Let a Man Chase You. Here’s How…

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Awesome quote from  Quotes Gram

Let a man chase you!  As women we have been taught to “go after what we want.”  That’s perfect for business, but in our love lives, it’s a bit backward.  Men have always been the hunters.  They love difficult things.  Like football, extreme sports and climbing the corporate ladder.  (yes…that one is fun for us, too!)  Men LOVE to produce then brag about it.  Like in business, hunting or fishing.  You ever notice how they talk about these accomplishments?  It’s always the struggle (in dramatic detail) about the giant fish he caught. (even if it’s a Minnow)  Or the meanest, toughest smartest animal he ever “brought down.”  Then they display the animal on the wall so he can talk about it whenever someone comes in the room.  Men are all about accomplishment and production, ladies!  If he says this to you, he wants you to see what a great producer he is.  (for life, maybe?) And he wants you to be proud of him.  Awww….  So how do we “go after what we want if it’s him?”  Dating tips for women:  we let him chase us and how.

He wants the thrill of the hunt and chase with you, too.  The part that drives a lot of us women absolutely nuts:  Will he call?   Why does he need space etc.  Is a thrill for him.  Did you know that when guys are sitting around with their buddies saying things like this:  “I can’t do that my wife would kill me.”  He is bragging about you to them?  He and his buddies all want the woman they can never quite figure out or control.  Strong men want a strong woman who won’t take any of their BS and will call them on it.  He knows he’ll never have you mounted on his wall and likes it that way.  🙂

So…how do we apply this dating tip for women?  How do we let him chase us?

1.  You love yourself with abandon.  No excuses.  If he can’t love you the way you are don’t bother with him.  If he says he likes blondes and you’re a brunette?  Look at your watch and say nicely, “Thanks for the drink.  I have an early morning and it’s time to go home.”  Notice his actions.  Action is key with him…the producer.  Men do a lot of things on purpose to get an emotional reaction from us. ( yes…an upcoming blog on that one! )  When he doesn’t get an emotional reaction from you, you just put the kibosh on that little game of his.  Remember one of my favorite “bitches”  Dolly Parton?  She’s “This is who I am, take it or leave it.” Period.  I’ve quoted this before in my blogs and here it is again.  When asked the key to her successful marriage she said  “When my husband gets a little complacent, I pack a bag and stay gone!”  Love it!

2.  We won’t compete with other women over a man.  If he’s trying to make you jealous with other women he is not respecting you.   And we are going to blame her?  Blame the source.  If he tells you about women that are “coming on to him” or an “ex-girlfriend” he is getting together with?  He is doing it to get a reaction from you and it’s disrespectful.  Tell him something along the lines of this:  “I really want you to be happy.  Let me know what you decide.”  Then no contact.  Let him “explore all those possibilities” if there are any.  One of two things will happen.  If he’s a jerk, and leaves you-you win because who needs that?  If he’s just trying to get the reaction, get ready for flowers.  You gave him the kick in the butt he needed.

3.  You let him “chase you” by letting him call, letting him make the plans. (and yes…you let him know what you would like to do, too!) You continue to lead your amazing life, career, pursing and researching your dreams, hobbies and desires because your life is awesome and fun without him.  Even when you’re an established couple.  Your life is important to you.  It’s something you’ve been working at, excelling at and enjoy.  It’s what makes you wonderful you!  Don’t give it up.  (After you’re an established couple, yes you can start calling him)

4.  You don’t tell him every detail of your life, so he wonders what you’re up to.  If you’re exhausted and all you can think of doing is relaxing in a bath tub?  Do it.  If he calls, he can leave a message.  You don’t have to tell him what you are doing every minute of every day.  And don’t expect him to account for his every minute.  Maintain a little mystery by keeping focused on you and your needs.  Keep moving to the rhythm that makes you feel good.

5.  While you’re getting to know each other, try to keep your dates shorter and don’t spend long hours talking about feelings with him.  (call a girlfriend) Don’t ask him “Where he thinks things are headed.”  Never bring up marriage, kids, etc.  Let him bring it up.  When he DOES bring them up, give a vague but clear answer.  “Marriage?  I haven’t really thought too much about it.  If I do get married it will have to be someone wonderful.”  Perfect.  First he’ll probably be shocked that HE was the one bringing up marriage.  Second, if he has brought it up, he’s been thinking about it and wants to see your reaction.  When you aren’t really “thinking” about it and want someone “wonderful” you just told the hunter what he has to do catch his “intended prey.”  Let the producer produce!

And there are so many more things you can do to let him chase you.  We will discuss, I promise!  This is key:  Remember that you are a “wonderful catch.”  Any man would be lucky to get you!  Make him prove that he is your hero.  Men love being heroes.  Let him prove worthy of fabulous you!  And when he does?  Appreciate the hell out of him!  Love, Goddess

Want to learn from The Most Famous Seducers in History?  Yes…I know you do!  I highly recommend this fabulous book: Seductress A wonderful resource that I keep on my night stand.

Bitch Lifestyle the Manual  All about men and owning your Sassy Bitch…now on Amazon!

Want even more?  My Re-Awakening Program gives you the tools you need to get Sassy and Man Magnet ready!  Re-Awakening Program  

Suggested Dating Tips for Women Reading:

© S Stevens Life Strategies

333 thoughts on “Let a Man Chase You. Here’s How…


    I think keeping the mystery in a relationship is essential. A woman that keeps a man is the one who is able to keep him on his toes. 🙂

  2. I’ve already been caught, but I let him keep catching me again and again haha..

    You are right though, men love to get that emotional reaction from us. I try not to give it 🙂

    have a great day!

  3. Go you for not giving into that emotional reaction. That’s why I started kick-boxing. LOL! Love, Goddess

  4. This is all so true..!!! I wish I had read this a good 10 years ago, so I wouldn’t have to learn it the hard way… Thank you!

  5. You are such a hot, sexy and intelligent Goddess. Whoever has your heart is one lucky man! Love, Goddess

  6. Thanks so much, Sharron! Love, Goddess
    PS: I’m actually a Sharon—with one less “n.”

  7. What if the guy were to give up on chasing you cuz it was too difficult to try and get you? Like turning him down on hanging out or talking might hurt his feelings and his pride and he may not wanna go through that again. Or should I just say “I’m busy that day, I’ll ttyl” ?

  8. Good Morning Kim,
    You’re overthinking this. Overthinking and expectations take the fun out of the love game.
    Have you seen Lady Gaga’s video “Poker Face?” Lady knows her power and is enjoying the love game.
    Your timing is perfect. I’m writing something today that I’ll be posting later that may help you.
    The title is “No expectations, please.”
    Love, Goddess

  9. Wow, did I lose my way! I was chased by a guy for a few months who I knew I was falling for, and he didn’t waste a moment telling me how he felt since day one. I told him I needed time and space to think this through and finally realized I really fell for him! I htought he would be elated! I spent time with him this past weekend and now it seems the more I liked him and finally let him know, he now went the other direction and now “he needs space” to think about it! Oh, he’s going to get all the “space” he needs, I am crushed. Is it game over for us or how can I begin the game again to keep him on his toes? I am not into games at all and it is so hard for me to hold back once i fall………..now what?????? I thought he would be happy to know how I felt….A few details, we don’t live in the same city so we can’t always see each other….

  10. First things first. Congratulations on realizing you lost your way!
    Don’t overthink. Watch a man’s actions. The man worthy of your heart does what he says he’s going to.
    Have you seen Shania Twain’s “That Don’t Impress Me Much” video? The only man she’s going to
    be impressed with is the guy that’s there for her. Notice she doesn’t get angry with these men. She playfully
    rejects them. She makes it his choice. You want access to Shania? You gotta play by her rules. This is where
    it gets fun, honey. What are Trishs’ rules? 😉
    If you have more qs, email me Goddesspower978@hotmail.com

  11. I’m attracted to a guy I met thru work; he works for another company. We’ve met 3 times, once at his office doing paperwork stuff about 20 minutes (but he looked at my ring finger); once for abt an hour and a half at my work doing an interview that should have taken abt 30 minutes but took an hour and a half because we had so much fun laughing and talking (during which he complemented me, said I was pretty, and I noticed him looking at my bosom when he thought I wasn’t looking); and once for 3 hours to tour his company as a VIP (after he invited me on 3 different occasions). This one was a bit awkward because there was an official tour guide that put a damper on our interaction. He seemed awkward and there was some trouble with smooth conversation like before, but if I spoke he became alert and encouraging, however, most of the time he jumped from topic to topic or talked with the tour guide abt business. But…he kissed me hello and good bye (not done in our industry), and stood VERY close to me, pressing his arm from should to elbow next to mine. He will always hold my gaze until I drop eye contact, and he raises his eyebrows a bit when he looks at me.

    We’ve also had a couple phone calls that should have take 5 minutes and stretched to 20-30, and he responds to my emails asap, and they drift off mildly into kidding around (this is work email so it’s short).

    But in the two months I’ve know him, he’s never asked me out. But, he’s been busy. He’s been out of town about 75% of the time and then there was Thanksgiving. He has mentioned 3 times now going out for a drink, but there’s really been only one, possibly two weekends he was available. He’s kept me apprised of his whereabouts in great detail, in town, out of town, what he’s doing, when he’ll be back. Once he mentioned he’d told his brother something abt me.

    It’s been two months and while I’m still interested, I sort of have given up. It’s like the momentum is gone. If he’s interested, he will make an effort, right? Or has he been making an effort?

    Last time he came back from his trip, he called me two days later on a pretext business question. Something that would NOT be in any way important. Turns out I do need to take some paperwork over to his office, but he didn’t know that when he called. I’ll see him a couple days after Xmas, he said we’d discuss going out for a drink then. Why not discuss it during that phone call? I think he’s attracted but not sure if he wants to pursue (after all he hasn’t seen me in a while either), which is fair, but… I’m getting such mixed signals.

    He’s also in a heavily male dominated field and always has been (the military–first in male only units located in desolate places, now as a contractor), and I think does not have smooth social skills as far as women go. Also almost two years ago he divorced his second wife (first was an addict, second lost interest and left, but he still talks to her sometimes, and when I first met him, he referred to her as his wife, now he refers to her only as his ex. He told me in passing once, they went to marital counseling and he found out all the things he was doing wrong).

    What’s your take on this?

  12. My take on this: you’re over thinking this “guy,” Amber. Time to focus on you, honey. Make a list of things you want to do, friends and family you want to see and do it. And enjoy every ounce of it! Love, Goddess

  13. This was by far the best blog yet! I couldn’t get enough of this one! Ditto, ditto, ditto is all I can say and I feel so empowered reading this. Thank you! This blog kicks our asses so let’s ROCK ON!!!!

  14. i am dating this guy he seemd very into me we have seen each other about 6 times. sometimes he call somethimes me and sometime when i call him he contact asap or makes me wait ahwile. he went away this past week and returned on sunday night and did not call me when he returned or on valentine day! what to do i refuse to call him or text him but i do like him!

  15. Honey,
    You are way over-thinking this. You’re giving him all the power. Visit the Drama Queen, Bitch University and Amazing Women sections on this site. Take care of yourself,
    keep your options open and let the men come to you.
    Love, Goddess

  16. Hi,
    Basically I met this guy 6 months ago, I wasn’t too sure about how I felt and i was worried he was too keen! So i played it cool and he was always asking too see me, none stop texting me, met the parents and things were great! We really hit it off then I fell for him & I let him know after about 4 months of us being together! I was questioning where things were going and he said he didn’t know if we wanted a relationship.. however we were basically in one!
    I got confused & didn’t give him his space and I think I came on too strong and it caused arguments. I’ve backed off and let it go but he doesn’t seem to make the effort anymore.. hardly ever texts me first, doesn’t see me as much now (he has got alot of work commitments) but when we are together things are great! I sometimes think he feels he has ‘got’ me now so doesn’t need to make the effort!
    I want him too be as interested as he used too be..
    Do you think I should not text him and let him come too me? or should I end it!
    Feeling a bit stuck!!

  17. Hi Kee,
    Let him come to you. Notice something in your comment. It’s a lot about him-a lot of worry. I’ve been here too. I think
    every woman has. We really like a guy then he withdraws. Without knowing the whole story, he may be scared of his feelings for you. So take care
    of yourself, set up fun dates with your friends and when he does get in touch with you, be happy to hear from him. Get busy living, no waiting. And kick box the frustration away! Let me know how it goes. Love, Goddess

  18. Hi Love Goddess,
    I met this guy through work last year and he hugged me goodbye and said really glad to meet you, you really are gorgeous and we been staying in touch by email. He came visit me once and he asked for a kiss at the end of the night. I asked why? He said he’s been attracted to me since he saw me, but deep down he is very shy. I gave him a quick kiss and I ran to my train, he stayed there watching me until I’m out of his sight.

    I went to his city to visit him 2 weeks ago, he picked me up from the airport at night saying really glad to see me again. We went for drinks and ended the night with real good night kiss and I went back to my hotel. The next day he was playing tour guide and he’s been paying for everything, he’s held my hand by interlocking all day like we are a couple even when he is driving. We didn’t make any promises to each other or confess our feelings completely as we are both a bit reserve when it comes to the matter of love, we just enjoying each other’s company and getting to know each other. When he was cuddling me he told me he wishes his job is more like a routine so he can plan his days better. We both don’t see having a partner as a goal; we see it as only have a partner if that person is right. We are very alike in lots of aspect. We ended up having sex that night in my hotel, he was really passionate and been kissing me the entire time for 1 hr. He said so you going back tomorrow? That sucks. I let him know that I don’t usually let people come to my place/hotel, but I really trust him. He hugged me really right kissed me and said thanks. We fell asleep and the day after he had to go help his family. I thought he is not going to take me to airport I was secretly disappointing. But he said I will come pick you up before you leave ok? Then he kissed me on the lips and left. He came back and took me to the airport, I said to him if felt really good to have you sleeping with me, I felt safe. He squeeze my hand smiled at me and said that was very nice. When we arrive, he hugged me and said thanks for coming, it’s very nice to see you again. I replied, thanks for the weekend, he said my pleasure so I will see you on facebook then? He didn’t talk about next visit or anything. I said yea. Then I kept walking and waving at him, he didn’t start driving until I was out of his sight. Then he txt me saying have a good flight. When I arrive home he txt me again asking if I got home safe. I replied to let him know I got home safe. He txt back saying it’s very nice to see me again. Then I send him an email telling him what a good trip planner he was and I enjoyed it a lot and hope to see him again soon. He wrote back the next day saying he likes our photos of the trip and said happy valentines day to me even he doesn’t believe in that. I wrote him another email but no reply. So I sent him a txt msg last Friday, he replied and let me know he is still very busy and only have 2 to 3 hrs sleep everyday. I ended the txt that night by saying good night. Haven’t heard from him since then.

    From his caring action, I think he surely has interest in me. However, due to his work commitment and the fact that we live in different city. I’m hesitating in letting him know that I actually miss him badly because I’m afraid he will see it as pressuring him into a relationship. I understand timing is not right, he doesn’t have time to sleep let alone having a girlfriend. If I force it we will just ended up separating.

    I’m just wondering what is the right approach to this? Should I contact him again? Even in the pass it can take him up to 2 weeks to reply an email and I’ve been doing the same. How can I let him know that I miss him, really have feelings and interest for him without letting him feel pressured or loosing the thrill of being the hunter? I know he is reserve, and if we both keep feelings to ourselves we might not progress ever.. even when his works get settles..

  19. Hi Sassy,
    Wow! That was a lot for me to cover in an email. I think a couple things. He sounds like a caring man, but I think you are over-thinking him. What do you want in a man, honey?
    Do you want a man closer to you? Who has time to return your messages? Two weeks for me, The Bitch, is too long. I know you like this man, but I want you to focus on yourself-your
    sassy self. Please email me and I will give you a few fun assignments! Goddesspower@hotmail.com Love, Goddess

  20. Got a guy that I like and he is about 13 years younger than me, but he seems to be interested in me; however, our fights have been about me not spending money to take care of a man. I told him I can’t take care of him and my daughter and if that is what he is looking for he should look elsewhere, because I don’t take care of men that I just met. Anyway, he explained that it was not his intention and that he is going to spend more time with me and he understands my situation and does not want me to do anything that makes me uncomfortable. He is working part time while completing his degree as a RN. He stated that he wanted to focus on his education because he had not done that before and wanted me to be patient with him. That this summer his will be more available to me. Also stated that he avoided relationships because women did not understand that he could not spend as much time with them because of his commitment to school. So, I have decided to get the ball rolling and get busy myself and not dish out a dime, cause if a man is really interested he makes time for you. I will keep the door open for him, but right now I am saying, “Next”.

  21. Tammy,

    I am proud of you for kicking this guy to the curb. A MAN does not ask a woman he is dating to support him.
    Extra loser points for him because you’re supporting a child. You deserve a mature, responsible man.

    Love, Goddess

  22. Hello,

    I am very much confused and would like your help on this. Just a heads up, this may be very long but I believe that it’s important that I don’t leave anything out. I am 28 and have never been in a relationship before. Not that I have never had any suitors. I have had guys asking me out but I never accepted any of their offers just because I felt they were not the “one”. I do believe in having a relationship only for long term relationship (marriage). And yes I am still a virgin and very much proud of it. Recently a few months ago I met a guy and for once I felt very attracted to someone. He asked me out, I said yes. I have to admit it was fun hanging out with him. We went out once and he didn’t call me until a few days later. After that he never asked me out again. One day I was out with my friend and came across him. While he was excitingly chit chatting with my friend I found out that we had mutual friends, people that I know and those who know him too. So after all he was not a total stranger. He hang out with us that day and later I maneuvered around to have the rest of the day with him. But then after that day again he rarely called, and when he did, it was once in a while yet he never asked me out. I then decided that maybe I should take it into my own hand and asked him out once. He turned me down, saying he had a prior arrangements made with his friends. It was very embarrassing for me and since he turned me down I promised myself not to bother with him. I told myself I was not cut out to know how to play these games. And I kept my own promise. I stopped calling and texting. After a week or so, he began to call me and started asking me out. I ignored his offer and refused to go out with him and ignored his calls/texts. He never gave up, hence he kept calling and texting and I guess I gave in finally. We went out that one time again after his little games and for the very first time he kissed me. After a couple of dates our contact progressed into new levels of foreplay. He started asking me out more often. Some things we did were just too intimate. In short, I became attracted to him physically and gave in to him a little. A little bit about him, he is only 4 years older than me and I find him gorgeous. Here is where it gets complicated. I have known him for 6 months. But 3 months from the first time I have known him, I found out that he has a girlfriend. A girl who has been with him on and off for 6-8 years. The girl had once told someone that I know that she is waiting for this guy to complete his school (he’s working on his bachelor’s in business) and get married, that it was their plan. After our 4 months relationship and after he never once divulged about his relationship with the girl I decided to ask him. Personally I liked him enough to want more in our relationship. He was very sincere. He admitted to be in a relationship with her. I then asked him where I stood with him in our relationship. And he said that we are at the stage of “getting to know one another”. That he has one more year of school and that he is not ready for marriage. Yet he feels this deep connection/attraction with me and wants to continue what we have. Knowing that he is still with his girlfriend and at the same time realizing that I like him so much, it took a toll on me but I decided to break up with him. I was very open with him telling him that I liked him very much but that I was not ready to wait for him until he makes up his mind. He kept calling me and texting me, even making me weak by saying that he needs time but yet he misses me and can’t stay another day without seeing me. I had given into him at least 3 times after our break up and each time we met, the attraction was so great I almost gave myself to him. He is very experienced and definitely knows I am a virgin. When we are together he keeps luring me with sexual innuendos and seduces me endlessly. The longest I have gone with a NO CONTACT rule with him was a month. I am still with him even after we both know that he has someone else. I pretend to be aloof about it and am trying to go back to the person I was before I met him. The person that attracted him that first time. I think it is working because lately he calls almost every day. I keep our relationship light and fun and avoid any serious talk. When we are together we still kiss touch and foreplay to the max but I won’t let him sleep with me. I just want the first time to be with someone who will appreciate me. I think he still keeps trying with me because he thinks he can get me to bed, but I am strong willed. I used to hurt when I first found out but I have come to accept the situation and have decided to enjoy him and take this as far as it could possibly take me with him. He has been very strong and kind by not taking advantage of me yet he had been very slick and seductive that I almost gave in a couple of times. My question is, am doing something wrong by keeping him around even after we both know that he has some other chic on the side?

  23. Honey,

    You’re overthinking this guy. He’s not ready for marriage. He’s told you. He’s ready for sex. I think you’re way too special a woman to be giving up so much thought on this guy. Focus
    on some fun! And doing the things you love. Join us on the Facebook community for support and ideas! Here’s the link: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841 Love, Goddess

  24. Hi Goddess,

    Ran into your blog by chance and I’ve been reading since, love it. I’ve learned a few things too. And finally I want to start leaving a reply too when I have thoughts.

    I’m 26, had one serious relationship, though met a few guys who couldn’t start a relationship with – mostly cause we don’t live in the same city (never want a long distance, physical presence is just as important to me), but always give me with a good memory. And from my experience, you’re totally right, when a guy really likes you, he would do whatever he can to see you (flies across country to see you for two days and wasn’t for sex for example), or at least to reach you to see how you are, be it a text, an email or a phone call (even a long-distance call).

    Drew Berrymore once said (when she was still single, not now though lucky her!) that, she was happy that she was single instead of having settled with the wrong person.

    That was pretty inspiring I must say.

    And recently I came up with a reminder for myself that when this or that guy doesn’t call nor ask me out again – don’t worry about him, I have better things to do and better people to see (or date!). He definitely hasn’t forgotten to remember me, and the chance of him being in an accident or dead for whatever reason is really really slim. If that ever happens, that’s really bad, but probably that was not what happened.

    And not every one we meet is gonna really love us with all their hearts. There are alot of boys who are into games, looking for some fun, or just not ready to commit, and remember, those are all just boys. And there are those who are ready to commit and treat us right with respect are the men. Boys generally think these are too much for them to handle (be it a 34 years old guy). Feelings should be reciprocated as well, if it’s not, it’s already a good enough reason to be away from that person.

    So I’d say… enjoy life, doing things you love doing, being with people you love. Dinners, concerts, events, even play with hair-dos and make-ups at home for new looks, etc. These are much worth for your time than wasting it on people who don’t value you for who you are and the lovely things that you have to offer – the witty jokes, intellectual stimulating conversations. Oh! And the delicious lips plus the sexy lingerie if someone is lucky!

    (oops, a bit of a verbal diarrhea!)

  25. Wow! Just stumbled on this blog and can’t tell you how it has inspired me. I am an older woman who dated a lot when younger and never had problems with men probably because I was always doing my own thing. After a 15 year relationship went south and I was left with low self-esteem AND going through perimenopause, I reconnected with an old high school friend. He had just come out of a 26-year marriage and had NEVER dated as he got married at 18.

    Who says it gets easier as you get older? We live in different states, commuted to a halfway point for our dates and it got serious fairly quickly at which point he totally dropped out of the picture. I did everything wrong. Texted him constantly, talked about my feelings, AND worst of all, let him get the better of me and was nowhere near being calm, cool, or collected. Instead I became an emotional wreck. I did not even recognize myself.

    I finally got fed up and decided enough was enough. Not only was I dealing with some really difficult hormonal issues and already worried about my mood swings, but I had this guy who was going out of his way to get a reaction out of me. And I made all kinds of excuses for him not seeing me. I blamed it on his job (he’s a federal air marshal and travels constantly), the fact that he had just regained full time custody of his kids, you name it, I thought of it.

    After 4 months of not seeing each other and this emotional back and forth, I broke off all contact with him. It was hard but I just knew that he was expecting me to get up with him and the fact that I had made such a fool out of myself really irritated me. 8 days later, he sends me a text late at night asking if I’m awake. I reply yes and he calls me on the phone. We talk back and forth and he tells me straight out that he is very attracted to me but that he thinks I’m a bit “psycho” in regards to my reaction to him. I very calmly tell him that I agree with him, say that I have been having some issues, then very nicely tell him that right now, I’m just trying to focus on my health and really don’t need the hassle of a man who wants to push my buttons. I also tell him that I am who I am and I’m not going to change for anyone and perhaps we’re just not suited to each other. He gets a bit upset and tells me that he’d like to see me and perhaps we can talk a bit more face to face. I agree and we set a date. He purchases a plane ticket for me to fly to him and gets me a hotel room.

    Unfortunately, his son gets violently ill on the day I’m scheduled to leave. I tell him we’ll do it another time and that I hope his son gets better soon and I leave it at that. I know this has completely thrown him as he was expecting me to get emotional and I didn’t. He sends me a text later in the day saying thank you for being calm and rational.

    BUT here’s where I have a question. I do have feelings for him and I do want a future with him. But I am worried that I might not be able to completely erase the picture of “psycho” from his mind. Is there anything else I can do to perhaps change that and get him to really start chasing me again? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sitting around wondering what I can do to get his attention because I’m now in the mindset where I’m not changing WHO I am or playing games to get him. I intend to play it cool with him and not let him push my buttons anymore but since it’s long distance I’m sort of at a loss as to how to get him to see that I’m going about my life here. He made the comment to me that every 28 days, like clockwork he could tell I was getting out of control, so I’m thinking he might actually be keeping up with my cycle to see what might happen! I am determined to take the battery out of my phone and lock it up so I won’t text him when that time of the month comes and I’m wondering if this will leave an impression or not? I really want a new start with him and I think he might be willing to do that as he has said I am the type of woman he could get serious about but he worries about the drama.

    I know this is long and drawn out but any help you can give me in how I can change this image in his head would be appreciated!

  26. I am really upset. I have been been trying online dating, and I went out on a few dates with different people. And the guys never call me back. We always make out and i tease them a little bit but i dont go home with them. We hang out for hours and make out and have fun. Why don’t they call after that? What can I be doing wrong? Am I not attractive enough? What is it? There is always a kiss involved…

  27. Hi Denise,
    I think you’re way over thinking this. I had a wonderful comment to the Bethany Hamilton post by Goddess Rena Hatch. Sometimes we’re so
    focused on what we don’t have that we don’t focus on what we do. One of the worst is the “lack of a relationship.” Then we drive ourselves crazy
    over a guy so we have a relationship. I’d love you to pour your energy into your beautiful self. Read the articles on the site and do the homework. Share
    what you find with me and in our community on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841 Hugs, Goddess

  28. Hi Sarah,
    Last night I met two men at a nice restaurant. They were fun. Man A wanted me to go with his friend to drink wine in his home. I said point blank “I don’t deliver.”
    They loved it. They treated me like a lady and bought me dinner. When Man A tried again to get me to go to his friends’ home, I said no way.

    I’m grounded in what I want and communicate it because I’ve practiced and I don’t give a crap about what a guy wants. If he wants me, he has to earn me.
    And one dinner isn’t going to do it. Treating me like a lady over time earns my trust.

    So here is my question to you: What would you like from a man? Love, Goddess

  29. I would like to not be making out on date anymore for starters. Maybe it’s not appropriate because it’s the first date. I want to be treated with respect. And one kiss if fine, but wondering how I can wait until the end of the night for that. The kiss if always in the middle of the date. I want a guy that will treat me like a princess and will want another date with me and get to know me better. Something that can lead to a serious relationship. The dates are too care free. But I am afraid if i make the date too serious they will think i am not fun. I dont know..i am feel kind of lost. I havent dated in some time..

  30. Sarah,
    I think you’re way too wonderful a woman to be so worried about dating. I love that you want respect from a man. However, I think you should focus
    more on YOU wonderful YOU and less what he thinks. YOU are the Goddess. Why don’t you try doing the fun homework on the site and see what you
    discover about yourself? I would love to hear what you unearth. 😉
    Hugs, Goddess

  31. Hi ladies, I’d love to share this with you:

    I went out over the weekend and had a great time with my friends (met a new cute guy too!), and the guy I have stopped dating 2 months ago saw me and came to say hello to me, told me he saw me a few times in the evening already. But I seriously did not see him at all until he came over (that proves that his attraction fails to impress me now!). And I ran into him again (guess we both like the same places…), he told me I look pretty sexy tonight. I smiled and said thank you, then I walked away.

    Felt so good! The best situation ever after having stopped dating with a person.

    So what I’m trying to say is…. be fabulous, and live the life that you deserve!

  32. YES! Love it. Amazing what happens-you enjoy your own life and stay grounded in that and
    men just gravitate toward you. Hugs, Goddess

  33. Goddesspower,

    I’ve never responded to your blog, however when I get weak I return to my favorites and read this article. I want to tell all women you are dead correct. Let a man chase you. Have him plan your dates and be the Leader we allow him to be in our life. (key word: allow). I used to go crazy when a man didn’t call me or make plans. Now…forget it! He must make plans with me way in advance and treat me special. Ladies if you don’t call them or respond to their texts right away they are ringing your phone off the hook. Believe me! I’m 40 years old and my phone rings more then it did when I was in my twenties. (I was calling like crazy)…Save this article to your favorites and in your weak moment read it.

  34. Thanks so much, Tanya.
    I’m so glad you have experienced this…and how empowering it is!
    Go you…if you ever have any questions let me know. Although it sounds like you’ve really
    got it and you and taking care of YOU. Hugs, Goddess

  35. Hi I have a question. I saw that you should never call a man until you guys are in a relationship, well what about texting? I shouldn’t text him either? Thanks!

  36. Hi Linda,
    Thanks for asking me this question.
    Nope. Let him contact you, Beautiful! 😉
    Love, Goddess

  37. Hello Goddess,

    I have a question about a guy because my best friend is away on vacation for the week and I need some sound advice from a sensible outside point of view!

    About a week ago I met a guy who is a part of my best friend’s boyfriend’s social group, and after being introduced we chatted for ages and ended up kissing, swapping numbers etc. We then continued texting non-stop, and facebooking for the next couple of days until we agreed to meet up and go on a date. I was looking forward to it, but when I met up with him his attitude was a bit ‘matey’, rather than flirty as dates usually are? We chatted the whole time though, and he walked me to my train station at the end and we kissed goodbye, but although we still talk everyday since this date, the way he talks to me now is all ‘pal’ and ‘dude’; I feel like a buddy rather than a honey!
    We’ve both just broken up from long term relationships, and I’m not looking for a new serious relationship anymore than he is, in fact, I just want a bit of flirtation and fun right now, but instead it seems to have gone all plutonic. He posts fb statuses about how he wants to go out clubbing and make out with as many girls as possible, which although I have no claim to exclusivity with him, I find a bit disrespectful and strange considering he must know I’ll see it. Then after posting some such status about wanting to ‘get off’ with girls on his fb, he started texting me that very night while he was out, at 1am or something, chatting away to me again! I was giving him frosty one word answers though because obviously I didn’t appreciate his “I’m such a player” ‘tude. The following day we gradually began our usual everyday conversations, and it’s continued like that ever since.
    I don’t know what to think, because if he met me and decided he simply wasn’t into me, why would he keep on texting me so frequently, sometimes for hours on end, especially as he often initiates the conversations? So confused, especially because I heard that before I kissed him last week, he had told his friends he was attracted to me ages ago, and he was telling everyone he fancied me!

    I’m not a naive or inexperienced woman when it comes to relationships, but I’m useless at deciphering mixed messages, especially from this guy. Do you have any ideas on this one? Thank you in advance 🙂

  38. Hi Chel,
    You’re over thinking this. I’m too busy to reply to mens’ texts all day. I move to my own groove. If he texts me and I’m working, I work. I’ll reply when it’s
    convenient for me. If I’m playing with my girls, I play. See where I’m going? Love, Goddess

  39. Good Evening Hannah,
    This little boy has stated to the world what he wants…publicly. (Uhm…ewww) Does this sound like fun? Being one of “his girls” on facebook?
    You are WAY too beautiful and wonderful a woman to be treated that way. Don’t you think? (warm smile)
    Hugs, Goddess

  40. Hi, I’m 23 I work a 9to5 everyday and I’m in school full time, I recently met this guy he’s 30 years old and comes off very strong since day one. I’m confused though, he introduces me as his girlfriend to all of his friends and has recently asked me to go to Vegas with him and get married. He even tell me he loves me, and constantly showers me with lavish gift. I can’t seem to find out his motives he has only known me about 8 days. what’s the deal with this guy?

  41. I met this guy a month back. We both are under the same Research Programme-its part of our training. We actually have met numerous times when we attended seminars in the course of 4 months. When he met me in the Research Group, he quickly said hi, we have been bum’n into each other in Seminars for sometime…we started talking and it turns out to be that we both have quite a number of mutual friends. At the end of the day he asked for my number and I didnt think much and gave it. After 2 days he messaged me saying that just wanted to say hi, we were messaging for quite sometime and he messaged me back in a 2 days gap…from formal conversations it lead on to flirting and he even asked me whether im still single and whether im fine with going out with him to catch up…I said ya sure, why not. He did ask me out and we went out for lunch. On that day he was bugging me to add him facebook. Im the sort of person who doesn’t just simply add people and so told him that no but coz he like asked me 3 times about it, I said I’ll add him the first thing when I reach office, which I did btw. He even messaged saying have fun working. But after adding him in facebook, he never messaged me and this is a week ago. I messaged him few days after that asking about our Research as he is the group leader and he was very formal about it and after few messages he said he was tired and going to bed early. He did not message me at all after that till I saw him in facebook yesterday. I buzzed him and said hows life and so on. I even asked him out for coffee and said that is for buying me lunch last week. He replied in that case I should ask for big meal with alcohol-he did not say anything as to whether lets go or no, im not free. Nothing and I left it there. He also said that he won’t be able to make it for the Research discussion today as he has important work to be done. But I saw him in the morning. There was this tension between us. He sat quite far away from me which he did not do last week. We hardly spoke although we are in the same sub-group and have to work together. He was like ignoring me. Im confused now coz im positive that I did not say anything wrong. For some reason I feel that he’s ignoring me after adding me in facebook and the only thing he could have found there is that im a year older than him and the country I am from, thats quite an issue. Im fine with that but who knows he might think that its an issue. What am I to do? I have to attend this Research programme every friday for the next few months, which means I’ll be seeing him.

  42. I think you’re way to beautiful and special a woman to be giving one iota of attention to this guy.
    He doesn’t sound worthy of lovely you. Hugs, Goddess

  43. Hi so i met this new guy on saturday gorgeous corporate lawyer, we had a second date on Sunday, and then when I was leaving he said “call me”…well of course since I am doing the rules I dont call men, but do I make an exception because he said call me? He did all the calling previously. I have yet to hear from him, but dont feel comfortable calling him..it was a great date, I ended it first and it has been “Rules” since day one…he did ask me to be his girlfriend, but its still so new, not sure what to do…please help…i am going nuts!! I am not sure if he asked me to call him when i get home but it was late, I think he should have called to make sure I was ok..haven’t heard from him…

  44. Hi Jen,
    You’re way overthinking this, honey. Get yourself over to the fun section on this blog, do some fun exercises, make play dates
    with your girlfriends, take a class. Do anything to keep focused on you and your hot little groove! Love, Goddess

  45. Hey, I have a boyfriend of 10 months, and I feel like I’m the one making ever inch of effort. Over texting and Facebook, his a complete jerk but face to face he is so sweet.
    What do I do? 🙁

  46. Hi Kaylee…
    You are way too special a woman to be tolerating any sort of “jerky behaviour from a guy.” Bitches don’t.
    They don’t care if he’s “nice in person.” Disrespect is disrespect. If he can’t be nice consistently he doesn’t deserve access to
    wonderful you. Read up on other articles I have about disrespect from men on this site, get yourself into the Bitch University
    section and do the exercises. If you have questions, let me know. Love and Hugs, Goddess

  47. Hey, so i started seeing this new guy a few weeks ago. And it started out i would get good morning messages everyday with a cute compliment. It literally made me melt everytime and for the first couple of weeks it was adorable and I couldnt force a smile off my face… Now he got a promotion and is busy, stressed and very time from work. I really appreciate that he’s working hard but I feel like it will stop us from being as happy as i thought we could’ve been. Is it the wrong time, and I don’t wanna add any more stress by chasing him, But I want this to go somewhere…what should I do?

  48. Hi Sarah,
    Re-read Let a Man Chase You. Visit the Fun section on this site. Do the exercises. It’s almost summer!
    Start thinking of all the wonderful things YOU could plan, discover and do. Keep you’re options open. You’re way too hot and beautiful
    to put too much energy into a guy you’ve only known a couple weeks. Hugs, Goddess

  49. Okay, so I’m a freshman in high school and I’ve had a crush on the same guy the entire year. When he first found out I liked him he didn’t really know me, therefore avoided me, but eventually we got over that and became friends. Then a couple weeks after him and his girlfriend had broken up around mid school year, my friends convinced me to ask him out, but he turned me down. He treated me like he liked me but when i made a move he rejected it instantly. Now, he has a new girlfriend, but is showing interest in me, and I mean interest as in, grabbing me around the waist, hugging me tight and long, tickling me all the time, and wanting to just sit and get to know me. It’s more than he’s ever done before and it started as soon as I backed off from him. I’m not sure if I still like him or not, but I wanna make sure I’m doing the right things. I’m not trying to steal him from his girlfriend but he likes to play games and mind tricks, so I just want to do it back to him. I want him to fall for me yet I don’t give in, so he can kind of understand how it feels since this is what he does to so many girls, and I was wondering if I should change anything up. When I see him I make eye contact but don’t approach him. He always ends up coming and giving me a hug. I talk about other guys I’m starting to feel for in front of him to my friends but I don’t give a lot of detail about the situation. If he hugs me, I’m always the one to pull away first. I borrow things of his, like his hat or sun glasses, but always return them before the day is done. We flirt sometimes, but I always try to seem busy. Am I doing this right because it seems to be working, I’m just not sure, and is there anything else I can do?

    P.S. We kissed today, but strictly on a dare, though he did kind of seem eager to do it.

    P.S.S. Sorry it’s alot of writing, I write a lot when it comes to issues I’m passionate about. Thank you for your help!

  50. Camille,
    I think you’re way too beautiful and savvy a young woman to be spending time with
    some guy who has a girlfriend (he’s disrespecting her also by flirting/tickling with you). He’s all about him. Your
    heart and time are worth so much more. A man who respects women. Visit the Fun section
    and Bitch University section to learn more. Let me know if you have any more questions, beautiful! Love, Goddess

  51. I love you entire blog. When I catch myself even thinking of the guy I have been dating for two months(when I haven’t talked to him), I shift my heart, and mind back on me! lol. For example we txt one another yesterday but it was simple and sweet and I didn’t reply to his last text message.( on purpose to keep him lingering) The ball is in his court. He didn’t call that night but today I didn’t hear my phone..nor I wouldnt have answered it. I will call him Tomorrow. Its not really a game. It’s just to let him know I am a jewel worth chasing. I like him and he likes me to. Actually, he told me, He was ready for commitment from me when I am ready..

    I am learning the best way is to not sweat him and continue to have a damn life outside of work, outside of him. 🙂 Thank you for the blog

  52. Hi,
    I really like your blog. You are right on and tough love. LOVE THAT.
    I have two issues: I’ve started seeing my ex high school sweetheart/love of my life again. I find myself (and him too, I think) falling back in love. Our breakup was bad but we were young (20). I pretty much trust him but not fully. Do you think it’s worth it unless I trust him 100%? How do I approach that subject?
    Second, his family still sees me as a hormonal 16 year old that never came to family functions. I know if we’re going to make it work, I have to eat a piece of humble pie and face them. He broke up with ME yet I feel like I have to defend myself. What do I say to them?
    Thanks so much for your time and advice!

  53. Hi Amelia,
    Thank you for enjoying Bitch Lifestyle. 🙂
    Are you aware of how much you asked me in those two questions? A LOT!
    I don’t know history. I don’t know anyone and the dynamics involved. So, this is what I offer to you. Slow down and watch your mans’ actions.
    As far as the parents, the past is in the past. If you care about this man, you would want to show the parents that you are a strong confident woman. Focus on what makes YOU happy. Get yourself into Bitch University and read up and study strong women. See where I’m going? Love, Goddess

  54. Hi,

    I’ve known this guy that is amongst the same social group that I associate with for some time now and have hung out with him on various occassions with our mutual friends and every time we hang out, there’s constant flirting. Well, one very fun night with drinks, food, great company (as always), by the end of the evening, we both gave in and we hooked up with one another. I don’t regret it ONE bit, he’s an amazing person, we get along great, always have great conversation, and again, there’s always a ton of flirting with lots of laughs. I’m concerned that I may have “given it up” too soon and ruined the whole chase factor. I want to be chased and I want him, especially, to chase me. We have an open enough repore with one another that he’s comfortable telling me when he’s meeting up with other women or going on dates and I’ve definitely made a concience effort to not even let that bother me, make me jealous, sort of had a “you’re a free man, and you can do what-ever your heart desires”, sort of attitude. Do you think I’ve lost any possibilty of a potential relationship with this man because we hooked up? Has he already “conquered” with me and may not want to pursue me?

  55. Hi Jessica,
    Let me ask you a question: What do you want? Do you want a man who has told you he wants to be with other women or do you want a man who is really into you and only you?
    Sometimes we can focus on “what we’re doing wrong” instead of “what we want.” Check out the Bitch University section of this site for more 😉
    Love and a warm hug, Goddess

  56. Hi

    so iam in love with a guy who is much younger than me , he seems interested but when he is busy studying he goes dull.I need to know does following bitches rules work on him ? Do you think men are all the same in all ages? I used to check on him if he doesnt call or text me because as you guess i am afraid he may meet some girl and become attached to her. I am confused i just want to know if i can follow the rules with him and stop calling him .Will he call back if i dont?

  57. Hi Laila,
    I think your way too beautiful a woman to be waiting around for a text or call from a man.
    Why don’t you go for some fun? Like planning a summer adventure with friends: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/06/like-a-kid-again/ I
    actually really like this guy right now. I’m planning lots of fun things to do. If it doesn’t work out with him, I’m out and about meeting new people.
    If you’re following the Bitch Rules, you’re out there doing the stuff you want to do with the people you care about. Always, boyfriend or not. Does
    that make sense?
    Love, Goddess

  58. Hey there 🙂

    So, I’ve been talking to this AMAZING guy for a month, I met him online & we’ve been texting & talking on the phone for the whole month w/out even meeting. We just met in person the other day & I think it went well, we just talked, played video games(because we are both nerds)& when he was about to leave we kissed…& it was amazing. He’s still talking to me the same, he even did something super sweet & made a picture of me his background on his phone 🙂 But, some days we don’t talk too too much, he tells me he doesn’t really have much of a life outside of work, like he doesn’t hang w/ any friends or anything, he’s just pretty much at home. So I wonder, those days when we don’t talk much, he says he’s not doing anything, so why wouldn’t he be wanting to talk to me? I’m kind of confused on how to act or what to do from this point on. He still wants to talk to me & we are planning on spending some time together soon, but he seems to be the guy that loves girls to chase him…I’ve tried just backing off & letting him come to me, but he takes it like that means I’m not interested in him(he’s really self conscious, but idk y cuz he’s extremely gorgeous). What do I do? This guys is everything I’ve ever wanted…I want to keep him interested & make him mine eventually lol.

  59. Hi Tiff,
    I feel your passion for this guy. I so get it when you meet a new hot guy. Dealing with it right now.
    Why don’t you throw a little of that passion into other fun things? That’s what I’m doing. Like summer, friends, new activities.
    Try not to let your new guy become your only passion. Staying glued to your own interests KEEPS you interesting.
    Visit the fun section of this site and get planning, girl!
    Love, Goddess

  60. the girl im chasing now has been keeping me at a safe distance. she is being so mysterious it is driving me crazy but sometimes i love it! sometimes i worry that maybe she just likes my attention. just please be nice girls, if you can tell the guy is interested please don’t just let him keep chasing if you know that there is no way that it would work out

    you could write an article for guys on how to chase elegantly like a wolf and not like a clumsy oaf!

  61. I am a guy and I notice that some women take this too far. They will invent some drama to make you feel guilty and try calling/emailing/whatnot a million times without her answering. This is known as the “litmus test” or simply “the test” for some women. What’s worse is when I have NO intentions of becoming a romantic interest for them, just a friend. Is it some way of making me become one? Men eventually give up, you know. And then they’ll talk to you after some time has passed like nothing happened. I am not saying all women do this. In fact, it is a small minority. But to the ones who do this stuff, you know who you are, and us men don’t like it.

  62. This is so beautifully written. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I do tell the women on this site to be honest if they aren’t interested
    in a man who is chasing them. It’s NOT cool to keep a man hanging. If that girl isn’t careful she may lose you. 😉 Love, Goddess

  63. Yes, Marcus! It is definitely not cool for women to “invent some drama” to get your attention. I wouldn’t like that either.
    It’s easiest to keep it simple, play and get to know each other. Love, Goddess

  64. Hi,I was dating this guy for 8 months. he chased me so much until I finally gave in.. we became friends and after long period of time we fell inlove with eachother.. he ended up telling me that he still lived with the mother of his child and he didnt want to let us both go!! well Im not going to lie at 1st I was like whatever I didnt want any type of comminted relationship with him at that point! I was already inlove with him.. I hate women who date men who are token but now I was in those shoes! Then as time went on I got out of line with him sending him nasty texts and hatefull ones….. I know he did love very much but I dont think it was enough to leave her! Last text he said we were DoNe! Ive attempted to text him and no responce from him… Its driving me crazy .. I dont know what to do… we were together everday and for him to just drop me like nothing I dont get it…. Now im like what do I do?? will he ever repond or text me again!! I decided to just let go but now im dealing with this broken heart and how could I have let him get close to me like that?? Things just went all wrong!! he never disrespected me in anyways but I did to him he was bringing out a side of me that I left behind years ago!!!WHAT DO I DO?????

  65. Hey(: this is long but I need help.. so there is this guy who I met and we have been talking a lot. We have basically everything in common and get along great. He would text me everyday “hey beatiful(:” and he’s not even just a player or flirt. He would always complement me and say nice things and tell me he would protect me. He would even always ask me to hang out and i would be busy then i agreed that i could hang out once but the plans fell through because he wasn’t allowed. And i was texting him on sunday and we were talking about what we were doing that week and he was like nothing he was like you can try to ask me out so I said (playing along) or you can try and he’s like maybe I will, we will see next weekend..I’ll see him this upcoming Saturday. But lately, he’s been all over some other girls facebook page with hearts and all that. It’s kinda making me upset. Usually, he texts me everyday. 2 days ago he was trying to start a convo with me like “hey guess what!” and would just tell me something stupid he did like went to the store and saw cool stuff. Yesterday, he didn’t text me at all. Which doesn’t bother me because I’m not a needy girl. Then last night (we are in a band together), i found a new band member we were in need of to be in the band so my friend said I should text him. I did. He was like “oh thats cool haha” and then i asked him what’s up and he was like “bored as hell. There’s a fair by my house on Friday. Could be fun” so I responded saying “oh that’s cool! Sounds fun” and he hasn’t responded. Help me please. Why would he bring up a fair on Friday? Does he still like me? If he does, should I just not text him and try to make him wonder? How do I make him chase me? I just want him to like me..tell me what to do!

  66. Hi Isabella,
    First off, I’m really sorry you’re dealing with a broken heart. Warm hug for you.
    This is not an easy thing to deal with, so please, stop being so hard on yourself. Why don’t you
    take the next few weeks to really take care of yourself? Allow yourself to heal so you can be ready to love again.
    Schedule time with the people you love. Pamper yourself at home. Re-discover a hobby that lit you up in the past.
    Make a list of all that you are grateful for and focus on the list. It will be a hard thing to do, but by doing little things for yourself
    every single day, you are taking action. And that will help distract you from the hurt you are going through right now. Does that make sense, honey?
    Please visit our “Fun” and “Bitch University” section for more inspiration. Any other questions, please let me know. Love, Goddess

  67. Hi Lyss,
    Thanks for asking me this question you have regarding the guy you like. Understand that I’m answering from one persons’ point of view-yours. So I’ll do the best I can, K?
    First off, he is chasing you. When he said, “There’s a fair by my house on Friday. Could be fun.” He was seeing if you wanted to go with him. He’s also seems to be asking in a way that would
    blunt the blow of rejection for him a bit. I know it’s lame, but guys do that sometimes. The answer? Give him direction. Next time he does this, answer him back with something like this: “Yes, that
    does sound fun. Let’s go! Let’s meet there at (put whatever time works for you) Also, you seem a bit apprehensive about getting involved with him. I don’t blame you with him putting hearts all over
    some other girls’ Facebook page. He could be playing you AND her. Your apprehension is SMART. So think about what you really want from a guy you want to date and visit the Men section on this site
    for more. Does that make sense? If you have any more questions, let me know. Love, Goddess

  68. Hi, I was with my boyfriend for 18 months, i broke up with him because he was messing around texting another girl. We started seeing eahc other again months ago. I do want him back, but he keeps lieing about things. He’s been going on nights out with lots of girls and telling me its a “lads night out” :/ and now he’s stopped texting….how should i play it?

    Thanks xx

  69. Hi Natalie,
    Thanks for sharing your dilemna with the guy you’re interested in.
    I don’t play love games. I don’t “play hard to get.” I am hard to get because I put my faith in a mans’ actions toward me. For more: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/01/playing-hard-to-get/
    If I dated a guy who lied to me in the past I would be done with him. It doesn’t look like this dude has changed so I have a question for you: Do you
    want a guy who lies to you repeatedly over time? It doesn’t sound like this guy deserves a warm, beautiful woman like yourself. 😉 Love, Goddess

  70. Hi Goddess,

    I wrote earlier about dating my ex-high school boyfriend and trust. We have very recently ended things, are taking a break from talking and decided to move forward as friends. He didn’t want to commit to me but never said why.

    I just want to share with you what I said in response: “I love you. I support you. I want you to be happy but NOT at the sacrifice of my own happiness. I want to be committed to, not necessarily from you but it is absolutely what I want. I deserve that.” Hope I did ya proud, Goddess! I did ME proud. 🙂

  71. Oh Amelia! Your response was ABSOLUTELY perfect! You should be proud of yourself!
    I am so proud and in awe of you owning your Sassy Bitch! Love and a huge warm hug, Goddess

  72. Hi Goddess,

    This article helps big time!! I met a guy a couple weeks ago. We hit it off pretty well, we were into each other and we would talk for hours almost everyday. After a while I felt like our conversations are not as “juicy” any more, he seemed to have gotten bored with me and I of course got paranoid about that. When I felt that this is becoming a pattern, I finally told him that I want to stop talking to him. He asked why and I told him, “it’s awkward now, it’s not as fun as before..” He just said, “ok.. later.” Paranoia must have gotten the best of me but could it also be that we’ve been talking so much that the mystery and excitement died down? I still hope to talk to him but I dont know if I should..help!

  73. Hi Bea,
    Thanks for asking me your question. Okay. I’m only getting one side of the story. Yours. So I’m going to try and answer as best as I can. Notice how you said “it didn’t
    seem like our conversations were as juicy anymore” and he “seemed to have gotten bored with me.” Which led to your “paranoia.” It “seemed” to you. That’s an assumption on your part.
    Maybe he did all these things, I don’t know. All I know is what you said. Then you told him that you wanted to stop talking to him. When he asked why you said:
    “it’s awkward now and not as fun as before.” He was probably pretty hurt when you said that you didn’t want to see him anymore because “he wasn’t fun.” If the situation
    was reversed how would you feel if a guy said that to you? If it was me, again, not knowing the whole story, I would call him up and say. “Hey-his name. I’m sorry about what I said the
    other day. I like you, and I let my insecurities talk for me. I think you’re a really fun guy and would love to talk to you if you would like.” Or something like that. See where I’m going with this?
    It’s all about communication. And not assuming something about someone. See where this can lead you astray? 🙂 We’re all prone to this so don’t feel bad.
    Here are some articles on Drama Queen that may help: http://bitchlifestyle.com/category/drama-queen/ And if you have any other questions, let me know! Love and a warm hug, Goddess

  74. Hi Elizabeth,
    I’m sorry that you are having a difficult time with this. Thanks for asking me your question. I’ll answer your question with a very important one:
    Is a long distance relationship something you really want? Or would you like to be in a relationship with a man who lives near you? And PS…
    you are a gorgeous brilliant woman. You deserve a man who adores you! xoxo Goddess

  75. This will be long…. but i need help..

    So I met this guy in February he was one of the judges in the competition I took part of, that same night after the competition he friend requested/messages me on Facebook: he wrote that I was very good, and how he never sees me around,(since we go to the same college), so he game his number. I gave him texted him my number, so ever since then we were texting for a month of March. We were flirting, I let him know I am old school, I do not chase after guys, he said he is okay with it and we connected in a deeper level, we talked about out goals, and dreams, family, what we want to do in the future, our values and etc. But whenever we made plans to meet it would never happen, he either would not text me back to confirm, or just not mention it. So later on it became that he changed the game on me, and I was the one who was texting first, and all that. Since he is an athlete he can get any girl he wants, he famous on campus, so I thought he was busy, since it was baseball season so we never went on a date, or saw each other face to face, except skyped once.

    April and May we completely did not talk, maybe once a month, but it was always me texting first. But I thought about him all the time, wanting to text, my day revolved around thinking about him. So sometime passed by, it wasn’t as bad. In June, I went to a club and he called my name few times then I saw him and we were talking for few minutes, then I left, but he was checking me out, I can tell. Then my feelings cam back, 2 weeks later it was my bday so I invited him he was very respectful but did not make it. It seems like he can’t keep his promises. Then unexpectedly he skyped me week before, we had a flirty, honest, conversation for an hour. He was smiling the whole time, I told him I heard stuff about him on campus how he plays girls, he said I shouldn’t believe it since he didn’t give me a reason to think he was a bad guy(which make sense). At the end of the conversation I told him he I am not an easy girl to handle, he said he can handle anything and blah blah, so he said text me I said no I won’t text him , that he will text me.. and eventually we hung up.

    Now I am thinking about him and I want to text him, but something tells me don’t… I don’t know what to do, he has everything I wanted in a guy, he seems like he is interested but there is not much effort.. how to I get him to chase me if we don’t see each other.

  76. Hi Jamie,
    Thanks for asking me your question. I’m sorry that you are going through so much with this guy. He seems to be playing games with you and
    that is just not cool. You’re way too special a woman for that! The great thing about this is, you now know that you want a guy who puts
    forth effort to SHOW he is interested in you. Go you for seeing that, beautiful. Showing his affection is ACTION. Check out this post for the signs
    a man wants you to chase him http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/08/dating-concept-1-signs-a-man-wants-you-to-chase-him/. And this is very important:
    visit the other categories like “Amazing Women,” to get your mind focused on other things. It can be very confusing if a guy is playing games with you.
    The best thing you can do is take care of yourself. When you do, your confidence grows and you will attract better men, better everything! xoxo Goddess

  77. Okay I will try to make this simple and not complicated but here I go.. I recently have for the past 7 months rekindled a flame with my first boyfriend from childhood..age 12. We are now both(30)olds. Anyways he found me on facebook and we began to talk and reminsce over our youth.. after a month of talking we realized that we had a great connection with each other and even got to the point where he was telling me he was in love with me.. now I feel the same way about him but…as much as he says he loves me everyday his actions dont match his words. In the past month or so he is always to tired from his overnight job to call, txt, or come see me during the week and here recently he has been spending more time out with friends (that he wont intruduce me too.. )over the weekends drinking. When he could be spending time with me since we dont see each other during the week. He has a child and I have one child..both kids love each other and when we are together we are perfect together as a family but the minute he leaves he is somebody else. Now he is telling white lies and not showing up at all when he says he will and telling me he still loves me but needs some space sometimes. It is confusing to me since he is always talking about how much he loves me and wants us to be a family. Wants all the benefits of a family and love but doesnt want to commit… Help me out here!

  78. Hey, I need some advice: I met this guy last november at work (thanx to a coworker) but I treated him like I had no interest in even saying hi. I just ignored him. Again I saw him on feb this year and once more I treated him.like crap. I just said hi and just turned my back to him. A few weeks later he sent me a friends request on fb, I accepted and he immediatly began writting 2 me, he even sent me his num, I would reply one and two weeks later and I didnt call him nor gave him my num. We took a training on May and since I was bored, I began txting him for fun. I asked if he had a gf and he said no but he was talking to some girl for about a month. He continued txt and he called me( I never called him) and I began to have an interest in him. During a nightshift we ate sushi and I, and so did he, enjoyed the conv and dinner. A week later we went on a date. I loved it but ever since that he continues to txt and call as usual but he always has an excuse to not go out again and he says that we will go out but doesnt set d date. A week ago he told me he was going to a city near by to run some errands, but didnt mention to me that he took the other girl along. I asked him what was going on, that I just wanted him to b honest with me and I acted like I dont care and he says that they are just friends and nothing more, that he doesnt want me to stop talking to him or lose contact with him cause he likes me. I said whatever. He had txt me all this week and I ignored him. I only replied with a plain msg once, but I just ignored the rest. Should I ignore his txt/calls? Or should I do something?

  79. Thank you so much!

    I know I have to let it go, but i really like him and usually I do not think about guys so much, or worry about them, but he is just everything I want in a guy.
    The other day after we talked on Skype, I did not text him at all, and two days past, and he texted me and said “Okay you win, hI” (because before we got off, he said text me, i said no, you text me first ) So he did text me first, and I was glad, meaning he was thinking about me right? So then we texted for few minutes, it seemed like he was thinking about him but he was trying to play it cool. I didn’t text him much, so I was glad that he started to realize that I am not going to chase him. Then i told him if he wants to see me he needs to make it happen, he said I do and I will. So does that mean we are progressing? Please tell me what to do?

    Thank you

  80. Hello, Beautiful One! I’m going to answer your question with questions. Do you want a man who doesn’t back up his words with “action” and lies to you?
    Talk is so cheap. (Make me want to nap) Maybe what you really want is a man who DOES what he SAYS he’s going to do? Maybe your Sassy Bitch already
    knows the answer? Warm Hug, Goddess

  81. Hi Amy,
    Thanks for your question. I understand your confusion over this Guy. Let me ask a question. Is this whole back and forth thing fun for you?
    It sounds like its adding Drama to your life. And if he really is seeing another girl, he’s doing the same thing to HER that she’s doing to YOU.
    You sound really smart and sassy. Maybe you could put some of this “Drama” energy into some fun? Try one of these: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/06/get-outrageous/
    Let me know how it goes! Love, Goddess

  82. Hi Jamie, You’re resistance to letting this go is very cute. (warm smile) You know you have to let it go (That’s your Bitch screaming at you) You’re “but I really like him” is your Drama Queen
    pulling you back into the not so fun. http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/01/who-controls-you-your-bitch-or-your-brat/ Don’t beat yourself up and over think this. Focus on all the wonderful things in your life: Family, Friends, Activities… and it’s SUMMER!
    Get out there and make fun plans! Visit the Amazing Women section on this site for some sassy inspiration. http://bitchlifestyle.com/category/amazing-women/ Warm Hug, Goddess

  83. Hey, i need help. I’m in a relationship for about 6 months and i really love my boyfriend. He’s been acting so different for about 3 weeks. I want the attention from him. I always text him and he takes forever to write back. when i call him he sometimes pick up. The thing he hates about me is that Im so emotional. I want him to miss me. I want him to love me the way he use to. I dont know what to do? Is their something i can do, like don’t text him a lot ? Sometimes i start to think that he doesn’t love me no more. How do i get him to say ” i love you” or ” i miss you “. Im always the one to call him “Baby”, or “Babe” . He stop calling “baby” and other cute little nicknames. And i miss that. The other day i asked him why he dont call me princess or baby, he said he doesnt like to be lovey dovey :/. Ugghhh what should i do. Any advice pleaseee

  84. Hi Jayleen,
    I’m sorry that your boyfriend is being less affectionate than you want. I think you’re doing what a lot of women do when their boyfriends start
    distancing themselves a bit. They hold on tighter. Let him have space if he wants it. Why don’t you have a big bash with your girlfriends? Plan lots of activities in the next few
    months. When he calls, texts, just be loving and fun. Visit the Fun Section and Drama Queen sections for ways to have fun, and to get rid
    of any frustration you may have regarding his lack of being “lovey dovey.” Take care of YOU, honey! Love, Goddess

  85. soo ive bein meetin this fella for 7 months now.. were very close.. i always let him text an ring me.. an hes always makin the 1st moves.. but his soo hot an cold.. 1 min he’s soo sweet an kind tellin me ium beautiful he loves me he’s soo lucky to have me.. then next thnigs he’s sayin he’s soo glad were friends im his best friend.. then qickly changes back to hot an tells me how he loves the way my eyes sparkle its what he loves about me.. when i talk to my girlfirends they tell me he seems to be very confused.. he tries to make me jealous by talking bot all these other girls rund him.. but i just say go for it actin like im not bothered when i am… it seems like all hes doing is sending me mixed messages.. what should i do?

  86. Hey i need you help again :/ . so my boyfriend has been ignoring me since yesterday morning, i kept hitting him up nothing, i called him today, he hasnt been picking up. so i got on a fake fb and check on his facebook page and saw he was having a conversation with a girl, she wrote that he said he love her -.-. and so she said to hit him up on a text and he said he will. Whats going on, i dont know what to do. When i read that i started to cry and i got hurt so bad. :'( Its so crazy i love him with all my heart. I dont know what to do or what to write to him? I just want his attention but i dont know how to get it i try so hard. Does this mean its Over? pleaseee i need help :'(

  87. I’m hoping for some advice. I met a super hot guy about 4 months ago. I was newly single and told him right out of the gate that I was looking for more than a booty call but maybe a little less than a boyfriend (commitment issues and all). We both had huge sexual attraction to each other. He said he was looking for the same thing because he was a commitment phob from being divorced for only a year. Over 3 months (seeing him about every 4 days), in-between the sheets, I really started falling for him. We promised to keep communication lines open if one of us were feeling differently, so one day I told him I was starting to develop real feelings for him. Big mistake! The relationship turned into merely a booty call and he stopped calling as frequently (once a week… then once every two weeks). Worried that I’d doomed the relationship and there was no point of return, I tried to gain the upper hand back and cut him off completely and told him to stop calling me altogether. He obliged but after about a month with no communication, he started texting and calling again. Finally at his third attempt to see me, (using your chasing tactics) I gave in. Unfortunately, after the nice dinner and catching up, I gave into sleeping with him too. Now, I’m leaving on vacation for 3 weeks and won’t see or talk to him. He was clear that I be ‘safe’ with other men on my trip but was adamant he wasn’t seeing anyone. said I wouldn’t be sleeping with anyone ( not entirely true), but he said he didn’t care just as long as I use protection. How do I handle this when I get back? I know there will be texts from him and we agreed we’d catch up after my trip, but I don’t just want to become a booty call again or fall into the same pattern. I feel like the only reason he came back in the first place is because I cut him off, let him chase me and he views me as a challenge. Sure, he’ll chase me again until we meet up (and probably sleep together) then he’ll be distant again. How do I make him want to actually be with me for more than just a fun night out and some great sex? We’re both good at playing the cat and mouse game, we’re both super attracted to each other, we both like dating, but the truth is… I think I’m really falling for him. If I tell him this, I fear he’ll run (like last time). But if I keep playing ‘hard to get’, I fear nothing will ever really change and I could fall into the ‘booty call’ territory again. Help please! – Signed, Doomed.

  88. Gemma,
    Thanks for asking me your question. It doesn’t sound to me like you WANT a guy who sends mixed messages. That’s very smart. It also sounds like you don’t want
    a guy that pushes your buttons by trying to make you jealous with other women. Another smart thing about you. So maybe you write a list of things you want in a man.
    You’ve already got two very good things you want in a man, yes? Love, Goddess

  89. Hi Jayleen,
    Honey…why does a beautiful woman like you want to chase a guy who is ignoring you and flirting with other women? You are giving him all the power. Take it back by making plans with your girlfriends,
    family and trying new experiences. I’ve been where you are. Every girl has. You have a choice. Going for the fun with
    family, friends or new experiences. Or staying in the Drama with a guy that hurts you. So visit Bitch University and get your sassy on by doing your homework.
    Here’s a good place to start: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2009/10/fun-playful-and-slightly-outrageous-things-to-do-this-weekend/ Love and a warm hug, Goddess

  90. Hi Jill,
    Wow…that’s a lot! I know that email comments are hard to read because they are unemotional. I’m here to tell you that I’m sooo with you, and giving you a warm hug. I think every woman has been
    where you are right now. It’s the Oxycotin-I think-the hormone that we produce in our bodies. Also known as the “cuddle hormone” or “bonding hormone.” As much as we just want to have sex with a guy,
    that pesky little hormone will get us. http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/04/the-cuddle-hormone-2/ That being said, PLEASE don’t beat your sassy little self up about this. The first thing you could do is take care of your Drama Queen. That’s the very cute part of you that
    signed your comment “Doomed.” She makes you super charged and emotional. Visit the Drama Queen section for homework to take care of her and YOU. Here’s a good place to start: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/09/fun-with-drama-queen/
    and here: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/01/drama-queen-week-determination/ Love and a BIG hug, Goddess

  91. hey again :/ , so my boyfriends said he needs time alone. I miss him so much. So i text him ? Should i write to him saying “hey”. Or just wait for him to write to me ?

  92. Hey Jayleen,
    I’m going to be really blunt with you. Do you know what I would say to a guy I was dating if he told me he needed space? “Alright (name) take all the time
    you need. I want you to be happy.” I’ve gone over your emails to me and according to you, he ignores you, tells you he needs space and isn’t
    affectionate. These are loving actions that you as a woman deserve. You deserve a man who will do that for you. Not a man who disrespects you over time. And that is what he seems to be doing.
    I would have ABSOLUTELY no contact with a man who continues to disrespect me over time. It’s up to you to decide what you deserve. I can’t do that for you.
    I’ve recommended lots of things for you to do to take your mind off him and put it on pleasure. Have you done any of these things? Waiting for your reply with a warm sassy smile…Love, Goddess

  93. Hey 🙂 thank you for telling me that. We talk but it’s not the same. I miss him so much. I still love him. I just have to move on. But everyone is telling me ” what goes around comes back around”, i dont know if he will ever come back. I will wait for him, but not for long :/.

  94. #1: What comes around goes around, yes.
    HOWEVER: If you allow yourself to be disrespected, it keeps coming back to you.
    #2. You didn’t answer my question.

  95. hi i met this amazing man who is in the public eye and he has a very busy and demanding job… i text like a mad thing to him 4 or 5 times before i get one back from him and i worry im being too full on… when i ask him he says that thats what he signed up for……. he is a bit of an odd one but i feel so much for him and in such a short period of time.

    i want to turn the situation around by getting him to chase me instead of me chasing him for dates, he says i am special but doesnt really show me. What do you think am i crazy thinking i can get him to like me more?

  96. Hi…thanks for asking me your question. Let me ask YOU a question. Do you want a man who backs up his words with action? It sounds like you
    do and this guy isn’t. Backing up words with action is one of the sexiest thing a man can do for you. You deserve no less, beautiful. Love, Goddess

  97. Hey there 🙂

    Well, I’m with this guy who seems so into me, he respects me and he meets my standards..so caring and everything. He made it clear that he said he wana propose to me and he always talk about us as a husband and wife, our kids and our future together..etc , but the thing is he keeps saying that he first needs his mom’s approval and his mom happens to live in another state and she is convinced that she should hook him up with her future wife!! So he keeps asking me to wait and give him sometime till he convince her cz she means a lot to him!

    Now, i believe if a guy really wana propose nothing would stop him so I’m really confused about this. I value myself more than anything! So I hate the fact that I feel his mom needs to be approved by her!

    And this tone he gives me like we r 10 years old & how he is hoping that we would win :S it makes me feel pathetic!
    Last night he said to me ” we will win this ”
    I told him .. If u sees it as a battle, I assure u I always win!

    I donno I need to know your take on this, & how I should act or react!

    Thanks for your help I appreciate it 🙂

  98. Hello Goddess, I wonder if you can help me with my quandry here that I am dealing with.

    First of all I’ll start off by saying that I’m a guy, and my problem involves another guy… I hope you don’t mind that, but I came across this page when searching Google and have been able to relate to a lot of the stories already.

    I met the guy through a certain popular dating website about two months ago now; he messaged me looking for some casual fun and since that’s exactly what I was looking for we agreed to meet. Things went well and between then and now we have met up probably about 5 or 6 times. The second to last time we met was when the sparks started to fly. I stayed at his for the whole weekend and I know for a fact that there was more to it than just sex. We baked together, went into the town together, we’d spend hours at a time cuddling watching a movie or whatever, and I certainly just felt a general “connection”.

    The following weekend he came to my house and stayed a similar length of time. I took him out to dinner, told him I’d developed feelings for him and that I liked him. He said he liked me too. The weekend was much the same as last – lots of cuddling, walking along the sea side with ice cream, taking photographs of each other and going for a drive.

    Seems perfect, right? Well there’s a problem; a pretty big problem. We aren’t exclusive at this point… him especially so. Around halfway between now and us first meeting, he met, and seemingly became interested in, another guy around my age whom he has subsequently met a few times. At first this didn’t bother me at all, because I was doing it too and I hadn’t started to develop feelings for him. My problem is that as my feelings are growing for him, he seems to be becoming more and more insensitive towards me.

    Since telling him I like him, I’ve slowed myself down somewhat in terms of meeting up with people for the sole purpose of sex. Partly because it just doesn’t feel right anymore, partly because it’s good manners, surely. On the other hand, he seems to have accelerated; he travelled halfway across the country to see this other guy and has spent a good majority of this week with him and is talking to me like it’s nothing, despite the fact that he knows I have feelings for him. It actually hurts just to think of him, and the fact that he is having the time of his life with another guy when he knows fine well I like him. It’s almost like he’s rubbing it in my face.

    I can’t decide whether he is just insensitive or a player of the most dangerous kind. What makes it worse is last year he came out of a three year relationship where he felt his partner was “overbearing” and so I think this contributes to a fear of committment, which is now coming across as an “I don’t give a damn” attitude.

    I feel we are a good match for each other and for me that is an achievement as I am quite an oddball person. We have a LOT of common ground but enough opposites to keep things interesting.

    I don’t want to give him the heave-ho over what could just be a trivial issue (and later regret it), but neither do I want to become a doormat while he has the time of his life, forgetting about me. I’ve already heeded some advice from this site and I am sure as hell gonna make him work for me if he wants me – but will it be enough? Some people just respond to that treatment by leaving you in the dust – and then I’ve lost anyway.

    Was me telling him I had feelings enough – or should I have actually gone the whole hog and asked him out on an official date? I generally thought that it was enough just to initially tell someone how you felt about them, but perhaps I have it all wrong and have confused him.

  99. Morning Sara,
    This is a lot, honey. (warm hug) I’m going to do the best I can to answer your question. There is a lot to think about here:
    1. You’re in full fledged Drama Queen over this and taking things too personally. Get yourself to the Drama Queen section of this site pronto and take care of it so you can take care of YOU.
    2. I’m going to be blunt: This man’s Mom is important to him. He cares about his Moms’ approval. He wants things to run smoothly for you two. Her approval will help. If you love him, respect this and his Mom. Work with him on this. Which leads to my next point:
    3. Last night he said to me “We will win this.” Then you made it all about YOU when you said “I will win.” He is using the word “we.” Marriage/Partnership is a “we” not an “I.” This is your Drama Queen speaking. It also sounds like you may be competing with his Mom.
    4. The way you take control of this is take care of your Drama Queen. TODAY. Then I would say to him, “Honey, you’re right. Together we can do anything! Why don’t we make a trip to see your Mom? I would love to meet her.” This is taking action-replacing “waiting.”
    5. Once you take care of your Drama Queen there are other questions. His Mom may turn out to be difficult. You have to learn how to deal with it together. You have to honestly ask yourself if you’re ready for the “we” and if you love him enough to stay out of the “I.”
    Does that make sense? Love, Goddess

  100. Wow, Mojo…that’s a lot you’re going through. Sending you a warm hug. I think, maybe you kind of already know the answer to your quandry? Here you are, this fabulous
    kick ass woman. In control. Then that **** Cuddle Hormone happens: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/04/the-cuddle-hormone-2/ It makes you scream inside for relationship.
    I’ve so been there too. You sound very much in your Bitch in this-the only thing is, I fear you may a bit mad at yourself because despite all your effort to remain loose about
    this-and you’ve done well, you really like him. Bottom line, despite your best efforts, things have changed for you. Please don’t kick your beautiful self for this. This is
    good in a way because now that you’re here, maybe you don’t want to do a casual relationship. Maybe you want a relationship with a man that goes way deeper. YOU deserve that.
    What do you think? Love, Goddess

  101. Thank u alot Goddes 🙂
    Ur right! I can’t believe myself -_-
    But it’s just feels so upsetting that’s why am acting weird!
    Maybe cz I feel that he sometimes wants me to beg him and follow up with him and keep asking him for updates!!

    I know I reacted wrong, but it’s so frustrating how ge loves if when I tell him that am worried about the issue and I can’t do without him !!

    Again, thank u so much
    Have a nice day 🙂

  102. Hi, just read this and its so true. I have a guy I was seeing for few weeks in june/july after getting to know him for few months. Everything was going great until one day he met up with his ex to exchange things back and decided to be freinds!.a lot of arguing happened n in end we brke up.recently we strtd tlkin again bt I decided I didn’t want no one to kno because ppl intefere!. I want to get back with him n wen we meet up we hve such good laff n we hve sex. He keeps sayin dnt ever say ur freind with benefit ur nuthing like that I care a lot about u. We talk n txt all time. N sumtimes I gt impression he wnts to tke time bt I jus want him to b mine. He does evry lil game a guy cud to gt reaction frm me. His mom has strained him to gt married bt to a girl she chooses n he hs no choice bt to agree n it too soon to mention me. N all he say he dusnt want to hurt me. I’m just lost and confused!

  103. Sara, honey…stop beating yourself up about this. (warm hug) Start taking care of yourself so you can feel better. It all starts with you, beautiful.
    Why don’t you do the assignments in the Bitch University section on this site and let me know how it goes? Love, Goddess

  104. Hi Tina, Wow. It sounds like you’re going through a lot with this guy.
    Maybe you want a relationship that’s a little less complex-sounding? xoxo Love, Goddess

  105. Hey my Fav Goddess!

    I am in a dilemma, I hope you can help! Heres a lil rerun of the history between this guy (we’ll call Seth) I was getting to know. It all started 4 years ago, we met at a dance/bar, we hit it off right away. Later we find out that he was working and attending the same college I was. Seth and I hung out a few times and the fourth time we hung out he took me to his friends little b-day party get together. Well, this friend was such a HOTTIE and he was flirting and what not. It was all harmless, so I thought. A couple weeks later I see HOTTIE out in the city at a dance club, we chatted it up and danced the night away. The next thing I know we are making out! OOPS! The night ended and we exchanged contact information and his friends and my friends hung out that same night. It never went pass the kissing. But it was still wrong what we did. I could make all the excuses in the world, but it doesn’t change a thing. Seth never spoke/called again and neither did I.

    So recently I went to visit my college to get some information and didn’t think Seth would be working there still. But low and be hold there he was in his security out-fit. I thought I might as well say hi when I finished. He was still the qt I remembered, plus he was always nice to me.

    I finished my stuff and went to the office area he worked at and when he saw me he was shocked and surprised but smiling and telling me how I still looked pretty as ever. He voluntarily offered to help me with some college things I was having problems with. And he asked me that same night if i would go out with him for a drink. So we hung out that night and he asked me questions like, why I didn’t have a bf, was I looking for marriage and just other questions that made me believe he was really interested. Then of course he brings up the past about his friend and I. Which is only natural and I was very honest and told him what I told you earlier and apologized. We left after the drinks and sat at the beach and made-out. At one point he was being a lil too touchy feely and had to put him in his place.

    Since then we’ve kept in contact. But I am not sure if he is really is interested in me or is just looking for revenge. This is where I need your advice!

    He calls and text messages but not everyday, which is fine. And at first he would bring up what I did to him A LOT! It was making me uncomfortable and brought it up with him and let him know that if he can’t let that go and let that be the past, then maybe we shouldn’t communicate on this level. He reasurred me that was only giving me a “hard-time” and he was joking ( which I wasn’t fond of at all). But I thought ok i’ll let that go if he does and we can move on togther. So he asks me when am I going to invite him to my job which is in in-home care. I let him know that he wouldn’t ever get an invite here. He would also try to call or text the same day to hang out and I would decline.( A REAL BITCH doesn’t take last minute plans b/c who knows who else he was trying to hang out with prior to contacting me! ) He was upset and said I never want to hang out, but I made it clear that if he truly wanted to spend some time with me he would need to ask me in advance so that I could fit it around my schedule. (MY LIFE DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND MEN!!??) Seth asks when will I be free and I let him know. So the day we are suppose to hang out comes along. And I recieve a text from Seth asking where I was. I let him know I was busy in the city at that moment. (Mind you its only 5 o’clock p.m. and we aren’t going to hang out until 7/8pm.) He doesn’t say anything in return and so around 630/7 p.m. I ask what he is doing and he responds that he is having a drink with his brother. So i don’t respond back, b/c obviulsy he has other plans and I’m not about to lecture no man. (If he wanted to hang out with me, he would have made it a point of doing so.) He has the audacity to text me at 11 p.m that I “left him hanging” !???! What nerve. So I don’t respond and leave it like that. The next day I asked how is it “I left him hanging” and he tries to blame me! So I pretty much just ignored him. He kept calling and texting but of course I didn’t respond back. Then one night my LONELYDIVANESS took over and I responded to one of his texts. He wanted to hang out and I was a lil tipsy and asked where, and didn’t get a response!???!! (Sorta reminds of that song “Fool that I am” by ADELE.)

    So I went on your site AGAIN! and reread ALLLLLLL ur articles AGAIN!! HOPING that I would absorb some more of ur SASSY WISDOM!! I ignored all his calls, voice messages and texts messages. I needed to set my mind straight and really let him know I wasn’t going to be putting up with his B.S. So a little less than a week later I responded and asked him to call when he was finished with work. He did and we talked. I called him out on being FLAKEY and he tried to make-up excuses and finally said, “I should have called you, you are right.” (notice he didn’t say sorry, but he did acknowledge he was wrong). I also brought up the fact that he left me hanging on Saturday and he owned up to that too. SO to fix the situation he said he wanted to take me out to dinner, to let him know when I was free and that he would make plans. The very last thing he said was that he wanted to talk to me later in the evening and he would call me back. Never got a call that night nor the two days after, which made me a little disapointed. Does this mean he isn’t a man of action!?? ( sooo not sexy!!!)

    I feel SOOOOOOO lost. Am I doing this allll wrong? Or am I over thinking things?? What should I think about all of this? And should I dump him or give him a chance?? PLEASE HELP!

    “Be gone with the NOISE and on with the POWER!!!”


    LIL Diva in Training;)

  106. My Stunning LIL Diva in Training…
    You are doing ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong. I am so proud of you! You told this guy what wasn’t going to fly with you and he did it anyway.
    The reason why you are lost is because you are a good person. Sometimes us good people don’t understand how someone
    else can be such a (insert your favorite derogatory term here) because it’s not in our DNA. You are overthing things but it is because of this concept.
    Good vs.Jerk. His actions are saying all. Does this make sense, honey? xoxo Love, Goddess

  107. Fav Goddess,

    Thank You for the quick response!!! Your right, I know what I need to do. The question is will I be strong enough to do it:/.
    Btw you ever think about doing seminars? You give amazing advice! I’ve recommended all of my gf’s to your blog:)
    Stay on top my Aphrodite;)

    “Be gone with the NOISE and on with the POWER!!!”


    LiL Diva in Training

  108. LiL Diva,
    You have the strength already. And—I’ll be standing behind you in spirit with a big warm smile supporting you.
    I’m writing a book..then I’ll be doing seminars. Thank you for the encouragement and recommending the site to
    your girlfriends. It means the world to me. xoxo Love, Goddess

  109. Hey Goddess 🙂

    Lately I’ve been having a lot of trouble with my ex and I’m really hoping you can help me. Basically what happened was that we started going out and spent a LOT of time with each other, and fell in love with each other really fast. But, unbeknownst to me, during the first 4 months we were together he was still keeping contact with his ex. I thought they weren’t talking. His ex then found out about me (I’m not sure if he told her, but he says he did), and contact between them stopped. A few months later… around 5 months later, I was using his computer and forgot the site that I typed in so I looked through his history to find it. I found that he had looked up his ex, and for some reason I just got an urge to snoop… I know it was wrong, and normally I’m not like that, but I ended up looking at some of his saved convos. I found out that he had still been talking to her while he was talking to me and got really annoyed, even though it wasn’t going on anymore. When I brought it up to him, he panicked, so that when I asked him why he didn’t tell me he said it was because “I didn’t ask.” It was annoying because he had already told me he loved me while he was still talking to her. I believe he did, I just think that part of him was afraid to tell me and was afraid to ruin our relationship. It kept getting to me though, and in about 2 months I broke things off. For a month he tried really hard to get back together with me, and it was working, I was starting to consider giving us another shot. I had the password to his email though, and I checked it because I was suspicious and I know that wasn’t right either. I can’t really explain myself for it though. I found some pictures from this girl that likes him with her in suggestive poses in her underwear. I asked him about it and I was pretty mad because 4 days had passed since they were sent and he never told me about it. They were called ‘prize’. I asked how he got them and he said they were talking and he won an argument and because that almost never happens, he should get a trophy, so that’s why she sent him pictures of herself. He asked her what this was and then said how she called herself an idiot in her status. I asked him to copy and paste it and he did, looked real. I asked why he never brought it up though and he said that it was because he had been working for 24 hours straight, went to bed right after, and forgot to. I was mad at the time and just said I didn’t want to be with him anymore, and he said he’s been trying so hard only to have it get him nowhere. Now though, I’m cooled off, and reconsidering getting back together but I feel as though he wants me to chase him. I was trying a little bit at first, not as hard as he was for me during that month though. I recently told him that if he expects me to chase him, that won’t happen and that he shouldn’t expect me to contact him (because he did expect that from me so I wanted to make that clear). Now I’m wondering what I should do…. I feel like I have a big decision to make and I need help thinking clearly. I can either stand my ground and wait to see if he’ll contact me, then work things out. I can contact him and try to work things out, but I feel like that might not be such a smart move either. If I don’t contact him and he doesn’t contact me, I feel like maybe things won’t be resolved at all. And lastly, I’m wondering if I should even be trying to get back together with him or moving on? What do you think…? I’m so confused =/

  110. i don’t know why a man who i contact with he sure about to marry or be with me suddenly ,we contact not for long and i don’t know him as well ,but when i talk with him i found that he doesn’t interesting at me enough …once time he request money from me and i transfer to him …i worry that he will like or love me only have money for him

  111. Hi Britanny!
    You are a beautiful, intelligent woman. Look at what your relationship with this guy is making you want to do. Search his emails, etc. You know it’s wrong. The whole scenerio
    is throwing you for one confused loop! So let me ask you a question. Do you want a guy who makes you feel this way? Or do you maybe want to see who else is out there. A man who makes you feel good. Because he has earned
    and keeps your trust? And a man, after you call him on his crap, who doesn’t come up with the incredibly lame: “Because you didn’t ask,” as an excuse? You had every right to be annoyed with that one. And guys do that to make us annoyed. How do we take the
    fun out of that little game? Taking care of ourselves and dissipating “annoying energy” on a consistant basis so we can deal with things without getting annoyed. Visit the Drama Queen section of this site for some wonderful
    ideas on how to get rid of frustrations. Does this make sense? Love, Goddess

  112. Hey Goddess! I hope you can shed some light on this as it’s a strange one. I have been very good friends with this guy for 8 years now. We even lived together before as friends 7 years ago for a year and a half. He has since moved to a different country where he is studying medicine. He is due to it his final exams in a few months. Six months ago during a conversation he confessed to me that he always thought the world of me and would do anything for s to b together. I went to visit him and we got on famously and decided to try and see what happens between us. Even though we now live in separate countries, I could easily move over to where he is as I have lived there before and would like to again. Since my visit he has been calling me telling me how delighted he is that we are finally starting to be together. He says I am the woman of his life and that he wants to take care of me always, he tells me to start making arrangements to come over next year. But then the odd day he is also panicking about his exams and telling me that he doesn’t want to be worrying about me and what I might think if he doesn’t contact me every day. I tell him I don’t mind as he needs to focus on the exams. Then the next day he is back to normal again telling me he can’t wait to live with me. Last night then he was telling me that he doesn’t want me to move over there and live with him. He would prefer me to move over, live on my own and then get to know each other as a couple bit by bit, but that I still am the woman of his life. I agree that this would be the ideal situation. But I can’t just move over with no where to stay and also we have lived together before and know each other years. So, what else is there to find out about. What do yo think of this and what do you think I should do? I really like this guy.

  113. Hi Morena,
    Thanks for sharing your story. Yes, I understand why your confused. Your guy is sending mixed messages. I want to congratulate you on writing this: ‘I can’t just move over there with no where
    to stay.’ Did you watch the Sex and the City episodes where Carrie gave up her life to move to Paris to be with her boyfriend? Yes, he was fabulous. She was still miserable. It wasn’t her life. It was his. So let me ask you a
    question, you gorgeous, fabulous one. Do you want to give up your life to move to a foreign country to NOT live with the man who wants you to live with him? (warm hug and smile)

  114. Hi Goddess!!!

    I’m at a loss here so I’m glad I stubbled upon this site! To give you a little background. I met this guy, we’ll call him Sef, that I’ve been dating since Oct 2010. At first we couldn’t get enough of each other. We were together all of the time. He would text me day in and day out. There were a few things I didn’t particulary care for but I dealt with, like his best friend being on almost every date with us, because the connection was strong. Fast forward to the present. It’s coming up on a year of dating and there is distance beginning to set in. He isn’t treating me the way he did at the beginning. The calls/texts are getting further apart. His patterns are changing. He dodges making me his offical girlfriend like a bullet but yet he wants us to do everything together, or did, and still wants us to go on vacation and things like that together. I really like him and want this to progress into a relationship but I’m not to sure how to approach it. Should I get scarce in hopes he wake’s the hell up? I know talking about it isn’t going to help because I’ve voiced my unhappiness and nothing has changed. I don’t know whether we’re in a rutt or what’s going on but I don’t like it. I just want to try my best before I throw in the towel. All advice is welcome and I’ll try anything adviced.

  115. Hi Kei,
    Thanks for asking me your question. I want you to stop thinking about this guy. I want you to start thinking about YOU and what makes YOU happy. You don’t like
    how this relationship is going. We are taught by society to “try our best” sometimes when it doesn’t make us happy. I hate soybeans. Health magazines tell us to eat
    soybeans “for our health.” Me no way. I prefer to focus on what I like. Luckily for me there are a lots of other yummy healthy foods out there for me to enjoy. Maybe you would like to try
    something new? Maybe you want someone in your life who values an exclusive relationship? What would make you happy in a relationship? See where I’m going with this? xoxo Goddess

  116. Hi GOddess 🙂

    I can really use ur advise, I feel lost here!

    By the ending classes of this semester, this guy at class started to approach me who is well known for his charm and good look & me myself am considered one of the fine girls!
    But I have this attitude that I don’t chase anyone..
    So they guy came to me and asked for my number by the last class and during summer he used to chat with me ( smart phones ) Daily..almost all day long !
    He was so flirty, gives promises all the time, I was so sweet but I don’t really fall for words as I learned to fall only for actions!

    All of the sudden he just disappeared ! I sent him a ” hello ”
    But no reply!! I was anything but clingy, so I thought maybe he need sm space !
    A week later, he sent me a plain ” I miss u sooo much”
    I replied ” I miss u truly, madly, deeply.. I miss u ”

    He didn’t do anything about it!
    So I sent him saying.. Why ur not calling nor chatting anymore..
    If i ever upset u am sorry I never meant too
    And if there’s another reason just let me know
    & no worries, no matter what it is I will understand!

    I never herd from him and it has been almost 3 weeks now!
    It all happened all of a sudden!
    And I can see him active on his LinkedIn!!

    Is it possible that He just lost interest!
    I deserve a reply 🙁 I wana no what’s the deal !
    But I don’t think I can ask him to talk to me any more!

    Thank u for ur kindness and help..

  117. Hi Dana,
    Thanks for your question. First off, go you for letting the guy chase you.
    It sounds like he is cleverly turning the tables on you. What do you think hot, brilliant one?
    Love and a big warm hug, Goddess

  118. Thank u Goddess for replying!
    And yes that’s exactly what he is doing!
    Trading places! I already text him twice!
    So now what should I do!
    Ignore or chase??

    And if he should up again.. What attitude should I adopt??

    Thank u goddess

  119. Dana,
    When you send texts when he isn’t returning your messages, you’ve already started chasing him.
    He knows that he is the one in control, trust me. You are way too smart and beautiful a woman to be
    worrying about when or if he is going to talk to you. Why don’t you focus your attention on things in your
    life that make you happy? Family, friends, activities. Make some fun. Visit the Fun section on this site
    and put these ideas in your schedule. How does that sound? Warm hug, Goddess

  120. Dear Goddess,

    I need a little help in my dilemma. I was causally dating a man who works in the Oilfield who lives in camp about 4 hours away from home. At first, I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing because I had recently ended a 3 yr relationship, which was getting very serious – deposit on engagement ring made. I had to end the long-term relationship because I felt there was no more passion left in our relationship. I felt I was ready to get back into the dating scene and so I started dating the out of town worker thinking it wouldn’t get too serious and it was refreshing to have someone chase me as well. Since the guy was working 12 days on and 4 days off I felt that it would be nice and slow moving. But when he came into town for the 4 days he wanted me to spend every day with him. We had such a great time together and we seemed to click well. At first I was cautious not to get in too deep but like you said, once you cuddle and get intimate you tend to bond faster. Being a woman in my early 30s I feel my hormones are not helping matter either. I have a strong will and know what it is I want. So after the 4TH weekend we spent together I decided to ask him if he was willing to make an actual commitment. That’s when things changed dramatically. First, he admitted he had substance abusive problems, he also has problems with depression, and this makes it extremely hard for him to handle being in a relationship long-distance. To makes matters worse, his project is at its last 3 months where he has been asked to work 24 days on and 4 days off. He said that he feels I’m a great person but that I he was not a good person and that I deserved much better. So I stopped texting him and then out of the blue he texted me saying that if I needed any help finding a place he would help me. I replied and said that wasn’t a good idea considering the fact that I didn’t want to accept such an offer from someone who wasn’t willing to commit. After that the texts were very few, the more I texted him the less he would reply, in fact he wouldn’t reply at all. One day night he would text me, because I feel he was out with the boys in camp but then the next day nothing. I finally texted him and told him and told him that I had a vision that and a premonition that I needed to move on and that I needed to give myself space to find someone else that was willing to commit. But yet a part of me still wants him to come back next Monday to tell me that he missed me and that he wants to give our relationship a try. I don’t know if I want to see him again because the lack of attention and his absence has been so upsetting and hard to deal with. He knows what type of girl I am, and that I deserve more then that and I’m hoping he will come to his senses. But what I can’t get around is, he can be so disciplined in all other areas of his life but when it comes to his substance abuse and relationships he seems to fall apart. Why is it we had such a great time with our relationship before and now that he’s away and extra two weeks it is too much for him to handle? I am willing to take things slow, I’m just asking for a commitment so I’m not wasting my time.


  121. Hi Mystic,
    LOVE your mysterious name! It can be so confusing when men don’t want a commitment but still want to see you. The great thing is…he’s told you he doesn’t want a commitment and he has all these
    issues. So now I ask you, gorgeous one. Do you want a man who has told you he can’t commit and has all this baggage? It sounds like you know the answer. It sounds like you want better. And it will…if
    you let it. Does that make sense? xoxo Goddess

  122. I wanna know ive been talkin off and on with this guy for 4 years, he’s mi child father, I love him 2 death, and he say he loves me…. Y when I text him he dont text back. I get so dang mad? I want him 2 chase me again what 2 do?

  123. Hi, soo I started hanging out with this guy and we got close over summer but he went back to his ex.. and I said over and over again that “he had his chance, and he lost me.. and if he came back I wouldn’t give him the time of day” Well things didn’t work for them and he came back and just started texting me and calling wanting to hang out again. One of my best friends talked to him last night and he told her that he liked me and all but he doesn’t want to date because he just got of a horrible 2 year relationship. But i’m afraid all he wants is to get some, (even though we haven’t did anything) Should I tell him to get lost or do I hang out with him even though it’s not gonna go anywhere?

  124. Hi Goddess,
    I’m worried. For seven years now, this guy and I have been going back and forth. We both obviously care for each other. We both in the past played head games and it made for some dramatic and for me heart breaking situations. I’m aware that it was partly at my own hands. Now we have had time apart and time to grow as individuals. We had a couple of long talks recently and he tells me that he needs me, wants me, and will find a way to come see me. (we live an hour and a half away from each other). A lot of history has been made up of this massive and unyielding attraction that isn’t just physical. I’m worried that he will let me down again or that I might blow it by coming on too strong. I want so badly to yell from the roof tops that I love him and I’ve loved him always. He gets nervous and scared by pressure. What should I do? I’ve tried aloof and it does nothing, tried attention and he backs off…what to do?

  125. Thanks for your question! Oh, I hear you. It’s soooo rude when people don’t respond to messages you send! One of the best things I ever did to get rid of my anger toward the opposite sex is kickbox. I punch out the
    frustration and then I can deal much more calmly. It sounds like you could use some of that ;). How about checking out the Drama Queen area of the site for some ideas to dissipate that
    “mad” energy? Let me know what works for you! Love and a warm hug, Goddess

  126. Hi Whitney!
    Thanks for asking me your question. You’re Sassy Bitch is right….she’s the one saying “all he wants is to get some.” She’s really blunt like that. 😉 You are so lucky to have a best friend who
    talked to this guy and relayed the info to you. Why don’t you two go out and celebrate your friendship and toast to the amazing men who want YOU gorgeous YOU. You’re so worth it, honey! Blow a huge sassy kiss
    good bye to the men who want to just “get some.” How does that sound? xoxo Love, Goddess

  127. Hi Katie,
    I so hear you. I’m actually going through something similar right now. I have a guy who likes me who is “nervous and scared by pressure.” I personally don’t want a man who is “nervous and scared by pressure.”
    I want a man who is a man-be damned the nervous and pressure! Falling in love is scary on both ends. I want a man who shows me he cares and doesn’t whine about it. Does that make sense? Love, Goddess

  128. He doesn’t want to date. He told your best friend that. He also told your best friend he just got out of a “horrible 2 year relationship.” You’ve got all the information you need.
    Now it’s your choice. Do you want a guy who is not ready to date and an emotional wreck because of a bad romance? Or do you
    want a man who is ready to date, adores you, is fun, playful and treats you like the treasure you are? What do you think, honey? Warm smile, Goddess

  129. Hi Goddess,
    (this is long so bear with me!)
    *My ex fiance and i were together 3 years, engaged 9months, living together 5months.
    *One morning he woke up and said that he doesnt know where he sees us in 5 years time, said he “needed time” and “loved me more than anything” etc etc.
    *Time turned into it being over (2months ago now) but even now he’ll say “its over for now” or “its over but you never know what will happen in the future” or “its over but if i realise i’ve made a mistake i’ll pursue you” and im finding it had to move on when it sounds like hes left that little safety net/possibility of a reconciliation.
    *I tried no contact but would only make it to about thr 3rd/4th day before faltering. Last week i went a whole week and he contacted me. He’s flirty, and still shows affection and care towards me but he hasnt referenced the breakup at all.
    *Im hearing through mutual freinds that hes asking about me (who am i dating, what im doing for my birthday etc).
    *He came over the other day to “pick up some of his stuff” and stayed 2 hours hanging out and left empty handed (i STILL dont know why he came round because he didnt talk about “us” at all either)
    *He seemed a little down the last time i saw him, i asked him whats wrong that he seems stressed and he just goes “It’s just, i dont know, im ok…”
    *I got a late night phonecall the other night and ‘star 69’d” it and it was his number, so i phoned him back and he denyed calling- its like he was checking to see if i was home or out.
    Does any of this mean he’s regretting or reconsidering his decision to end things? Or am i reading too much into things? At first he didnt want any contact but i feel like hes slowly coming around..
    Any goddess guidance for this confused little lady? :s

  130. Thanks for replying Godess. I appreciate all you have said to me. To be honest (and what’s adding to the confusion) is that I do want to move country. I am kind of stuck in a rut at the moment with work and life in general. Whether or not I decide to move over to this guy, I will still make dramatic changes in my life in the near future and I’m considering a move of country. I would love to move to the counrty where my man lives. But as I have said I cannot just turn up over there one day with no job and no where to live. I would need support when I first arrive. He was at the start telling me that we would move in together and that he would help me in every way to settle down. Now he is telling me that he wants me to move over with no job and no where to stay and find a place on my own. This would mean weeks/months of messing around trying to find accomodation/job. In the meantime my savings will be running lower and lower. I do intend to make my own life over there if I do go. Also there is the issue that we both have different native languages. While we also speek each others languages pretty well, there would be a few colloquial expressions that we sometimes have to explain. I’m in a conundrum to decide whether it is worth the effort or not to go over. Especially since he keeps changing his mind about what we are going to do.

  131. Okay, Evita. It’s time for you to stop giving one (insert your favorite adjective here) about this guy. You are a gorgeous, caring, wonderful woman that is dealing with an immature guy who doesn’t appreciate you.
    Time to make this about YOU and not him. You are over thinking it and don’t beat yourself up about it. (warm hug) We all do that with men sometimes. He has control over you because you’re tolerating his “indecision” about
    the future. He has you chasing him. He is asking your friends about you because he is keeping “track” of you. He knows you aren’t dating and his ego is getting a boost from that. First thing I’d do? Take his stuff and have
    it delivered to him. Stop all contact. Make lots of plans with your friends. Meet people and take care of you. If he asks why you’re doing this, tell him, “I want a man who wants me and dosen’t need time to
    think about it.” Then NO contact. Lean on your girlfriends for strength, honey! If he tries to talk to your girlfriends, tell them to have your back and politely excuse themselves. You can totally do this. You’re worth it. Does that make sense? xoxo Goddess You can, email me personally: info@bitchlifestyle.com

  132. Hi Morena, You have a lot going on. It’s really important that you make this about YOU and not him. You are trying to answer complicated and important questions regarding your future.
    If you would like to discuss more, email me at info@bitchlifestyle.com xoxo (and a warm hug) Goddess

  133. Hey Goddess! So im going through something right now that i just dont know what to do. Hope you can help. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 1/2 years. We were pretty serious. We moved in together and had an apartment with each other. Marriage would come up and he also talked about children. Well about 2 months ago he came home from work and outta the blue said i think we need to take a break. I was completely shocked! I was so happy with my life and i had no idea he was feeling this way. He said our life together was becoming predictable and boring. And that his feelings have changed and that it was scaring the hell out of him. So i moved all my stuff out and moved in with my mom. We’ve been talking here and there and hanging out a little bit. He doesnt always answer my texts or phone calls and it really bothers me. I was actually with him a few nights ago and we tried talking about everything thats going on but he doesnt really like talking about it bc i get emotional but i just have question. I dont know where we stand and im just confused. when we do get together we have so much fun together. we laugh and smile and joke around like nothing bad has even happened. he tells me he loves me but i know he does. the question is he still IN love with me? So i asked him the other night if we are together and working on things and he said yes. Than i asked something about being bf/gf and he said were not. He doesnt think that we should have to have a “title” right now and he just wants to enjoy the time we spend together. He says he doesnt want to worry about the past and he did admit he was an ass for the way he treated me but he wants to enjoy the present and the time we have. He said he cant predict the future so he cant tell me were gonna get married one day but he wants to move on from the past and not worry about it and enjoy the present and work on the future….I have no idea what any of this means. Im so scared of being used and looking like an idiot. I dont know if hes with someone else..he claims hes not but thats what im deathly afraid of! I dont just want to be his back up plan..

    Hope you can help! 🙂

  134. Hi Brittney,
    Okay…I know that you are hurting. (I’m sending you a warm hug) He has already told you what he wants. Marriage in “the future.” Not necessarily with you. I’m not saying that to hurt you. He is hurting you with his words and actions.
    He has been honest, but the thing that is not cool is that he is “keeping you hanging” by hanging out with you, talking to you etc. Guys do this all the time with girls: I want my cake and eat it too. He is in control. Take back the control by having ZERO contact. Tell him that you want him to be happy, but you are moving on with your life. And mean it. Practice this so you are unemotional when you tell him. Focus on YOU, your friends, your family. Make tons of plans. Fill up that calendar. Kick box. This web site is loaded with ideas in the fun section. This is taking back control. If you want more, email me and we can discuss: Goddesspower978@hotmail.com Love, Goddess

  135. Dear Goddess,
    It’s Whitney again… I tried to take your advice and just drop this guy, but I just can’t seem too. I’m not strong enough, I had talked to his best friend about how I felt.. after we had gotten back from a double date..(which was- that I was tired of waiting around cause I knew he didn’t like me or anything).. and the next day He messages me on facebook and says “so I heard you talked to chris last night” and I said yep.. (I was really short with him)and he asked me what we talked about even though I knew that he knew. I was like we just talked about how I knew this wasn’t going anywhere and that you don’t like me ect. His response was well that’s not true I do like you. I said I don’t believe you and he was like why, cause of texting? And I said well that and the stuff you tell teagan.. my best friend and he was like my laptops dying i’ll text ya. I didn’t get a text message until like 10 or 11 that night and I was already asleep but we still hang out and he calls me pet names now and has texted me everyday.. even if it’s not for long it’s a start I guess.. but me, him, teagan, chris and two of our other friends went out last night and he barely spoke and didn’t buy my dinner like he normally does but then when we got back in the truck he had his hand on my leg the entire way home.. but when we got back to his house where my car was he just got out and said goodnight.. No hug or anything, didn’t text me afterwards or today so far. And i’m tired of these mixed signals, i’m tired of waiting around.. we’ve played this game for 5 months, he either likes me or he doesn’t. I don’t know if I should be like ohh we never finnshed our conversation that day about what we are.. via text message or do I wait until we hang out again.. and how do I ask?

    I really hope you can help me
    <3 whit

  136. Hi Whitney, First off…congratulations. You said “I’m not strong enough to take your advice.” That’s half the battle honey! (warm hug) You know that you need to build the strong confidence that is not
    only going to serve you with men, but in every aspect of your life! This is a process, and I can help you find this strength in customized one on one coaching. Email me with your questions when
    you are ready to get your “Confidence Party” started! Goddesspower978@hotmail.com xoxo Love, Goddess

  137. Dear Goddess, I’ve been working with an amazing man for 8 months. He’s at my company temporarily until January. We made a connection right away, have gotten to know each other, and have lunch together several times a week. I am 10 years older than him. It’s become pretty obvious how I feel about him, and recently he told me he would never date a co-worker, because about 10 years ago he had something bad happen in this situation. I respect that, but am wondering if he will ever ask me out after he leaves my company? I want him to pursue me, not the other way around. How can I turn that around and hang on to my self respect. I have become jealous of him talking about other women. Also there’s a coworker that is friends with him. It’s obvious she has a thing for him – I asked him about it over a month ago and he said he doesn’t feel that way about her, that he can’t control how other people feel. She calls, texts him, emails him all the time and he doesn’t discourage it. I think he really likes having 2 women attracted to him; I’m sure it’s a boost. I’m trying to cool it because I haven’t felt this crazy over a guy in many years, I feel like I’m acting like I’m in high school. I feel like I’m getting mixed signals all the time. help!

  138. Hi Clare,
    You’re doing something we women do constantly with men. We over think. He’s been honest with you. He doesn’t want to date co-workers because he LEARNED from a bad experience. You aren’t respecting him or yourself if you continue
    as you are. Show respect to you and him and move on. Why would you want to wait for him until after he leaves the company? If he really does that? You’re way too special a woman for this. Don’t feel bad about this, or be tough on yourself and make it
    worse. Recognize the problem and deal with it. Problem: This is all your ego, or what I like to call your Drama Queen. And yes, she’s making you feel like you’re in high school. She wants what she wants now. Period. Deal with it: Visit the Drama
    Queen section of this site for ways to help her out of your system, so you can get back to your Grown Up Sassy Bitch. Start here: Who Controls You, Your Bitch or Your Brat? http://bitchlifestyle.com/2010/01/who-controls-you-your-bitch-or-your-brat/ And let me know
    how it goes! xoxo Goddess

  139. Hi, about 2 months ago i was approached by the type i always wanted to date. He was overly handsome, and to top it off he could sing, dance, and play the pianno i was very infatuated, and probably to much so. I have many guys that want and have tried to get with me, but i made it up in my mind that he was different and i wanted to do what i could to keep him. Dont get me wrong i didnt go letting him know i was head over heals for him, but i did things like being to available to hang out and mayb letting him know i like him a slighty too much. We hung out once and everything was awesome he text me as soon as i left to let me know how great i was (we didnt have sex just cuddled/wathched a movie). The more i started to let him know i how felt the less he texted me, i knew he was losing interest so i decided i would text him way less and do less caring and more subtle flirting. it worked really well at first but then things started to slow again. And we havent hung out since do to our transportation situation.

    I know he wants a smart confident sexy women who keeps it interesting and i have all these qualities i just cant figure out how to show him without giving him to much at once.

    I just have a few questions i truly need your help with.

    1. is it possible to get him to chase me again, and if it is how?

    2. please please please give me tips on how to “keep it interesting” mayb some flirtting advise and some things i could say or do to keep him intrigued

    3. Can you also give me tips on how to dispay how my knowledge in a casual way? because everytime we talk i feel inclined to play the super cute girly role and i need him to know that im soo much deeper with out coming off like a know-it-all (which is what happened in the past

    On a side note he’s a sagittarious so he’s hard to please.

    i would genuinely appreciate any feedback you can offer i really truly like this guy and i could truly use your advise!

  140. Hi Anastasia,
    Repeat after me: “I’m a beautiful, intelligent, sassy woman!”
    Now on to your questions:
    1. You can’t MAKE a man chase you.
    2. You are already a beautiful and intriguing woman. If he doesn’t chase you or want to spend time with hot little you, I question his taste. (warm and sassy smile)
    3. You just need more confidence. KNOW you’re the hottest catch on the planet. This web site is full of ideas for you regarding that! So keep reading the articles on this site. For extra inspiration there is the Bitch Lifestyle Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841 or if you want even more, private coaching with me.
    So repeat after me: “I’m a beautiful, intriguing, sassy woman!” Love, Goddess

  141. Hey, right basically I’m in this situation where I have just come out of a very serious relationship, but towards the end made friends with an amazing guy, who is straight up, honest ect ect.
    Now I’m single I would love to get to know him better, however he has a very complicated ‘relationship’ (if you can call it that) with a woman who lives in a completley different country to him… He has told me that their relationship consists of, when they are in the same country they will spend all the time in the world with eachother but they are also aware that there will be times where it could be a year before they see eachother again, so when they are apart their business is their own… if you get my jist.
    He has made it clear that if anything was to happen between us, he could only commit to a ‘bit of fun’ as he is somewhat attached elsewhere.
    I’m fine with this as I’m very ‘anti strings attached’ at the moment for obvious reasons.
    But I would love to be someone he genuinely thought alot of, so I will follow these tips, and let you know how it goes…
    If theres any more advice you could give me, that would be very much appreciated!
    As it is a very confusing situation!

  142. Hi Julie,
    One of the things that women should understand is that guys will not chase you unless they want to. Good guys will make it known that they like you by calling you, taking an interest in your life and keeping in touch with you.
    This guy has been honest with you. Sometimes, we don’t really listen to what they are saying because we get caught up in those yummy chemical feelings swirling around us when we like him. Because of this
    we set ourselves up for disappointment. Because you’re fresh from a break up and are still recovering, you may miss the two HUGE red flags in his honesty and plow on anyway in an effort to feel good again. Here are the red flags: Did I mention they
    are HUGE?
    1. He has another woman he has told you he is not going to stop being involved in. I don’t care if she is next door, in another country etc. He is going to stay emotionally involved with her.
    2. He could only commit to a “bit of fun.” Which usually means, “sex without strings.”
    If you agree to continue seeing him under these circumstances, you agree to play by HIS rules. And when you get bothered by these rules, have no recourse. You agreed to play. So you gave up your right to complain. This is giving yourself up to him.
    You’re a wonderful, loving, beautiful woman who is healing from a serious relationship. Why don’t you take care of you by visiting the Bitch University section of this site? http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/08/confidence-keys/
    Does that make sense? Warm hug, Goddess

  143. hi, goddess…no questions just yet, but, i wanted to say, i love your style and thank you for your fantastic advice and for caring for us, “relationship challenged” bitches! 🙂

  144. Dear Goddess,

    I thoroughly enjoyed your brilliant article and enjoy reading your blog!

    I like how you implied that being chased is part of a “bitch” lifestyle– it doesn’t mean it degrades our strong, independent qualities.

    The rules of how to be chased are very clear to me, however, I am currently stumped when trying to figure out the dynamics of being chased with the latest guy who’s appeared in my life. Perhaps you can decipher the situation? 🙂

    Here’s the deal: We met two years ago during a free summer concert. *I* was standing next to him when I decided to tease him, asking him why he looked so serious. We end up talking and dancing for a few hours that night, exchanging contact info.

    Soon after our encounter, he moves out of state. We have engaging online chats for several months before losing touch.

    Fast forward two years this fall, to a random email from him, greeting me and announcing his move back to LA! I am impressed that he remembered me–even remembering an essential detail about me (that I skateboard).

    We exchange a few emails, and I don’t reply to his last one because he was just making conversation about the band that night we met.

    So normally I wouldn’t do this, because like you say, good men do the chasing, but 15 days after his last email, I decide to email him a link to a jazz series nearby (we mentioned going a couple years back) and am a bit coy and suggestive, “Care to join me on of these days?” (so at least, it wasn’t me asking HIM when HE was free, but it was up to him to join ME)

    I did this because I figured, it’s sort of fair game–after all, how can he remember me after just a few hours in person two years ago? (I even sort of forgot what he looked like) We should at least refresh our memories before entering the dynamics of chasing/being chased–that was my logic at least.

    He said sure, asking me when I’ll be free to go.
    I’m just afraid I’ve permanently screwed up the whole “I should be chased by HIM” dynamic that would stunt our connection from the start by me making the first move, essentially.

    What do you think? How can I turn the tables again?

    Thanks so much for reading. ^_^

  145. Hi Polly,
    Thanks for enjoying the blog. (warm smile)
    I think you’re over thinking this. We women can do that- a lot. Why don’t you relax a bit, do some of the fun exercises on this site
    and give yourself a break. If you worry about every little step you’ve taken, you may miss out on the fun and play! Does that make sense?
    (warm hug) Goddess

  146. A guy was chasing me, but after this weekend I got a bit heavy with the texts and stuff. I’m not sure if we are talking any more or not.
    How do I get him to chase me again????
    Please help I like him, and he was nice to me I just need to get him interested and liking me again. And not thinking I’m mental!

  147. Hi Mae,
    Mmmm…that “not thinking I’m mental” feeling with a guy. That’s your Drama Queen in her full glory over thinking and not just enjoying. You’re right, you may have gotten a bit heavy with the texts and stuff.
    That’s in the past…so focus on what you can do now. The first thing would be to cut yourself some slack. (warm hug) Then visit the Drama Queen section of the site to take care of her. Do something that makes you
    feel good-a bath with all your favorite products. Then make some fun plans with your girlfriends. Appreciate all you have. See how you are now putting your attention on things that are good for you instead of something
    that makes you feel bad (the texts?) Does this make sense? Love, Goddess

  148. Hi
    Luv your sight,very enlightening.
    Im ending my marriage after christmas as I have had enough of all the years of problems weve had. I havnt had sex for about 4 years and my other half has no libido (IV tried everything).
    Other guys to come onto me and Im interetd in what you think of whats just happened to me this last 3 months.
    I go to a store and at first I kinda just had this feelin the guy there (about my age – 30’s) liked me. Forgot about it until about 3 weeks ago when I realised he always started having a laugh, got louder when I went in there.
    Well, and I would go in there and then one day he walked over to open a checkout just for me, gave me my change and said “thankyou geourgouse and just stared right into me”.Not having sex for so long this got to me, as he is my physical type. So I tried to avoid going into there. By the I noticed hes married (I found out his wife doesnt work with him).
    Then I needed to go in there for some stuff I coudnt get enywhere else and he started talking really nervously to me infront of the others he works with. By this time I knew he liked me.
    Then one early morning I dropped in to buy something and it was obviouse again.
    So now Im feeling a mixed bag of stuff. Sad becuase of my situation at home adn so on. I think I should never go in there again, especially as I told another woman who I then found out knows him and she said hes harmless. I said to tell him Im married.( I dont ware a ring anymore to be true to myself)
    The thing is I actually fancy the *** out of this guy, or is it just that Im a born again virgin and having a difficult time.
    Also can men tell when woman is not getting it or is lonaly?

  149. Hi Katy,
    Wow! That’s a lot going on with you! Sometimes when we have life changing things going on, things can get really unclear of what direction we want to go in. And that is pretty normal, yes?
    So how do we get control during these crazy times? One step at a time. Yes, I know. It sounds soooooo boring. It is. When you do this, it can help get your mind back on track and focused
    on what’s important. YOU and what you want for the future. You may want to start with getting rid of any edgy emotional energy you may have because of your marriage ending. This edgy emotional
    energy has to be disposed of so you can see what you want in a clearer way. My favorite way is kick boxing! Focused intent! Visit the Drama Queen section of this site and work on loving you during
    this stressful time. Does that make sense? Love, Goddess

  150. I would love to hear your insight on my situation I have been dating this guy for over a year about 5 months in he gets back together with his ex proposes 3 days later he says he put the ring on the wrong girls finger after alot of thinking I take him back I love him very much,.then less than a month later he quits talking to me, and is dating a new girl in the mean time, only to come back to me 2 weeks later after a week proposed to me. but now he is acting distant wanting space, and after everything I can’t give it to him for fear,,,, we both have been in marriages and were cheated on im just not sure how to get him to run after me again

  151. Goddess,

    So I”m in college and there is this football player a year ahead of me I thought was really good-looking. After the first month or two of school, we began to see each other a lot in the cafeteria. Slowly, we began catching each other looking at the other. Then we started smiling to one another, or a wave. We even said hello a couple of time. Then one evening about a week ago, I saw his friend in the library and left my number with his friend to give to the guy I liked. About an hour later, he called and we talked for a couple minutes. We texted here and there but not like full conversations. Then yesterday, we started really texting each other and we did all day. WE joked around about how cold it was and how some snuggling would help. So, we decided I’d go over to his dorm since my roommate had a friend at my dorm, and I’d hang out, maybe even snuggle 😛 So when I went outside, I went to the wrong dorm because he never told me which one he was in, but I assumed he was in the upperclassmen dorm (but I was wrong). So then he said he had to leave soon anyways to go out and said “ssoooooorrryyyy!!!” for making me sit in the cold at the wrong dorm. So, I asked how eh was going to make it up to me and he said what do you want me to do? I never answered that question but instead asked where he was going in a bit. He said he was going to one of the local hangouts. So, I said, thanks for the invite 😛 He then said you can come too haha. Then I said well if I come are we just hanging out or is there dancing too. He then told me that he is not much of a dancer. I sent a message saying he didnt know what he was missing because dancing is fun even if you arent good at it, and I asked where the place was cuz i didnt know how to get there. He never replied the entire night… If he wanted it to be a guy’s night, all he had to do was say so and I would have been cool with that! Now, I don’t know what to do. Im being good and i am not going to text him today. I want to act like this was no big deal so that he thinks Im a really cool girl. Help, I need advice on how to hndle this when I talk to him AND when I see him!!! HELP PLease me figure out how to make me seem irresistable to him!

  152. Hi Tam,
    You can’t make a guy chase you, honey. (warm hug) I have a question for you that may take a few minutes to let sink in. Why would you want to be with a guy who proposes to other women and disrespects you in so
    many ways? You actually say it in your comment. Why do you think that may be? Love, Goddess

  153. Hi Taylor,
    I have a question for you. Do you see all the ways that he has YOU chasing HIM? (warm smile) Goddess

  154. hi goddess,
    i was in a marriage for 6 years, then my husband wanted to go back to his ex, i was devastated and was broken, just moved out and back with mum. i have a guy i met over the net and he seems like a really nice guy but he cnt take it easy the fact i have two kids. i have tried to make him ok with it, but im so in love with him and cnt see him not in my life, he understands me and shows me much concern. but i have been pushing myself to him a little too much but i feel im losing him, i feel like hes not interested as much as before, i have been doing the running lately and i feel if i stop he will go. last night he was very quick tempered and was confused but he didnt now why, he is younger than me and has never been in a relationship before. i need advice goddess helppppp pleaseeee thank you and god bless all. xxxx

  155. Hi Lisa,
    I really appreciate the fact that you think I can help. This is a lot to go through! You may not like my answer, though. (warm smile) I don’t really care about this guy.
    What I care about is the fact that you went through so much pain from your marriage. You may not have healed yet. This takes time. I’d love to see you love yourself. Taking long
    hot baths with your favorite things, making fun plans with your girlfriends and checking out articles in Bitch University or the Fun Sections on this site. I’m also available for private
    coaching. Love, Goddess

  156. Hi goddesspower I need some help!
    So I’ve been acquaintances with this guy for a few years and we have always gotten along really well and I never realized until last week where we kissed while we were out at a club that I had a thing for him. He was happy about it, I know coz he has spoken to a friend of mine and told her he was going to talk to me more. Since then he has been texting me a bit although it seems whenever I become interested in someone whether it be sooner or later they lose interest and I don’t want that to happen again. He has a lot of girls chasing him and I just want to know how do I stand out above them and make him want only me?

  157. Hi Taylor,
    Honey…you are a gorgeous, intelligent, sassy women. Do you think maybe you are caring way too much about how to please men when they should be pleasing YOU? Love, Goddess

  158. Dont want to come off a certain way..advice?

    here is my situation.

    met a guy last week, he asked for my number. and asked me out for sunday about a week in advance. then in the middle of week asked me out for saturday. i happen to be free so said yes. saturday was hang out with his friends at his house, with his kids and their kids (my son was at his father’s house, but was invited), sunday turned out to be movie at his house cause i had to get home in 2 hours for my son. anyway…

    so…am i being low maintenance? he asked me if i wanted to go out sunday but our timing out way off because his children’s mother changed the drop-off time (i understand those issues..). so he asked me when i was avaiable again on sunday and i saidweds, so yet for weds. am i being too avaiable? i dont want to screw this up. i text him today a ‘thinking about you’ text. he text back and blah blah blah, didnt say much about thinking about me. i havent text him back and wont initiate contact since i am seeing him tomorrow.

    i just dont want to come up too avaiable or low maitenace. i like this guy and dont want to come off needy or anything or anything. i am the first person he’s asked out since his break up 1 1/2 years ago. (i’ve been separated the same amount of time). he seems ‘together’ and his kids are wonderful.

    both in our 30s

    thanks goddess

  159. Hi Danielle,
    Thanks for enjoying the website. (Warm hug) I think maybe you are doing what a lot of women do when they meet a guy they think they really like. They over think it, think about the future too soon and forget the most importants things:
    1. To enjoy getting to know a new person.
    2. Enjoy the fun times and play!
    3. Listen to his words and then watch if he backs them up with action.
    I so get that charged emotional energy you may be feeling! Try to work out or dance out that edgy energy. I like kick boxing. Does this make sense? Love, Goddess

  160. hi its my first time that i visit ur nice blog .i do really love ur site ur comments .it motivated me.thank u :)im in a relationship with a guy since two months ago.its my strong wish to be more intimate with him more close n recieve more love and care ..but he;s not that communicatiive.he prevent calling & texting n making an excuse that he has financial pbs.so i try to fill the pags means that i start calling texting (chasing).would u plz tell me how can imake her to bemore into me ?

  161. Hi Mari,
    Thanks for enjoying Bitch Lifestyle! Unfortunately, you can’t “make” a guy be into. Maybe he does have some financial issues right now. Maybe they are wearing on him and he needs to take care of these things
    before he gets more involved with someone. While this man you are dating takes care of his problems, let him do that. Maybe you want someone who has less to deal with at the moment and is more grounded?
    Be open minded about other men, make plans with your girlfriends, plan fun things you want to do. Does this make sense? Love, Goddess

  162. Hi Goddess, I love your blog. You seem like a great person for offering help to so many women in need and many of us are in need with the way men are acting nowadays. I am looking for your insight if you can help me. So I attend evening classes in French and have been for 2 months. From the first class I hit it of with one of the other students. He approached me and just chatted away to me like old friends about anything and everything. We struck up a friendship for about a month I got a feeling he might like me and as I wasn’t sure about him I kept my distance but he kept seeking me out until he asked me out one night after class. I decided why not give him a chance as we get on so well. We have been out on 5 great dates since. Have loads to talk about and are very attracted to each other. Everything is great when we see each other. But there is something bugging me… He very rarely contacts me and has never called me. For example he may send me one message a day and I would reply to him but he wouldn’t reply back. When we are together he is very attentive but hardly hear from him otherwise. We see each other twice a week in class and usually one date outside that. The dates have been going on about a month. On our last date I mentioned to him in a jokey way when he was trying to impress me “oh look at you trying to impress your lady!” But he didn’t give any response to that at all. I’m just finding it very hard to get a feel for what he is looking for, and I do not want to be a “bit of fun” Any advice…

  163. Hi Daly,
    Thanks for enjoying the blog! It sounds like you’re over thinking this. We women are sooo good at it. You haven’t been dating that long. Why don’t you relax and just enjoy what he is giving to you?
    Be happy to hear from him and don’t start “expecting” things at this early stage. And take extra care of yourself, plan fun dates with your girlfriends. Keep moving to your groove and emeshed in things that you are passionate
    about in your life. Does that make sense? Love, Goddess

  164. hi(:
    i need some advice like many other women.
    oka, so me and this guy have a “thing”, known him for a bit over a year and everythings been great! we been texting, i text him one night, he texts me the other night- he started flirt texting me first! (; So anyways, we been starteing to kick it. i suggusted him to take me to dinner one night and it was.. amazing, oh i let him drive my truck cause he was supposed to take me out– and hes a bum haha. he grabbed my hand in his and smiled at me after we got through eating (hes not the type that likes relationships, or that kind of stuff-he a HUGE player, but told one my besties that-he could see himself with me in a serious relationship), so i was happy-but he made my night even better when he kissed me goodnight. Days of texting and talking face to face, we kinda flirted our way of him coming over and watching a movie with me. He came over we watched, joked, talked, kinda madeout during the movie. After the movie we bumped to some music in my room, we kissed and things went from there. We cuddeled after for a long time and talked more-then he told me he had to leave cause haha-he left one of his homeboys at his house while they were hanging out and he told his homeboy that he would be back in five minutes, but ended up staying the night with me! Walked him to the door, he kissed me and told me that if he wasnt busy hed be back up. Well he was busy. Texed that day…next day comes texted, no reply, and he usually will text me bacc later through the day.. but hasnt.. been going on for a week now. and ive NEVER felt like this for no guy, ever cause what i did was, me letting him in-you kno, special. And at this point i have no clue what to do… ive only texted him twice through this whole “non-talk” week. Advice?

  165. hey there, some really great tips, thanks! here’s my situation. divorced 30something y/o woman talking to divorced 30something y/o man. known him a little over a month…i NEVER call first, have only texted maybe three times when it was me who initiated (and was never about what he was doing or asking to hang out, was just sending a funny message, etc)first two dates went fantastic…got hug and kiss on cheek after hours of us talking and laughing. third date fantastic as well same kind of stuff we talked about our lives– he didn’t even try to put a move on me but kissed me at end of nite. fourth date we hang out from dinner (he made me dinner) til 2 in the morning just talking, laughing, telling each other stories about our families and friends…i get up to leave he kisses me goodnite and then…well, i slept w/ him. it was amazing, wonderful…he held me all nite after and the next morning as well…we both ended up late for work. gonna hang out again this week. he is one who always makes the plans, calls, etc…but have i just weakened my position by sleeping w/ him so soon? it’s not my style but i feel like i’ve known him much longer, he’s never tried to put moves on me or make me uncomfortable during our dates, he’s very gentle and remembers the tiniest detail of something i’ve told him from the first time we ever talked…but again, i know that some men lose interest at this point because they have “conquered” the woman. as divorced people we also have a lot of baggage. what can i do to keep his interest? thanks for your help.

  166. Hi I love your blog. Okay im in a sticky situation. I am currently in a relationship of 6 yrs. Well it went bad and we still live together. My boyfriend basically cheated on me the whole time and now he wants to make things right but im on a diffrent pg right now. So I met this guy one weekend he was in my city, I didnt want to give him a chance because he was 21 and im 24, and never dated anyone younger than my self. Well he insisted and chased me for about 4 months..we waited 5 months to see each orher because we stay like two hours apart. He would call me everyday and text me evety morning good morning. He was so into me. One day we finally met and I met his parents. They liked me. So we continued to.talk on the phone after that we saw each other one night me and his friends got.a room and went to the club afterwards we had sex but didnt finish. So we still talked on the phone, but I started catching feelings for him. And I thought it would be the other way around since im older. Well I told him how I felt then the roles changed I started blowing him up everyday texting him all the time sometimes he will text bk and other times he will wait til the next day. Sometimes im thinkin about him so much thay ill just call him bk to bk. I think.hes still interested but not like he was in the beginning. should I wit for him to text and call me and dont answer or reply the first few times , do him like he does me, or leave him aloneout

  167. Hey, these are great tips!
    So there’s this guy I’ve been into for the past year…we met through a mutual friend’s facebook. He and I lived in different countries so I wasn’t able to meet him face to face. Back then, he had a girlfriend so we were just having the occasional friendly wall posts. And then later on while his girlfriend left him to spend her holidays with her family he and I started using Skype. On one occasion we had a video session for 3 days straight! And even after the girlfriend came back we would always talk everyday on skype chat (although not necessarily video). A couple months later (with the continual talking sessions everyday) I had the opportunity to go visit him in his country…but unfortunately the girlfriend was there as well and I had to see them kiss. However, the strange thing was that he was hanging out with me more than her…he even had his hand on my knee! And then in the summer of this year the guy I like and his girlfriend broke up. Also, he found a job in my country so he moved here and now I can see him pretty often. (He didn’t move for me…he always wanted to come to my country apparently…) Yesterday he and I met together and talked for a couple of hours…he put his arm around me, joked with me and flirted with me the entire time. But I don’t know if he’s into me as more than friends. He says he loves me when he’s drunk but at the same time he asks if I can be his wingwoman if we happen to go to a bar in my country…

    Tell me what you think….do you think there is a chance that he might be into me as more than friends?? And if he is, is he trying to chase after me?

  168. Hi Kandy,
    Thanks for enjoying Bitch Lifestyle! This is a lot for me to try and answer. Understand I’m hearing your side, not his. I think you’re doing something that a lot of us women do with a man. Over think it.
    Why don’t you direct your attention to your passions, work, friends and family? If he likes you, he will get in touch with you. In the mean time…there are a lot of men out there who may want to enjoy meeting
    and getting to know. Does that make sense? Love, Goddess

  169. Hi Bracinni,
    Thank you for enjoying the tips on Bitch Lifestyle. What I think is this: You are way too special a woman for a “drunk only I love you,” guy who wants you to help him pick up other women. You deserve a man who respects and
    cherishes you. Don’t you think? Warm hug, Goddess

  170. Hi, after reading this thread it has been made clear to me that you can’t force a guy to chase you, but you seem experienced enough to give me advice on what my next move should be.
    For several months this guy that I am interested would come into my work and subtly first with me…Smiling, winking, leaving me smiley faces on his order slips..little things like that…he definitely seemed interested but never made a move.
    One day, I decided that I needed to approach him assuming he would never do it himself…It went well, we exchanged numbers we were texting all night…The next day he came to visit me on my lunch…later that night we went to dinner and again two days later…Unfortunately we got caught up in the moment and we did have sex..we laid in bed talking for acouple of hours…then went for a walk…and then I won’t home…I texted him when I left and he replied very quickly…
    And he always does, as soon as I text him he replies. I know he doesn’t feel awkward because he still comes in to my job, his routine didn’t change. But the past couple of times I’ve asked him to hang out he rejects it…He’s a full time student living of loans/grants…so I know he’s busy & his education is definitely important to him…but I’m having a hard time deciding whether he is actually busy or whether he is avoiding me…I don’t show how upset it makes me even though it kills me inside, but I don’t know what to take of it. My last text message to him says “You’re going to have to tell me if/when you want to hang out so that I’m not bugging you 😛 haha”
    So I’m trying to play it off…I want to show him I’m interested but I don’t want to seem desperate…I’m hoping that by not texting/calling him he will do it himself…but we’ve only hung out a few times so I don’t want him to think I’m not texting him do to a lack of interest…help?

  171. Hi Mi,
    Thanks for your question. You’re doing what a lot of women do when they meet a guy they like. Over think it. When you find yourself over thinking a man, put that energy into all the other things going on in your life. It’s one of the
    most magical times of the year with the holidays coming up! Make plans with friends, be open to meeting new people. Play play play. This is taking action…the calling card of a Sassy Bitch. Which sounds more fun: Making plans and enjoying life or waiting for a phone call or text from a guy you don’t know very well? Does this make sense? Love, Goddess

  172. I am daiting the guy who is 17 years older then me.We met two and a half years ago.I know that he felt for me back then so did I .We saw each other often at first, then it was kind of once a month,he is very busy at work.I didn’t want to be a drama gueen,but confronted him.He immediately responded that he wants us to be just friends.I was devastated.Then later we became more then friends again.It just strange.One day he can’t keep his eyes off me ,next time he wants me to leave his house as soon as the dinner is over.I am not really good in reading him, but do like him a lot.It’s on and off all the time.Last time we saw each other he said that I care way too much about him,he feels guilty when he can not be as affectionate as I am.Then he said that I should feel free to date someone else.I said that I don’t want to date anyone,I like him.He said that he likes me a lot and thinks about me a lot,but more as a friend.I am crashed.I sent him a long text saying that it was really insensitive of him to suggest me dating someone else,and if he feels like dating someone else I need to know the truth.His respond was “Don’t worry, I am not going anywhere”.I am cofused,scared of loosing him.Really don’t knnow what to do.I do love and respect him,but definetely don’t want any pity.I can hardly control my self to not text him.I;ve been txting him first a lot lately.

  173. Another Overthinker,
    Warm smile. You already know what you’re doing! Excellent. Over thinking is a way of putting our energy into something instead of taking action. Your Drama Queen is totally running the show. That is why you are scared, confused and
    worried about losing this guy. A guy who, from what you are saying, is sending mixed messages and isn’t making you happy. So what does a Bitch do? She sees she is over thinking (which you’ve done) and knows she has to stay out of
    the Drama Queen. So she takes action. She works out the edgy frustration all this over thinking has caused, (via exercise, yoga, dancing etc.) and puts her mind on things that give her joy. Dates with friends, looking for fun things to do etc.
    This isn’t easy. A Sassy Bitch knows that putting love on herself is so much more fun than over thinking a guy who is making her “scared,” “confused” and “worried.” Does this make sense? Love, Goddess

  174. Hello, I really find your blog very useful. 🙂 I would like to share with you about my experience. I have been chating with this guy online for about 2 months. Initially we have been chatting almost everyday on messenger. Lately, about a month ago, he started to be affectionate towards me. He would talk about romantic stuffs to me, about him and I being involved. Truthfully, i really do like him, even though we live in different countries. We do have photos of each other. And recently he changed his job, so it has been really difficult to chat with him on messenger. Therefore, we started sending emails to each other. But, when i went to check on his profile, he only has 7 friends and all of them are girls. Does that mean he his playing around and having fun, or am I just thinking too much about it? I havent told him that i like him though. And i am giving him a test by not replying or emailing him for a week, cause that way, if he replys, it shows that he really cares right? But what i want to ask you is how do i make him fall in love with me, or to be very serious about me and starts to commit? Because I am in love with him. May god bless you.

  175. Sharii,
    Thanks for enjoying the blog! Okay…
    1. I have no idea what this guy is thinking. I don’t know him.
    2. You can’t make a guy fall in love with you.
    3. You have only talked to this guy over IM? You’ve never met him?
    You don’t know this person…you haven’t met him. (I’m giving you a warm smile here) And you are really in love with him?
    Do you understand where I’m going with this? Love, Goddess

  176. Thanks for the advice, Godess. Atleast I’m not feeling confused anymore and I’m starting to know what I want. It was really helpful. 🙂

  177. I think it does make sense.I am really trying to stay busy at work,read,walk but keep checking my phone constantly for his calls or texts.I promised myself not to text him first,it has been 10 days since we talked. I know it sounds childish ,I am 41, I should be able to deal with it but it will be incredibly sad if he never contacts me.

  178. Excellent, my hot little over thinker. Now take it a step further and work out that edgy Drama Queen energy! It will help you clear your mind. Speaking of which…time to go
    do that myself. 😉 Love, Goddess

  179. Hi just had a question, a guy I am starting to date is leaving to Europe for an entire month! I really like him and I feel we are feeling each other. what can I say to him before he takes of to his trip to make him think about me or make him chase me once he comes back? Basically I don’t want him to forget about me too much I just want to at least stay in the back of his,mind while on his great big trip to Europe! any suggestions?

  180. Hi Paola,
    If he likes you he’ll think of you. Don’t over think this. He is going on a very exciting trip! Imagine how excited you would be if YOU were going to Europe for a month. Give him a big hug, tell
    him to have a fantastic time and get your mind focused on the thing you have control of. Your fab life. Read this for ideas on how to occupy your mind instead how to make him chase you when he gets back:
    http://bitchlifestyle.com/2011/12/worried-about-a-guy/ Love, Goddess

  181. I have recently met a man I have known through family for years. He lives quite far from me and travels alot. we have spent many days and nights together as we went away together and had a great time. At first I was OK with the casual friendship but feelings have grown so I approached him to see where this would possibly go. He was married for many years and may be transferred soon to a city very far away and says he has feelings for me but not sure where it can go based on a long distance relationship. I have managed to keep it light but find myself wondering if he really is not interested. Only able to see me on his schedule…..would break my heart to walk away but don’t want to waste my time.

  182. Thanks Goddess,
    it makes sense to just worry about me and my entire month instead of him and his thoughts when he returns. I shall take control of my fab life and just hope everything turns out the way I would want it to, if not no biggie!

  183. Hi Stephanie…
    Maybe you’d like to date a man that lives closer to you and isn’t moving even further away? Love, Goddess

  184. Hi Miss Goddess,

    Ive been perusing the web trying to find ways to convince myself that He’s “just not that into me”….but i can’t find any signs except this one: he doesn’t call consistently.

    My problem is this:
    Monday, after a lovely weekend, i donthear from him at all. Tuesday morning he texts me saying his phone just turned back on after two days. (its true he has phone trouble, but he knows where i live and its not far). Then tuesday night he calls me acting sketch, and says hes gonna get some pot–knowing i cannot smoke bc im on probation–so is he, actually—and says he’ll be over to get me in a bit. THEN he texts me and asks “would u hate me if i stayed home tonight?”
    Well, at this point id had enough. I told him “just stay home. I definitely think you should. Also, i wouldnt care to see you anymore.”
    I got to questioning one word texts (ok? And hello?) and that was that.

    I felt he was toying with me and must be losing interest. I dont want to be hurt because i am really into him.

    Was i justified or neurotic about the whole thing? I feel like guys will do anything to be with a girl—whom they LIKE.


  185. Hi Laura,
    You’re instincts are right. “I feel like guys will do anything to be with a girl-whom they like.”
    Worrying about a guy isn’t fun. If you’re on probation, he’s not thinking about the consequences his actions may have on you. Not cool.
    You want the guy that is worried about impressing you and who wants to make you smile. Don’t beat yourself up on this. Notice the men
    that are trying to make you smile with their actions. Those are the ones that are keepers. Does this make sense? Love, Goddess

  186. Hi Goddess,I wanted to ask you for a little more advice. I wrote to you a couple of months ago basically I had met a great guy at the end of the summer. We got talking and really “clicked” with each other. About a month after we met he asked me out on a date. We had a great time. We had been on about 5 awesome dates over the space of a month before we slept together. It was great but I did feel bad that our intimacy began so soon. The reason for this is because I am pretty conservative, I had never been intimate so soon into a relationship. It felt right at the time as I felt I could trust him but, I still felt guilty due to the moral upbringing I had. We continue to see each other regularly and still get on amazingly in all social situations, share a lot of interests and views on life. We are also still regularly intimate and, in general he is very caring of me and attentive. We are an official couple now. The problem is that he is also very conservative and has said to me 2 weeks ago that although he really likes me, he feels bad that we were intimate so soon and would like to slow down the sexual part of the relationship. He has clarified that he really likes me and wants to see even more of me. Where part of me thinks this is a positive thing,I had been feeling the same but my guilt had subsided because I can see that he deserves my trust. Another part of me is worried that he is saying this because he is having doubts and thinks I am a bad person for being intimate so early on. Even after he has said all of this, he still makes moves on me regularly not as steamy as before but moves all the same. I feel as though I have messed up big time by being intimate so early on. I do not know whether I should shake off his advances and tell him I want no intimacy for a while or just go with the flow. We have been with each other a few months now and I do trust him. He is a good guy and I do not want him to get the wrong impression of me. Please help.

  187. Hi Em,
    This is a tough issue to answer in a comment area. Consider a Private Coaching session with me. We can delve into your issue privately!
    Here is my email: @Goddesspower978@hotmail.com for more information. Love, Goddess

  188. goddesspower,
    I met a guy a couple months ago. he was calling me, texting me, making plans ect. He is a police officer so he doesnt have a lot of free time, but I was always in his everyday plans for about a month. Now he can go a couple days with out talkin to me. he wont make plans with me unless i hint around it. when we talk its very short. is he getting board with me? im pretty sure i over did it with texting and calling and letting him know he was upseting me. Can i reverse it and make him chase me after i have (i think) been chaseing hime away?

  189. Hi Shandy,
    You can’t make a guy chase you. Why don’t you start filling up your time with fun activities, time with girlfriends, hobbies, etc. If he likes you he will have to work around your schedule. Doesn’t
    that sound more fun than worrying about him and over doing it? 😉 Love, Goddess

  190. Hey, I really need help. I am in love with a friend of mine, and have felt this way for over a year. But after I tried to tell him my feelings, he politely said he didn’t return them. But I want him more than anything, and would do anything for him. How can I make him feel the same way towards me??

  191. Hi Goddesspower,
    I’ve been seeing this guy for about almost 2 months. We got close very fast. We have so much in common I feel like we almost had the same type of childhood. One night while we were together I even heard him say he loved me! But I didn’t say it back. I have been in situations before where both parties say I love you too fast and I didn’t say it back even though I feel like sometimes I do love him, it is probably just infuation?
    Anyways, later through text I asked him if he told me that he loved me and he said no. And then he sent me a text that said “olive juice”. It was very weird.
    He had to go home about over an hour away for Christmas break (we are both in college, but I go to a community college so I live at home) He was gone for 3 weeks. I still haven’t seen him but I will tonight after class. We’ve both discussed that we only want to see each other. We always talk about our future together. I don’t get it. One of the nights he stopped texting me. I got worried. I didnt exactly blow up his phone with texts. I only sent 5. and then later at like 1 am he let me know he was okay..I sent him a text saying I felt like some of my texts were being ignored and that can make anyone feel crappy! I know that people get busy also but he hadn’t texted me for over 8 hours! He said that he didn’t expect me to know that his phone bill wasnt paid yet but he didn’t think that I should have come to the conclusion that he was ignoring me. I told my friend the situation and she said he should have found another way to contact me during the time his phone wasnt working. I feel like if I told him that that he would think I was crazy.
    I like this guy…I’m kind of at peace with him coming back to college today and that we can see each other and it’s not a long distance relationship anymore. Though I feel like in the beginning we used to text more then we do now. He says its because we are done with the getting to know each other phase..and I say so? It’s just like tell me anything! Text me about a stupid show on tv or how hard your homework is..or even that you miss me. Supposeby the night we got into the arguement about his phone service not working he missed me so much he could practically smell me. I wish he would have told me cause that night I was wondering if he would even want to see me or if I wanted to see him anymore. But I kept silent and eventually got the result I wanted..but I want him to be able to talk to me. Maybe I’m overracting cause we still havent seen each other in 3 weeks til tonight but I just want a different viewpoint of all this.

  192. Hello Goddesspower I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have gone and been through alot together and we really love eachother my trust is still low but we are both working on it and imporvement has been showing, going out, and making love and ect..but I’m so wrapped in to him not dramatically but feelings and always showing him my love. and I love saying I love you throughout the day and calling. but how do I make him chase me like really to the point that he will have to call and leave text I know how but it’s hard for me to stick to it and mean it without getting weak and calling. I just love him so much and I know he does to but i look at other relationships and see women who has their men whipped and around their finger. and sometimes I hate that I love so hard but how to make him chase mev and how to make us even stonger that before withur relationship please help.

  193. Hello godess i meat this guy about a year ago at my cousins wedding he was so into to me then i went back home and he traveled back ( we both live in different countries) he took my number and we started texting every single day for six months then suddenly he stopped i called and i find out hes talking to his just recently we start talking again and i dont know what to do to make him care like he did at first i dont know how to treat him he sometimes start talkin. And he shows that he cares and sometimes i dont know what to do please help i really need it besides the fact that im home atudying at the moment so there is nothing to take my mind off him :(:(

  194. Hi miss goddess,
    am confused..there’s this guy who i really like and yesterday we spend a whole day together on a trip , listening to music and doing a lot of silly stuff together and it was nice . we actually had our moments and i want him to like me . i don’t know if he does. he is at my school and am thinking of disappearing on him and stop going to the activities that we have together like gym and sports.maybe he will start thinking about me and where would i be when am not in a certain place but i don’t know.. i tried this before and he actually noticed my disappearance and a 2 day hang out but then he stopped showing up also and it was the all way around.. miss goddess im really scared that he would lose interest in me if i did it.besides awhile ago he used to tell me that we will start texting each other new music but he didn’t and yesterday night he sent me a text to listen to a song that we both listened to on the trip could you tell me what to do like should i disappear ? or let things flow the way they are :)? Thanks.

  195. Also, he is new to town. he is British and he told me before that he wanted to go to a place but couldnt since everyone’s busy to give him a ride so i was thinking of taking him to that place and showing him around .. I told him before that i would give him my memory stick cuz it contains alot of new songs for him so i downloaded lot of nice songs on that stick should i go to him and give it in person? i left a really important note and its that he is leaving at the end of the year to his hometown which is England.i know its a risk because he is leaving and stuff but its good to at least give him something to remember while he is way and to remember me.. please help me !! 🙁

  196. Hi Goddess, I am in a difficult situation any advice would be a great help. So, I have never done any online dating myself before. I have been seeing a guy for 3 months now. It’s going extremely well. He is a gentleman to me. He seems to trust me, has confided various private information to me. After nearly 2 months of dating he told me he really liked me, could we be exclusive and would I be his girlfriend.

    But, two weeks ago my friend who has her own dating profile online told me that she had seen a profile for him on the same site. Curious, she clicked on his profile to see that it listed him as “online now” and his profile states that he is “looking for women for dates”
    I thought at the time…maybe it was an old profile he has forgotten about. It is not a profile he has forgotten about though as you will see from what I tell you now. My friend and another friend of mine (he hasn’t met either of these girls by he way, so would not recognize their profiles) emailed him from their accounts. To see if he would respond. They have messaged him 3 times in total and he never responded. Also one of them saw him online one evening and tried to “chat” with him but he didn’t answer. I have also set up a profile with a fake photo and emailed him from that. He never responded.

    I am very confused by this, I know he is not physically seeing anyone else. He wouldn’t have any time to. Also if he was actively seeking dates online why didn’t he respond to numerous offers from the “fake” me and my friends? But if he isn’t responding to any offers why bother still logging in from time to time to check? I log into the site from time and he visits it nearly every second day. I have seen the icon for the dating website app on his phone so I am pretty sure that if he gets a message from a girl he just checks it and deletes it. Any time I have seen him “online now” he seems to only be online for a few minutes which would suggest he prob just checks mail and leaves.

    It is very upsetting for me as this guy is wonderful and is constantly telling me how much he likes me and how great a time he has with me. We also have a great sex life by the way. His friends have all accepted me into the circle and are always inviting us out as a couple , they even contact me directly, so they obviously know he is serious. I have also met his family and been invited to their house for dinner on a few occasions. This would indicate that he likes me and is serious about me.

    But why the active dating profile. Please help. If you could give me an honest opinion I would really appreciate it.:( I am feeling really guilty about the fake dating profile and keeping the fact that I know about his profile from him. I feel like I want to ask him about it today. But I really would like him to come to the realization himself that he needs to delete the profile because he is not single. I am afraid that if I confront him and, even if he does delete the profile, the guilt he feels for having the profile will make things awkward and cause a wedge between us. I am willing to forget about the profile if he deletes it.

  197. Hi I have a question,I dated a guy for just a month and because of one bad day that I had and started an argument with him he said he had low tolerance for arguments and wasn’t happy and things ended he supposedly said we had more then one argument since we been together in just one month . I felt like just having a disagreement with him he took it as bad almost like things are suppose to be peachy all the time . Did I rush into a relationship too quick is this my fault?

  198. Goddesspower,

    I have a significant other, we are long distance and in a unique situation. Whenever we speak on the phone, I hear a lot of I love you, OI can’t live without you, I miss you, you are my closest person, and he says it with passion so it all sounds legitimate, however he is never really interested what is going on in my life ( besides if I’m cheating or not), how I am I holding up. Never offers to help, never even sent me a card. I try to do a lot of nice things for him and I try to talk to him, but all I hear is words and promises for the future, no immediate action. How do I know if what he says is true? I tired breaking up with him and he always begs me to come back. He asks of me what he doesn’t do himself. He just keep asking of me. Here is an example, durign the time we ussully speak on the phone he decided he wants to go to the gym, first I was upset, but then I said fine go to the gym. Today he got mad at me because I didn’t call him at that time. I told him well I though you hwere at the gym and he said well I though you where unhappy with that and I stopped going. I didn’t know that. Now he is all upset that I don’t want to speak with him, this is obserd. He blames me that our conversations are enough for me and I don’t want to hear more of him. This is crazy, because he wasn’t thinking that way when he decided to go to the gym during the time we speak. HE also earased all my pictured during a breakup, those that I sent him over the long period of time. Just erased them, when I took the time to take those pics. He loves blaming me that I don’t love him enough when I don’t react.

  199. Hi Goddess,
    My question pertains to how to get this man to ask me out. He is a TA at my son’s therapy school (my son has autism). I found him gorgeous from the start and he has iniated some interest in me I believe by racing out to my car every morning when I arrive, taking my hand before leave, etc.. So I have made sure to flirt, smile and make as much eye contact as possible and ofcourse dress to be hot and he compliments me. But he hasn’t asked me out. I have a feeling if I asked him he could say yes, but I don’t want to ask. I want to be asked. He is amazing with my son, and I really like him alot from what I’ve seen. What else is there for me to do to get this guy to ask me out?

  200. Goddesspower,
    Okay so me and my ex were together for a long time. We broke up and it’s been several months. We talk on and off and a lot of the times we are fighting. He’ll tell me I don’t care when I show him and tell him I do all the time, he tells me how all these guys flirt with me and want to have sex with me, every time a guy talks to me he’ll tell me how they like me and we’ll get into a fight about it. Now he’s been talking to me first asking me random questions about what’s on my mind and stuff. He told me he wants to see if it’ll work again but to see how things go first. Everything was fine the first 2 days. So here I am texting him and he doesn’t even put an effort to converse when I’m trying. He also told me before to let the guy do the chasing because it gives them a thrill… How do I make him chase me? We got into a fight today and I was the one who started it. I’m just going to stop chasing him because it’s not fun. I really want him to take interest in me again and chase me like the first time we met. Please help.

  201. Hi Eladora,
    Unfortunately you can’t MAKE a person feel something for you when they don’t feel the same way. The only thing you have control over are your actions. So…why don’t you get out there
    and make play dates with friends and family and visit the fun section on this site for more ideas. Love, Goddess

  202. Hi Karen,
    Okay…does worrying about when and how often he is going to text you sound like fun? Do things like rocking a class your taking, making a celebration night with your girlfriends,
    making room for a new hobby, or doing something special for a family member sound more fun and fulfilling? My point is…it seems as though you’re putting a lot of energy into worrying.
    Why don’t you trade that for fun? As an experiment. Let me know how it goes. Love, Goddess

  203. Dear Love,
    You can’t make anyone chase you. You’re so worried about him chasing you that you can’t see what he is doing FOR you. This is all about you falling in love with yourself. Your confident, Sassy Bitch.
    When you are ready to rock your Sassy Bitch, consider some private coaching with me. Email me at @Goddesspower978@hotmail.com Love, Goddess

  204. Hi Koko,
    I’m not sure if I’m understanding you. Are you saying that you really care about a guy who lives in another country? Whom you only text with? Need clarification. Love, Goddess

  205. Hi Sarah,
    I think you should stop worrying about “disappearing” and continue to do those things you like to do: gym and sports. Move to your own groove. Take things very slowly.
    It sounds like you are very young. Don’t ever start giving up your things to get a guy to notice you or miss you. Love, Goddess

  206. Hi Karen,
    It doesn’t sound like this guy is doing anything wrong. Those accounts may not be active, and he isn’t answering “chats” from people he doesn’t know. Instead of all this
    playing around with your girlfriends and fake accounts, why didn’t you just ask him about it? You’ve been sucked in by your Drama Queen and she’s running the show. If YOU
    really care about this guy it’s up to you to respect him and ask him nicely about it. NICELY. Does this make sense? Love, Goddess

  207. Hi Amanda,
    I’m not sure. It depends on what you were arguing about. It also depends on how you were approaching him about whatever issue you had. Anyway, A Sassy Beautiful Bitch like you has no time to worry about a guy she just dated for a month. You take your own advice-which was good-don’t rush-and date more seriously that guy that produces for her. Got it? Warm smile, Goddess

  208. Hi Nina,
    It sounds like you’re not getting what you want? It sounds like you want to be with a man who is physically and mentally with you? Am I understanding you? Love, Goddess

  209. Hi Katie,
    I see this as a little more complex than you do. I think he is being a gentleman. While it does seem that he finds you attractive, according to your words, he is a TA for your son. That complicates
    things because he is thinking about your son and being professional. Does this make sense? Love, Goddess

  210. Hi Candice,
    He’s telling him to chase you, you don’t want to chase him because it’s not fun, and then you want to know how to get him to chase you? What you need to do is figure out what you want. What is fun for YOU.
    And then do it. Does this make sense? Love, Goddess

  211. So been dating this guy from my uni for nearly a year, I have never had problems about doubting him or felt jealous if he was hanging out with his friends, we rarely fight if we do we talk to each other and fix the problem, we havent been on and off either, although in october we broke up due to exams stress and my ex believing we weren’t meant to be because we don’t like the same things such as music and other stuff, we talked this one out and patched things again, he asked if we should be on a break while im gone and i said no it’s not necessary, i left for holidays to my home country and we’ve been in long distance, last week just two weeks before i fly back to uni again, my ex facebooks me a very long message explaining how we can’t be together because he has to figure out what he wants to do in life and also doesn’t think he can handle a girlfriend anymore but he said we should still be friends, I obviously gave him a ring and tried to talk to him but he wouldn’t hear anything he said he is becoming old and has to figure out what to do in life but said as he was doing a competitive entry for law that if he had gotten into law we could’ve been together, it obviously got on my nerves deleted all my wall post and fb pictures of me and him sent him an email saying ur facebook is free enjoy, now I haven’t had any contact with him in over a week now, he didn’t delete me off facebook either, only today I felt concerned I asked one of his close friend how is he doing she said he was ok and that it was nonetheless very hard for him to break up with me she asked me how I was, I said fine and left it to this. Now I have no clue what to do because I have some stuff that I gave him im going back next week and I know at some stage he will come give them back, i do want him back but i don;t want to pressure it, can you help?

  212. Hi May,
    If you truly care about this guy, let him go. He took the time to write that really long message to you explaining why. He was trying to be honest. He is trying to grow into a man and he needs to do certain things in order to do this. Give him that space. It is a hugely loving gesture from you to do that FOR him—letting him go do his thing. Consider writing him a message wishing him all the luck in the world figuring out the next stages of his life. Sealed with a warm hug and kiss. Then go for YOUR joy. Take the time to heal and fall more in love with yourself. Join our Facebook page for daily inspiration. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bitch-Lifestyle/205875411841 Does this make sense? Love, Goddess

  213. Hi Goddess, I love your blog and find what you write to be very rue to life. I would have a very similar attitude to you in may respects but on this little issue I have at the moment, I’m a bit stumped and would really appreciate your opinion.

    When I was at my boyfriend’s house last night he was on face book for a while, he left it open and then left me alone while he went to the store for 5 minutes. We’ve been together just under 6 months, I know most of his friends and I know his family. But I saw one girl’s name pop up on the chat window wanting to talk. I recognized her, she used to be in some of my university classes and was known as a “loose moraled” character. I never knew my bf knew her and he has never mentioned her before at all even though I have met probably all of his friends. Out of curiosity I clicked on the messages area of face book and saw they had a conversation stream from the past.

    Now me and my bf have been together for nearly 6 months, we are 26 and 28 years old. But I could see that they had a conversation about 6 months ago just before me and my bf started dating. I didn’t get to read all of the messages in order so some of it may be out of context. But I wanted to ask you what you think.
    Here are some of the exerts of messages between him and her from last spring before me and my boyfriend got together.
    Him ” A bottle of wine, some music, and Victoria secrets lingere”
    Him on a different occasion last spring ” I’ll call to your house in 5 minutes”
    Her ” Erm..I’m not alone…”
    Him “Ok make that 10 minutes”
    Now these messages are from before we got together. SO,I’m not concerned. But, just included them as I thought they give an insight into what may have gone on.

    Him to her over this Christmas period while we were together a few months and we had actually seen each other earlier that day!! “Sorry for my bad mood earlier, just stressed out in work at the moment”

    Him to her over Christmas on a different date. “Woahh sorry for living! And to think I was gonna ask you to meet up in the next few days. Not if I’m in for another verbal attack like that one.”

    Him over Christmas messaging her the following day after the “verbal attack” message ” Hi gorgeous, had a great day with you today” Then he followed that message with… “Sorry Jennifer, obviously that last message about the “Hi gorgeous” was not meant for you, it was meant for someone else”

    Anyway I asked one of our mutual friends about this Jenifer girl today and she said that she doesn’t know this girl at all but, saw a very dirty message from Jennifer on this other guy friend of our’s face book page last month and was wondering who she was.

    I am probably reading waaaaaaay to much into this. I feel bad for invading my bf’s privacy as I really trust him and he is a great guy. But something just pushed me to look at the messages when I saw her name pop up. He has never mentioned her before and he is usually very talkative about his friends and we have many mutual friends as we went to school together. We do not live together. He has had a throat infection for the last week so he suggested that I did not stay in his apartment last night. Also, he has not kissed me in 2 weeks. Granted he does have a throat infection and we have been going out together a lot during the last 2 weeks, but he just hugs me and says he doesn’t want to make me sick. My mind is workin overtime here. He’s wonderful to me but just the fact that this girl is messaging him and he hasn’t kissed me in a coupe weeks. Did he have a past with her… Is it something strange that she was trying to make contact tonight when he knew I would not stay over? Maybe they had something before we started dating and it is over now? Maybe they are just friends, I mean Jennifer did put a dirty message on another guy’s page recently. What do you think, should I worry? Sorry for the long message.

  214. Hi Jo Ann! Thanks so much for enjoying Bitch Lifestyle. You’re worried about the wrong thing. You don’t see the real problem in all of this because your Drama Queen is so good at making problems fester. Consider a private coaching session with me. Please email me privately at @Goddesspower978@hotmail.com for more information. Love, Goddess

  215. Hi! So I met this guy 2 weeks ago at the bar and we exchanged numbers. He texted the next day and said he wanted to get to know me better but isn’t looking for anything serious. Which is ok cause I’m not either. We’ve texted everyday since then and he seems wonderful. I actually want to go out with him but he hasn’t invited me anywhere. Do you think he will eventually ask me out? I’ve been talking to a few guys lately but he’s the only one I’ve been thinking about. Thank you for any advice. 🙂

  216. Hi Goddess, I really value your advice and love reading your blogs. I feel like am very naive in a lot of situations because I’m not that experience which is weird being 27 years old. I met this guy in 6 months ago and in the beginning everything was fine and wonderful. He would text and call everyday, only disadvantage was he lived 1hr and 45mins away and work offshore so we hardly see each other but he would always find time to come see me everything he comes home and will go out on need expensive dates. When we met had had just had a baby who was about 3 months old and he claimed him and the mother are not together: “well, this is what he said: Well since the baby has been born we have gotten closer, but we are not in a relationship…but she does sleep over on a regular!” I didn’t let it bother me because #1 it was just a friend relationship and every time I would call he answered. It not too now our friendship is getting distant and he always seem to think am the one thinking too much into it and nothing’s wrong. It’s like he don’t seem to take me serious when I discuss serious issues that are bothering me with him and last week he came and slept over for and 2days

  217. And everything was fine, but the minute he left and distance started again. We just recently just into a augment because I felt he was too inconsistent and not attentive enough for me. I told him This wasn’t enough for me and I needed more and he replied: “I’ma work on it” but He getting better but very, very, slowly. He is a great guy, smart with a lot and ambition which is a plus for anyw women and he’s a splitting image of me career wise because we’re both put work and futures 1st. I just don’t know if being his friend until it becomes something more is the right thing to do, he have a lot of trust issues, which is what he claims, but I feel you never really know what real or not. It crazy because when we are together we just can’t stop staring at one another and he and smiling. When am with him he makes me feel soo special like I’m the only girl in the room. So is a great friend, but I think when sex is involves it confuses anything situation. I just don’t know! I need help to decided if this situation is worth sticking with. Or should I let him go. He’s a Capricorn and he sweet, but has thus cold-heartness about him that reflects back to how past relationship affected him, I can go on and on…. I really like him! Only thing I don’t like is when am discussing my feeling to him about something, he always seem to feel a away to dance around the situation and avoid it!!!!

  218. Hi Goddess,
    It’s really great that there’s someone like you guiding all the lost souls in understanding more about love! Unfortunately, I’m one of them too. I just met a guy in a short course in school and after a few sessions, I started to notice him and find him really friendly and nice. The course just ended and I really want to find the chance to talk to him. I think I’m quite a direct person and have even texted him asking about school work (we only have one course in common but we’re in different classes). I guess that was the only trick I know. Is it too weird that I start texting him? And what can I talk to him about? I don’t want to sound too desperate and for him to start feeling awkward and shun me. How much is too much text? Like you said, guys like to do the hunting and chasing but in many instances, I find myself doing that and nothing good has come out of it. I like to tell the other person my feelings cause I can’t stand having my feelings bottled up. I really want this to work out. What can I do? Please help!

  219. Wow, Carlisia. That’s a lot. You’re going through a lot with this guy you’re dating. I want to honor your long question. However, you don’t seem to know what you really want. You list all the things you don’t want with him, then say you want him. You should consider a private coaching session with me so we can get clearer on what you truly want and how to proceed. @Goddesspower978@hotmail.com Love, Goddess

  220. Hi Gayle,

    For me, a man has to earn my trust before I open up with my feelings. That may be your Drama Queen wanting what she wants (him) now. NOW. Drama Queen doesn’t like to wait. The Sassy Bitch isn’t interested in a guy unless he makes the effort to come to her. Guy has to work to EARN her trust and openess. You ask a lot of really good questions and bring up some really good points. If you want to get clearer on all that is going on with you, consider a private coaching session with me so we can rock it together. @Goddesspower978@hotmail.com. Love, Goddess

  221. Hi Goddess!
    I’m actually a junior in high school, but I find all aspects of your website and “Sassy Bitch” code to pertain to my life as well, especially when it comes to letting the guy chase you, which I’m very good at doing.
    However, the exception is the guy I’m talking to now…He’s one of those “reformed nerds” (basically he’s not conceited, a guy with a good heart and is VERY good-looking). For a while now, he texts me almost everyday since we don’t see each other during or outside school; I make it a point not to text him first or lead him on too much, because I follow your advice on keeping busy, mysterious, and letting his mind fill in the blanks about what I’m doing. He flirts with me constantly and say how beautiful, gorgeous, even stunning he thinks I am, and then later on jokes about how I’m “hard to crack.” Honestly now I’m surprised he hasn’t asked me out already… But recently, he can go by a few days without texting me, even though I can feel him staring me down during class. What can I do to get him chasing me again? Should I not answer his texts every once in a while?
    Even if he begins to chase me again…I don’t know whether to just give up on him eventually, because I’M not going to ask him out, I want him to. Please, help! and thank you (:

  222. Hi Cassandra,
    You’re doing what a lot of women do with men. Over think it. Why don’t you give him a big warm smile and walk up to him and start talking to him? Give him a sincere compliment. If he “thinks you’re hard to crack” he may be looking for a way to please you. He is not sure if he can, so give him a chance to show you that he can please you by giving him something to do for you in your conversation. If there is a movie you want to see, share that enthusiastically. “I would love to see xyz movie.” Have you seen it yet? This way you are opening up the option of seeing it together, yet still making it HIS idea to ask you to see it with him. Does that make sense? Love, Goddess

  223. Hi Goddess,

    I think I have read your entire blog many times over – great stuff! My problem is this… what if you have a guy who is not a chaser? I mean, he makes time for me, and is always good to me when we’re together, he “produces” for me when I hint at things I would like, etc. But he just does not initiate contact. Or I can never wait him out. He’s always happy to hear from me, just won’t reach out. As long as I am willing to contact him first, we stay in touch. I can’t figure him out. Is it possible there are some men who don’t like to chase? Who prefer to be more passive and just wait until they are summoned? I would like to take your advice and just go about my life and let him come to me, only I’m afraid he never would! Does that really mean he is “not that into me”? Thanks!!

  224. This website is so empowering by the way! But I have a quick thing to say… So I met this guy a few weeks ago, we aren’t “official” but he says he plans on making it anytime soon, and he wants it to be special, not some “wanna be my girlfriend” thing, but he told me he tells everyone I am his girlfriend. Well anyways, I feel like we have been taking it kind of slow, and that is completely fine with me, but he hasn’t called me all day. I have been calling him occasionally, but ultimately, he is the one who makes the first call and what not. So, we barely talked yesterday, and he told me he would call me later (This was yesterday.) Well anyways, what should my limit be? Should I wait a few more days? I will NOT give in to calling him, considering I would feel that would be too needy. How long is too long? And honestly, what should I say when he does call me? Tell him I have plans and make him pity that he didn’t call me when I didn’t the day before? 🙂 THANK YOU!!!

  225. Hi Alyssa,
    Thanks for enjoying the web site! You’re over thinking. You’re focused too much on the “end game” which is the label: girlfriend. Why don’t you just enjoy your time together and watch his actions? If he is backing up his words with actions that please you, then that sounds good to me. I don’t know what pleases you. You have to figure out that one for YOU. And never ever lie to a guy. Or anyone. Lying creates tons of bad karma and mistrust. You don’t want someone lying to you, do you? Love, Goddess

  226. I’m really glad you’re enjoying the blog. You’re asking me so many questions! I’m not clear on what you want. Do you want a guy to chase you or do you want this guy? You may be over thinking this situation instead of staying grounded in your life and all its opportunities. A lot of which have nothing to do with a guy. Does this make sense? Love, Goddess

  227. Hi,

    My husband emotionally abused me for a long time, finally I decided to go apart from him. I’m now separated from him and we have 2 small children. I have been involved with a married man for over a year (coworker for over 4 years), a great guy (of course. He makes me feel like i’m in cloud 9. He is a man of every woman’s dream, yes with lots of flaws….., but yet I’m madly in love with him. He says he is too. But reading a lot of resources, and doing a lot of thinking I realized I’m truly a “doormat” to him too. He is still the same when we are together, but his contacts has drastically decreased, and shows a little interest in sex. The thing is he never gets angry at me, says anything negative about anything what so ever. I am struggling because he is not himself lately, I asked him, he said nothing was wrong just tired lately. He blew me off today (we were supposed to get together) saying he was waiting for my call/text. He has done that a couple of times, he handles them so smoothly making them seem like they were my fault. And he won’t give up until I admit to them. It is very distrubing to me that I CAN NOT get my way with him, yet we don’t fight. And I don’t show him my dissappointmet or my sadness to him since he is a smooth talker and very affectionate at all times. i am not at a point where I can break up with him. Is there a way for me to be strong and stop being his “Doormat?”

  228. Hi Cherry,
    Have you been doing the homework on this site? That’s where you start on your quest to knowing you are not a doormat. If you need more, you can book a private coaching session with me. Email
    me @Goddesspower978@hotmail.com Love, Goddess

  229. QiHi goddess I been seeing this guy for about 10 months
    At first we went out to movies, sushi, jetsking.
    But know I only see him at 1 night we hang out then fall asleep at his house
    He runs his own pizza business so he busy when working I don’t here from him only late Saturday when he finishes I get text busy week how are you?
    I also work in food business so I know
    But latelyon his days off, I don’t here from him unless I contact him or text him first
    My friend say let him text u and I should back off a little
    But also we never had the talk are we boyfriend girl friend
    I don’t know what to do. Advice please

  230. Hi Angelica,
    Why don’t you start making some fun plans on your own? Plan things to do with your girlfriends, take up a new hobby etc. Get busy instead of
    waiting for his texts, honey! PS: A “date” is not something that occurs at 1 am either. (warm hug) Love, Goddess

  231. Hi Goddess,
    I recently broke up with an ex of 3 years but in between that time I traveled for a month, and we had a bit of a rough patch and I met the most amazing guy and cheated. After I returned I chalked it up to a vacation fling/romance, decided to keep it hush, and thought I would probably never see this man again. Also, he is significantly older than me, while my ex was only a couple of years older.
    Two years after this we broke up, but during this time I was in touch (we chatted nothing too serious, it was very friendly) with the vacation guy (he lives in another country- not far though).. we always had a strong connection both physically and mentally, but I knew there was no point in pursuing it. Anyways, finally my ex and I rightfully broke up (which I realize should have happened awhile ago), and about two months after the break-up vacation guy booked a flight to see me as soon as he heard the news. He spent some time here and it was incredible, and I felt more connected to him in a very short time than I did with my ex of 3 years. We had such an amazing time together that we’ve decided to go traveling abroad for a year in a couple of months.
    Does this sound like totally reckless behaviour or am I allowed to enjoy the moment and see where it takes me? For some reason, it feels right, I’m an adult and I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong, but my friends/family are/will pass a lot of judgment… are they seeing something I’m not?

  232. Hi Sophie,
    Your friends and family love you. They’re voicing concern. Do you know what you want? Are you ready to give up all the wonderful things going on in your life to travel with a man you barely know for a whole year? Love, Goddess

  233. I am in a situation and I have a chance to rectify it. This guy and I have been talking for a bit. We have slept together and he is a bit distant. More of busy I think. He didn’t return my text for 2 days so I sent him an email just being honest . Well he texted me immediately saying he wanted to hang this weekend , but prior commitments (which were legit) changed into next weekend. And Now I am just wondering what I can do to get him to kinda wonder about me and stuff.

  234. Hello, 

    I came across your website randomly and am so glad I did. I’m having the hardest time getting a guy out of my head. I’ll try to make a long story rather short. 
    We met online and eventually started dating (not exclusively) we live about 2 hours apart. Anyway, he’s moving in a few days even farther away (for reasons I think are ridiculous) but that’s not my problem or place to say. My problem is that I don’t know how to just get over it, moving on is the only option but in the meanwhile I’m so hung up on him. He came over a weekend ago for about 3 days just to spend quality time before he moves. He’s not a fan of distance, so there is none of that. His texting the past few days went to almost nothing, just leaving me hanging. So I was tired of his 2 hour texting delays so I just said g’nite. I didn’t care about any other response. 
    I guess my point with all this is that even though he is moving and he says he misses me, it’s almost as if I don’t exist. I can’t just stop talking to him, he didn’t do anything wrong. 
    How do I just move on? He is leaving when there is so much potential. I want to be the one who got away, not him. I want him to realize that. 
    Even though the focus is on him rigth now, I don’t know how to stop. How can I be perceived as a high value woman he is leaving behind and will regret? 

    I don’t want him thinking I’m a mess since he’s leaving so I would let him come to me, but it’s driving me insane in between. I don’t want to be forgotten. 

  235. Hi Goddess,

    I’m 26. I was dating this guy for 3 months. After dating for 1 month, he asked me to be in a relationship with him. But at that time, I rejected his feeling because he just broke up with his ex. They have been in a relationship for 3 years. I thought 1 month is not enough for him to be in a new relationship.
    After that, he changed. Not as sweet as always. But we still dating for another 2 months.
    I ever asked him again about his feeling and he said that now he just want us to be friends. I was shocked at that time because I expected that he would really move his heart to me.
    After 2 weeks, he said he want to back with his ex. He realized that she is the one.
    It was hurt for me when I heard that. I already fell for him.
    We still contacting each other but he doesn’t care with anymore. Everything’s change.
    He dosn’t want to date with me. And also his ex doesn’t like me because she think that I’m the reason they broke up.
    When I try to stop contacting him, he contacts me. He said he want to be friends with me.
    But it was confusing me. Although he always say he doesn’t have any feeling again with me, but my mind is always over him.
    What should I do? Can I make him chasing me again?

  236. hi Godess
    i met this guy and weve been dating for more than 6months now, i really love the guy and i beleive he love me too. he always call, we spend quality time together, he’s romentic, faithful and he even introduced me to his mom & dad & the rest of the family. but my problem is that he doesnt care about the way he dresses for as long as he’s clean, and he has a very good proffesion. he is untidy… im not sure what to do to improve his life style… pls help

  237. I am responding to armanda….I have a friend (just a girlfriend) that is just like that. Yes, it depends on what you are arguing about but there are people out there that do not like confrontation of any kind. Especially if they are wrong. This friend , every time we disagree or I question her lies or actions …. doesn’t talk to me , take my calls or text for months. Dump him. He has problems….if it’s not their way it’s no way…no other opinion matters to them which is why they say ‘ I have a low tolerance for arguments….they don’t care what you say….all about them. My friend was diagnosed with bipolar disorder…..I’m still sick of it tho…known her for 30 years….only reason she is in my life…..I smile and move on……. you have only known him for a month…..dump him !

  238. I also have a question. I met someone professionally about a year ago. Not at the same job tho…. We have become intrigued with one another, go out – ( although it took 4 months) , light physical relationship and feel very connected to one another. We’re both intrigued by the feeling of a connection….it’s very strong and almost unexplainable. Gave me a very expensive xmas gift out of the blue…and it was very observant and thoughtful .I did have a gift for them also ….But most of the time that we do go out this person has someone strategically placed in the bar or restaurant we are going to so it becomes a group thing. They think I don’t know…. not dumb here. I get sick of this and back off a bit…become unavailable , slightly disinterested , or busy. Then no contact for a month. Then they call and text constantly trying to get together…I do it , same old crap.

    Stopped saying yeah, I’ll meet you ….now it’s…we HAVE to get together……we chat…small talk ….. then they ignore my calls and text for days. Even if it’s not about meeting up or going out.Just something I think they should know or will professionally benefit or interest them. Or something just casual or funny. DO NOT GET IT. Then the calls start again and text like they didn’t ignore me…A friend says they are constantly on my fb page checking out what I am doing and doing it with…..

    Is this just mind games….disinterest and trying to not tell me in a nice way, a fair weather friend/relationship. I was sick last month , in the hospital in a different state….they called and texted every day with the most caring thoughts and texts…very worried about me and my pets at home and if I had someone to take care of them and asking if there was ANYTHING they could do to help. Once that was behind me same old games……what the heck am I missing ?

  239. hi, am 19 and this guy i am seeing is 24. I really really need help. right i have done all the above and great it all worked. the only problem i have is that we have been seeing each other for 6 months but we are still no offical. am i waisting my time ? should i confront him ? what should i say and do. its bugging the life out of me and i really dont want to get hurt over some guy.

    Please help.

    Lisa x

  240. I think you have a lot of great points here! In theory this is a great approach. However, I would like to point out that it’s important to find a happy medium. DO fill your life with activities you enjoy, DO pursue your goals and dreams, and DONT put your life on hold for a guy. But also, when you meet someone you think you see potential with, DO make sure you have time for him! If your schedule is so busy that you can only manage to see him for a few hours once a week, that might not work. I recently experienced this while I was working full time during the day, attending school in the evenings, doing homework at night and on weekends, and also trying to maintain my social balance with girl friends and family. I was literally too busy for him! He finally spoke up and said it wasn’t working for him, because he wanted to spend time with a potential girlfriend, and trying to fit in to my “spare” time made him feel unimportant. So ladies, try to find a balance! I’m still working on this myself.

  241. Hi Goddess,

    We were colleagues though I jus joined the company (we work at diff section so don’t see each other often), started going out few times, but after tat he didn’t text me for 2 wks, and sort of ignores mi when i see him at work…
    I was angry and upset with him.. texted him abt it … though i apologize to him saying i was upset in the end…
    After that he still doesn’t text much too… though he reply my texts and I stopped texting him after sometime bcos I can feel his texts are not like before…

    Anyway I’m leaving the company in 2 mths time to go back to study at University.

    It’s been a mth, I trying hard not to think abt him and to get over it but I guess I still hav some feelings abt him….
    I have not really dated much before… I guess I still don’t really understand guys….

    Wat would u advise ? to continue my time therapy ?

  242. Heyy Goddess! Okay so basically, me and this guy met two weeks ago and it was kind of a setup, hes really cute and lovely but I have one problem… Whenever I text him he takes AGES to reply, and whenever he texts it’s cause he wants me to invite him over to my house which I have regrettably given into (we didn’t sleep together but we got incredibly close to it!). Ever since he’s never been the first to text me or even ask me how I am. I really want this guy to just CHASE me from here on now.. please help?

  243. Hello Godess. I have come accross your blog and find it very interesting and also fun. I have been together with my boyfriend for almost 1 year now and everything goes very well. There is this one thing at the back of my mind that bothers me from time to time and I would like to call on your experience. We do not live together but see eachother a couple of times a week, at weekends and for dinner maybe during the week. When we meet he is in a great mood, showering me with attention and acting the perfect gentleman. When we are not together he rarely contacts me. Also, most of our plans are suggested by me. For example, I have a few times not contacted him to organise to meet at the weekend. And what happens then. He doesn’t contact me to arrange anything either. When we are together he always tells me how wonderful I am and has on occasion told me he is serious about me and wants to be together a long time,he even brought me on holiday with his family and grandparents last February. After 8 months together I told him I loved him, he replied that he thinks he loves me but love is a very serious word. Over two months have gone by since then and I have not mentioned love since and neither has he. I have a very active life with many friends and interests to keep me happy and most of the year I have been happy just spending time with a wonderful man who is great to me. But I feel after 11 months I should know whether this relationship could be the real thing. I do not want to waste my time loving and letting my love grow only to have been waiting for nothing.

  244. Hi
    I have been dating this guy for about 5 months . Recently I have been chasing him , how do I turn the tables around and make him chase me ?

  245. Hi Ren,

    Thank you for enjoying Bitch Lifestyle. I’m sorry you are going through so much “insanity” waiting for him to come to you. The best thing you can do is focus and re-fall in love with you.
    It’s not easy, I know! Visit the Drama Queen section on this site for ideas.

    Love, Goddess

  246. Unfortunately you can’t make anyone do anything. The only thing you have control of is you and improvements to your own life. Why don’t you visit the Drama Queen section on this site for ways to
    get over any frustration this may be causing you?

  247. Hi Sal,

    Yeah…nothing will suck the fun out of getting to know someone than “game playing.” I don’t think you’re missing anything. Maybe you’re just wanting someone who
    doesn’t play games? Love, Goddess

  248. Hi Lisa,
    You could tell him what you want and see how he responds. In a bottom line type way. You have the freedom to continue if he gives you want you want or the opportunity to meet and date new men if he doesn’t.
    Either way puts you in charge of your precious time. Love, Goddess

  249. Hi Fifi,
    Unfortunately you can’t make a guy chase you. The one thing you have control over is you. You’re a beautiful, wonderful woman. You deserve a man who asks how you are without being prompted. Agree?

  250. Hi Sarai,

    I agree! You’re a wonderful woman who knows what she wants. You don’t want to waste your time waiting for this guy to commit officially. You have a choice. You can wonder where his head is at and give him all the power or tell him what you want. If he says no…you won’t be wasting your time anymore. If he says yes, you are getting what you want. Either way, you don’t deserve to be in limbo. Love, Goddess

  251. Hi Jasmine,
    Well…you could just stop doing all the work: Calling and texting? Let him step up and do the work? Love, Goddess

  252. Hi Cassandra,

    It’s so frustrating sometimes wondering if a man is going to ask you out or not. If he hasn’t asked wonderful you out yet, I’m a little concerned about his taste. Sassy smile.
    If he doesn’t…an even better man is coming with taste who will relish time with you! Love, Goddess

  253. Hey Goddess,
    There is this guy I met through my brother in law. They were all in the Marine Corp together and he moved her to be closer with them. We were flirting so bad in the beginning and things were going great and then like he told me one night when we were all drinking that he does not like me bc his relationship with my brother in law is more important pretty much. So we didn’t talk for like a month and then I see him at my sister’s babyshower and he would not stop staring at me. We all went out later that evening and he was all about me..now we have been hanging out and stuff in groups and have a once one on one..now hes being an ass. And i need to really figure out how to make him want me and chase me, instead of me chasing him?

  254. Hi Goddess very interesting and informative website. I would like to ask your opinion on my situation if possible. I’m 26 and my bf is 30 we have been together for 6 months and everything is going very well I am very happy and think he looks very happy too. So my boyfriend was visiting me last week and left his cell phone in my house by mistake, I only realized this when he called is own cell about 20 mins after leaving, I could hear it ringing in my kitchen. I answered it and he said was glad that he had left it in my house, could I please look after it until he will collect it tomorrow but, if his sister calls, please answer the call because she has to give him details of a relatives memorial service. Then could I please call him at work to pass on the message. His sister did call and I missed the call but she then sent an sms so, I went to read it in his sms inbox. When I did, I saw his ex girlfriends name in there. She is from my town and I don’t know her well but I know they broke up 4 years ago, he has mentioned their breakup before and how badly she treated him, they did not remain friends he says. I looked at the message and it was him sending her an sms saying that he misses her. He then followed up with, sorry I didn’t mean to say that, just how are you and would you like to meet up for a coffee sometime. She just replied “sure” Then to make matters worse, I saw another sms from him to another girl saying, hey ellie, haven’t seen you in months. Would you lke to meet and grab lunch sometime? I scrolled down the page and the previous message was Ellie asking him on a date last month and him saying “sorry but I’m kind of seeing someone” I am sorry I even saw these messages as they are making me think he may not be who he seems to be. The way he treats me and these messages do not add up. I have not said anything to him yet. What do you think?

  255. Figuring out what and where it all went wrong is not rocket science. Just be honest and true to yourself. Did it happen because of personal issues that your boyfriend or girlfriend cannot deal with anymore, or did it occur because of a single event? The more specific reasons you come up with, the better.

  256. Hi Nikki,
    I tend to be blunt and I’ve got a question for you. Why would you want a guy to chase you if he is being “an ass?”

  257. Can’t wait to read more about this topic. Working on my sassy self every day, but a little help goes a long way.

  258. Ok I’ve met a guy we’ve spoke very extensively over text and met up once we seemed to connect very strongly in person and over text , we live about 3 hours apart from each other so there is a distance , I’m not sure what he wants from us he’s not been single long but he seems over that past relationship, I’m an over thinker and possibly a little worried he may not like me at all, he has friends visiting with him right now so he’s isn’t replying to messages should I worry about this? He’s always replied before , I have only sent a few consisting of hello and hope your having a nice time , he did ask me not to be a stranger over the weekend he just doesn’t know when he can chat , help me please hehe am I just being really silly , the thing is I really like him and I feel he really likes me but I don’t want to look foolish


  259. Hi Tracy…
    You meet a man in person and the butterflies take flight! I hear you on that one and feel for you because he’s so far away.
    So what do you want? A 3 hour away long distance text acquaintance or a man who lives near you to explore with and enjoy?
    Let me know…Love, Goddess

  260. Hi Goddess..
    My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over three months now. After him trying desperately for two years to just take me to dinner, I finally agreed to go. We definitely jumped into this way too fast and went way too far, and I have become attached, sadly. The past couple of weeks he has been very distant and not very responsive to anything I say or do. I get so tired of chasing after him all the time and have honestly come to wits end about it all. Everyone keeps telling me to make him “chase me” I honestly dont know how to do that once you have become so involved with someone. Our relationship skyrocketed after just a month of seeing each other. First he was all about our relationship, now its like a game to him! My emotions cant take anymore! What should I do??


  261. Hi Hannah,
    I’m sorry this has happened with your boyfriend. Guys tend to do this. Back off with no explaination. Then we start doing all the work. Calling, texting, trying to arrange dates. Guys do this sometimes to see how much of a hold they have on you. You must set boundaries. Next time do this sooner. The only thing you can do is call him on it. Tell him you care about him, but he is not even trying to see you or following up with you in a timely manner. Then make plans! Don’t break them if/when he comes around. Look for things to do with friends, in the paper. Get busy and stop calling and texting. He may call, he may wise up. You can’t make a man chase you. He’ll either wise up or you will find a new one that appreciates you. Make sense? Love, Goddess

  262. Dear Goddess, thankyou for the fun blog, very informative! I am upset about something with my boyfriend of 1 and a half years and would like your opinion if you have a chance. I feel my bf is my soul mate we have fun, we have similar interests, make each other laugh, we really like each others families and friends. He is attentive and a great boyfriend. But I feel as if our relationship is stuck in the same way it was when we were 3 months together. He never tells me he loves me without me first having said it to him – don’t get me wrong, I am not needy or gushing. But when he does something really caring for me and I feel like saying it he doesn’t always reply and never tells me of his own accord. Also,we only see eachother at weekends. Either we go out in a group or together and I stay in his place for a weekend night or he stays in mine and then home the next day. The relationship has not changed or evolved and he is not making any effort to see more of me etc. I’m writing you now as I was hurt by him a couple weeks ago at his yealy highschool reunion. We are both catholic but he went to a catholic school and his friends from the school would like to think that they are very good straight laced people(he only sees them about 3 times a year). At the reunion Steven and I were talking to a girl from his old class and she asked how long we were together. He answered a year and a half to which she replied “Oh because you didn’t bring Amber to the reunion with you last year, maybe you didn’t think she was good enough to bring at that stage ha ha” I was taken aback with this comment and when Steven didn’t reply I said “Well,Clair maybe I didn’t think he wa good enough to go with at thet stage” In addition to this comment another girl from his class who I have only met twice asked me out of the blue how many men I had had relationships with. I thouht this question was inappropriate, but I was so taken aback at the time that I actually answered her 3. The following morning I old my bf that I felt the “not good enough” comment was cruel and that I was also hurt by his non response. He said “Aw she was only kidding” Then I told him I felt the relationships question was inappropriate. He replied “she probably just wanted to know as they would be very moral people and wouldn’t have any physical relations before marriage” I answered” Steven they are in their early 30s and single and have had long term boyfriends. If you think they have not done anything physical then you may be a little naive. He responded “hey, not everyone has no self controll” This really hurt me as me and my bf are intimate but we have been together for 1.5 years and we didn’t start intimacy for a couple of months after we were exclusivly together. Also, we love eachother and I felt I knew and trusted him befre we got intimate. This was like a slap in the face for me. Also the fact that he holds people ho treat others so rudely up on a moral pedistal. We have not discussed the incident since our discussion the following day. But in the meantime he has been sweet to me and also sent me flirty intmate messages (nothing dirty) but now I feel strange answering the flirty messages thinking and worrying whether he has any respect for me or just sees me as a fun girl to waste a couple years with. Godess, I’m gettng very mixed messages. I have plenty to distract myself with in the way of aerobics twice a week and my tennis club once a week and friends. Distraction isn’t the thing, I just feel I want to know what’s going on. ~I do not want to be that pushy “where’s this relationship going” “I don’t like some of your friends” girl. Any sugestions on what I can do?

  263. Hi Amber,
    Wow…this is a lot. I’m sorry that you are so hurt by what happened at the class reunion. It sounds like those girls were just being competitive and I understand your disappointment in your
    boyfriend. He should have stood up for you. That being said, guys are really clueless with how competitive other women are and may have just been clueless to what the other girls were really doing.
    Regardless, consider some private coaching from me so we can work on this very large and important issue together: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/07/your-re-awakening/ Love, Goddess

  264. I decided to sign up for online dating. I’m really busy working and going to school full time. I like things to be catalogued, anyway!
    This cute (but 2 years younger) guy messaged me something kind of snarky and I replied in kind. I wasn’t taking online dating or him seriously. Then he asked me out. Through a series of miscommunication; we never met up. He tried to make a plan again but I was busy. Since neither of us really check the online dating site for messages that much; I gave him my number.
    We talked (well, texted since it’s 2013)until 12:30a and had a hillarious conversation. His wit matches mine which is huge.
    Question: I’d like to ride the wave of our conversation last night but I want him to chase me! I’m legitimately busy all this week but I do want to meet up. Today is Tuesday, is Friday too soon to suggest a happy hour? He technically has asked me out twice.

  265. Hi Amelia,
    First off, you don’t know this guy so be careful. Texting and messaging is NOT knowing. Let HIM plan the date. Meet in a safe public area. Also…I wouldn’t go on a first date at
    a Happy Hour. Happy Hour = Drinking emphasis. Just fit him into your schedule. Carefully. Love, Goddess

  266. Thanks Goddess! I thought the same thing about happy hour as well so decided not to.

    He CALLED ME ON THE PHONE (unheard of these days) to set up a gelato date! We’re meeting up Saturday. I’m cautiously optimistic. Send good vibes, please!

  267. Hi! It’s me again.
    Me and the fella have hung out twice. Coffee and gelato in a snowstorm (swoon?) then a pint after my class yesterday.

    I think I am starting to like him! I want to “play the game” correctly and make him work for it. Problem is, I’m CRAZY busy. I work 40+ a week and I go to college full time. My schedule is really hard to work around. I want him to chase me and make plans but I constantly have to offer different suggestions because I’m always busy. It makes me seem like a control freak.
    At what point is it okay for the woman to make the date plans and still be chase-worthy?

  268. hi im in a 11 year relationship my boyfriend is coming at me evryday in a rude way he is killing me emotionally and physically we argue everyday cause he feel like cause he pay for everything he dont have to respect me or come home at night he never wanna hear what i have t say and his babymamas are always chasing him and causing problems for us he say he dont want them so what should i do

  269. Hi Tasha…I’m sorry you’re going through so much with your boyfriend. You’ve invested a lot of time with him and have been very dedicated to him. You are a gorgeous, warm and loving woman. You deserve a man
    who treats you like the Goddess you are. Do you think a man who is “rude, emotionally and physically abusive” is worthy of hot little you? I don’t. If you need help kicking this guy to the curb I have the perfect program for you: You’re Re-Awakening http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/07/your-re-awakening/ Love, Goddess

  270. Hey, my cousin has been trying to secretly set up her brother in law with me. I have seen him briefly that liked the idea because he was my type. Recently i went to visit my cousin a few hours away for her birthday. We went out and her brother n in law and me where getting cozy thanks to the alcohol so everyone kept making comments and hints pushing us together we spend the night together and the next day was awkward. I hadnt been with a guy in 9 months. I was super quiet the day after because it takes me awhile to open up to people. I left and ended up getting his number from his brother who told me he said to give it to me. I texted him we started texting briefly. He would send me a funny picture and we would joke. He also texted me during his break anf after work. Last time we texted i kinda went in on how i dont pay attention to guys and how he doesnt have a girl doesnt want one now. And then we got sexual saying we should meet again. So it ended there. The next day i find out my cousin talked to him and got info. He said i was quiet made me looked cocky. But he said my body looked before than before and that i was attractive. My cousin told him im not that quiet only at first. So yea he hasnt texted me and im getting so impatient already. We most likely wont get serious but i just want to prove him wrong and i know he can really like me for me . So do i wait?

  271. Hi Katie…
    I’m not sure I understand your situation. There is a lot of “he said, she said” going on. I’m not sure what you want? If this guy really likes you he will call. Love, Goddess

  272. Hi goddess, I am recently writing this because I feel like I need to find out what to do..

    Last year in October I met a guy through a friend of mine and it was good we were hanging out heaps and we would do things in our group heaps and I guess you could say we were “friends with benefits” little did I know much.. The complicated thing was this guy just got out of a relationship less than a month ago.. So he was pretty broken an lost at the time. So I was just being a mate an being that friend who turned into being the rebound 🙁 we did have sex stupid me.. An it ruined everything I started getting feelings for him and I knew that I liked him but didn’t want to tell him but I could tell he was leading me on a bit silly me. New Years came an on that night in phillipisland I told him how I felt an he told me that he didn’t feel the same way but he cared about me and wanted to be mates. Fair enough but I was shattered anywho twos weeks later I find out that he hooked up with my ex best friend now- an I was so upset because on my birthday I found out she went to his house ditched my birthday to see him.. An on Christmas went to his house. Lied to me said they don’t do anything I was heart broken. So he found out I knew an denied it but apologized.. In a text he did. I didn’t speak to him for four months after that.. Got texts from him didn’t reply for calls didn’t reply… I just wanted to get over him than one day about a month after that he called me I didn’t answer than he left a message saying I miss chilling with you- an he said he was sorry an stuff.. I replied back What you did was fucked up.. He admitted he did wrong an we are talking again.. So many times we planed to catch up but I just didn’t know what to do because I was scared that once I saw him I would fall for him again.. So he got angry an said whatever I’m not gonn both anymore than we didn’t talk for ages two months later I said what are you doing this weekend he was just blandly blunt to me so I just thought fuck it I’m done. Not gonna bother.. Then last week he just randomly called me an said what you doin wanna catch up? An I just didn’t know what to think like I thought he didn’t wanna be mates.. As soon as I saw his name pop up my heart started beating so fast an I just answered it an so we caught up that night he came to my brothers an I just went to his car an we talked for ages I the car then he left an before he left he said.. So next time is up to you? Meaning wanna see him I gotta make effort.. Fair enough so we been talking again an it’s good happy that we are mates again 🙂 however he tells me how his mum misses me an how he misses hanging out.. I do want to go to his house again and chill but not do anything with him. Because I don’t want to get attached.. But I’m not sure what I should do??? What if he likes me now? That would completely confuse me :/ PLEASE HELP ME! TELL ME WHAT I should do GODESS reply ASAP xoxo

  273. Hi Teresa,
    Wow…it sounds like you are going through a lot with this guy. I’m sorry that you are going through so much pain. Would it suprise you if I say that I don’t give one CRAP about this guy? He’s got you spinning around and you are letting him do it. And it sounds like you know it too. (Warm smile) Which is making you feel worse. This is about YOU not him. This is about you knowing who you are. About you learning to communicate what you want and will not tolerate from anyone. Guys, friends, family and those you work with. So you love every drop of gorgeous you and radiate confidence. Consider some private coaching with me so we can get you off the Drama Queen path and into your Sassy Bitch! This is a great place for you to start: http://bitchlifestyle.com/2012/07/your-re-awakening/ Love, Goddess

  274. Thanks for replying Godess.

    Yes! I would love to know what to do in my situation with him. I just want to know should I still hang out with him but let him know its just as mates no “friends with benefits” or anything like that. Because deep down inside I know he’s fucked up but when I needed someone to talk to about my problems he always listened never judged and gave me confiedience and help.

    What would you do if you were in my situation it sounds stupid me asking but I just can’t stop thinking about it.. about him.. When I saw him for the first time this year I didn’t even have my heart racing everytime he looked at me and spoke. I just missed hanging out with him and I miss he mum we were pretty close! I just think I need advice from someone so yes coaching me to be a ” sassy bitch” would be good.
    I just want to clear my head for once
    reply asap xoxo

  275. Hi Goddess,
    I really need your true advice on what I am going to tell you now. I was dating a Sagittarius guy from last 2 years, the relationship started with a beautiful notion, he was after me like crazy. He loved me, cared for me like anything. He asked me first for marriage and we made our parents meet but due to some astrological reasons and inter caste, his parents forced him to leave me. We used to fight a lot, almost on everything but still got back together. Now, just a month ago, he confessed me he has a friend from last 7 years with whom he felt more compatible, he met her just once because they don’t live in same state. After meeting her just once he realized he felt different for her, while he was telling me all this he was crying and saying that he wants me and he loves me a lot. According to him, he want me but he needs her. After that, I took a decision to get separate but we decided to meet after a day. We met just the same way we always meet, with love ! after that incident every night I started getting this feeling of cheating and I started discussing that with my guy. He got so pissed off that he decided to break it off. Now the situation is like he if running away from me. He told me that we broke off with each other now all his feeling has vanished, I love him so much that I accepted that fact of her 7 yrs old friend, so I am trying to be atleast friends with him, but he treats me really bad. He also said that his parents are looking for another girl and he will make them happy and will do arrange marriage. I really miss all those crazy things he used to do, what should I do? Please advice.

  276. Hi Shipra,
    I could tell you exactly what to do, but will you do it? You are settling for a man who has admitted to seeing other women. You are giving your precious love away to a man that does not
    deserve it. YOU have agreed to this arrangement by still seeing him. When you are ready to embrace your Sassy Bitch email me to discuss my coaching programs.
    You are too special a woman to be treated this way. My email: goddess@bitchlifestyle.com Love, Goddess

  277. I LOVE this! Hopefully it’s not too late for me to write you on this because it’s a pretty old post. I’ve been walked all over all my life. I was in an abusive relationship and couldn’t stand up for myself, I was terrified. I always hate those “bitchy” women and wonder why they get all the men, secretly I’m just envious. I’m trying SO hard to channel my inner strength but it’s like I can’t even think when the man I like is around. I just do things for him. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?! I’m SOOOO tired of being a doormat and want to know how to channel my inner fierce woman who says, DO IT YOURSELF!

  278. Hi Alley…
    Thanks for enjoying the post. YES! You are envious of those “bitchy women” because the “bitch” deep inside you is literally dying to come out! It is so clever of you to see that and a huge first step in owning that part of you. The second step is working with me to bring her out. Here is what I recommend for you: http://bitchlifestyle.com/your-re-awakening/ Love, Goddess

  279. Hi there,
    I have been dating whit a guy for a year. He was so sweet guy before. But I feel he is ignoring me currently, when we hang out he is busy with his phone. I feel he is not respect me anymore. Also less text, less phone, and less communication. Should I tell him, “respect me when we are around, you too busy with your phone!”
    Or, I just act ignoring him back like he does to me ??

  280. Why don’t you try a little honesty, Strawberry? The next time the guy you’re dating pays more attention to his phone than you: Look at him straight in the eye. State in an unemotional manner: “I’d appreciate it if you put the phone away while we are out together.” When he protests or makes a comment toward you, stay absolutely silent. If possible, raise an eyebrow while looking at him during your silence. If he continues to protest, call it an early night. And LEAVE. You want a man who is going to respect you and if he doesn’t in this small way, start looking for someone who will. Disrespect needs to be checked. When it happens. Wait until he picks up the phone and then follow this process. Let me know how it goes…Love, Goddess

  281. I have been married for 4.5years to a wonderful man, he is my best friend and we have been thru alot together. We moved back in August and got custody of his teenage son also my husband started a new job.my stepson got in some trouble and with stress of new job, his son, and trying to find a place to live my husband said he needed some space and would get me back there in a month so i went to my moms 500 miles away. Now he still tells me he loves me ive been gone for close to 3months and rarely hear from him he does work about 80hrs a wk. If i try to discuss my feelings he gets upset i admit i did bug him to let me come back for a while but he has always been the one i turn to when upset to keep from going crazy as i have been for him. I cant speak about my feelings with him its like when i left hejust shut me out but still wants me to wait til he figures things out i know he isnt cheating on me but i dont know what to do. I miss him and my stepson badly….. thx for any advice

  282. Dear Goddess, you’ve really given some great advice, i’m loving this site! I’m close to going through a marriage breakup where i’ve lost the chemistry for my husband although we’re still great friends. I’ve been friend with a guy for 3 years, we have lots of mutual friends. Back then I invited him to my birthday on facebook as he was my good male friends best buddy. He came to my birthday and invited me to his. From then onwards he was messaging me regularly and if he didn’t hear from me he would message after a few weeks. After about a year of this and seeing him occasionally when out with mutual friends, he started facebook messaging me everyday. We developed a good friendship and seemed to have a bond between us where we really got each other. Then I went away to Tenerife for 5 days with a friend and he came along, being friends with both us. He was heavily flirting by then by message and in person and throwing ice down my front, being playful while swimming etc. My friend liked him and I told him I would leave them to it but he seemed interested in me and told me not to leave them alone together. Anyway, we continued our contact back home and some heavy flirting by whatsapp. He would send me flirty joke pictures of condoms etc and sometimes his car. He went to the Caribbean on holiday, on the other side of the world and kept in contact every few days even sending a picture of him on the beach. He knows my situation with my husband and has made it clear that he doesn’t mess around with married woman which I respect. He knows that I am on the verge of a break up. He continued to flirt and contact me regularly and I know there is alot of chemistry between me and my friend. I took him up on it saying that he flirts heavily but we don’t hang out as much anymore. He replied we are good friend but that he hasn’t done anything to mislead me.He was constantly checking the whatsapp time stamp to see when i’ve been online and going off and coming back on to see if i was there. Now its been a week and we’ve had no contact. I feel like he is the one for me. We get each other and have so much chemistry and stuff in common. We are both from similar backgrounds, same religion etc. I never chase after guys and I will not wait around for him but I don’t want to loose him either. I really want to be with him but I am concentrating on my own life and being a strong, independent woman. Even though i’m not letting everything rest on him, what advice do you have and can you tell me what’s happened here (how he might feel) and your take on it? I know if we were meant to be we would end up together, and I should do the no contact. I know that I am worth more and I understand my value. Any advice would be much appreciated. Best, Rachael X

  283. Hi Dava…I’m not understanding something…why weren’t you with your husband looking for a place to live TOGETHER? That’ usually what married couples do, no? Love, Goddess

  284. Hi Rachael,
    This is a LOT. You may not like what I have to say. You’re giving the wrong man attention. You wouldn’t be asking me what to do if you had been giving your husband the attention he deserves. Not a guy who to me, only wants sex from you. He has done TONS to mislead you and show you he is interested in only sex. That’s how I think he feels. Trust me when I say you are not the only woman he is doing this with either. How do you think your husband would feel if he knew about this guy? Would you like your husband having a Facebook affair? That’s what it sounds like you’re doing to me. It may not be physical at the moment but you are emotionally invested. You are married. I’m not sure what you mean by “independent?” Please clarify…Love, Goddess

  285. Hi Goddess, thanks for your reply. My husband and I are more like friends. We don’t have the chemistry anymore and it’s been like this for a while. That’s why I had become good friends with the other guy. I decided I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with the wrong man as it feels like I am. We are going to separate soon. Believe me I tried and gave him attention. I guess he works long hours and due to other things as well, including personality differences, we’ve drifted apart. The other guy, my friend has never tried to make a move but we did kiss on his rook terrace in August which was more me in the heat of the moment. Nothing happened though.He said it could of but it feels wrong as i’m married which i agreed with him. We do have personality chemistry but since August, apart form a few parties we’ve since each other at, we’ve kept each other at arms length due to my circumstances. During this time he has kept in regular contact with me sending me messages even while abroad. I’m confused as we don’t have anything physical as he said he doesn’t mess around with married woman but yet he sent me flirty (sometimes heavily flirty and jokey) messages and kept in regular contact. What am I to think? that we are just good friends? I know you said he’s after sex only, not doubting you, but if that was the case he would of made some moves and wanted to meet up during the the last 2 months when we have remained at a distance from each other. When I said strong and independent I meant I’m trying to move on with my life, build on it and be on my own for a while. I would like something to happen with this other guy when I’m ready but I want to know if it’s worth keeping in contact with him. Thanks for your valuable advice.

  286. Well my situation has to do with my best friend I feel that he likes me but never admitts it he never calls unless were together he talk to me like he never had phone in his life tell me that he miss me uddles with

  287. Yes Sharon. OK I love my best friend I already let him know but my feeling got strong know idk what to do last week I ask him if he want space so I gave four day off with no writting or speaking to him until Friday that w e
    spoke everything was well that Sunday that we met again I open my big mouth and ask him if he want space he said yes but told me I could visit him when ever he kind looked sad but I asked prior to that that he don’t need space from me I am just confused is he falling for me or is he scared to love me I just don’t. Fall for somebody that don’t feel the same for me what should I do I am stressing a lot I try to go to the gym goo

  288. Hello Sharon. First of all I would like to say that I read your blog for 4 years now and I find it absolutely amazing! It helped me to get through a lot of love stuff, and the most important – it helped me to love me more. So, here’s a huge THANK YOU! Keep up the good work 🙂

    I need your thoughts about this. I was going out with my ex for 4 years, but we recently broke up. We stopped communicating, but couple of days ago I wrote him a short message to congratulate him a thing, and he was so cold! I don’t expect, neither do I want to be friends, but I still have feelings for him and it hurt me the fact that he didn’t seem interested into talking to me, when a month ago we were lovers! He said something like, I’m between phases now, and I hope that you are over them and you enjoy the pretty one (like, I hope you got over me). About this, long story short: I was getting over him, but then I saw that he had written some love stuff on twitter which looked like he’s missing me, so the reason why I wrote him is because part of me wanted him to tell me he want me back. His words on twitter sent me back from my “getting over” phase. But, he didn’t confess anything so on his thing “I hope you enjoy the pretty phase” I wrote him back “I’m on my way there”. Later I was mad at me for writing this because I felt that If I wanted to be with him, I had the chance and I blew it. Later I was again mad at me because he’s the one who should make a move, not me.
    Our break up decision felt mutual, but it was me who said those words after he told me that he’s not sure whether he still loves me or not. And that’s not something you want to hear from your loved one. My question is: Why is he cold to me, when I’m the one who should be after everything he put me through (don’t get me wrong, he’s a good man, but he messed up some things at the end)? I accepted what he said about his feelings towards me, but why is he writing love tweets about me, if he doesn’t want to be with me? It’s confusing me. Just when I think I’m getting over him, I see something he wrote and it makes me want him back. And, I don’t know if this makes any difference, but we’re both 21. Many people had told us that we’re too young to be in such a long relationship at that age.
    Soo, that’s it. Looking forward to your answer. Thank you!

  289. Thank you for enjoying Bitch Lifestyle for so long, Sanya! I appreciate you being a part of our “Sassy Revolution.” So…if you have been a reader for 4 years, you know how much I talk about the “bottom line” here. So I am going to get VERY bottom line with you right now. Here is my question: Why the **** would you be giving one IOTA of attention to a guy that is “cold” and “rude” to you? Love, Goddess

  290. Dolly, I am grateful for your website. Your passion to empower and inspire women (and men too!) to radiate their authentic selves is essential to life and relationships. When women and men are confident to share their values, boundaries, flaws, mistakes, regardless of what the other thinks, they create a magical opportunity to share a meaningful, loving, respectful, honest, connection. Unfortunately, people focus on control over others instead of themselves. Dating and relationships should never be a zero sum game, where one person has power or control over the other. Such relationships are toxic, create negative energy, and harms other people as well. When people are authentic the chase is irrelevant. They immediately qualify each other and know if they wish to share time with each other. No games. Both people are on the same page about what they want, whether it be a one night stand, a committed relationship, an open relationship, or anything else. When both people love themselves, they can truly respect, love, be honesty, and inspire each other. They celebrate life in the moment together!

  291. Hey John…

    I can’t thank you enough for what you have written here. You in one paragraph said it better than I did in many! I hope every single person that comes here for this article reads your comment. Appreciation. Appreciation. Appreciation. Love, Goddess

  292. Hey Sharon. I wrote you some time ago, my post is four comments before this one. So.. I followed your advice and I felt good and it was good until I found out that my ex is dating other girl (which was about a month ago), and it hurt me. Why do I feel bad about him moving on? That’s what I did too. Probably what’s hurting me the most is the fact that we’re not together for three months, after 4 years together.. how did he get over me that fast enough to actually want to be with another girl? I don’t want to be with him, but I’m kinda dissappointed because he didn’t even try to make me stay because there was so much going on in his life, but now it’s totally ok to make a room for somebody else? I’m starting to think that he wanted to date other girls in the first place.. I don’t know. Any advice on this? Thank you so much!
    p.s You don’t write as often as you did.. I miss your posts!

  293. Hi Sanya,
    Thank you for enjoying my posts. I’ve been writing a lot lately so more is coming! What you’re feeling is normal. You are feeling terrible because HE made you feel terrible. It’s all past crap coming back at you. It may feel good to just block all access (like facebook) to him. I do that when I’m done with a guy. Out of sight, out of mind, out of pain. Choose to feel good again. Love, Goddess

  294. I’ve been seeing a guy for 4 months and were friends with benefits, just recently he told me that he loves me and likes me( he’s never said those words before) he kisses me,hugs me holds my hand but I feel confused on where this is heading. I have spoken to him about where our relationship and where this is going and what he really wants from me.I told him that we should cool it off until he knows what he wants and if he wants to be my boyfriend.His ex wife doesn’t know about me yet because we are still yet to figure that out. he has told me that his ex wife is trying to win him back and uses the kids for him to go over to see his kids. Does he genuinely want me or am I being used as a booty call and does he love me for real?

  295. Hi Joy…
    I have no idea whether this guy likes you or not. He has a lot going on right now adjusting to the divorce. You may have done the right thing in cooling things off until he can get it together. A lot of drama there… Go out and meet new people with your friends. PLAY… Know what you what in a man and keep your options open until the right man proves he is your guy. Love, Goddess

  296. Hey Sharon, after the break up with him, here’s what happened. Two weeks after that, I wrote him and it was clearly that he is really hurt and mad at me for breaking up with him. It was just a chat that left me even more confused. He’s not a rude person, but he was cold and sarcastic to me at times. I know he did it because he’s hurt. So, how do I get him again? I believe that there’s no way that he would write me or call me. It all depends on me now. Before writing him, he posted songs that I told him I love, he was liking my stuff, and so did I with his. Does it mean he is sending me some sign with that? What If I step over my decision and he says “no” to me just because of his broken ego (you hurt me, I hurt you now and things like that?). Is it better for me to move on? I just can’t get him out of my head. Thank you so much for your advice.

  297. My situation is very very similar.To back to starting point-When i started working i was married with a kid. I was attracted to a person in my office who was unmarried. He was also interested but after some exchanges he withdrew. I came to know from mutual friend he is afraid it might harm my marriage. He got relocated got married and had a kid. we were on and off in touch being friends.After 5years he contacted me showing interest more than a friend. He told me he want to fb relationship. After 3 months of dating and getting little intimate I agreed. We went out for a weekend. After that i came to know he was more of emotionally unavailable guy who wanted to have more space. He said he needs lot of time post such encounters and wld be contacting me and i shldn’t call him. I didnt call him and after a week he messaged for sex. I agreed thinking i will question him but he evaded questions saying he will always need lot of space and time post such meetings. After 3 months and few such encounters he reloacted. I was aware and had been discussing that long distance will work or not.He said he will make it work. During these 3 months not to forget communication is sparse and he had blocked my number also. Communication only when he felt so which was very rare. Only i used to contact him to call me.
    Before he moved i had booked my flight for meeting him at new place of-course after he suggested it.
    This relationship tired me as i wanted more from it kind of good friends who are in regular touch. I felt he was more in touch with me when i was just friend.
    I had too much to drink and created scene in the room saying he is insensitive and i get negative vibe etc. The reason he doesnt like cuddling etc and i had asked to keep my head over his shoulder which he removed. I refused to have dinner and cldn’t sleep due to alcohol and food. In the night i packed my bags and was going sneakily when he got up and he shouted on me what i was doing going out like this. He said if i go it will end everything. I was not thinking straight and was very emotional. I think i created unnecessary drama.
    I apologized next day but he was aloof,even though he said it is okay.I apologised many times he said its okay but didnt discuss anything.
    After i came back he was in touch as sporadically as he used to be always saying he is not talkative person or doesnt want to have too much communication or expectation.
    I tried calling one day and came to know he had blocked me. I contacted him with my friends phone asking why he blocked me fro no rhyme or reason. He said he needs lot of time and space.
    After 5-6 days he contacted me saying he is changing his number and will be travelling soon out of country for 15days (which i came to know to be true). He didnt share his new number with me. When i wrote a mail he replied after 2days said he just saw it and he doesnt ahve nay number and wont take a number till he is back from the trip. I think all this is story so wrote to him why he making stories and he shld be honest with me and not make me feel low with silence treatment.
    He said he was not too happy with my behaviour so needs to rethink plus he has asked for space like mature people but if no number iam mailing him. He said no expectations thats what he said initially.
    He wants time and till than will be just friends. (Mind you guys he didnt share his number eventhough i wrote in the mail to be decent to contact me).
    I wrote that i was contacting him because he thinks iam fool and i never venutred too much in his space.(I contacted him once a week).
    He wrote back saying- he had enough and I dont get the point.He wont be writing back to me. Hopefully this is what i want
    i wrote to him- I never wanted breakup but if he wants he can let me know and i will never contact him.
    He said he wants time till Dec. Say yes or no
    I of course said yes.

    My query-I know he is unemotional and not attached. But blocking of numbers,time till dec etc. What does this means and what shld i do next. How to tackle it in mature way.
    I can walk away but its painful. I am too physically attracted to him. Mind you we tried 5-6yrs back but after so many years it worked but
    Guidance pls

  298. Simi…this guy is an ***hole. Period. Block him from every facet of your life. “If you don’t like being a doormat then get off the floor. – Al Anon.” This should PISS YOU OFF that YOU…YOU have allowed a man to treat you this way. Get OFF the floor. If you cannot do this you NEED to take my coaching series. http://bitchlifestyle.com/your-re-awakening/ For YOU and your children. Seriously, Girl. Love, Goddess

  299. I became friends with a guy 7 months ago, in the beginning i wasn’t giving him my attention but as time went on i started thinking about him every day. He used to talk to me almost every day but it has all changed now. He hardly texts or call me and I’m the first to always text him. We have a very nice conversations whenever we meet but whenever we’re away it’s different.I remember i onced asked him what the most painful thing he has ever experienced was and he told me it was when his girlfriend broke up with him. We were having a chat through the texting and then he told me he almost fell in love with me but he held back because he didn’t want to disturb me. I didn’t let him know I felt the same way so I changed the topic. Ever since he said that to me i can’t just stop thinking about him. Im so much into this guy but I don’t understand why he has changed.He doesn’t call back when he says he will neither does he fulfill most of the things he tells me. I’m not that kind of girl who falls easily in love but this time I’ve fallen so hard for a guy who hardly notices me. I end up crying all the time. I never thought I could cry over a guy. I really love him. What i don’t understand is why he is behaving that way, does it mean he is scared to love again or he is scared of rejection if he professes his love for me. I tried forgetting about him but its very hard i end up really hurt. What should I do, i can’t continue like this, it’s been 8 months. I need him to open up to me. I want him to be the one to do the chasing because I’m trying my best to let him go. I can’t suffer any more .

  300. Wendy…YOU are making the choice to suffer. Your Drama Queen loves to suffer. You have a choice. Right now. Continue to let “suffering over a guy” have power over you or get freakin’ active! Make a list of your hopes and dreams and start pursuing them with healthy action. Every time your Drama Queen pulls you toward “suffering” say screw you and get active. Love, Goddess

  301. The thing is, there are 4 men that keep trying to pursue me right now. I try ignoring them the best I can. And it is NOT because I want them pursuing me or interested in me. It’s because they are absolutely NOT my type and I do not want a relationship, or even one date, with any of them. They are just not my type, period. It’s just completely ridiculous that us women are supposed to let the man do all the pursuing. We end up giving men the WRONG impression. They end up thinking we’re something “to hunt” or to “win over”, when we’re actually just not interested.

    I completely understand being too available or too eager for a guy. That isn’t going to intrigue him any. But men need to understand the difference between a woman that is playing hard to get and a woman that is just not interested.

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