Inner Silence

Maxine cartoon from the fabulous blog Hedjumaction: http://hedjumacation.net/parentcare/confidence/components/

“To listen is to develop inner silence.” Lolly Daskal

Love that. Last night I was taking part in a leadership party on Twitter. The person running the party, Lolly Daskal, wrote that and it was so perfect! Had to share it with you. True listening is hard to do. We have to work on developing listening skills. When we are in are Drama Queens while trying to listen to someone, we aren’t listening to them. It is all about our inner victim screaming out the wrong things. It may go something like this:

Boyfriend/Husband: I’ve had a really tough day. (Heads toward his man cave)

When you’re a Drama Queen, the inside of your head is bursting with injustice so things like this are running through your brain: What, no kiss, smile or hug? Like, I didn’t have a bad day? I’ve had a day too. I had another meeting at work that went nowhere and A, B and C happened. Great. Just go ahead into the other room. It’s all about you when I could use some help here. ETC. So you may say something like:

Drama Queen You: Fine.

And that fine is dripping with “not fine.” It’s angry, venomous and dripping with sarcasm. You’re boyfriend, husband, lover knows that things aren’t fine, that he is in deep doo doo, but just like you he is at the end of his rope and needs a break. So he takes it. Because he really doesn’t want to get into an argument. He needs the down time so he can deal with the next thing. Which will be an argument with you after he deals with his bad day.

When you’re in Bitch mode…your inner silence is strong. You can hear what the man you love is really saying to you.

Boyfriend/Husband: I’ve had a really tough day. (Heads toward his man cave)

You feel the fact that his ego may be battered a bit. It’s not personal. He is going into his man cave and when he comes out, he’ll be stronger. So you give that to him because you love him. When your in your Bitch, you smile warmly, head into the kitchen, grab him a beer or glass of wine and hand it to him. You say something like this:

Bitch You: Take all the time you need. I’m going out to do some errands and will be back later.

Give him the space he needs and he will be thrilled with you! But Goddess…he was rude to me. Maybe he was. Don’t take it personally and remove yourself from the situation. (Hence the errands) When you come home, I’m sure his attitude will be adjusted. You gave him what he wanted. Alone time. So make the best of it and go shopping, to a movie or do something else you want to do. Take care of you when he’s taking care of himself. Silence the noise like Rapunzel did http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/08/rapunzel-and-her-tower/ Understanding and love will flow back to you.

There is an onslaught of noise you encounter every day disrupting your inner silence. Things in the past that crop up again and again that haunt us, new voices telling us what is wrong with us, patterns we’ve formed to protect us. And the oh so present conditioning. Those special little reminders society puts upon us to keep us in line. Your happiness and fulfillment depends on you developing listening skills. For you and those you love. “Love Every Drop of Gorgeous You.” So how do we do it? You find what gives you peace: what quiets your mind so you can truly listen. Ideas for you to explore:

1. Meditation: This is very beneficial to some. I’m too impatient for it. I really respect the people who can sit, relax, ease their minds completely and just be. I’m working toward this.

2. Release control: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/03/control/

3. Practice your communication skills: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/03/on-being-blunt/

4. PLAY! http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/10/fun-playful-and-slightly-outrageous-things-to-do-this-weekend/

5. Share! Please share your ideas on getting rid of the noise on our Facebook page! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841

Love, Goddess