If A Man Wants To Borrow Money

132 thoughts on “If A Man Wants To Borrow Money”

1. uhm, agree. I’ve made that mistake and learned it in a hard way with my ex. Stupid, but I was in love.

   And just finished dating with a guy who talks more than he acts (good that I’m done with him anyway). He is rich, good looking (a hot body!), a pretty good cook and a ‘trying to clean up’ guy who said ‘I’m a different person now that I’ve met you’ bullshit. Gave me his keys to his place when he went away for three weeks(a very trusting action), and his water got cut off in the second week cause the water bill wasn’t settled (which was about US$50), so I did that for him so he would have water back on when he comes back(and I was staying there for a bit while he was away). When he came back, he thanked me and said he will pay me back but never did.

   I trust not that the US$50 is alot to him, cause he makes more than 200 times than that amount of money anyway. But he just doesn’t care about other things except making more money and partying till morning a few days a week – yikes! I had enough of that ‘ready to settle down’ bullshit! (Sorry, whenever this is brought up, I still got a bit frustrated…)

2. Elisa Honey,
   This rocked! I think you should turn on your favorite song and dance your booty off
   to your brilliance. This guy did not please you and you freed yourself.
   Go you!! Love, Goddess

3. Thanks. I reckon so, I freed myself. Later I got news from someone that this guy said he knows I’m a very nice girl but he has problems… well then, be with the problems as he wishes, that’s his life, that’s his choice. And I already went onto a nice date with a new guy, so much fun! I’m better off now definitely.

4. Yes, Elisa honey! You’ve got it. Hugs, Goddess

5. I love your dedication to Gary! RUNNNNNNN if a man wants to borrow money , um you need to kick his butt out the door, buh bye!

6. Yes, Gary, God of Sarcasm is quite smart. Love, Goddess

7. Thank you SIS

8. You’re welcome! 😉

9. What if they talk about not having money alot?

10. If it’s a young man, they probably don’t have a lot of money yet. Which is fairly normal. Men want to create security first in their lives so they can take care and provide for someone they love later. In order to become a man they need to do this for themselves. It’s their problem. Women who give them money aren’t letting them grow into a man. A man who asks for money from a woman is too immature or scared to “man up” and do it on his own. That’s why a woman should run from this kind of man.

11. This is a wakeup call for me!thanks heaps been in relationship for 5 years and constantly he asks me for money for his business and that he would pay back,thousands of dollars later, didn’t happen now did it ???? would go out to dinner and he would stand back to let me pay or conveniently forget his wallet.I had a go at him for being a tightarse and he turned into a huge fight and went cryin to mamma and told me this in SMS “Good work sabaraege the rest go hard I raised my family from nothing to some thing I work hard to pay the bills travel 5000 km to get job i am doing the best that I can fuck u mate fuck me over” and “U will get yours mate” and” Weak as shit grow up your nothing special anyway”and”go sit on shelf find what u want stop fucking with me”and “U are far too mean there is no love”last SMS “U are far too mean there is no love go away rach” so ladies don’t let him bludge off u cause in the end he won’t appreciate it anyway let him grow a set of balls and pay his own way!

12. I was talking to a child hood friend/crush who moved and lives 10 hours away…he asked to borrow $400 because his car was in the shop. Well me being the “nice girl” that I am & knowing he didn’t have any family to help him, I let him borrow it. He said he’d pay me back in a few weeks…only paid half of it back and said he wanted to save the other $200 for a trip to come see me a a week. He DID come see me when he said he would and we had a great time together. He is moving home(here)actually in a few weeks and said he would like nothing more than to date me. Everything about him is everything I’ve ever wanted and he makes me feel very special, & brings out the absolute best in me. However, in the back of my mind, I still think about him asking me to borrow money and not paying me back in full…kinda confused? I do NOT want to put myself in a situation that I’m going to regret later on. Any advice?

13. Hi Confused…
    You’re right to be confused. By agreeing to spend the $200 on coming to see you, you have forfeited that part of the money-in his mind-IF you agreed.
    Why don’t you tell him to pay the money back to you first and then see what happens as far as dating? Then he will show you whether he has integrity or not.
    You deserve nothing less. Make sense? Love, Goddess

14. This can also create a man being dependent on you financially and that’s not a good look!

15. Yes, Milah…you’ve got it. Who wants to be someones’ “Mummie”? I don’t. Love, Goddess

16. this dude I was seeing asked me to borrow 50 bucks to get his plates or title for his car. After I practically laughed in his face i told him hell naw! U got a job by your own damn title! I aint your girlfriend! He said you are my girlfriend! I said what!? when did we establish this?!? Then he says he dont sleep with nobody else but me. I told him whatever u must have forgot how many times u told me that u have alot of women nevertheless the answer is still NO you a grown a** man get your on shhh!!! Or go ask one of your other lady friends for money! Then he hung up on me! lmao!!! Jerk! So i tell u this ladies dont lend no man money a real man makes his own and dont have to depend on a woman for shhhh!!!!!!!! Only broke worthless womanizing bums ask women for money! Kick they broke a**ses to the curb like i did him and laugh in his face! (*_*)

17. Yes! Love it Lady! xoxo Love, Goddess

18. Within a year. I dumped 3 guys coz they think im their bank.. Yup im a banker.. But im not own da bank. What s wrong with da guys nowaday ?????

19. Hi Darlene,
    Go you for kicking these guys to the curb! Unfortunately, a lot of women do not understand that they have so much power over men. So they let men run all over them. Not here. Welcome
    to the Bitch Rebellion! Love, Goddess

20. What if he says, a family member got hospitalized and that the bill went skyrocket to more than 3000$, would you believe that? would you loan him? would you make an exemption and lend him them money? im uncomfortable but guilty. im torn apart. i want to loan him for humanity’s sake. but i feel bad about myself and for him. i dont want to loan him to save him and myself for future discomfort and embarassment. 2nd date. no gf/bf relationship. just date. what do you say?

21. NO! Do not lend this guy you barely know ANY money. RUN! He is playing on your “niceness.” Tell him you hope things get better for him, wish him well then MOVE ON! Seriously. Do not engage him anymore and delete all contact info. Period. End of his story. PS: Think about it. Why can’t he go to his FAMILY for a loan…hmmmmmmm?

22. the right thing to do was: meet him first and plan after be engaged in real life! I know all this but i was trying believing in good! 🙁

23. Mary, you are a beautiful, intelligent and sassy woman. You deserve a man who wants to provide, protect and be there for you. Let this guy find his money somewhere else and open your heart ONLY to the man
    who wants you for you. Join our Facebook page and surround yourself with fun women who will be your cheerleaders for this! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841 Love, Goddess

24. Thanks for telling me to run. this guy who am dating always want me to lend him money. I never lend him a penny. He claim he is a business man but am puzzle why he always asking for a loan. Hemade because i didnot lend him the money and told me to go hell.

25. I am so proud of you, Nakeshia! Go you for running…and welcome to our Sassy Bitch Rebellion. Love, Goddess

26. Thanks for the advice.I had a similar experience,I had known by bf for about 6months. he said he is well off and all. I found him as a lazy bum.He said he was earning a lot of money but I don’t trust him now,meanwhile he sold his car and got a big amount.he wanted to buy another car and for that he needed some more money.I am financially independent and never ever asked him a penny.at that time we had a real fight when he asked his friend who is a female to loan him cash.then he came back and said he had stopped all those plans and we were again happy for 3more months.now before a week he again asked me lend him my hardly earned money which I had myself kept for some emergencies and I said no way since I have some very important plans, at once he disconnected the phone and pulled me out from all his contacts in fb,gmail and all those stuff he blocked me.I am very happy now to know that he never ever loved me and I wasn’t fooled around Nd I was saved from such a bloody relationship.I really wish him best of luck to go to hell…:)

27. I’m soooo happy you saw through his bs. GO YOU!!! Love, Goddess

28. Well me and this guy have started a relationship and we have talked about having sex and so on and he is saying I have to buy the condoms and stuff and I was really shocked. Now he is asking me for money and I asked him for what and he jus tells me I need money. For some reason I tink he is trying to take advantage of me. Also, he is always asking me to put minutes in his phone. I did it before out of kindness but then it started getting too constant. What do I do?

29. Babyangel: RUN!

30. I just asked my fiance for some money because my Dad is in jail and I live in the middle east where its very difficult to get justice. My Dad was framed by his company and put in jail because they didn’t want to pay my Dad’s gratuity when he leaves the company.

    My mum doesn’t have a job. I told my fiance that I will give her a post dated cheque as guarantee if she gives me the money.

    She pointed me to this article. I am 23 and I don’t have that kind of money to release my Dad from jail. I borrowed from my Dad’s friend the most and I needed a little bit of money more which my Dad will pay my fiance back when he is out of jail.

    She pointed me to this article and she think I am like this article says and thats totally not true about me 🙁

31. Lending a man money is not healthy. Two people who really want to be together, should start with a proper foundation, “getting to know each other” for however long. Do small things for one another. A man who borrows money, makes you wonder if he’s capable of taking care of you. A man should be a provider, but it is a bonus if both parties make their own money. There is nothing more sexy than being proud of your partner for his hard work, without hesitations.

32. Love the way you think, Fancy! “There is nothing more sexy than being proud of your partner for his hard work, without hesitations.” That’s what we all want, yet it is surprising how few of us
    actually do the action needed for that, huh? Love, Goddess

33. Hi Chris,
    Sounds like you’re in a really bad situation out there. I’m sorry to hear that. This is a very complicated question to answer in this venue. I haven’t heard her side of the story either.
    Let me ask you this: Outside of this scenario that you have described to me, have you shown by your actions that you are the man who wants to take care of her? And does she take care of you like a man should be? Relationships go both ways. You’re a smart and resourceful man. I have no doubt you will find the way to help your Dad. I’d love to hear you tell me about your victory in dealing with this difficult issue! Love, Goddess

34. I foolishly became involved with the biggest mooch, loser EVER, over 20years ago, while getting divorced from another loser, mooch. What really bothers me the most, is that my so-called “friend” at the time, had encouraged me to become involved with both of these greedy pigs (accusing ME of being too “materialistic”–yeah right, at least *I* WORKED for my money) and looking back, I think it was mostly due to her jealousy and desire to see me penniless and humiliated–maybe it helped her to feel superior, who knows. In both instances, I ignored my “gut instinct” about these jerks and lo and behold–just like I thought, they were BOTH after my money, and believe me it wasn’t ALL that much either. The 2nd jerk even taught his nasty brat sons to use me. The older one had admitted to me, after I broke up with his father that he was encouraged to dress in raggedy looking clothes/shoes, so that I would take pity (which I did) and buy both the creep and his ungrateful, nasty, rude kids stuff. I think what bothers me the most, is that the swine of a “BOY-friend” actually earned $200 a wk more than I did and lived rent-free in a house his dad owned, yet had nothing to show for all the 20yrs he had worked–not even a used car paid for and maybe all of $4,000 in a 401k. Total loser. Of course he blamed it on his fat, lazy, stay-at-home mom of a cheating ex-wife, that squandered his paycheck on stupid diets, gym memberships, clothes, her hair and nails (such a “priority” since she hadn’t worked for 15yrs), booze, etc. I guess it was his way of getting back at ALL women–by stealing from, making a fool of, and blatantly using me. And my own fault for being so stupid, trusting and depressed that I even gave him the time of day. Now, years later, I am permanently disabled and unable to work any more, so I can’t even earn back what that filthy slob/”born again Christian” (no less) stole from me. Not to mention the fact that I am so jaded any more after that experience that I have no desire to even be in a relationship. THAT’S the risk you take ladies, when getting involved with trash, whose only goal is to bring you down…

35. Ok, I met this guy, who is getting divorced and we have been talking for a little while now.. So, anyway, My job just cut me back on hours so everyone knows im struggling, however, I am still holing my own… He flat out tells me ” your in need, so I want you to use me, take my money, use my debit card, use me” and he like friggin gets off on this… and wants me to act like this to him…. Please tell me, is this normal.. are there really some men who like to be used??? its so strainge

36. Hi Debra, I’m so sorry that you went through so much with this guy! But I’m also happy that you saw the truth and moved on. Don’t let your anger keep you from embracing a wonderful man! When you’re ready to do that, take my course “Re-Awakening” it has tools that will help you let go of the “jaded” and start to open up again. Here is the link: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/07/your-re-awakening/ Love, Goddess

37. Hi Liz. I’m sorry that you have been struggling! It really is a hard thing to adjust to and still hold your own. Go you! I think, however that you may be looking at this the wrong way. Part of that is because you are taking charge and making sure to take care of YOU. Try to look at the amazing part of this…how lucky you are! Here you have a man who wants to do ANYTHING for you to make your life easier. He wants to give give give to you. Pretty amazing. Why don’t you try a little gratitude with him. Say something like this: Use his name and then “this is so amazing and thoughtful of you to want to help me like this. I really appreciate it. I’m so used to taking care of myself and this situation has thrown me for a loop. Let me think about how you can help me and then I will share with you.” Then do it! Make a list. This can be very simple.
    1. I would love it if you took me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant.
    2. Let him take you to the grocery store but then cook him dinner to say thank you.
    The point is, keep it simple. It is too much (it sounds like) for you to take his debit card and cash. Understandable. Keep it simple and find ways that would help you. Let him be a man for you. How does that sound? Love, Goddess

38. Hi Goddess,

    Thank you for your spreading the word in a healthy way. Although it may be common sense all over the blackboard to some, others completely miss this lesson altogether. While I believe there are extremely rare exceptions to loaning out money, they are exactly that – rare exceptions (Disclaimer: if you’re on this page you aren’t an exception… seriously…. AND RUN!!).

    I speak from experience on the receiving end of this scenario and from loving others (both genders) on the receiving end… There can be different types of people asking for money out there and different reasons why. Here are the main reasons I’ve heard (from what I consider to be the the most manipulative type): DIVORCE(S), transitioning/changing job/career, bankruptcy, health issues (themselves, past spouse, parent), etc. On the surface, some of the reasons you’ll hear will be “good” reasons – but when you dig a little deeper – you’ll see the bigger picture. For example, they’re driving a new car, bought a diamond ring during the “bankruptcy”, rent a home that’s completely not conducive to paying off debt, AND they have $ for their hobbies and travel. LOOK and TAKE NOTES – These financial problems are generally coupled with larger issues, big spending/unaffordable habits, credit card debt, student loans, and rarely (if any) savings. They MAY have at one point in their lives HAD money, but it’s the past, but they’re still talking about it.

    Life happens – things happen – does someone pick you up and do your financial plan FOR YOU?! No. Does someone make you eat healthy, go to the gym, show up for your job for you? No. So, quit picking up someone elses bills, planning someone elses life. Love yourself – love the life that you can give to someone worthy enough to respect you (themselves), your (their) money, and a future together!!!

39. Beautifully said, FurryMom! Wise words from a Sassy Woman…Love, Goddess

40. I just wanted to say, my boyfriend has asked me for $15,000 of which I did not choose to lend. He said it would be smart and I could think of it like an investment because he’d pay back more. On our first date, he said he’d lent $20,000 to a friend of whom he was later offered to move in with to repay the debt since he didn’t have anywhere to go after his divorce.. funny how when I reminded him of that lame choice, he swore he never said the sum was $20,000 and that it was only 8 or 9 thousand of which the guy paid him in $20 and $100 sums which he never recorded and now is owed about $3000.. and the guy kicked him out. So here I have a bf who lives at his business office and I’m not sure he tells me the truth all of the time. The other night I called and I heard a woman laughing a few times in the background, he said that it was just men over and Why do I want to make him mad? Welll how rude. I don’t want to make anyone mad, I just don’t want to be played like a cheap fiddle. Then today on the phone, he says “we went out to dinner with my son”. I said, as any smart woman would, what do you mean? Who is “WE” because you said we to which he said “my son and me” and I’m baffled, I said you said WE and he swears we implied just him and his son but I’m KNOW when someone says “we went out to dinner with kid” that implies a party of more that just him and the kid. This guy then said in anger and impatience, “Sasha, go to sleep, it’s late there and I need to drop my son off” uhhh yeah, at 10pm, time to drop off a kid, wtf. WHAT AM I DOING?!?

41. Sasha,
    You are doing exactly what you want to do. You want a man who lies, treats you like a child, tries to borrow money and cheats on you. What you deserve is a man who is honest and trustworthy. When you WANT that, check yourself immediately into my course “Your Re-Awakening.” http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/07/your-re-awakening/ Love, Goddess

42. I started back talking to an ex from 20 years ago, and he is always asking me to spend money for something he needs, and it doesn’t sit well with me. I a single mom with 2 teenage daughters’ one of which heads to college in less than a month. How can I focus on or like a man that is always in need of something. I just got back money for things he asked for weeks ago, mind you he still owes me $20 and today he asks for $50. What man does that? I wanna tell him to stop asking me for stuff I am not a money machine.

43. Hi Nakia,

    Sounds like this man is still a child looking for a Mommie. You are right on the money (no pun intended) on this one. A man who is willing to take the hard earned money you earn out of the mouths of your children is one you should RUN from. Free yourself. Love, Goddess

44. Hi,
    I’m 16, and not that popular but a popular at guy school asked me for $300 to order something online. I ordered it, and he gave me 200$. He gave me $13 so far, so 213$ has beeen repaid. Its summer so i dont see him, im scared i wont get it back, and im moving. I did it because i was scared i would be called names and im not the most confident person. i made $25 online to pay my dad back. Im so ashamed i dont know what to do. i shouldve told him to fuck off but i was so lonely and he talked to me so i didn’t know what to do. im going to make the rest of the money back but he says hes going to pay it back but its so slow. He knows im going to move and dragging it out. He only pays me back a couple dollars per time. It was basketball shoes, and he got 3 new pairs since i got him that pair. Hes a liar at school and relationships, and i feel so stupid for believing him. I can’t run because i need the money.

45. Hi Aileen,
    First off, do not be ashamed. You have learned a valuable lesson…don’t lend a guy money! The great thing is, you are moving and you can start fresh. If you are ever in a similar circumstance, just decline
    politely. Say you “wish you could, but don’t have any.” All you can do now is hope he’ll pay you back. If he doesn’t, look for other options. Like baby sitting or a part time job. Working part time will increase your confidence. Again…don’t feel bad. Learn and move on. Key: learning and not putting yourself through this sort of drama again! How does that sound? Love, Goddess

46. Hello everyone. I am happy for you all to move on from deadbeats that have no goals and want to mooch. It is truly sad that alot of women and men go through this in their lives. It hurts even more to see a loved one being used. A decent person wants a mate who can help support them, NOT USE THEM. I see this all the time and this is the main reason that I had to let alot of my so-called friends go for good.

    Now I may be thinking about this too hard, but there is this guy I work with. We have alot in common, but I don’t date on the job or any of that crap. We are just friends. But, sometimes we will have conversations about traveling or buying something health wise. He would ask me the cost of some of the things I purchase, and after telling him the cost, he will go on and make a comment like, “You got that type of money”. He has said this three times now. I tell him that I don’t and he says nothing after my statement. I’m trying to figure out if he says that more than once because he sees me as a potential bank ATM in the future? He says his previous relationships ended “REAL BAD”. I don’t plan on being in a relationship with him or anyone in the near future, but I wanted to know if his actions are a hint of a wannabe mooch or is it just talk?

47. Hi Nina,
    Welcome to our Rebellion! What you wrote is beautiful and true, thank you for you words.

    As far as what this guy said. It sounds like he is being a bit judgmental toward you. What a shock, huh? There is judgement everywhere today. I think he is putting his past “stuff” with money on you. That doesn’t make him a bad guy, but yeah, I would call that a red flag. Maybe don’t share with him how much you spend. If he asks why you’re not sharing change the subject.

    Make sense? Love, Goddess

48. During discovery of a relationship it’s a good idea to not talk about money per-say but observe him.
    A good indication is how he spends it, on himself, his family and friends and his debts and bills.
    Also look at his lifestyle. Is his apt/home scarce? I always try to see a new mans home as soon as possible.
    The way he lives sends you signals of the way he earns.
    Be on guard for his questions or comments on how you keep house or spend money. If he says “oh that’s too expensive”
    “why are you spending so much?” “you must be rich or something” “I wouldn’t buy that, can’t afford that”
    Also a man who wants your money will be a man who tends to run hot N’ cold. He does this because he knows, as a con man that alot of women love to please. So be aware he’s playing on your emotions. The best way to tell is how you feel.
    If you feel, insecure, uncertain, mystified, guilty, drop him. It’s you’re inner intelligence and intuition that is screaming at you to get the hell away from any man who makes you feel “Less” and believe me, they will push all of these buttons, like a slimy used car salesman.
    You will then get the “request” – “can you pick me up… on the way” – “it’s pay day tomorrow, can a borrow $ until then” The best way to handle that last one is like this “Pay day is tomorrow, you need money today, don’t you have any in your savings account?” Then LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN.. you’re about to hear his excuses (and they will blow your mind) why he has no money in the bank or if he even has a bank account. You’re going to very awaken, listen and get the hell out of Dodge.
    If you EVER EVER EVER see a man counting or showing off a ton of bills, GET THE HELL OUT. People who have no money often flaunt alot of money when they can. Stay clear. It also can mean they get paid under the table. Very shady.
    If they gamble and you don’t, run faster. They will try to convince you to do it too or ask you to put money on a bet to get you interested or even more sneakier, they will ask you for money to place a bet for you. A con, a sham, a looser. Don’t fall for this, EVER….
    I dated all of the above for 2 months before I was convinced and even though I never lent him any money I still should have left as soon as I saw his spartan apt with not even a book, let alone a magazine to be found. My life lesson “no more Miss Pleaser. EVER EVER AGAIN. It was a hard one won.
    My validating clue, was when he told me he was having dinner with his ex wife, (the hated one, just another story) He said to me “I had dinner with the ex and the kids, I told them about you, and how rich you were, they are all jealous”
    So there it was, not only was he in it for my money, he puts down his own family in the process, using my hard work and gain as a way of boosting his own ego. Totally disgusting and I told him so as I left.
    STAND YOUR GROUND, ASK THE QUESTIONS before some con man gets your emotions hooked. DO NOT get your emotions hooked until you’ve got solid answers and have seen solid actions. You will never again meet a man who is a looser if you keep your head ahead of your heart. If you do, it will take you a very short while, not for you to exit, but they will first. Always be very very happy for the men who drop out of your life. They know you’re too real, to aware,
    to even try to pull one on you. Let them find a sucker, I’m not one of them!
    Watch them ladies, more men are divorced, out of work, alone, broke and can’t get their act together.
    If a man says anything derogatory when you ask “so, what do you do?” and they give you the “oh, that question already” attitude. They are not enjoying their work or have none, they are setting a no talk rule, they have something to hide. Don’t spend your life under the moon, find the sun, let the clarity be real. Discovery before commitment. Love yourself at all times. Use discretion at all times, life is what you buy into.

49. Hi Ms. Integrity,

    Amazing…thank you for writing such an awesome comment. You have some excellent points here that we can all use! Love, Goddess

50. HI ,

    my bf always take care of me and love me. After a month i asked him to go for dinner in a good hotel he said he is saving money for future to buy flat. i said ok. when my birthday is coming he is saying he is going to buy watch for me . on my birthday he gifted nothing saying he has family problem and supporting his family . i said ok . i asked to for a movie he said he is comfortable in morning show nt evening or afternoon becoz saving money for future . i said for 100 and 200 rs you are becoming rich . o fought him related to money . i donot know wht to do . Everytime he makes excuses in terms of monetary terms . Plz advice me and guide me . i make him understand a lot but he is nt just bother

51. Hi Pall,

    Your boyfriend seems to be very clear in that he does not have a lot of disposable money. He is saving and thinking for the future. This is very responsible. In your own words he “always takes care of you and loves you.” You sound like a lucky woman. Take care of him back by doing this: Find inexpensive things to do together so you show him that you respect the fact that he is respectful of money. That is a loving way to appreciate a man who loves you. Make sense? Love, Goddess

52. Known this guy for few weeks. Called me his girlfriend. Lent him 20 pound and not heard or seen from him since. Feel so foolish!!!

53. I hate to admit this too girls, but I was briefly fooled by a guy I hardly knew over six months of dating. I met him in May and by August he was asking me for a loan. He played on my heart strings and I felt bad for him, but any man that does this doesn’t care and only seeing what he can get. I knew that once he did this that this was the end of us. He asked me for money right before christmas and I didn’t give him one cent since he didn’t pay me back the other time which now I don’t hear from him at all. He was just using me…just looking for someone who was foolish enough to take care of him and his child. The advice I can give you girls is meet a guy that already has his act together from the start and not in-between jobs, or not able to support himself..the signs are always there you just have to look for the red flags in the beginning. We all deserve romance and a guy who isn’t a mooch!!

54. Thanks for sharing your story, Platinun…you are very wise! Love, Goddess

55. Hi everyone, I am a very successful independent women. I saved up my money and bought a fixer upper. My boyfriend of 5 years is fixing it. When were done I’m going to rent it out. I pay all the bill. I always tell my boyfriend I’ll pay him for his work but he says no. I feel like technically he does get paid cause I pay for all the bills, and every other week he asks me to barrow 500 to 1000 dollars which he’ll pay back maybe 100 to 200 dollars back to me but he never gives me credit at all what I do for him and says he has been working for me for free cause he loves me and wants me to be secured for my future. Before I even bought my house he has always asked to barrow money and I always helped him out. We get in a fight all the time about him borrowing money, I feel like romantically I’m getting over him. But I feel bad cause he has fixed my house for me. I’m so confused on what to do. Cause he says not to pay him for his work. But every other week he is “borrowing” money from me all the time. I feel like me buying this house is taking forever it’s already been over a year. I just can’t afford this anymore. And being with him I feel like I will never finish my goals in life. I love him and he does everything for me and is the sweetest man ever. I’m finally getting to the point that if he asks me to barrow money again I’m going to move out and pay the rent at the house we live at for the next 8 months. So he could get on his feet. And to repay him more for fixing my house. And I’ll just move in with my best friend and pay her 400$ to rent a room from her. I just need to take a chance for myself to live life and save for my goals. And I feel like that would be a good way to get out of it without feeling guilty about leaving him. I just can’t do anymore of him “borrowing” money any longer. And yes his fixing my house. But I feel like I never know exactly where my money is getting spent cause its always getting mixed into his business, and he says the money he owes me sometimes get spent on our other workers we hire for fixing the house. So last night he borrowed 900 once again. And which I already let him barrow 1200 from two weeks ago. And I told him to not use the money to pay our workers for labor. And I’ll pay them which I always do at the end of the week. So this is his final test. And if he asks to barrow money again. I’m just going to move out.

56. The guy I have known for some time but we live in different prvinces and has dated but not seriously is asking me for money and it is not the first time he ask thought I have never offered the first time.i visited the province and drove over 240km and we went out with my friends and him and he never spended a penny.me and him we drove in my car , I bought booze and the next day I drove back home and since then he sms or buzz me to phone him evertime.after two days I came back he send me an sms that he Is broke so ke mo zame meaning I should offer some money.isnt he thinking that I used petrol to travel and drove around still to go out that night and I bought booze, really aftef two days he is asking for money fro me.sorry m not giving any money its high time I RUN.ThNks for this side itsa eye opener .

57. Good for you for RUNNING Ak! Love, Goddess

58. Hi. I’m in a long distance with a guy who is physically disabled. He had three strokes and can’t move his left side of his body at all. He received disabilty which is only about $700 a month. He also makes about $300 extra from him having a caregiver. They split the money because he doesn’t have them do anything but wash the dishes once a week for him. He is a mama’s boy, he’s admitted that to me. He often has his mother buy him groceries and sometimes she’ll drop off food that she cooks to him. He lives in a low income apartment and pays a very low amount for rent. Last month his cable got cut off. He is a tech geek so he’s always talking about this new galaxy phone that he wants. He wanted me to put it in my name (contract) because his credit is bad and he said that it will but boost my credit score. My credit is bad too but a little better than his. I told him no. Since his cable is cut off he doesn’t have internet and he asked me if I could get it in my name. I told him that I don’t feel comfortable because he might not be able to pay me back and that plus I watch alot of judge Judy. lol He said that he always pays his bills. (I wanted to bring up his cable being cut off but I didn’t want to argue) He got a little frustrated and said: “Fuck it, I know what I’ll do.” He also got a little extra money this month somehow and he’s offered to send me money (I’m currently unemployed) but I always refuse and when he asks me why I tell him that I just don’t feel comfortable with that. He’s paid his mother’s phone bill this month and admitted to loaning her $150. He also asked me if I’d help him pay off his tickets once I get a job. I told him yes but I know that I won’t. He talks about marriage and calls me his wife as well. What do you think about this?

59. I think you should re-read the article and take my one word advice. RUN! Unfortunately, I don’t think you will do this. Why? Because you read the article and still asked me what to do. This is about your confidence and neediness. When you are ready to attract a man worthy of you take my course: http://bitchlifestyle.com/your-re-awakening/

60. I have been with a guy a year now …He knows I have money …He allows me to buy everything .. food…His clothes …cigarettes…He has even more or less asked for £2000 to move his mother into a house and get her all new things…He sends loving and thankful texts all the time…but his actions never seem to match his words …help

61. What was my one word answer, Jullanne?

62. Hi there,

    I’m a 1st student and I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for almost four years now. He still lives with his parent and is about 3 years older than me. He never keeps a job and always has a lame excuse for why he quit but that is besides the point. He is good to me and loving but we never really go out and do anything except in the festive season with all his friends. When he does have money he tries to do inexpensive things with me which i find cute. This previous weekend he took me out on our first real outing ever but on monday he told me he did not budget well and overspent and asked if i could borrow him 250. I felt guilty and borrowed him because i know his financial background but now i just dont know how to express my feelings that i dont want it to happen again and i need him to start “getting his life” without being mean i really love him but it disturbs me he asked for money. please help me!!

63. Pookie…what was my one word answer?

64. Just happened to me. Online dating. 9 weeks of daily amazing texts, emails, phone calls. He has the sexiest Viking accent in the world. Said he was a provider and protector and couldn’t wait to come home to me, spend every waking and sleeping hour with me. He had to go to UK to get a contract signed and to get a project done on an oil rig. No reason for me not to believe him. Sent me pictures of him on the ship, in the UK, we talked about what we wanted in a healthy relationship, things we wanted to do together. He told me to get my passport so he could take me to Norway to meet him mother over Christmas. Was going to come home to me last weekend. BUT…..on Tuesday last week, he comes out with his cousin was handling his money for him while he was gone and the cousin made off with most of it and the oil rig needed one more part and in order for him to complete the project and keep his business cred, he needed to come up with the money somehow. Gullible me, and because of the multiple texts, emails, phone calls over this time, I was brainstorming with him as to how he could come up with the money. Then he dropped the could you see fit to lend it to me? I will get my first check from the project on November 16. I went ballistic. I told him my ex husband was always desperate for my money and I don’t lent money to men and a real man doesn’t ask women for money. So…..of course he broke it off with the reasoning that I am so sure that all men are out to fuck with me and he can’t be with and woman who doesn’t trust him and he’s a provider and didn’t I know how hard it was to ask me, and wasn’t it like him pointing a gun to his own head, and it was bad enough that a blood relative made off with his money, but for his favorite girl in the whole world to call him names (???? cuz I said a real man doesn’t ask a woman he’s only known for 2 months for money???) and yell at him and I need to get help and with help I could turn out to be a real gem.
    Holy mother of God. I’m so devastated that A. I fell for all the plans and I love yous and sexy ass voice. B…..not sure what was real and what wasn’t.
    The thing is, he never said how much he wanted.

65. Just happened to me. Online dating. 9 weeks of daily amazing texts, emails, phone calls. He has the sexiest Viking accent in the world. Said he was a provider and protector and couldn’t wait to come home to me, spend every waking and sleeping hour with me. He had to go to UK to get a contract signed and to get a project done on an oil rig. No reason for me not to believe him. Sent me pictures of him on the ship, in the UK, we talked about what we wanted in a healthy relationship, things we wanted to do together. He told me to get my passport so he could take me to Norway to meet him mother over Christmas. Was going to come home to me last weekend. BUT…..on Tuesday last week, he comes out with his cousin was handling his money for him while he was gone and the cousin made off with most of it and the oil rig needed one more part and in order for him to complete the project and keep his business cred, he needed to come up with the money somehow. Gullible me, and because of the multiple texts, emails, phone calls over this time, I was brainstorming with him as to how he could come up with the money. Then he dropped the could you see fit to lend it to me? I will get my first check from the project on November 16. I went ballistic. I told him my ex husband was always desperate for my money and I don’t lent money to men and a real man doesn’t ask women for money. So…..of course he broke it off with the reasoning that I am so sure that all men are out to fuck with me and he can’t be with and woman who doesn’t trust him and he’s a provider and didn’t I know how hard it was to ask me, and wasn’t it like him pointing a gun to his own head, and it was bad enough that a blood relative made off with his money, but for his favorite girl in the whole world to call him names (???? cuz I said a real man doesn’t ask a woman he’s only known for 2 months for money???) and yell at him and I need to get help and with help I could turn out to be a real gem.
    Holy mother of God. I’m so devastated that A. I fell for all the plans and I love yous and sexy ass voice. B…..not sure what was real and what wasn’t.
    The thing is, he never said how much he wanted.

    I know, I know. Run. I’m still licking my wounds. It’s only been a few days. I’d like to know how to find out if he’s done this before, and report him to someone, somewhere.

66. Suzanne….you made the right decision. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You did not know him. Stop over thinking this and move on. Now go do something good for yourself and celebrate how smart you are. Love, Goddess

67. What about when a woman asks for money. Should a man also run away/

68. John…that would be a yes. Don’t you want to be with someone who can take care of herself? Love, Goddess

69. I have been dating my bf for almost a year now. He is amazing, sweet, sensitive, smart, and respectful. He will do anything I ask him to do. All of my friends seem to love him. But lately I have been rethinking our relationship. He has a full time job and works very hard, but is somehow always broke. A few months ago I offered to loan him $600 to get his license back, which he promised to pay back. I have been very patient and have not brought it up once, hoping he would start paying me back. He still hasn’t. Last week, once again I offered to let him borrow $1,300 so he could pay off a loan he had been paying crazy interest on. I care about him and felt bad that he was throwing his money away on interest that I gave him the money and said he could start paying me back once he got his stuff together. He refused a few times, but I eventually accepted my offer. I know he’s a good guy and he will pay me back. But the fact that he’s 28 and still doesn’t have his shit together makes me rethink our relationship. whenever we go out or go to the store, I always offer to pay because I feel bad that he doesn’t have money and I don’t want him to feel embarrassed. He will act like he’s going to pay, but he always lets me pay. Sometimes he even says that doesn’t know where his card is or that he doesn’t have enough cash on him and that he will pay me back, but never does. I have worked very hard to save up money for myself, for my future so I never have to depend anyone. In a way I feel that I’m being used. If he can’t take care of himself now, how can I ever expect him to be able to provide for a family one day.

70. Hi Kelli…You feel bad? He is a grown man. He should be responsible for his actions. Like paying his own interest. If you want a little boy who needs someone to take care of him? Great you’ve got him. If you want a man you can rely on? Build a future with? Look for a responsible man. This dude isn’t. Love, Goddess PS: Want to learn how to handle these situations with me one on one? http://bitchlifestyle.com/your-re-awakening/

71. I don’t get asked by men all the time, but sometimes I do. I hate for a man to ask me for money especially if he hasn’t shown anything to me yet. There’s this guy that I like, he asked me for $200, now keep in mind he’s hinted once before about giving him some money and I just brushed it off, giving him the benefit of the doubt. I told him I’ll see, which means HELL NO! I had the hots for him and now that fire is gone. I really want to avoid this in the future, is their a certain type of woman men ask for money? Is it because I’m full figured? Or maybe, is it because I’m a kind hearted individual?

72. A friend sent me the link to this page. As old as the original post is, it still resonated with me. I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years. To make the long story short, in that five years, he cheated on me, lived with me for three years for free, “borrowed” money from me (lost track how much), laid hands on me one point, didn’t pay for any date or trip, and lied to me. Finally, got my wake up call and I am moving on. Thank you for this post!

73. Go YOU Rachel!!!!
    One for moving on and TWO for sharing.
    Your email will help others to do that very thing when they’re faced with a similar situation.
    Welcome to Bitch Lifestyle! Love Goddess

74. Denise…let me bottom line this for you with one simple question: A Dude has no money and you think YOU are the problem? This is his problem. Not yours. YOUR problem is that you don’t see this! Get yourself into my coaching program ASAP so you can stop this kind of behavior and start enjoying the good guys instead: http://bitchlifestyle.com/your-re-awakening/ Love Goddess

75. My man borrowed $20 and would not pay it back telling me I had the nerve to ask for it back because I was his girlfriend. Yet I borrowed $20, 3 times and paid back immediately each Time. Then he has the nerve to ask me for $800 I tell him I don’t lend because I don’t mix business with pleasure plus I don’t have it. Then he tells me he doesn’t trust me financially as if I would rip him off. What gives? Sounds he wants to be taken care of. Geez , he can’t even pay me back $20. And now he’s mad I can’t give him $800 without a contract when I have already made myself very clear. Sounds like a gold digger to me.

76. So, Chrissy…are you going to RUN or sit around and let this guy use you?

77. I met a guy two months ago he is a religious man. He doesnt have vices and all and a very very nice guy. technically were not together but we are really close to each other like were on but were not. Whenever we go out to eat i pay most of the bills But its nothing for me then on the first month of our getting to know each other phase he let me buy this things he needed and i told him okey but u should pay me back, its like he owed me 100 bucks but he paid me only half of it. So yah its okey cause i have a job, im an independent woman even though i got a son whom im raising by myself. So anyway after that incident im still seeing him and then he told me that he likes me alot then i thought his feelings are genuine so i felt the same way too. Then just only today he is asking me to lend him 800 bucks to pay for his placement and training fees for his application for a job. I am a bit taken aback because i felt that hes taking advantage of me i dont know what to do or what to say. Hes a real nice guy but i thought he said that he likes me and everyday is messaging me until now all these sweet messages and everything nice. Should i lend him my money or should i hit the pedal and run away? IM MORE THAN CONFUSED

78. Beech…RUN. $800? Seriously? He is taking from you and your son. Text exactly this (NOT a live conversation): “I’m sorry you are having financial problems at the moment. I cannot help you. I’m looking for someone who is financially stable so this isn’t going to work. Good luck to you. (Then your name) Then block his phone number, ignore, DO NOT RESPOND. He will only try and make you feel bad because he thinks he has you. If you respond YOU are keeping the door open. Close it, and use that money for your SON. And when you are ready to rock your relationships with men? Take my Re-Awakening Course. http://bitchlifestyle.com/your-re-awakening/ I want you to be able to see this for yourself….no more confusion. Love, Godess

79. It’s been almost 3 years with this so call boyfriend. He showed me his finalcial problem from borrowing USD100 to USD6,000 each time in he past 3 years..the totol sum is amazing…
    First he had a job . after we met, he quitted his job and almost an year for no work but just depending on me for EVERYTHING.
    He has his excuses like he needs to pay back his school loan (he is 35 now) and apartment renting, food ,repay to his other friend..etc.
    I lend it to him EVERY SINGLE TIME…
    Till now, he is returning to his country and he was pretty sure he could find a perfec job in a minute .. it’s been 7 months.. he still havn’t got any job. but asking me to TT him ..
    I did it … USD3,000 . He said he control his budget for USD30/3 meals a day, and he needs to pay car insurance, gas, misc. repayment back to his friends…etc.
    I made 2 times lately, I thought I could help him to back on track soon as he told me he need to build up credit so company could hire him , if he has too much debt (like school loan..), it isn’t look good .
    I actually gave him some cash when he back to his homeland, but he still insist to put some $$ in his bank debit card(for his credibility)
    I trusted him and I made the two TT after he returned.

    Yesterday, he ask me again for another TT .. This time, I rejected..It’s enough. I reject every single time but after I still lent $ to him. And it’s been 50 more times at least..But not this time ,no.I am done with my generousity to him..and don’t know why I trusted him everytime and helped him ? we didn’t live together, we didn’t have frequent sex .. but I just love him.

    What kind of man he is ? pls tell me.

    What’s wrong with me ?

80. OMG! I dated a guy recently. Even before we became a couple, we went to travel then we actually didn’t spend much but he told me that he does not have much money left for next week when I leave so he asked if I can lend him money. Which I did because I was so infatuated with him. Then after that, he broke my heart. He paid me half of the amount and told me he can’t pay it completely yet since he does not have enough money. I ended up telling him not to pay the rest of the money. He just said OK! He didn’t even say thank you but I can’t be bothered. Then recently we got back together (Yes! I’m stupid!) Two days after we go back together he tried to borrow money again! Jeez! I didn’t lend him this time. Then we just lasted for one month.

81. So I have been seriously dating a guy for 6 months. We are both in our early 40s. He really treats me better than any man I have ever known and thankfully I have been in some very good relationships in the past. He always does what he says, likes doing things for me and is very kind and thoughtful. However, he just asked to borrow $8,000. I am financially independent but he previously made me believe he was as well. He says needs the money for his business. I said no and he was fine with my response. But the fact that he asked really bothers me and I am not sure if I should leave him because of it — both out of principal but also because I now question whether his “good” guy person a was a setup for asking me for money. Based on my job, etc, i confident that he knew I had money when we started saying. What do you think?

82. Hi Pat….
    Are you ready for some serious truth? I am going to really bottom line this for you. In answer to your questions:
    1. What kind of man is he? He is a little child. You are his “mummy.’
    2. What is wrong with you? You are so insecure you are willing to invest in a little child (not your own) instead of yourself. If you invested in yourself, you would not be in this situation.
    What should you do? Invest in yourself. Start here: http://bitchlifestyle.com/your-re-awakening/

83. “Sassy” You are not stupid. You stopped the cycle and learned from giving him money. That is awesome. Love, Goddess

84. What do I think?
    I think the problem is you don’t know what you want. I don’t really give a rats about this guy. I don’t care if he is a hot stud, fantastic lover, gentleman or Ryan Gosling in the flesh. If you have to ask these questions to someone you barely know (that would be me)? You need to work on YOUR hot self so you know how to deal with things that really bother you. I’ve been there. I learned through work on how to get rid of those “I’m not sure what to do” feelings. Are you ready to know what you want so clearly with a guy that you can do the same? Then rock it with me: http://bitchlifestyle.com/your-re-awakening/ Love Mama Bitch

85. Met a guy online few days ago. He seemed financially very secure. Driving a nice car, treating to dinner etc. We liked each other and hit it off. He says he is in love, well he said he is in love on a first date!

    2 days into he told me he lost his wallet, all his cards and IDs were in it. Said he banks with AIG so he said it will be 10 days to receive a replacement card. I offered to lend the money. Am I stupid? Don’t even know where the guy lives. Going by my first impression (really liked the guy) and judgment thinking that it IS possible after all to loose your wallet. Just want to know anyone’s thoughts.

86. Jenna…
    You met him a few days ago. You don’t know where he lives? Did you READ the article? My one word answer SO fits your question.
    My one thought is: (fill in the blank)
    ASAP!!!!!

87. This was a scam. Thank you for an excellent advise. Ladies – do NOT believe everything you hear from strangers. This one was a pro women bullshitter. Spoke so sweet, acted so nice – all until I said I cant help with the $. Then love all of a sudden went bye bye. :-/

    Such a shame that some men are such scums. Cant trust anyone these days.

88. So my bf and I have been dating for 2years now and his only ever asked me for money once.Said he needed it to help him out till his next pay so I gave him $100.Im not very comfortable when it comes to money discussions especially if we still in a relationship ,so I told him if you wanna borrow money from me you pay it back with interest.We agreed laughed about and he still paid me back with an extra 20$ on top of the $100 I gave him.this all happened with our first year of dating.Now this time around his asked for $1200 says he wants to enrol in a small course for work says his job will reimburse it for him on his next pay.Now I’m just a little uncomfortable because he has a great job.He says he has the money and he just doesn’t wanna use it cause it’s in his savings.He said if he pulls the money out he’ll get charged a service fee for $5.Now I know most banks do this having worked for one in the past.But my question is why wouldn’t you sacrifice $5 to get $1200 for your education?
    Mind you I have never asked him for money before I have my shit together .Im not saying his a bad guy his loving caring I mean his amazing but these small things about money make me feel very uneasy I know he will pay it back but if we want a future how will I know he can take care of me?im so old school about this my parents got divorced because of money and I don’t want this to be my future either.I just want him to man up about money issues.My own brothers never ask me for money cause they say it’s shameful and humiliating they would rather fight for their own money than get it from a woman .please help how do I tell him to get his stuff together I love this man but I hate it when he asks for money

89. Tell him EXACTLY this: “You have the money in your bank account. It will complicate things if I give you money you already have.” In a bottom line, unemotional way. Then drop it. Change the subject. If he continues to ask, leave. Let me know how it goes. Love, Goddess

90. Hi Sharon

91. I enjoy reading the experiences posted here- I think I’m a voyeur at heart (lol).
    I have a similar experience. Actually going through it right now and the curiosity to see how he handles it is keeping me from blocking and deleting his number (he’s a mixed bag of red flags to tell the truth).
    He has 2 baby mothers and had been suspended from his job without pay for smoking and is behind on his rent and furniture payments and has no food in his fridge.Of course he has ‘businesses’ in the works and a book on the way (do they all have these things???), but for now he’s just trying to get $1k to hold him over. He was going to be a driver for Uber/Lyft but they rejected him so he just picks people up as an unlicensed cabbie. Just a mixed bag of a mess. Once he had his kids over but said he would have to take them back to their mother because he had no food in his house- I brought food over that one time. When I am there he cooks so I offered to help with the food budget, but quickly changed that to I’ll bring food but I’m not giving cash (I don’t mind this since I eat almost every time I am there.) He keeps going on and on about $1k and I keep saying I really hope you can get it but will not offer a dime- not even for gas.
    I’ll be honest, I’m waiting to see if he flat out asks me for the money. I know I should just leave, this man is not financially stable, however I never had the idea of making a full fledged relationship with him (I was upfront with that) so I kind of feel like I’m watching a show…what will happen next.
    Part of me thinks this is wrong of me. The other part of me wants popcorn.

92. I met a guy online and we had been talking for approximately 2 months. We went on 2 amazing dates and on the second date he asked me if I would consider being in a relationship with him, how he felt like he knew me for longer than 2 dates etc etc.. He dropped a bombshell and said to me that he wanted to visit me in Germany and I was like alrighty then. He had told me of his financial situation because at that time, he had been out of a job for approximately 3.5 months so his money was funny (I am a full time student by the way). I ofcourse thought he really liked me if he was willing to travel despite his financial situation. When it came to him booking his tickets though, he started being shifty. He wouldn’t settle on a date and eventually he basically asked me to book the going out flight for him and he would transfer the money in my bank account within the next 4 days. I hesitated a bit about that suggestion but I foolishly did it. Thank God he gave me back the money! However, once he had confirmed at his work place that he could definitely take a holiday, he asked me at least 3 times if I would book the return flight for him and he would transfer the money back. He tried to guilt-trip me by asking if I didn’t trust him. I asked him why he couldn’t do it himself and he said he was at his dad’s house and he didnt have his banking details on hand. He also said he doesn’t know the name of the city he would be flying from (huh?), he doesn’t know how to use the booking website etc. A bunch of nonsense. I stood my ground in the end and honestly, I can say i’m not looking forward to his visit.

93. This post is so empowering and thank you so much! I have been single for a while now. It hasnt even been a week since talking to this guy and this guy and his already asking me to buy him boots and he’ll pay me back next week. I had a sick feeling in my stomach that he was going to as me for money as soon as he started the conversation with “I need a favour”, so soonnnnn but I’ll admit I did fall for the sweet talk until the money part came into conversation alarm bells were ringing everywhere. One lesson to be taken from all of this – action speaks louder then words, let a man be a man and rise up to the plate! We’re worth it ladies, we’re totally WORTH IT! Don’t settle for less and so empowering when you realise your true worth by letting go of things beneath you.

94. Hey Alexandria…

95. Mona…do you have a question regarding this scenario?? Love, Goddess

96. Hey Melanie! Of course you aren’t looking forward to seeing him! That is your BITCH! She is done with him. As you should be. Your Bitch sounds like she would rather DIE than spend any time with this guy. Does that make sense? Love, Goddess

97. Thank you Caro for sharing your thoughts. It helps all of us realize and re-affirm we should let go of what does not serve us and embrace that which does! Love, Goddess

98. My ex borrowed like 1,400 from me to this day we broke up never paid me back since.
    Don’t try to save bums ladies!

99. Excellent advice Nickk…thank you! Love, Goddess

100. I hope you ran Suzanne. Who CARES if he has done this before. He’s done it to YOU. RUN Love, Goddess

101. Hi so my boyfriend needs car repairs. He asked if we could slip the cost ..this came after me saying “we will work it out” either he shouldnt have asked im a single parent and i dont have it. My question is that i feel bad i cant help and he knows this.. im consern where do i take our relationship.

102. Stop feeling bad Noelle. He is a grown man. He should take care of his own car repairs. He knows he has you right where he wants you. So…who do you choose? A little boy who doesn’t know how to save money and take care of his own responsibilities (uhm his CAR) or taking care of your child? Love, Goddess

103. in relationship with a married man who works but always asking for money i would also buy things and pay for dates i have stayed because he said he was leaving her did move out but has not filled for divorce although they live separately for 2 years. This past week i finally told him no because i dont have it he would call periodically or see me but since the no he has made. No contact other than once to return my call about his welfare i was lonely fell for him now trying to move on even though i am disappointed. My bank account feels better. Sad thing about this was it took him doin yard work for me and getting poison ivy for me to hit a breaking point helped with getting medicine did not pay him because it was work to pay off a previous debt. Am i right or wrong.
     Kim

104. Kim….you were 200 and 50 percent right to get rid of him. I am so proud of you! His actions spoke about his attentions. You are free of him. His wife is not and she is in a world of a mess! You are a strong woman that deserves a man who is not a “world mess.” Own that and be PROUD!!!! Love, Goddess

105. Help, I know you’re talking about guys who you ladies are in or were in a romantic relationship with, my problem is with a really good friend.
     Ok so here it goes, my family just moved to a new country last year, I changed universities to be closer to my family, at my new university, I was weird and different, I tried not to show how miserable I was and was always smiling and made a few friends but those friendships were built on sand, anyway there was one guy (let’s call him moocher) he was the only person who seemed to like me and accept me completely. We used to talk everyday and hang out every other day, it was so much fun and I only ever genuinely smiled when I was with him. He told me his family is doing really well financially (I didn’t get the point of telling me that) but oh well.
     Life was fun, but then something started happening, he said he didn’t really like campus food (nobody did) and that we should go have lunch somewhere else, we went to a restaurant and I PAID! for the food and the cab rides to and from campus. (I know what you’re thinking, kill me now) then he stopped having lunch money, he kept on claiming his father was away on business I felt bad about eating in his face so I bought his lunch every now and then. It was nothing big so I never asked for the money back. By second semester, I had had enough of being treated horribly at my new university and transferred back to my old school. Everything was right in the world again, but I missed my friend moocher, we spoke everyday.
     Now I’m back in the second country visiting my family for the school holiday and this is where things get uglier:
     1) he invited me to his city on Christmas Eve, I travelled there by bus because my licence isn’t valid here and paid for my trip, when I got there he wasn’t even waiting for me, I texted him when I was halfway there and when we were entering the city, I went to a coffee shop cause it was raining and called him, get this he was still at home, in bed SLEEPING. He said he’d meet me in 5 minutes except he didn’t have any money for a cab cause get this his dad was out of town…on business. (I should have finished my coffee and left right then) he asked if I could pay for the cab and he’d pay back by the end of the week when his father got back. I paid for the cab and even after his father got back, he never bothered sending the money claiming “I don’t know how to get it to you, next time”. We went to a different more expensive restaurant and guess what happened I PAID FOR BOTH OUR MEALS! I figured I have a part time job and I regularly get holiday jobs to stay busy and make money so what the heck? When I was leaving he gave me a subpar hug and asked for money for his cab ride home. (Never mind, I’ll kill myself for being so foolish)
     2) his been asking for money a lot now, he’s living on his own for the first time, (we’re in our early 20’s) I thought this was weird since I moved out when I was 17, but hey, to each his own right? Anyway, the money borrowing, at first it was a super emergency, I was so afraid I thought something really bad had happened, I sent the money from my phone like a flipping idiot, only after I sent the money did he tell me he was really broke because he doesn’t know how to cook so his been leaving on pizza and whatever other fast food joint delivers, he’d been partying and going shopping. I felt like someone had just kicked me in the stomach.
     3) Moocher called me one evening and he was so low, eventually he told me he’s father hadn’t sent him his money in almost 2 months, I felt so bad, I know first hand that the university workload is really intense, there’s no way any of the students could try to get part time jobs. I sent him some money for basic necessities like food and the water bill.
     4) last week Moocher brought it up in one of our conversations that he was so broke, I’d passed through his town on my way to a different state for a friend’s birthday party, he was soo skinny it was sad, I wanted to cry , i could tell he wasn’t eating. I was busy with school and work the next day, but I rushed to the bank during my lunch break, I was just about to press the confirm transaction number when my phone rang, it was him he asked if I’d sent the money yet I said I was busy at school (I wanted to surprise him, biggest mistake of my life) Moocher “uhm, ok. It’s ok really, I mean you said you’d help, but if you’re busy at school that’s fine too. I’m in town right now, thought I’d buy food while I’m still here cause I’ll be super busy tomorrow.” Me: “I’ll see if I can send it after school if I can’t I’ll send it tomorrow”, Moocher:”well its up to you” THE FREAKING HELL?! I pressed send and turned off my phone. I helped and whatever happens next was all up to him, I was so frustrated, I care about him but I don’t want to be his own personal ATM, he knows exactly how I feel about people trying to use me financially and I know I’m a target cause I’m the only one working amongst my friends, but they seem to forget that unlike them, I don’t depend on my parents for money AT ALL. Moocher and I were supposed to meet up last week Friday, but I cancelled cause I was so mad at how he was practicality demanding money from me as if I’m the one who made him lose all his money in the first place. I suggested that for once instead of meeting up in his city, we could meet each other halfway, literally, he said he didn’t have the money for that (because apparently, I’m the only one with enough money to go all the way to his city and back to mine)
     He called on Monday and said he’d like to meet up on Friday for lunch, I said we’ll see because I was still feeling a little sour from last weeks nonsense and today I just confirmed with him, next thing he texts saying, “I’m glad we’re meeting up on Friday, btw I’m broke like major broke, I had to pay off some debts and bought food like CHOCOLATE AND ICE CREAM not forgetting his staple food PIZZA!
     I know that’s a lot, but I need help, should I run like I know I should or should I save the friendship by ‘losing’ all my money and pretending to be as careless with my money as he is

106. Holy **** Sonia! The amount of money and time you are investing in this guy is not sustainable. He will NEVER pay you back. What is sustainable? Investing in yourself. Like taking my course where we will go over every inch of this letter together so you will never do this to yourself again. My email: goddess@bitchlifestyle.com

107. I was just asked for money by a male friend. I’ve never been asked for money by any guy even old boyfriends. Me and this male friend are not in a relationship but he knows I do have feelings for him, or at least I did. Anyway he sends me a message saying that he missed me, wishes I was there, and that he loved me. I was immediately taken aback by it because it was so out of the blue. My responses mirrored his. He said he missed me and I said I missed him too. I’ve told him in the past how I felt about him and I finally got it through my thick head that if he wasn’t making any effort then he was not interested. So I get these messages and immediately thought let’s see what happens next. Talk is cheap and his behavior will speak volumes. Six days pass and no communication which was telling me a man who loves me doesn’t go that long without talking or wanting to see me. Then he sends me a text on my birthday… doesn’t wish me a happy birthday because he probably forgot or didn’t care… but if he loved me he would have known it was my birthday, but anyway he asked to borrow $1000. It all came together immediately. He knew he was going to ask for money and wanted to tell me what he thought I’ve always wanted to hear from him in hopes that I would loan him the money. I told him that I could not loan it to him. I was so upset because this was outright manipulation and on my birthday too lol. When he said he loved me and everything, my first and immediate thought was hmmm…that’s interesting, if he does, if does, but let’s see how this plays out. Actions speak louder than words. I did not contact him during the days after because at this point, I have made efforts in the past, he knows I have feeling for him but it’s his turn to put in effort. When two days or three days went by, I knew this wasn’t a behavior of someone who loved me. When he asked for money, I immediately knew his behavior was not of a man who loved me but a man who was going to play on my hearts strings to get money that he will probably never pay back. One thing I will say, I’m protective of my money. There’s one person on this planet I would give that kind of money to and that’s my mother. I don’t loan friends money. Perhaps if he attempted to even know me better then he would know my rule…and my Birthday too. That’s another one…because he would have been making an effort to contact me and spend time with me every chance he got after telling me he loved me so naturally he would have known it was my birthday because there would have been daily contact.

108. a guy that I’m dating recently asked me to borrow some money. I gave it to him like a fool because I know his situation he is in. I talked to my female friends about it and they told me I shouldn’t have gave him nothing… I told them when I get it back I will leave him alone. Am I doing this right or should I just leave now ?

109. Hey Marie…have you discussed a payment plan? (hint hint) Love, Goddess

110. Yep. Been there, done it. I met a guy playing Words with Friends in November 2014. We just texted in the game app for 3 months before exchanging phone numbers. Literally a week after that, he asked me for $500 to fix his car. He’d already filled me in on his crappy salary at his temp job long before dropping this bomb. I did not send him the money but despite being totally disappointed and disenchanted by his mooching, I kept him around because I’d already fallen for him. In fact, I fell for him immediately when I first saw his game profile pic! I won’t get into the whole love at first sight and twin flames thing here, but suffice it to say I cut him a lot of slack and made all kinds of excuses for him for over 2 years because of that. I finally did RUN and told him to get lost 2 months ago. After 2.5 years of texting and phone calls, we’d still never met.

111. Lynne…thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. It takes strength to run and share so it doesn’t happen to anyone else! Big hug…Love, Goddess

112. You’re welcome, Sharon. And thank you for hosting this platform for us ladies to share experiences and learn from them. Hugs to you too!

113. hello,
     I’m here to vent. I’m getting out of a 2.5 year relationship with a guy that I took care of until I decided to go back to school. I moved to another state when I got accepted to the program I wanted to pursue. I had to quit my job so the money dried up. The transition has not been easy, financially, emotionally, and physically.
     The whole time that we’ve been together, he hasn’t had a single job. I worked to support him as well as keeping myself afloat. I paid his rent/bills/food/debt, and if I had saved up some of that money, I could’ve used it to pay for school. My current financial situation is such that I’m relying on student loans/scholarships to survive and I don’t have the extra cash to splurge on him. he insists I use some of that money to help him. I would drown if I did that. he also wants me to move him to where I am so we can live together. supposedly he’s going to look for employment here. My thing is, he’s verbally abusive, emotionally immature, and unsupportive. Moving him here with his belongings would cost me a fortune. Once he gets here, id have to bear his burden plus his car note. My money is so limited, I don’t know how I’d get through. I’ve told him that my financial situation is very tight, and now he’s threatening to walk away from me to ‘explore other options.’ I’m assuming that means he’s going to look for another woman who’s going to take care of him. whatever the case, I think it’s time for me to run. It’s difficult to deal with all this in the middle of the semester but no one said life would be easy. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
     -Heartbroken

114. I knew this one guy since I was 18 and he was 13 – his sister and I were close friends in Highschool and I was always around and he always had a crush on me – never got to know him like that – it was more like hi and bye. This was back in 2007. I recently bumped into him at a wedding 10 days ago and we started dating. I thought to myself, this could be easy since we kinda know of each other. Because he always had a crush on me, on a scale of 1-10, his feelings for me were at 10 and I was at like 3. Within just 10 days of dating, he said all the right things – he pressured me to be is girl, he kept telling me he loved me ( I couldn’t say it back – but ended up just saying it cause I felt bad (terrible of me), wants to marry me, have a kid(mind you he already has a kid and is on child support) – like dictating “our” future…One the 10th day (today), he asked if I could pay his car insurance ($496) and said he would pay me back in 2 installments. That really turned me off – and I started replaying the 10 days.. besides having a crush on me, I felt like he finagled/finessed his way into a relationship with me because he knows I have money, that I am nice and that I am generous AF – he thought that us being bf and gf and saying I love you, that he had the right or could be comfortable enough to ask me and I would do it. I was really about to do it, but something told me not to. Glad I didn’t. Time to put on my sneakers and go for a run…just have to figure out how to tell him if he isn’t too embarrassed to “Hey Babe” me

115. I know this is long, but I would REALLY like to share my story, and get some feedback becaue I just came across this site, and it’s a coincedence becaue i’m dealing with a situation like this. I’ll try and make it long story short.
     When I was a junior in high school, I dated a nice guy, and I have dated a few decent guys here and there, but a lot of scum bags before. My senior year of high school, there was a guy a lot older then me who I dated about a year in a half off and on. My parents hated him because he was a manipulator, and he would try and manipulate me to see him behind their backs, he never asked for money, but he was mainly all about sex, and trying to get that when I would see him, and I was under age, he even talked to me about drinking with him one night. I said no. Then one night I was at his place, and he wanted me to spend the night on a school night, so he took my car keys and phone. My mom found out where I was, and that was the end of that. He was also my 1st, I did it with. 4 years ago, I had an ex who became physically abusive, and he had no liscanse, I use to do all the driving, and he was my 2nd. He use to call me every night too, then it turned into every morning as well (which is a sign of dependancy and control). I dated him for 9 months, then my parents found out about him being abusive.

     And a little over a year ago, I met a guy at work. Working retail. He started flirting with me, then I got his number one day. He told me he wanted to keep things between us because he’s trying to move up in the buisness, then things got weird quickly with-in two weeks because he asked me about moving in, then we hung out a few times, he was gonna come over to my place and take me out, but he was flakey, and wanted me to come see him instead. I made the first move, he asked if kissing would lead to sex over text that night, I said when were ready, and he stated again that he wants the relationship to stay between us because he’s boss (my friend pointed out, that’s power and control right there, him saying, “I’m boss.”).
     The next day he invited me over again, and he was pushy on the moving in subject, but I told him we barely know each other, it might not work out, and he told me not to think like that, and I kissed him again that day, and he asked again if it would lead to more, but I said no. And he said, “We should slow down, I wait till marrige.” My friends said that seems creepy and manipulative. Over text later, even though he was planning on coming over, he told me he wasn’t finatually ready for a relationship.
     A week later, I texted him, and he pretended he lost my number, I told him I don’t mind being freinds, and he did a whole cop out then agreed to being freinds. A few days after that, I called him out for his behaivor and accused him of just wanting sex, he played the whole “gentleman type,” then week later he was asking for a hook up, all these sex questions basically, then he said it was someone else who had his phone. Then we barely talked for 3 whole months, then I transferred to a new location, and he found out, and contacted me.
     So we started hanging out again a few times. The second time we hung out he started pestering for money, he was very persistant, and kind of harrasing in a way. And we hooked up, he asked me out, then he started pestering again, and promising to pay me back. Finally, I did give him the money, only because I didn’t know how to handle all the pestering, and never been in that situation before. He asked me to hang out the next day, then flaked out again after he got the money. So I proceed to tell a co worker I was friends with who worked with us. My co worker and a few of my other friends have described this guy as also controlling (which I can see), and they have ALL said there’s something off about him and they feel as if he’s someone who is capable of commiting rape, and I think my co worker he told a few other guys at work about him asking for money, then it got around quickly, so made him look bad asking a girl for money, so I think that’s why he ignored me more after, so I freaked out and threatened cops to get it back. Then things were dramatic because I lashed out at him all summer about the money, and he would sit there and respond in long paragraphs to my lashing-out texts. And he payed small amounts all summer, until one day, he got fired, and made a sad story about how he was working over night, and fell asleep at wheel a few times and almost got in a wreck, and he was about to lose his apt so he needed help for rent. And he told me the reason he barely talked to me is because I told everyone, and he said, “You don’t understand what that’s like having everyone stare at you.”
     So I felt bad, being the nice, and vulnerable and oblivious girl that I am. Now he’s starting to ask about the money, and it seems to be just about the money.
     Not to mention, you know moms always get that motherly instink?? My mom has broughg up the subject of rape sometimes, and how you have to be careful becaue men can be agressive a few times, and she DOESN’T even know the story, or enough about the guy.

     A few weeks ago, I told a friend of mine who is a cop, how everyone gets a “rapy vibe,” and I went into a whole list of reasons why my friends get that vibe, like how he’s comtroling and stuff. And I told my friend that it’s weird becaue parents always know when something is up, and how my mom has even brought up that subject a few times. And what’s WEIRD is I was on the phone with a diff friend of mine that night, after I hung out with my friend. My mom didn’t hear the conversation, but she knocked on the door and asked if eveything was alright because I sounded tense on the phone, and I told her i’m fine. She said, “You sure? I’ve always been right about my gut feelings in the past.”
     I told a friend at my new job about him, and I said to him it seems to be just about the money, that seems to be what he wants, not sex so that vibe my friends get isn’t exactly true. And my friend said, “Not nessicaraly, you can’t predict what he will do in the moment, if he gets mad or what ever,” and another friend of mine pointed out today how I shouldn’t put it past him that he could ask for that too. And how he prob thinks if he asked for that now, it would ware out his welcome, and my friend also gave the advice that money requests and sex can be different but sometimes they can connect.
     And basically everyone has said, if I do ever hook up with him again, it’s the hard way next time.

116. Jess…here is the feedback you desire:

     Did you even read the article? The “feedback” you need is in it. I am so sorry that you aren’t able to see it and take the necessary action. When you are ready to have the strength to deal with these situations, email me so we can start a coaching program. goddess@bitchlifestyle.com

117. So my hair dresser introduced me to her older brother who was is 15 years older than me and was supposed to be a lawyer. Found out he’s an unemployed paralegal. Within 70 days this guy asks me to give him 10K so he could buy a car so he could drive Uber. He said if we were to be together this is how he could earn money so he could pay our house note. Ok. For one thing, we DONT LIVE TOGETHER. IM 1800 MILES AWAY! This was a long distance relationship. I saw him on two occasions for 4 days each. He said all the right things. Im a single mom of three and finically secure. I worked hard to be able to do so. He always commented on my spending and developed a budget for me. He made me fill out his excel program he designed for me. I thought he was being sweet because i was trying to redo my budget so I could save more. However, the whole time, he was just trying to see what numbers I inputted. When I tell you, the minute he asked me for that money, my heart shatters and i immediately lost all respect for him. Within 10 days he had guilted me by saying if you loved me i would give him the money. Then finally I can’t be with a woman who can’t trust me. I wanted to marry you but now I see I can’t. I told him i can’t be with a man who will ask a single mom for money. He went to hot and cold moments of I’m just frustrated and disappointed where he would ignore me. Actually he was plotting and trying to figure out how to flip it and blame me. I told him a real man figures out how to solve his own problems. He said well my problems should be your problems and vice verse. I was like BYE FELICIA! He’s a classic narcissist and scam artist. I told my hairdresser, she was so embarrassed. She said to me now i see why he’s so secretive, we don’t even know where he lives! When he wouldn’t tell me where he lived after coming to my home, i knew things would go sour. Beware of these men(boys) ladies!!!

118. well . been there . lost my one month salary. he broke up and he never returned. still tried to get him back begged him literally. touched the bottom but now i feel pity for my self. dont care about the damn money. karma gets you back one day or another.

119. Thanks so much for sharing your story, GreenGenie! You are so right in your assessment of these “boys.” Love, Goddess

120. Thanks for sharing, Anna. That strength will rock so many women. Instead of pity think of how your story will strengthen us all to NOT fall for one of these dudes! Love, Goddess

121. I’m glad you had the strength to say “NO” to him Mallory! Love, Goddess

122. Thank you so much for this beautiful vent, Tanesha. Your strength by sharing your story will help us all be strong! Love, Goddess

123. RUN JESS RUN, Love, Goddess

124. I’ve been talking to a guy for 2 months and his mom is in critical condition. He has been out of work for a week so I offered to let him borrow some money but he told me no he couldn’t. Then today he blew up at me all day he even had the nerve to say I lied and he don’t want to talk to me anymore. what do I do he has never been an butt to me.

125. Hi Josephina…
     You sound like a very compassionate woman who wants to help someone going through a lot. This guy IS going through a lot…a Mom in critical condition and looking for a job. I’m impressed he didn’t take money from you. A grown up adult male wants to take care of himself and those he loves. He has a lot on his plate right now. The best thing you can do is give him space to deal with all of this. You two have not known each other long at all. Just offering your support is a wonderful thing to do. Tell him if he needs a warm hug or an ear to talk to you are there for him. Then leave him be. Don’t expect anything from him during this tough run. My Mom had cancer and I was a mess while she was going through her treatment. He is trying to be strong for his Mom. Be strong for him by letting him deal with this in his way. Love, Goddess

126. I have been dating a guy for 1 year & 4 months. He takes me out to eat & he pays most of the time. On special occasions I will pay. He also buys me groceries on the weekends that he visits. He recently asked to borrow $900. To go to a funeral out of town. Says he spent all his money & will pay me back next week when he gets his check. I said no. He broke up with me. Stating he cannot be with a woman that does not trust him. I do not want a man I have to lend money to. It was not about the trust. I did not want to do it. Was I wrong?

127. Hi Vee…
     Wow…it seems like you definitely made the right decision if he broke up with you when you didn’t give him the money! Red flag: why didn’t he ask you to go with him to the funeral? I mean if you were serious he would’ve wanted you to be there for him, right? What you want is a man who can take care of himself. There is nothing wrong with that. Finances 101: Have an emergency fund so you have it to spend on in cases like this. Another red flag: why didn’t he ask a family member for the money? You did good Vee. Love, Goddess

128. I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years now, he has borrowed money from me probably 10 times or more, he always pays it back within a week or month, he works and says he is saving for our future and can’t use the money till December since he wants a new phone, he wants me to borrow him the money. I’m getting tired of this now.

129. I too was fooled by a male.friend to loan him money.over the past 3 years and something always came up! Now he’s borrowing money from his gf and laughes about it. I gave him money up to recently, but he was taking money from both of us! He took advantage knowing I had a kind heart to help! I woke up, I hope she does also!

130. Man, I wish I’d seen this last year! I was in a bad situation (separated from my husband) and ending up dating a divorced father of two. He started borrowing money from me just a couple weeks in. I had the money and I was so messed up mentally and emotionally due to my situation, I just happily gave it thinking I was helping him. BIG mistake. Between all of the “loans” (which were never repaid or even attempted to repay) and everything else I paid for (I paid on every single date, drove my car/my gas everywhere) and things I bought for him, I’m well over the $7K mark for basically a 2-month relationship. That’s close to $1K/week. All he ever wanted to do was go out to restaurants and bars every single night. I’d ask to cook at home or watch a movie, but he’d want to go out (which of course, I paid for). We broke up because I’m working things out with my husband (who actually CAN take care of himself and his budget and pay his own damn bills), and this dude STILL texts me asking for money or to buy his groceries! Yet his ex-wife goes & gets waxes and her nails done all the time. They’re so codependent that she can’t manage on her own and calls him constantly for help with every little thing, they still share bank accounts, all of their other accounts (Netflix, Spotify, Amazon etc), both of their names are on the car titles together, and everything else. Such a hot mess. I know if I was still with him my savings would be completely gone by now. I wish I’d had the sense to run in the beginning. That relationship cost me way too much! DON’T DO IT, LADIES!!!!

131. Me too! So glad you were strong enough to RUN. Love, Goddess

132. This is so beautifully written, Sue. Thank you for sharing your story and making us all stronger in the process! Love, Goddess