Honesty Serves Your Inner Goddess

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Ninon de Lenclos from: The Fister Hotel

“The joy of spirit is the measure of its force.”  Ninon de Lenclos

Honesty serves your inner Goddess?

Yes…100%.  Think about the people who are always honest with you.  These people are more than likely fighting for you to be the best YOU.  Sometimes it’s painful to hear…but a person who truly loves you will be honest with you….the good, the bad and the ugly.  We must love ourselves as much as the people who love us for our honesty.  If someone can love you for your honest you and share that with you…how can we not see that honesty in ourselves and make it what we live for?  It’s our good. Our bad. Our ugly. That’s way I chose the tag line…”Love Every Drop of Gorgeous You.”

One of my favorite women in history is Ninon de Lenclos.  In an era where women were not expected to think for themselves, her intellect attracted the most powerful men in the world to her.  Kings included.  They craved her incite on whatever they needed to discuss.  From The Book of the Courtesans by Susan Griffin:

Ninon de Lenclos remained uncertain about religion all her life, though this uncertainty did not prevent an abbe’ from falling in love with her when she was 80 years old.  In her inimitable fashion, she continued to enjoy life and inspire admiration until her last breath at the ripe old age of 85.  True to her lucidly honest character to the end, just before her death, asking for pen and paper, she wrote:

“Let no vain hope be held out to make my courage waver.

I am of an age to die, what is there left for me to do here?”

After which she closed her eyes and died.

The abbe’ respected her honesty about her uncertainty about religion so much that he fell in love with her!  Her honesty invigorated him.  She wasn’t a spring chicken either at 80. Amazing. And then to honestly know she would be dead in a moment or two and share it and do it. It takes a lot of courage and honesty to know it is your time and be firmly at peace with it. Ninon lived her honesty each day of her life with vigor and enthusiasm. This is hard to do because it takes so much courage!  Courage to stand in your truth.  We live in a society a lot like hers now. The ones daring to be different are ridiculed.  The ones daring to stand up for themselves shot down or met with apathy.

People who lack honesty within themselves don’t know what they want.  When you know you want something you are passionate about it and fight for it!  So many people are going after what they think they want and it’s not making them happy.  By facing the truth and realizing they are not happy, they may have to ditch all they have accomplished.  And start over. Which is frustrating, depressing and really hard!  It can lead to apathy and what’s the use?  I’ll settle for this because of X, Y or Z.  Settling is not living and it’s certainly not being honest within yourself.

honesty,ninon de lenclos, lola montez,courtesans,seductresses,
Lola Montez image from Beautiful With Brains

“I must live before I die!”  Lola Montez

Link to the book by Lola Montez The Arts of Beauty or Secrets of a Lady’s Toilet…with Hints to Gentlemen on the art of Fascinating

It is never ever too late to discover who your honest self is and live it.  EVER.  That’s what life is all about.  Figuring out who the heck hot little you is.  And living it.  By enthusiastically embracing the discovery of Honest You, you will soar to levels of confidence you never thought existed.  Your energy will attract those with the same mind set and make you go even higher!  Sound cool?  Yeah it does!  So Bitch University is now open.  Explore the below classes to help you start taking ownership of you-your honesty and all the joys that come when you start living it!  Love, Goddess

Class Curriculeum:

  1. Start here for focus and to re-invigorate the lust you have for YOU and lifes’ possibilities:   The Bitch Rules
  2. Choice, Compromise and the Drama Queen
  3. Outsmart Back Stabbers
  4. For when you need a laugh:  Self-Esteem Quiz
  5. Bitch Lifestyle the Manual

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Depression and Conspiracy Theories?


Image found on Paige Ann Blog

The truth will set you free.   But first, it will piss you off. – Gloria Steinem

I was thinking about conspiracy theories today over morning coffee.  I had a disturbing thought.  Conspiracy theories are everywhere!  Then I started to think about truth. How sometimes we refuse to see the truth.  How we turn truth into something else so we can go in denial about it.   Because we don’t like the truth.  Which is definitely our Brat. Then how continued denial makes us unhappy. Which is so very Drama Queen.  Light thoughts over early morning coffee, no?  So I thought it might be useful to use some humor with this subject so we can face the truth, apply action and move on.

We do this in relationships ALL the time.  We don’t SEE the truth right in front of us and deal with it.  Examples:

  • He doesn’t call unless he wants something from you (like sex).  Truth:  He likes to hop on when he’s horny.  Conspiracy Theory:  The sex is so good!  We have so much chemistry together!  He only calls me when he wants sex because he is so busy, he is scared to commit and he doesn’t want his wife to know!
  • He is late for a date and doesn’t call.  Truth:  He is being rude.  Conspiracy Theory:  Why isn’t he calling me?  Oh I hope something hasn’t happened to him.  Why?  I’m angry and pissed off.  He shouldn’t act this way.  I know we are just having sex and not committed or anything but it’s just because he is scared!  I know that he does truly love me and the chemistry is so perfect!  He is so perfect!
  • He breaks off with you.  Truth:  It’s over.  Conspiracy Theory:  He can’t possibly not want to see me.  It was so good!  We had so much chemistry!  I love him!  He is just scared!  I have to make him come back and love me or his life will be ruined.  No one is as good as me.
  • He flirts with other women around you.  Truth:  He is being rude.  Conspiracy Theory:  That Bitch.  It’s all her fault.  She is skanky and I know she has some venereal disease.  I have to let everyone know on Facebook so I and all my friends and friends of friends can talk about what a skank she is.

LOL. Not seeing and dealing with the truth can sink us into an unhealthy depression.  Or an unhealthy focus.  The bottom line is so simple and yet we make excuses and create drama and depression to avoid the truth.  Truth:  He was rude.  Solution:  Call him on it.

This works in life too:

  • Your Boss wants you to do A, B and C.  Truth:  Things need to get done.  Conspiracy Theory:  My boss hates me.  My boss has a miserable home life, crappy dating situation and dresses poorly.  He/She has no idea how to lead and I need a new job.
  • Travel is delayed. Truth:  There is nothing you can do about it.  Find a way to relax.  Conspiracy Theory:  You whine, moan and stew about all the difficulties.  How the airlines are all screwed up…they should have stopped the tornado!
  • You don’t live within your means and are in debt.  Truth:  Make a budget and stick to it.  Conspiracy Theory:  I don’t need to save.  I need the new sparkly iPhone case!  I’ll find a man to pay for all this stuff when I get married.  (I have really gotten that one…multiple times!)
  • Interim job while you achieve your goals.  Truth:  I’ll find a way to have fun with it so I can move on to my next goal!  Conspiracy Theory:  I hate my job.  This is so beneath me.  I don’t care if it provides me stability.  I shouldn’t have to do this work.  I should have my own company and everyone I meet is against me in that goal.  Oh…here comes that SOB that has it in for me right now…

See how these little conspiracies we develop in our minds serve our depression?  Our Brats and Drama Queens love this!  They love it because conspiracy theories  justify our depression over things. What we need to do is laugh a bit more and then face the truth.  Because a lot of depression can be resolved by facing the truth, taking action and laughing a bit more.  Love, Goddess

Related Reading:

  1. Divorce Depression…How to Remove the Drama?
  2. Dating Tips for Women:  Let a Man Chase You.  Here’s How 
  3. Marilyn Monroe:  Ahead of Her Time
  4. Bitch Lifestyle Home

© S Stevens Life Strategies

I Hate Myself

i hate myself, depression, insecurity,how to control anger,am i depressed,
Gorgeous quote found at We Heart Vintage: http://weheartvintage.co/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/coco.jpg

“I hate myself,” said one of my long term clients on our very first call.  She was getting a divorce, had lost her passion for life and spent the day Google-ing phrases like: “I want to die,” “I want to be happy again,” “what are the symptoms of depression,” “am I depressed,”  “how to control anger.”  By the end of the call I managed a true giggle from her.  I could hear her smile. It made us both feel so good.  She was able to see how her Drama Queen was in charge of her life.   She has worked very hard at controlling her Drama Queen and feels so much better. Now…both of us love the story of her first call!

Let’s be scary honest.  Most, if not all of us, have uttered, deep in our minds these phrases:  “I want to die,” I want to be happy again,” “what are the symptoms of depression,” “am I depressed?” “how to control anger!”  Yeah…the Bitch gets pissed off and depressed, but she lets it out in a structured way and takes care of it.  She rocks her anger tools:  Anger is Scary if You Let it Be 

Life can be VERY difficult.  Terrible things happen to us every day.  How do we cope?  How do we flip it into the positive?  I’ll never forget how a client of mine turned tragedy positive by using gratitude.  Her story:  In three short months she had found the love of her life.  She had wanted to date him for so long.  Finally they were and planning for their future!  Then a few months later he wasn’t feeling well.  He went to the hospital.  He was diagnosed with cancer and never left.  He was gone in days.  I wish I could share with you how she turned this story into a thing of strong, grateful beauty.  Every time I think of her I cry and am grateful for her sharing this with me:  Turning the high and low of her life into a beautiful honoring of their love.  She mourned gorgeously.  She pampered herself and allowed people to be strong for her.  This is true Sassy Strength.  For more:  Sass Zappers Part 3

I, personally hate negativity and am doing me best to release it from my life.   This “positive job” is not easy.  I used to be on Twitter a lot.  Now not so much.  There is so much negativity in the timeline.  Even my positive filled one!  Today I almost got run over by a very angry woman in the grocery store.  Driving home I was almost killed by a distracted driver while listening to radio DJs complaining about XYZ celebrity.  We are surrounded by unhappy people and the pool seems to be growing.  I’ve weeded out the bad and opened my heart to the new.  This was not done without pain.  It is hard to let people go.  Deep down, despite the unhappy around us, we want to believe in a person.  Sometimes, for our own sanity we must let go of things and people that make us miserable.

Instead…we must think about what does make us happy.  Find the tiny fragments in the midst of tragedy and pain.  We must mourn, yes.  But we also must live and enmesh ourselves in our passions. Those are things that will always be with us for us to take refuge in.  So please…even on a bad day, try to sit back and be grateful for one thing and or thing you would love to do.  And when you have an inkling to Google “I hate myself,” which our Drama Queens adore, try something ANYTHING that would turn you on.  Google the word “fun.” Love and a big warm hug, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. Adversity
  2. Drama Queens Love… 
  3. My book on Amazon: Bitch Lifestyle the Manual
  4. Bitch Lifestyle Home

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Divorce Depression…How to Remove the Drama?

divorce depression, divorce advice,dealing with divorce,relationship advice,
Images galore for you at 25 Dip 

Divorce depression…how do we remove the drama?

Divorce is one of the most difficult, emotionally charged and draining life events to deal with.  Break ups with boyfriends are emotionally tough but divorce really ups the ante!  You’ve planned a life with someone because you believed heart and soul that you found your soul mate.  Then you lose them.  Why would not be in the throes of divorce depression?

I’ve had many women clients who are going through this very thing.  They come to me when they have realized they have lost who they are.  They want to get passed the pain and stress of divorce depression and re-discover themselves!  They don’t know how and they have little time.  They have careers, responsibilities and possibly children.  What they need is to stop for a few moments and start taking care of themselves, no guilt, so they can take care of everything else.   They need to heal and don’t know how to feel good again.  I really and truly believe that life events like this must be mourned.  For us to take every drop of emotion we have about it and let it out.  Cry until we are exhausted, rage until we collapse, sleep until we are no longer spent.  When we give ourselves permission to feel it instead of pushing emotion away, then we begin to heal.

 “You’ve got to feel it to heal it.”  Dr. Christiane Northrup

I’ll never forget the first time I read that quote.  The world slowed down to a stand still.  Me…Miss Push Everything Aside and deal with the next thing just stopped everything.  When I was in my very early twenties I got hurt by several people whom I thought were friends.  I remembered thinking to myself, well, that’s it.  I’m not going to let anyone or anything hurt me ever again.  And I got so good at it.  For years nothing.  I would never give anyone the satisfaction of hurting me again.  Great, right?


When I read that quote I realized I had gone to sleep all those years ago.  I needed to wake up from my own protective advice!  Advice I took on to save myself from hurting.  I needed to wake up and start LIVING again.  The quote woke me up…but how was I ever to stay awake and deal with painful things in a mature way?  This led me to some important questions.  How do I fall apart in a structured way so I can pick up the pieces of my life and start to live again?  Why were we given emotions to only push them away?  We aren’t robots, right?  What is the use in us being robots?

Life is full of rituals that we celebrate.  Births, Graduations, Birthdays, Weddings.  We have rituals from the simple to the extraordinary to celebrate.  Why don’t we have something for lifes’ non-celebrations?  A way to let go, release and heal.  We must honor all these passages in our lives.  The good and the bad.  Women are vibrant, emotional beings.  We must live through our emotions so we can find the truths that they hide.  Not only so we heal ourselves, but so we learn and don’t make similar mistakes again.  Like choosing the wrong guy!  Does this sound amazing to you?  The release and clarity we receive is cathartic in our growth process.  And I’ve put it all in this course:  Re-Awakening There is absolutely no judgement.  We will immerse ourselves into our emotions and I will give you key tools that will awaken your spirit.  Tools that will help keep you focused and alive even while dealing with challenges that we face in life!  Help move us from divorce depression into celebration.  It works with relationship depression too. Are you ready?  Email me so we can get started!  goddess@bitchlifestyle.com

I’m so in my **** I can’t even take it.  Not having to do anything, expect anything or worry is the best feeling ever.  I’m grateful beyond words.  Thank you Sharon!”  Janine

“In the very first session you gave me a lifesaver.  The anger tool rocked my world!  Thank you so much.”  Sandra

“I didn’t realize how deeply asleep I was.  Your course invigorated me mind and spirit.  I feel like ME again.”  Isabella

“I am so glad I found you and your Re-Awakening course!  I’ve finally moved on from my divorce and the depression I was feeling.”  Barbara

Bitch Lifestyle Home

© S Stevens Life Strategies