How Not to be Late Night Booty Call Girl

booty call

It’s a gorgeous Sunday morning.  I’m at my favorite blueberry farm picking organic and luscious ripe blueberries.  In the next blueberry lane I hear 2 women talking about men.  It becomes crystal clear what my next blog was going to be about:   Don’t let a man disrespect you by being his “Late Night Booty Call Girl.”  Here is the conversation I overheard:

Woman A: Mike called last night.

Woman B: Really?

Woman A: He said he wanted to hang out. I thought it was a little strange because it was so late, but I wasn’t really doing anything so I said okay. He said he would be right over.

Woman B: What time was it?

Woman A: 10:30 and he was a little drunk because he’d been celebrating a success at work.

Woman B: Oh…

Woman A: So he comes over and hits on me. I told him no, he left and he hasn’t called to apologize for his behavior!

Woman B: Wow.

Woman A: I’m really glad I was strong enough to say no.

 

So was I!  Then there was more discussion about his success at work, why he didn’t call to apologize, etc.  All about him, nothing about her and how she had been disrespected.  The Bitch wouldn’t have cared about his success at work or the fact that he didn’t call to apologize.  The Bitch knows that the moment he calls at 10:30 at night drunk to hang out she was one thing: “Late Night Booty Call Girl”  And THAT would be the thing she would be focused on.  The disrespect of that call.  Here’s how I handle a late night call (and a drunken one at that!) from a man:

Bitch Goddess (me): I got a call from Mike last night.

Mary Ann (my hot girlfriend): Really…

Bitch Goddess: (sarcastic) He called me drunk at 10:30 and said he wanted to hang out with me.

Mary Ann: (Rolls her eyes and shakes her head)

 

I would have answered this phone call in one of two ways.  First way, since it was late, I would have let my voice mail answer.  One of my personal “dating rules” is not to be too available to men I’m just starting to date.  I let it go to voice mail after 10 PM because I have to work early and that’s me time.   This really cuts down on the “Late Night Booty Call Girl” calls.

Second way:  If I’m dating the man more seriously and he calls me up drunk and late, he’s not respecting me.  So I’m not rude, I just let him know in a polite and firm way that this behavior is not going to fly with me.  Any one of these responses would work:

1. Good job, Mike. I have an early day at work tomorrow. Night, sweetie.

2. Congratulations on the cool work news! Good night, Mike.

3. I’m going to be busy sleeping in a few minutes, Mike. Enjoy your celebration!

 

It’s really important to keep your response unemotional and clear.  A man knows how to push a woman’s emotional buttons.  (see my earlier blog on this subject What You Can Learn From Mens Magazines )  Why do men push our emotional buttons like this?  When a woman responds emotionally to disrespect from a man, it confirms to him that she cares.  It gives them a temporary ego boost.   Over time a man will lose respect for a woman if she is too available to him, or gets too emotional when he crosses the line.  What keeps their ego boosted is the woman who doesn’t put up with his nonsense and puts him  in his place.  Let a Man Chase You Here’s How   Over time, it makes him feel better to have the strong woman in his life.  The strong woman is the one he wants to marry and raise a family with.  Strong men get this and this is the man you want to raise a family with.  That’s why I want you to really watch a mans’ actions.  The strong man will still be male and try to push your buttons from time to time.  (Refer back to boundaries part of mens magazines blog)  The man who cares for you will feel bad when he disrespects you.  He may not say he was wrong but he will show with his actions that he was wrong.

Remember:  We all want that beautiful love story.  Both sexes are putting their emotions on the line.   He will put everything on the line for a strong woman.  She will give her heart to a man who shows he cares by his actions.  Both of us win by understanding each others’ nature.  This is a huge subject that we will delve into more ladies, promise.  Just remember what a hot, wonderful gorgeous woman you are and clarify what you want in a relationship with a man.   If you have any questions, let me know.  Love, Goddess

Want more?  Order  Bitch Lifestyle the Manual now on Amazon!

Things to do instead of worrying about what HE is doing:

American Classics  Become a master chef!

Paris: Portrait of a City Study and make plans to go to Paris.

You Can Heal Your Life Great book about studying the signals your body sends you every day.

© S Stevens Life Strategies

 

 

Empowered Dating!

First dates can be stressful.  What do I wear, what will I say, how will he be, etc.   Turn this drama into fun “empowered dating.”    Whatever you do before the date, dress, work out, do this for you, not him.  Feel fabulous about you.  Keep this thought in your mind:  Is he worthy of the hotness that is you?  Does he treat you like a lady?  Does he say things to you that raise a little red flag?  If he says something you don’t like, tell him.  Order whatever you want.  Thank him for a lovely evening.   Below is an example of a recent date.  It addresses the above issues.  I have included tips in italics that help you effortlessly steer the wheel in dating.  You’re in the drivers’ seat ladies!  So let’s start driving the car.

Last night I met “A” at a lovely tavern that features live music.  We sit and I’m hungry.  I’d like to share something.  Sharing is fun.  

Me: Would you like to split something?

A:  Sure, whatever you’d like.

Me: How about the cheese tray.

His expression was priceless.  Not a cheese tray guy.  (Lesson #1: Order exactly what you want.  Not what you think you should be ordering on a date) He says sure to the cheese tray.  Good, witty conversation.  He’s interested in every aspect of my life. We get to him.  He talks a bit, but it becomes very clear that he’s lonely. 

A:  I just want to meet someone, anyone to spend time with.  (Lesson #2:  This is a red flag.  Do you want to be Miss Anyone?)

Me: (I smile warmly…remember to play) and say  “We’ll that’s flattering!” 

A:  No no, that’s not what I meant.  (Lesson #3:  Yes it is.  He was caught and back pedaled in a way that said “Gotcha!” to me)

I let this go…for now.

More conversation about how lonely and hard it is to be single.  I tell him that people should focus on the good in their lives.  A lot of single people look at the coupled people and want that.  Then they pick someone “just to be in a relationship” and a lot are miserable and settling.  The married people yearn for the freedom of the single people.  If we’re constantly looking for the good in our lives, we’re focused on good and not “the what ifs” “if onlys” and “I so wish I had this.” (Lesson #4:  Express your opinion.  Even if it’s something he may not agree with)

He agrees but continues his lonely tangent. I’m understanding.  I encounter so much loneliness everyday.  That’s why I want to bring back laughter, fun and play into our lives.  (Lesson #5: Communicate.  Dating is not just about him.  This is about you and your pleasure. I’m not going to be “Miss Anyone” for this lonely guy.  I want respect, fun, play, laughter.  I don’t want to hang out with a guy who’s going to be a downer all the time.  I’m going to communicate this to him, see his reaction, and see if he produces by his actions.  If not…I’ll move on to another prospect, and not think about it one more minute.  Unless it helps you, gorgeous!)

“A” wants to know what I’m doing this weekend.  I’m booked.  I don’t divulge too much information.  I tell him that on Friday night I’m watching my favorite TV show Battlestar Galactica.  He can’t believe I would rather sit home and watch TV than go on a date with him. ( Lesson #6:  Don’t give your stuff up for a man…it’s your stuff.  Especially for a second date )  It’s time to go.  I know he is going to ask me out again. 

A:  Would you like to go out again?

Me:  Maybe…(with a smile)

A:  Oh…man…

Me:  I didn’t say no…

A:  That’s true…

Me:  Listen…I have a request.

A:  Okay.

Me:  If I go out with you again, I want to play more.  You went on quite a tangent on how you want anyone to spend time with.  I’m not going to settle for being “any” girl.  It’s like me saying to you on the first date:  My biological clock is ticking.  How can we get this moving so A B and C can occur as soon as possible?  That would turn you off wouldn’t it?  Do you understand what I’m saying to you?

A:  Yes…I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be such a downer.

(Lesson #7:  Do not let something that turns you off go.  Communicate clearly and unemotionally. ) Cut the man some slack. He could have made an honest mistake due to nerves.  He listened to what I had to say.  He followed up on it first thing this morning in an email:

Hi Sharon,

It was a pleasure sharing your passion and energy last night.  It would be nice to play together again.  Except Friday at 10PM.  Enjoy the Sci-Fi…

Best Wishes,

“A”

Does driving the car sound fun to you ladies?  Women have so much power over men.  They don’t realize the fun they could be having.  Loving yourself, knowing exactly what you want and clear communication are keys a fantastic love life.

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies 

 

Taming a Mans’ Wild Child

One of my favorite songs is about a man’s Wild Child.  It’s on the Bitch Soundtrack to your right on this web page.  “Butterfly” by Crazy Town has an infectious beat and sexy lyrics.  The man thanks the woman in his life for taming his wild child.  In return he wants to give her pleasure.  Mmmm….!  Ready to tame a mans’ Wild Child?  You are if you fell in love with yourself in my “Love Affair Blogs.”   

Men and women screw up. We’re human. Men appreciate a woman who forgives him when he screws up. However, if a woman is too forgiving the wild child in him will take advantage of her kindness. The Bitch politely points out the problem, states what she wants and then lets him take action.  She doesn’t fret or nag.  She’s too busy having fun.  What turns her on?  A man who follows through.  Words are nothing if they aren’t backed up with actions.

So how to we do this?  We love ourselves, research what we like, take care of our minds and bodies and learn to communicate in a mans’ language.  Men communicate in a clear, direct and unemotional way.   When there’s a problem their goal is to solve it.  We understand this, know what we want and state a solution to the problem.  Following is an example of how I do this: 

I had an exhausting and fun weekend. Friday night I had wine with a hot male friend at an Italian restaurant.  Saturday I partied in Boston with 8 beautiful women. We ate delicious homemade Indian food and celebrated a birthday.  Sunday I celebrated my nieces’ birthdays. We made puzzles, read stories, played hide and seek and ate cake. Between the festivities I was enjoying the men who are interested in dating me.

It’s up to me to communicate with men what I want in a date. What I want is a slow courtship. I’m in no rush. I want a man to demonstrate affection, fun, respect and caring over time. It becomes a habit with him to treat me like a Goddess.  I’ll appreciate and adore this man for making me happy.  Here is the progress with 3 of my suitors:

I finally agreed to a date with “E,” Quick recap. About a month and a half ago I told him I thought he was coming on too strong. I told him what I was looking for in a date. He has come through beautifully.

“Sexy Scorpio:”  We had a hot intellectual conversation, fun flirtation and he wanted to know when he could see me. He has a tendency to call last minute and I’m NOT last minute girl. I’m booked up this week and I’m going on vacation next week. I’m doing things on my timetable not HIS. I want a man who respects my life and because of that makes plans ahead of time, not last minute. He sounded disappointed that I wasn’t available.  So I stated something fun for us to do. “I would love to talk to you and flirt with you until we do have time to meet.” I’ve given him the appropriate action and I’ll enjoy whatever he produces.

“Leo” did something inappropriate last week and apologized. I liked what he had to say but wasn’t sure if I wanted to start dating him. I nicely but firmly told him that. Then I offered a solution that would make both of us happy: “I’m giving you three weeks to show me that you’re a person I should be dating.” He’s now happily trying to do that. Why did this work with “Leo?”

1. He was sincerely sorry for being inappropriate. He wasn’t sure if there was a way to make it up to me. His words told me he was searching for one.
2. I agreed with him that he was inappropriate.
3. I stated exactly what I wanted in a man: I wanted to date a man who I could get to know slowly, have fun, laugh, play and explore with.
4. I stated the problem…Because of his inappropriate behavior I wasn’t sure that he was that man.
5. I offered a solution. One where he could take action…over time to prove he was “date able” to me.
6. I’ve made it his choice. All I have to do now is sit back and enjoy what he wants to do for me. 

Practice assignments: 

1.  Take some time to get rid of any anger you may have toward a man or the world in general.  http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/06/our-love-affair-day-3yay-angry-bitch/ (Dance, work out, scream)  Notice how much better you feel. 

2.  Then start thinking about something nice you would want from a man.  Make a list. 

3.  When you are out and about and you see a man?  Think about something you may want.  If you don’t want anything?  Cool.  Would you like to flirt with someone?  Go for it.  Would you like help with something heavy you’re carrying?  Find a man and greet him warmly.  State what you want and thank him when he produces.

Let me know how it goes! 

Love, Goddess

 

© S Stevens Life Strategies

 

 

What You Can Learn From Mens Magazines

What you can learn from mens magazines
What you can learn from mens magazines…
Did you know that men look at the cover of female magazines to learn about us?  Interesting.  So lets do the same. What would we discover about men if we did similar research?
Example A:  Let’s look at the covers of Men Magazines I found on the web. The first is GQ and a cover had the following: Don’t Mess With Christian Bale, 25 Best Pizza Places on Earth, Lean and Mean. Then there’s Details magazine:  The Greatest Virginity Story Ever Told, The Sandwich You Have to Try. Next we have: The Dinner Date Seduction-Men’s Health, Rafael Nadal Fears No One-Men’s Journal, The Billion Dollar Art Vault-Men’s Vogue, The 3rd Annual Badass Issue-Penthouse, The Scariest Man in America-Maxim.  The articles seem to have this air of conquest, power and success don’t they?  The marketing of these magazines seems geared towards a mans’ attraction to elements of “success,” “danger,” “toughness,” or “difficulty.”
 
Lesson #1: Men like difficult and challenging things.  Men love achievement, it seems. You ever notice how the men you aren’t attracted to won’t go away? And you don’t understand why? It’s because you’re not interested and he likes that challenge. And then there are the guys you absolutely adore that are paying no attention to you? Maybe you are making it too easy and there is no challenge. Interesting thing to explore a bit huh, ladies? Solution: Let a Man Chase You  Here’s How  
 
Example B:  Then I went to the “Ask Men”  web site and found some interesting things too. There’s an article about teenage girls hating actress Kristen Stewart who stars in the movie Twilight.    They hate her so much they have web sites dedicated to hating her. The reason for the hatred?  She is the on-screen love interest for Robert Pattison-the hot guy in Twilight.

Lesson #2: This is how men learn to pin women against each other. Solution: Let’s stop pouring our energy into competing with women. Especially women we don’t even know. This only enables him to use other women to get an emotional reaction out of us.  He stays in control this way.  Mmmmm…not here at Bitch Lifestyle.

Example C:  Another article is entitled: “How many vices you can get away with?” He knows these are bad for you but wants to play with the danger.

Lesson # 3:  A man wants to know what his boundaries are. That’s why it’s so important that a woman respects herself and sets boundaries with him regarding her. Solution: Make sure he knows that there are consequences to his actions if he disrespects and doesn’t appreciate you. This must be done up front by a woman. He’s going to test you either way.  With boundaries set, he will learn walking all over you gets him nowhere.

Example D:  There were 2 articles about food.  And very simple food.  The “best pizza on earth” and a “sandwich they must have.”

Lesson #4:  Don’t try too hard by cooking him fancy meals.  Solution:  Perhaps the first time you cook him a meal you make it much much simpler.  Start out with potato chips.  (Lays are good) As time passes and he shows with his actions how much he likes you, add the pizza and sandwich options.  Can you imagine how special he’s going to feel when you finally get around to cooking him a T Bone steak?  You both win!

Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. Bitch Rule Book
  2. How Not to be Late Night Booty Call Girl
  3. Letting Your Guy Run the Show? Stop With This
  4. Bitch Lifestyle Home
© S Stevens Life Strategies