Dating Advice for Women: You Choose the Man!

Dating Advice for Women: You Choose the Man,channing tatum,
Hot Channing Tatum image from Double Duty Mommy

I don’t care if he looks like this.  Choose wisely in dating hotties!

Dating advice for women:  You choose the men you want to date!

I have noticed something about the women around my orbit lately.  In coaching, business and out and about.  I have met not 1, not 10, but 23 women in the last two weeks that are succumbing to fear.  They are letting go of their power of choice and letting the guy choose them in dating.  It’s an unhealthy choice.  It almost guarantees this going through their minds during a date:  “If I spend one more minute with this guy I’m going to die.”

Men are sneaky.  They will tell you upfront what’s wrong with them.  In a humorous, self-effacing way.  As a result, you will be amused, charmed.  Make no mistake.  You agree to a date?  Check mate for him. Men turn on the charm when they want something from us.  Like sex.  They can make things like this sound heroic:   I’m looking for a partner to face lifes’ battles with 110%! (In a husky, sexy voice) Meanwhile, he doesn’t take responsibility for his actions and has no idea what he wants to do. (except have sex with you at the moment)  The reason why that tactic works?  We SO want that as women.  We want the man who will stand by us 110% through thick and thin.  At our worst and best.  We need that in a man to feel secure, loved and cherished.  We want that when we are crazed…in child birth, when PMSing, or just having a bad day.  And then we will surrender …  for the most part … sassy smile.  If a guy says this to us?  We so want it to be us that we go temporarily insane and start saying things to ourselves like this:

“Awww…that’s what I’ve been searching for my whole life!”

“Pick me!  I’d go the ends of the earth with you!”

“Finally.  My Dashing Knight has arrived!”

LOL…come on…it’s a little funny our sentimental romantic, no?  However…

We must never settle.  Especially regarding the first date!  If you “settle” for a guy on a first date?  It puts you on the path of getting attached to a man who is not good for you.  I can’t tell you how many men have told me point blank their “issues” on the very first date.  If he tells you any of these things on the first date or before?  This man is not good for you.  I put the “Male Issue” first and then in italics exactly why it is not good for you.

Male Issue:  “I just got divorced, broke up with someone.”  Run…he needs time to heal emotionally.  Don’t be his rebound girl.

Male issue:  “I just got out of rehab, prison, etc.”   Run…he needs time to adjust.  NOT on your time.  

Male Issue:  “I’m having financially issues.”   Run…he is telling you he is irresponsible.  He’ll be asking you for money soon, girl.  RUN!

Male Issue:  “I don’t think I want to get married.”   If you want marriage and a guy says this to you?  RUN.  He is telling you he will not commit up front.  Then if you bring it up 2 years later, all he has to say is, “I told you I didn’t think I wanted to get married.”  You have no recourse because by continuing to date him, you agreed to his terms!

Male issue:  “I cheated on my last girlfriend.”   Run.  He just told you he is not faithful.   If you continue to date him and he cheats?  You should not be surprised.  He is only following through with past actions.

So the moral of the story is…ask questions, listen, and know what you want!  There are plenty of men out there who don’t cheat, are financially responsible and would do anything to make you smile. They follow up.  They produce.  Choose your criteria and men wisely!  Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Worst Way to Break up with Someone?

 

 

 

worst way to break off with someone
Image from the healthy website Sound Fit

Worst way to break up with someone?

I was watching TV this morning when something stopped my restless remote surfing.  An interview on Fox News about how not to screw up Valentines Day.  It was with relationship expert Siggy Flicker of Marie Claire magazine.  I thought most of her advice was good. One was horrible. Colorful language awful.  It’s a big reason why relationships are so hard today and why it’s so hard to trust someone!  A question was asked to Ms. Flicker:  I want to break off with my boyfriend. Should I wait until after Valentines Day?

Difficult situation?  Absolutely.  Which one would you choose for your boyfriend?

  1. Yes.  Spare his feelings and let him take you out.  Break off with him the next day.  You don’t want to make Valentines Day a tragedy for him for the rest of his life.
  2. No.  Be honest and tell him that it’s not going to work.  Wish him well.

The bottom line is you want to break up.  Deal with that and don’t create more drama and hurt by lying and putting off the truth.  What do you think, Sassy Ones? Ms. Flicker advice was option #1 from above.  My blood boiled over that advice. How would you like to be taken on a wonderfully romantic date and then dumped the next day?  To spare your feelings?  Are you kidding me?  If a man made love to me and then broke up with me the next day?  I would realize it was just sex for him.  So I would feel heartbroken and used! Regarding a difficult choice always go with the more honest option.  At the very least you’re being honest.

You can’t love and trust without honesty.

I interviewed lots of men regarding this matter.  Here are the most popular answers:

“The sooner the better.”  Gary

“She’s giving him false hope.”  Giovanni

“Before Valentine’s Day.  My girlfriend dumped me on Valentine’s day.  I spent my lunch money on chocolates and flowers and she dumped me.”   Jon

“She isn’t dealing with the problem.  She’s just putting things off.”  Gary…again…great advice.

“By being afraid of hurting him she’s hurting him more.”  Ben

“Wow.  What a crappy way to break off with someone.”  Paul

“She’s avoiding the problem.”  Barry

“Both are bad. Personally if I were to end things I would wait ’til at least a week after Valentine’s Day. But if I have to choose between them, it depends how things are going. If things are clearly bad and we’d just be going through the motions on Valentine’s Day, I’d appreciate her dumping me before so I don’t have to spend a bunch of money creating a romantic night for us. If things are mostly ok but she wants to break up because it’s “just not quite right,” then I think we should have one last Valentine’s Day fun night together and then end it.”  Howie  Notice how this answer involves communication between the couple?  Howie would communicate openly about the issue.

“I think, as a man, I would prefer the break up to happen before Valentine’s Day.  Conversely, I think women would prefer the opposite.”  Steven

“I guess, I would prefer before, to avoid that day and spending money on the young lady, because you would feel used.”  Ezra

And input from my very wise and strong best friend Mary Ann:

“It’s the difference between the weak person and the strong person.  The weak person avoids the problem, the strong one deals with it.”  Mary Ann

So there you have it.  The worst way to break up with someone.  Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Suggested Reading:

  1. Best Dating Advice: Are You Easy to Date?
  2. Healthy Eating for Pleasure! 
  3. Bitch Lifestyle Home

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Text Message from Him Does He Love Me?

The Stafford Project  Episode 5: “It’s Just a Heart”

Okay ladies.  Let’s have a little fun today.  Do you obsess over a text message from your guy or any guy?   When, where, how much and what exactly does it mean?  I found this video on the internet (love the actress—Michelle Stafford) which pokes fun at our whole “text message obsession.”  We can all relate to this.  We’ve all been weak.  Let’s heal the weakness and laugh together and get over it!  I send this video to my clients all the time so we can have a chuckle about it together.  Watch the video and then we will discuss below.

  • Notice how she does not quit asking what it means until she gets the answer she wants?  Why do we do things like that?  Maybe because we don’t want to face the truth.  We know the truth but prefer to stay delusional about it.  Why would we do that?  Because it’s safer than the truth.  The truth that maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t like us all that much. If a guy likes you he is in constant contact.  He is never “too busy.”
  • It’s easier to make excuses for a guy instead of facing the truth.  (Refer to above)
  • She is playing it like she knows it is slightly crazy to keep asking about the heart, LOL.  We KNOW when we are being crazy about it but we just can’t seem to stop!
  • The guy who says he “never texts hearts.”  Hilarious.  I have never gotten text hearts from a man.  Think about it…have YOU?  I get the flirty smiles or something much more naughty.  Wink

Are you laughing yet?  It’s important to keep a good sense of humor about the dating process.  I mean, after all, a sense of humor is very attractive quality, no?  So the next time you feel a little wiggy about the whole “text message” with a man thing, sit back, relax and enjoy Michelle Stafford’s humorous take on the whole situation. And if you really want to feel better, this season of her show she has a lot of bad dates.  In interviews Michelle Stafford has said it is based on her life and well, if it is even slightly true we will all feel better because we’ve been there.  There is one bad date where a guy keeps trying to sing to her in public.  That has actually happened to me on a very bad date.  Dude started singing to me in the Olive Garden. I was mortified for me and embarrassed for him.  Makes a fun story though, right?   Love Goddess

 

 

 

 

For more on this hot little topic:

  1. Self Esteem Quiz:  How Do You Rate?
  2. Signs You’re a Sassy Bitch 
  3. Dating Tips for Women:  Signs a Man Wants You to Chase Him

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Relationship Issue: Rudeness

relationship issue rudeness, men being rude, dating rude,
Get your vintage pin ups at Faster Louder! http://rlv.zcache.com/

Got attitude?  Here’s a place to put it…

Relationship issue:  male rudeness.  You meet a guy online and you start exchanging texts.  When you don’t want to give out too much information about yourself-exactly what a very Sassy Bitch would do, he is rude.  He makes a comment like:

  1. Oh come on!  I’m a nice guy!
  2. I don’t understand.
  3. Why?
  4. Do I seem like a stalker to you?  LOL…

Ignore.

If…in any way shape or form this guy you don’t know does something you don’t like, ignore.  Why waste one moment of your precious time on someone who you don’t know who is rude.  I see women doing this all the time!  I’m a member of womens’ groups on Google + and I cannot tell you how many do this.  Smart, gorgeous women who engage in this kind of nonsense from men.  The most effective way to deal with a man who is being rude or obnoxious is to ignore.  It works with all of them.  The ones you don’t know move on because they know you’re done.  So they move on trying to find another target.  It works with the men who care about you too.  If a man you know cares about you is rude this is what you do:

  1. Point out in a bottom line way.
  2. Then ignore.

Resist every urge to feel guilty or communicate.  This would be called back-peddling.  Then they know they hold all the cards with you.  Here is a recent example from me.  I have a very close male friend.  He is my partner in crime in so many fun ways.  A few weeks ago there was a “spark” of chemistry.  First one, for me, in the years we have been playing together.  We had a long conversation about what people have been saying and the “spark” the next day.  My best friend has been wanting us to get together.  People have been making comments about WHEN we are going to get together.  It ended in a stalemate.  He has concerns, so do I.  Who wouldn’t?  What I want is a man who WANTS me and shows it.  Not make me wonder, not leave it at a stalemate.  Next time this comes up, I’m stating it.  This story will continue at a later date…(cue mystery music)

So, now that you know the “need to know” about this man who loves me, the very NEXT day after our deep converstion he was rude to me.   He sends me a text regarding an opportunity for us.  He doesn’t say hi and tells me point-blank to do something.  I’m sitting with my brother who knows this man.  He was surprised at how rude he was.  I said, yeah…and demanding.  So I text him back:

Uhmmm…no hi, how are you?

He got it.  The next day HE did what he demanded me to do.  He was oh so much more pleasant.   No need to gloat, push his buttons or be snarky, hotties.  If a man loves you and is out of line, in most cases this will work.  Instead of worrying about it, you need to figure out a way to focus on your pleasure until he makes it right.  In this case, it was asap.  In other cases it may take longer.  You have to know that if men are rude or act inappropriately they may not say sorry, but they will clean up their act.  It all starts with us.  Communicate the bottom line and then go have some fun by focusing on you!  Love, Goddess

Relationship Issue Reading:

  1. Dealing With a Demanding Man
  2. If a Man Wants to Borrow Money
  3. You’re Re-Awakening
  4. On Amazon:  Bitch Lifestyle the Manual
  5. Bitch Lifestyle Home

© S Stevens Life Strategies