Don’t Do This to a Man!

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What you want to do isn’t necessarily what you should.  Awesome Anne Taintor from Post Crossing

Don’t do this to a man.

Just don’t.

Read on for the what and why.  

I threw a 50th birthday party for my brother a few week ago.  A surprise wine tasting party that was a success and my brother and myself got pretty lit.  My best-friend (Thank you!) drove us home.  The next day my best friend and I get up to go pick up my brother to go out to breakfast.  We get in my car and it’s completely dead.  My best-friend thought the head lights went off automatically and accidentally left them on all night.  So I said to her…can you drive?  She said yes and then I said:

“Don’t tell him about having to jump start my car until after breakfast.”

She asked why.

I said…

“He will want to focus on eating.  When he’s done he’ll be ready to deal.”

She agreed and off we went.  We had breakfast and my bother fixed the problem immediately after.

So in conclusion:

Don’t do this to a man:  Ask him to do something if he is hungry (especially when hungover!).

The why:  A man who is hungry is focused on one thing.  Eating.  Let him enjoy his meal.  In most cases (unless of course an emergency) this is a win win.  He gets to eat and the problem will be fixed.  Remember the old saying “The way to a mans’ heart is through his stomach?” Not much has changed with this.  Except we eat out more now than 20 years ago!

When I discussed this with my brother a few days later, he was happy that I let him eat.  He loved it and thanked me.  The only thing he would have liked was to relax for a few minutes after eating before jumping my car.  Which was cool.  I mean, he had a big night, was exhausted, it was Sunday and he needed to decompress.  All totally understandable.

This is a big thing for a man.  It may not seem like much to us…but…we should just try understand this is how they roll.  Men are wonderfully NOT complex.  Appreciate the fact that when a man is hungry…let him eat.  That cranky dude will be fine and ready to assist you when he’s fed.   When we do this they will do the same for us.  (Unless of course he or she is a taker) Being in any sort of a relationship is give and take.  Curious Curiosity:  How about it men?  Why is this important to you?  I would love to hear your feed back.  Understanding, appreciation and learning more going out to everyone!

Important ironic huge PS:  Right after I finished writing and editing this post I had to go over to my Mom and Dads’ home.  They were away and I had to let in the Plummer to fix their sink.  I let him in and showed him the button to close the garage door.  Our conversation and what I’m thinking in italics:

Me:  Thanks … if you need anything call.

Plummer: (With a concerned look on his face) Uhhh…I didn’t realize it was so close to lunch time…

Me: Oh…   Seriously?  Now you’re worried about my leaving because you won’t be able to get back in if you want to go to lunch?  I don’t want to hang out while this dude goes to get lunch!  I’ll try the confused look reaction.  This works in a lot of these situations because the man will, even when hungry, realize that there is a problem and try to solve it.  In this case:  How do I solve my lunch problem without pissing off the girl customer in front of me.

Me:  (confused look)

Plummer:  Uhhhh…let me see how long this will take.

I follow him about the kitchen as he takes inventory and he realizes it won’t take long.  Good.  I can leave!  The timing on this was pretty funny to me so I hope it amused you too.  I wish you could have seen the look on the Plummers’ face when he realized it was so close to lunch time! (Insert amused chuckle face here)  Another example how a little patience and understanding will help things work out.  A guy’s stomach is a big thing.  Respect it and he will respect you.

Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1.  21 Days to Fabulous Glorious Abundance
  2.  My book on Amazon:   Bitch Lifestyle The Manual
  3.  Confidence:  Signs You’re a Sassy Bitch
  4.  Bitch Lifestyle Home

 

Bitch Lifestyle has affiliate relationships with Amazon and Hay House.  I’ve selected these affiliates to share books, videos and classes that I’ve enjoyed and hope readers on this site will as well.  Clicking on a link will be of no cost to you.  I will only receive a commission if you decide to make a purchase.

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Relationship Deal Breaker?

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Realationship deal breaker? ***

What are ways to keep from doing it?   Read on to find out.

I was reading one of those “Ask so and so/Ann Landers” type columns in the paper a few weeks ago.  A woman didn’t know how to salvage a relationship she was in.  Here are the quickie bullet points:

  • Prior to dating “Guy she likes,” she was sleeping with Dude X.
  • She started dating “Guy she likes,” but they stopped seeing each other.
  • She started sleeping with Dude Y.
  • She starts dating “Guy she likes,” again and they decide to have an exclusive relationship.
  • She feels as though she “needs” to tell him about who she was sleeping with when she and “Guy she likes,” were not serious, now that they ARE serious.
  • She tells him the “Dudes” she was sleeping with.
  • “Guy she likes” does not take this well and she doesn’t know why.

Relationship deal breaker?  TMI…too much information.  Why?  Because it wasn’t necessary for her to tell “Guy she likes” who she’d been sleeping with when they weren’t in a committed relationship.  This pain could be eased if a person learns what their relationship deal breakers are.  What do you want?  Do you want a relationship?  Do you just want sex?  Are you not sure what you want?   You know what works with all of these scenarios?  Getting to know the person you may want to date, have sex with or work toward a relationship with.  And this starts with …

YOU.

It’s up to you to figure out what you like.  It’s up to you to ask the questions and notice the actions of the person you may want to get to know better.  How do you find out your deal breakers?  Action and experience.  Here are a few of my relationship deal breakers.  These have helped spare me from not all, but a lot of painful experiences.

  • Has he learned anything from past relationships?  Did he cheat?  Did he put it all on the ex?  I was out on a date recently with a divorced man.  I asked him why he thought his marriage ended.  Through his response I knew he wasn’t for me.  I was looking to date seriously.  Dating seriously does not work for me if the guy is still in love with someone else.  I don’t want to be “Rebound Girl.” Been there, done with the pain of that.  After he finished I said to him, without a stitch of anger: “You realize you’re still in love with your ex-wife, right?”  He gave me a shocked look.  Said I may be right and STILL tried to sleep with me. (I won’t go into the details but no way!)
  • Giving to each other. Love is giving and receiving.  Even when one of you may not want to.
  • He speaks lovingly of family, friends and is polite to others (like waitstaff).  If a person can’t show kindness?  RUN!!!!
  • He has a zest for life and he is responsible.  He doesn’t have 5 kids with 5 different baby mamas.  If he was married, he has a good relationship with his ex-wife…for the kids sake.  For more read:  “If a man Wants to Borrow Money.”  

In a nutshell, I want to be around responsible and loving people.  If we can’t trust someone why would we give our hearts or bodies to them?  That is more important than a discussion of who slept with who and when.  You’re allowed to keep certain things private.  I see things on social media and I don’t even know how to respond to them.  Like the colon polyp someone is having removed.  You can say you’re going to have a procedure, but do we all need the details?  Like the size, shape or color of something coming from your colon?  You can choose to do all these things.  But by doing them there may be consequences.  It may make people you want to get to know uncomfortable:  It may keep you from having a closer relationship.  So share, but try to wait until you get to know someone better first.  Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1.  Confidence:  Signs You’re a Sassy Bitch
  2.  Bitch Lifestyle The Manual
  3.  Rapunzel and Her Tower
  4.  Bitch Lifestyle Home
  5. ***For Anne Taintor Sassy visit Static Light Speed  and Anne Taintor web sites!

Bitch Lifestyle has affiliate relationships with Amazon and Hay House.  I’ve selected these affiliates to share books, videos and classes that I’ve enjoyed and hope readers on this site will as well.  Clicking on a link will be of no cost to you.  I will only receive a commission if you decide to make a purchase.

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Understanding Men a Valuable Resource!

Understanding men a valuable resource!  This article is a follow up to “What We Can Learn From Mens Magazines.” Please re-read.  A specific example of their competitive nature came up this weekend to me constantly.  Would you like more info on how to deal with their competitive nature?  Yeah…I know you do.

I was channel surfing the other night and the movie “Friends with Benefits” was on.  If you haven’t seen it, it’s about two friends-Jamie and Dylan-who decide to have sex without the strings of a “relationship.”  Jamie decides that it isn’t working and they should stop.  She meets a guy. On her first date she tells him she doesn’t sleep with anyone until the fifth date. After sleeping with this guy on the 5th date, she is surprised when he ditches her.  She is upset (of course) and thinks it’s her:

Jamie: I gotta stop thinking it’s not me. I mean, it’s gotta be me!
Dylan: It’s not you. Nothing is wrong with you. He’s a guy. You gave him a five date challenge, he got you and cut out. Forget the douche! He’s a dick. He’s a dick douche.

This is great advice from Dylan.  But Jamie was right.  It was her.  She told the guy exactly what he had to do to “get her.”  If she doesn’t want that anymore? Perhaps she should keep the guy guessing.  Not as a game, but as a way to gauge his interest in her.  Every guy wants to get laid and Jamie made it WAY too easy for him.  You’ve got to be smarter than a guy. And guys are the first to admit they aren’t too smart.  Don’t lay all your cards on the table.  Men will love it.  You told them exactly how to get what they want from you with very little effort.

Other examples:

If you have a guy friend who is being rude or obnoxious?  Call him on it.  Then watch his actions.  If he is sorry, he may not say it.  He will show with his actions.  I recently called a guy friend on his crap.  He hasn’t apologized, but boy oh boy has he been a sweetie!

Another guy friend of mine likes to have Sunday breakfast with me.  So he started SKYPE-ing me first thing Sunday morning.  I told him to call me because I would have to get out of bed to talk to him through SKYPE.  I had a phone by my bed.  What did he do?  He continued to SKYPE me.  Whose fault is this?

MINE.

But Goddess…you told him what wasn’t acceptable to you and he disrespected you by calling you.

No, Brat.

It’s my fault because I made a challenge/game out of SKYPE-ing to this guy.  You have to know when you have presented a challenge to a guy.  A fun little button to push.  This is what my guy friend heard me say: “This is annoying.  Don’t do that.”  He will do a happy dance in his mind thinking of all the fun he is going to have SKYPE-ing me on a Sunday morning.  Oh how men LOVE to annoy women they love.

You’ve got to be smarter than him, Bitch.  Simple solution.  Turn the lap top off.  Now he calls.  And we discussed it.  He admitted he was enjoying pushing my buttons.  I’ll let him push my buttons in a playful way but not in a way that irritates me!  You know the old saying…give an inch and they will take a mile?  Be smarter Bitch.  Want even smarter?  Learn from a man:  I like Michael Fiore.  I’ve seen him on TV and he tells women exactly how to get and keep a mans’ attention.  Click here for more.   Finally, if you really want to rock it here is my Private Coaching Program:  Your Re-Awakening  Class dismissed.  Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. Let a Man Chase You:  Here’s How
  2. Sassy Success Secrets
  3. Bitch Lifestyle:  The Manual

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Infatuation Versus Real Love

Infatuation versus real love
Is this hot sexy man for real or full of red flags? Hot picture of Hugh Jackman from the amazing website Shanghai Expat

Infatuation versus real love.  That magical moment happens…you meet a man who is attractive, intelligent and there is chemistry.  The conversation is fun, playful and you’re thinking to yourself…OMG…finally!  A man I can get excited about!  I’m here to give you an excited for you but – maintain your Sassy Bitch grip on this scenario!  Please…ask questions, be aware of red flags…keep things moving slowly so you have the time to get to know him.  So you don’t…

Look past the red flags and fall into…infatuation. Infatuation makes your brain go to sleep. Infatuation makes you not care about the red flags because he smells so good and kisses sooooooo….sooooo…

Here is a nice overview of infatuation versus real love that I enjoyed on Diffen.com

Love takes time. It takes work to get to know someone. Don’t have sex too quickly.  Women do it on the second date now!  I don’t get it! Unless that is all you want…to “get it.”  Are you sure that’s all you want? One of my favorite lines from a movie is from Clueless.  When asked “how far she had gone,” Cher admits she’s a virgin and says…”you know how picky I am about shoes and they just go on my feet.” She had a clue here.  But do the rest of us?  The sexual revolution has allowed us to do it anytime, anywhere with anyone we want. Cool, right? But there are consequences if we let infatuation rule and have sex too quickly.

Like completely missing those pesky little red flags.  The red flags that will doom you to a relationship with a man who doesn’t give you what you truly need to relax, let go and fall in love with him.  Red flag awareness will keep you from wasting your time on the wrong guy.  So start asking him questions, listen to his answers and watch his actions.  Before you give yourself away and then email me asking “why is he acting this way?”

So … I met a man I could get a little excited about.  Our first conversations were epic and amazing. Our third conversation set off some red flags for me.  I cut him some slack.  He seemed genuinely nervous talking to me.  Then the red flags continued.  I asked him questions about them.  He seemed to realize my concern and tried to assure me these red flags were not a problem.  I was skeptical.  In our short dating life we already had a pattern here. The red flag was that he was too self-involved.  He would talk about himself endlessly.  I took a lot of interest in him but his interest in what was going on with me was…not satisfying me.

So I called him on it.  He called me needy.  (See this article for exactly what he tried to do by calling me needy: The Deflection)  Which I found to be hilarious because he talked endlessly about me being understanding about HIS needs, quirks, problems and issues.  How he “needed” me to be patient with him.

I understand male deflection well … I called him out on that too.  I told him that crap wasn’t going to fly with me.  To which he…freaked out.

Ahhhhh….Check mate for me. I was done with this child man.

I’m so glad I listened to those red flags and paid attention to his actions!  It has saved me so much grief.  I desire a man who is inspired by my passions.  They make me ME. He takes as much interest in me as I do him. Every girl deserves this and more.  Do not settle for anything less than a man who is passionate about YOU, sassy one…mind, body and soul!  Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. The Obnoxious Male
  2. Bitch Lifestyle:  The Manual
  3. Love Games:  An Outrageous Proposal

© S Stevens Life Strategies