Question Winner of the Week?

Image result for anne taintor images, rude people, toxic people, how to deal with,
              Gorgeous Anne Taintor found at the fab website Creating Myself. Check it out…

Question winner of the week?  It was a biggie!  I get a lot of emails about boys, but man oh man…this month your burning question is…

How do I deal with rude or toxic people?

First, let’s define “rude” and “toxic.”

  1.  Rude:   Refers to bad behavior or just plain bad manners. For example, children are taught to say “please” and “thank you” or they are considered rude.
  2.  Toxic:  Signs You’re Surrounded by a Toxic Person:  You’re emotionally affected by their drama. You dread (or fear) being around them. You’re exhausted or you feel angry while you’re with them or after your interaction.

In this blog post we will deal with the “rude” person.   The next post will deal with those delightful “toxic” people.  The bottom line with dealing with anyone is this:  We cannot control other people.  We can only control how we REACT toward other people.  Like the woman in the Anne Taintor image above?  We have the power to control how we want to deal with any situation.  So let’s go over several common “rude” occurrences and ways to deal with them in an empowered way.

Scenario #1:  Random Rude Person:  The rude person may just be having a bad day, frustrated by the toxic people around them or…ahem, just a bit of a jerk.  Usually they are casual acquaintances you rarely see or strangers you run into as you go about your day.  So how do you deal with Random Rude Person?   The best way really isn’t that much fun.  But it is the most practical and sensible way.  Ignore them.  Put your attention on something else.  Immediately.  This works with most everything.  A person makes a derogatory remark to you, jumps ahead of you in a line, makes a lot of unnecessary noise, etc.  You get the picture.  It’s not worth it to give this person the time of day.

Scenario #2:  What if someone invades your space?  For example, you are at the grocery store.  You’re trying to pick up something and someone reaches and grabs something else while touching you or pushing you away?  A firm “Pardon, Me,” works well.  It’s a hoot when someone reacts to this with “Oh, no problem.”  Have a little chuckle to yourself.

Scenario #3:  Can being overly nice serve to disarm a rude person?  Oh…yes it can.

A stranger angrily confronts you about something.  You have no idea what because it’s so sudden.  This scenario is a bit scary because of the sudden nature of it.  A sweet “Pardon Me?” will usually disarm most of them.  This has happened to me several times this year…a real anomaly, but this tactic has worked like a charm.  The person has backed off, a little guilty.  Like I said earlier…you never know when someone has had a bad day, gotten bad news or something has set them off.  Usually it’s better to just be nice, polite and mannered.  I know it isn’t fun and a bit “old fashioned,” but it’s a great way to help keep your life as drama free as possible.

Scenario #4:  Here’s a BIGGIE – The Clueless Rude Person: What happens when someone actually points out their own rudeness by interacting with you about it?

I had just pulled into a parking space to pick up a salad for lunch.  I get out of the car and start walking toward the restaurant.  Out of the right corner of my eye, 4 women start running.  Obviously and obnoxiously trying to beat me to the door.  They beat me to the door and the last lady sort of holds the door open for me.  As we line up to the counter, she turns around, all giggly with her friends and says to me:

“Well, you know we have a limited amount of time for lunch.”

To which I said:

“So do I.”  Right in her eyes, no emotion.

She jumped about 2 feet in shock and started talking to her friends.  Now THAT was fun.  Miss “My lunch is more important than anyone else’s” was highly embarrassed.  Being direct and unemotional is a learned skill we should all develop because it’s so effective.  It may or may not change another person, but by knowing this skill you will get much less crap from other people.  The links below will help teach you these skills.  These skills will also help you with another group of people.  The Toxic People.  They will be addressed in the very next post.  So get studying!  Love, Goddess

Sources to help learn the art of confident, direct and unemotional crap calling:

  1.   Learn How to Say it From a PRO:  Miss Manners’ Basic Training: The Right Thing to Say
  2.   A Resource Full of Ways to Become More Confident and Empowered:  Bitch Lifestyle The Manual
  3.   Fun YouTube Example of Dealing With Rudeness by TR Television

 

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Are You Overwhelmed?

Awesome image from Samantha Dunawa Bryant

Are You Overwhelmed?

If you are?   You’re handling so much with so much style and flair that the Universe just keeps on giving you more!  Why would she do such a thing?   Because you are on the fast track. The Universe, the people around you, and the people who rely on you know this: you will help them rock their worlds.  And why wouldn’t they admire your style and flair under pressure?   People that are rocking their lives so hard are inspiring.  Sign me up!

So how in the world do you keep up with all this?  You have to know when the overwhelm is too much even for you, Rock Star. You do this by…showing the Universe you need a little break.  So take a deep breath beauty and try one of the following:

  1. Do only what you can do, Goddess.   There’s no shame in delegating!  Don’t let the “what I should be doing” ruin your style and flair.  Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself?  Is…
  2. Take a break.  Turn on your fave tunes and dance your cute butt off.  Or…go here and dance to one of these:  Your Celebration Song.
  3. Say no.  Don’t you dare add one more thing to your plate if you don’t have time to take a dance break from #2.  You don’t have 3 minutes to dance? Really?
  4. Know how to schedule those mindless tasks that consume time and make you dread doing them.  2 days a week I do the following: Fave TV show, lap top, clear the email in boxes. Spa music on Pandora helps too.  Relax in bed. Sip some wine.  Or if it’s winter try a hot chocolate laced with a little Kahlua, Bailey’s or both.  Make the mundane pleasurable.  It’s amazing how much I can get done when I add pleasure to boring but necessary tasks.
  5. Screw expectations.  Stop expecting perfection.  It will drive you bat **** crazy.  Let it go.
  6. Ask for help.  Really.
  7. Shut out distractions.  Turn off the cell, lap top, TV.   Say no to tech for a few hours or an entire evening so you can relax a bit. Don’t feel guilty about it.  You deserve it!
  8. Laugh.  Get together with the friend that makes you laugh, watch your fave comic, TV show or movie.  Laugh until it hurts. Laughing releases so much tension!

What are your favorite ways to own your overwhelm and rock your life even more?  Please share with us here and on Facebook!   Bitch Lifestyle on Facebook.  Love Goddess

Want more?  Suggested Reading:

  1. Are We Losing the Bottom Line?
  2. Fun Release 
  3. Bitch Lifestyle The Manual

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Beware These Emotional Vampires!

beware these emotional vampires,complaining,
YES! Love it. Fabulous image from The Love Project a highly recommended blog visit!

Beware these emotional vampires!

It was a gorgeous fall day.  Sunny, warm and the wind still refreshing instead of the dreaded BRRRRR!  I was happy, excited and looking forward to a rehearsal of good energy and production. Then I lost it.  My happy. My excited. And I didn’t handle losing it well.  What did I lose? My patience. My patience is really hard to lose.  I mean…you have got to get on my very last nerve for me to lose it.  I have decades long friends that, until recently, have not seen it.  My last nerve is so understanding to everyone.  I always try to help first.  The thing that has made me lose it not just this past time but over the last few months is:  All the complaining people do!  I ask people how they are and rarely do I get “Good—how are you?”  I get a list of complaints and no interest in me. People are so caught up in their own problems a simple “how are you?” back is becoming rare. Beware these emotional vampires.  Just like me, they can get on your last nerve.  So what is the 3 step process to keep emotional vampires off your last nerve?

  1. Complain about it.  Oh wait.  Done. LOL.
  2. Reasoning.  Complaining all the time wastes time.  So in one sentence we’re done here too.
  3. The Bottom Line.   Hot Action.

The Bottom Line:  Complaining is all BRAT.  So to counter the brat we need to give her what she needs.  A swift kick in the ***.  Which is:  Be grateful and notice the good.  And this is going to be really tough for me.  I’ve absorbed all the complaining my body can handle.  My impatience with it is bursting.  Oh God…I’m complaining again.  And putting off my own remedy.  LOL…do you ever do that?   So let’s win by having some fun with this:

  • When someone cuts me off while driving or some other such annoyance, I no longer will use colorful language and insults on them.  I will find something pleasurable to replace that thought immediately.  Ie:  Focus on music, eat a bite of chocolate, stroke myself with a sparkle powder puff.
  • When someone complains when I ask them how they are, I will be witty and playful in my response.  The goal being to make them feel better.
  • When I hear people being negative and complaining I will simply focus on something else.
  • When people start complaining around me I will, with great enthusiasm, ask then how we can solve the problem together!  Refocusing on action is energizing…not draining!
  • When I find myself alone and complaining, I will immediately stop and take a break.  I will do something that makes me feel good. Whether it is meditating, dancing my booty off to a great song, calling a friend or being inspired by a passion.

What about you?  What are some things that make you complain?  How can you find a fun and positive way for YOU to deal so it doesn’t suck you down in the muck?  Be creative. Please oh please have a way to deal with this ever increasing societal problem without getting to the saturation point like myself!  Ohhhhhh and do share!  Positive thoughts are always appreciated and relished!  Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. Who Controls You Your Bitch or Your Brat?
  2. Bitch Lifestyle the Manual
  3. Bitch Lifestyle Home

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Honesty Serves Your Inner Goddess

Ninon de Lenclos from: The Fister Hotel

“The joy of spirit is the measure of its force.”  Ninon de Lenclos

Honesty serves your inner Goddess?

Yes…100%.  Think about the people who are always honest with you.  These people are more than likely fighting for you to be the best YOU.  Sometimes it’s painful to hear…but a person who truly loves you will be honest with you….the good, the bad and the ugly.  We must love ourselves as much as the people who love us for our honesty.  If someone can love you for your honest you and share that with you…how can we not see that honesty in ourselves and make it what we live for?  It’s our good. Our bad. Our ugly. That’s way I chose the tag line…”Love Every Drop of Gorgeous You.”

One of my favorite women in history is Ninon de Lenclos.  In an era where women were not expected to think for themselves, her intellect attracted the most powerful men in the world to her.  Kings included.  They craved her incite on whatever they needed to discuss.  From The Book of the Courtesans by Susan Griffin:

Ninon de Lenclos remained uncertain about religion all her life, though this uncertainty did not prevent an abbe’ from falling in love with her when she was 80 years old.  In her inimitable fashion, she continued to enjoy life and inspire admiration until her last breath at the ripe old age of 85.  True to her lucidly honest character to the end, just before her death, asking for pen and paper, she wrote:

“Let no vain hope be held out to make my courage waver.

I am of an age to die, what is there left for me to do here?”

After which she closed her eyes and died.

The abbe’ respected her honesty about her uncertainty about religion so much that he fell in love with her!  Her honesty invigorated him.  She wasn’t a spring chicken either at 80. Amazing. And then to honestly know she would be dead in a moment or two and share it and do it. It takes a lot of courage and honesty to know it is your time and be firmly at peace with it. Ninon lived her honesty each day of her life with vigor and enthusiasm. This is hard to do because it takes so much courage!  Courage to stand in your truth.  We live in a society a lot like hers now. The ones daring to be different are ridiculed.  The ones daring to stand up for themselves shot down or met with apathy.

People who lack honesty within themselves don’t know what they want.  When you know you want something you are passionate about it and fight for it!  So many people are going after what they think they want and it’s not making them happy.  By facing the truth and realizing they are not happy, they may have to ditch all they have accomplished.  And start over. Which is frustrating, depressing and really hard!  It can lead to apathy and what’s the use?  I’ll settle for this because of X, Y or Z.  Settling is not living and it’s certainly not being honest within yourself.

honesty,ninon de lenclos, lola montez,courtesans,seductresses,
Lola Montez image from Beautiful With Brains

“I must live before I die!”  Lola Montez

Link to the book by Lola Montez The Arts of Beauty or Secrets of a Lady’s Toilet…with Hints to Gentlemen on the art of Fascinating

It is never ever too late to discover who your honest self is and live it.  EVER.  That’s what life is all about.  Figuring out who the heck hot little you is.  And living it.  By enthusiastically embracing the discovery of Honest You, you will soar to levels of confidence you never thought existed.  Your energy will attract those with the same mind set and make you go even higher!  Sound cool?  Yeah it does!  So Bitch University is now open.  Explore the below classes to help you start taking ownership of you-your honesty and all the joys that come when you start living it!  Love, Goddess

Class Curriculeum:

  1. Start here for focus and to re-invigorate the lust you have for YOU and lifes’ possibilities:   The Bitch Rules
  2. Choice, Compromise and the Drama Queen
  3. Outsmart Back Stabbers
  4. For when you need a laugh:  Self-Esteem Quiz
  5. Bitch Lifestyle the Manual

© S Stevens Life Strategies