’s so sudden.  This scenario is a bit scary because of the sudden nature of it.  A sweet “Pardon Me?” will usually disarm most of them.  This has happened to me several times this year…a real anomaly, but this tactic has worked like a charm.  The person has backed off, a little guilty.  Like I said earlier…you never know when someone has had a bad day, gotten bad news or something has set them off.  Usually it’s better to just be nice, polite and mannered.  I know it isn’t fun and a bit “old fashioned,” but it’s a great way to help keep your life as drama free as possible.

Scenario #4:  Here’s a BIGGIE – The Clueless Rude Person: What happens when someone actually points out their own rudeness by interacting with you about it?

I had just pulled into a parking space to pick up a salad for lunch.  I get out of the car and start walking toward the restaurant.  Out of the right corner of my eye, 4 women start running.  Obviously and obnoxiously trying to beat me to the door.  They beat me to the door and the last lady sort of holds the door open for me.  As we line up to the counter, she turns around, all giggly with her friends and says to me:

“Well, you know we have a limited amount of time for lunch.”

To which I said:

“So do I.”  Right in her eyes, no emotion.

She jumped about 2 feet in shock and started talking to her friends.  Now THAT was fun.  Miss “My lunch is more important than anyone else’s” was highly embarrassed.  Being direct and unemotional is a learned skill we should all develop because it’s so effective.  It may or may not change another person, but by knowing this skill you will get much less crap from other people.  The links below will help teach you these skills.  These skills will also help you with another group of people.  The Toxic People.  They will be addressed in the very next post.  So get studying!  Love, Goddess

Sources to help learn the art of confident, direct and unemotional crap calling:

  1.   Learn How to Say it From a PRO:  Miss Manners’ Basic Training: The Right Thing to Say
  2.   A Resource Full of Ways to Become More Confident and Empowered:  Bitch Lifestyle The Manual
  3.   Fun YouTube Example of Dealing With Rudeness by TR Television

 

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Are You Overwhelmed?

Awesome image from Samantha Dunawa Bryant

Are You Overwhelmed?

If you are?   You’re handling so much with so much style and flair that the Universe just keeps on giving you more! Why would she do such a thing?   Because you are on the fast track. The Universe, the people around you, and the people who rely on you know this: you will help them rock their worlds.  And why wouldn’t they admire your style and flair under pressure?   People that are rocking their lives so hard are inspiring.  Sign me up!

So how in the world do you keep up with all this?  You have to know when the overwhelm is too much even for you, Rock Star. You do this by…showing the Universe you need a little break.  So take a deep breath Beauty and try one of the following:

  1. Do only what you can do, Goddess.   There’s no shame in delegating!  Don’t let the “what I should be doing” ruin your style and flair.  Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself?  Is…
  2. Take a break.  Turn on your fave tunes and dance your cute butt off.  Or…go here and dance to one of these:  Your Celebration Song.
  3. Say no.  Don’t you dare add one more thing to your plate if you don’t have time to take a dance break from #2. You don’t have 3 minutes to dance? Really?
  4. Know how to schedule those mindless tasks that consume time and make you dread doing them.  2 days a week I do the following: Fave TV show, lap top, clear the email in boxes. Spa music on Pandora helps too. Relax in bed. Sip some wine.  Or if it’s winter try a hot chocolate laced with a little Kahlua, Bailey’s or both. Make the mundane pleasurable.  It’s amazing how much I can get done when I add pleasure to boring but necessary tasks.
  5. Screw expectations.  Stop expecting perfection.  It will drive you bat **** crazy.  Let it go.
  6. Ask for help.  Really.
  7. Shut out distractions.  Turn off the cell, lap top, TV.   Say no to tech for a few hours or an entire evening so you can relax a bit. Don’t feel guilty about it.  You deserve it!
  8. Laugh.  Get together with the friend that makes you laugh, watch your fave comic, TV show or movie.  Laugh until it hurts. Laughing releases so much tension!

What are your favorite ways to own your overwhelm and rock your life even more?  Please share with us here and on Facebook!   Bitch Lifestyle on Facebook.  Love Goddess

Want more?  Suggested Reading:

  1. Are We Losing the Bottom Line?
  2. Fun Release 
  3. Bitch Lifestyle The Manual

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Beware These Emotional Vampires!

beware these emotional vampires,complaining,
YES! Love it. Fabulous image from The Love Project a highly recommended blog visit!

Beware these emotional vampires!

It was a gorgeous fall day.  Sunny, warm and the wind still refreshing instead of the dreaded BRRRRR!  I was happy, excited and looking forward to a rehearsal of good energy and production. Then I lost it.  My happy. My excited. And I didn’t handle losing it well.  What did I lose? My patience. My patience is really hard to lose.  I mean…you have got to get on my very last nerve for me to lose it.  I have decades long friends that, until recently, have not seen it.  My last nerve is so understanding to everyone.  I always try to help first.  The thing that has made me lose it not just this past time but over the last few months is:  All the complaining people do!  I ask people how they are and rarely do I get “Good—how are you?”  I get a list of complaints and no interest in me. People are so caught up in their own problems a simple “how are you?” back is becoming rare. Beware these emotional vampires.  Just like me, they can get on your last nerve.  So what is the 3 step process to keep emotional vampires off your last nerve?

  1. Complain about it.  Oh wait.  Done. LOL.
  2. Reasoning.  Complaining all the time wastes time.  So in one sentence we’re done here too.
  3. The Bottom Line.   Hot Action.

The Bottom Line:  Complaining is all BRAT.  So to counter the brat we need to give her what she needs.  A swift kick in the ***.  Which is:  Be grateful and notice the good.  And this is going to be really tough for me.  I’ve absorbed all the complaining my body can handle.  My impatience with it is bursting.  Oh God…I’m complaining again.  And putting off my own remedy.  LOL…do you ever do that?   So let’s win by having some fun with this:

  • When someone cuts me off while driving or some other such annoyance, I no longer will use colorful language and insults on them.  I will find something pleasurable to replace that thought immediately.  Ie:  Focus on music, eat a bite of chocolate, stroke myself with a sparkle powder puff.
  • When someone complains when I ask them how they are, I will be witty and playful in my response.  The goal being to make them feel better.
  • When I hear people being negative and complaining I will simply focus on something else.
  • When people start complaining around me I will, with great enthusiasm, ask then how we can solve the problem together!  Refocusing on action is energizing…not draining!
  • When I find myself alone and complaining, I will immediately stop and take a break.  I will do something that makes me feel good. Whether it is meditating, dancing my booty off to a great song, calling a friend or being inspired by a passion.

What about you?  What are some things that make you complain?  How can you find a fun and positive way for YOU to deal so it doesn’t suck you down in the muck?  Be creative. Please oh please have a way to deal with this ever increasing societal problem without getting to the saturation point like myself!  Ohhhhhh and do share!  Positive thoughts are always appreciated and relished!  Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. Who Controls You Your Bitch or Your Brat?
  2. Bitch Lifestyle the Manual
  3. Bitch Lifestyle Home

© S Stevens Life Strategies