Playing Hard To Get

Picture from Sensibly Sassy

A guy friend of mine and I are having a discussion about dating. Him:  You should play hard to get. Me:  (smiling and sassy)  I am hard to get. Playing hard to get. Please.

There are two ways to look at this concept.  The first way is negative.  Purposely playing hard to get pisses men off.  This way makes you feel icky.  You bad girl.  You’re making it so difficult for him to get what he wants.  YOU.  It makes you feel bad because, aww…you shouldn’t tease a man that way.  So just let him have you and be done with you.  And this way you will get a man.  For like, 20 minutes.  This gives him all the power.

The other way.  The Bitches Way.  You aren’t playing hard to get.  You are hard to get.  Guy comes along and he has to show you that he is worthy of time with you.  Is he worthy of taking time away from what you truly love?  Career?  Hobbies?  Those who love and always support you?  Does he add to your life and not create drama?

Notice how we took all the power back from that statement?  We are now focused on what a man can do to make us happy.  Just like anything worthwhile (you) it has to be earned.  And this doesn’t happen after the first date.  Or the third.  Or a month.  This happens over time.  So what makes me all hot and bothered so I’ll want to spend more time with a man?  My why is in italics.

1.  A man who does what he says he’s going to do.  Actions make me smile.

2.  A man who supports me in my career.  He’s there for me, supporting my struggles on the way up.  Because if he isn’t there for me then I sure as hell know he’s not going to be there when I reach the top.

4.  A man who on my bad days knows that what I need is to be pulled into a long, warm hug.  He does this because I’ve told him that’s what I need to fix my problem.  His strong arms give my vulnerable, feminine side strength. 

6.  He’s introspective, honorable and courageous.  In other words, he’s willing to stand up and do the honorable thing.  Like protecting the weak and innocent.  Or defending those he loves.  This makes me really turned on!  A man who I know will have my back if the chips are down.  If someone is giving me a hard time, he’ll step up and fight with and for me.

7.  A man who will put me in my place when I need it.  He’ll tell me what he needs and how I’m not respecting him.  And because of #6, I respect and admire him.  I’m not a Drama Queen Brat so I can step back and see how I was wrong, listen and give him what he needs.   Because love is action and reciprocal.

8.  Since love and action are reciprocal, I can call a man on his crap and he’ll do #7 for me. 9.  Did I mention strong loving arms on a bad day?  He might like the same thing, too.

This is a man that will not see you as “Playing Hard to Get.”  He’ll view you as a prize.  He’ll see you as a woman worthy of fighting for and will, by his actions, show you he wants to earn your trust.  This is the man that you view in high esteem and appreciate the hell out of.  The man you want to marry.

So what’s on your list of a good mate, luscious?  Are you confident and willing to give as good as you get?  Confidence is the key to sticking to your list.  As confidence grows, the not so great guys fall away and are replaced by really good men.  So get your groove on, girl.  Dating is the ultimate job interview.  Who do you want to form your permanent partnership with?  Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. Validation
  2. What You Can Do to Land a Man.  Gimme a Break.
  3. Bitch Lifestyle the Manual
  4. Bitch Lifestyle Home 

© S Stevens Life Strategies

5 thoughts on “Playing Hard To Get

  1. So you want to be viewed as a prize, huh? You want him to “see you as a woman worthy of fighting for,” huh? Well, let me ask you and every other woman who may just happen to be reading this something. What exactly is it that MAKES you a prize? What exactly is it that makes you WORTH fighting for? Is it the fact that you’re young and pretty? Is it the way you look and the certain charm you have about you? Or is it something else? Something real? Because I’m here to tell you, ladies, that–contrary to popular belief–there ARE guys out there who care about that. There are guys for whom looks and charm are at the BOTTOM of a very long list of things they’re looking for in a woman. And if all you do, the moment a man starts to show some interest, is play “hard to get,” then how is he ever going to see those things? How is he ever to gauge for himself whether or not you are, in fact, a prize that’s worth fighting for? The answer is: he can’t. And he will quickly lose interest. By playing hard to get, while, yes, you may be weeding out the best wolf from the pack, what you’re getting is still a wolf. And wolves don’t hold their prey in “high esteem.” They don’t “appreciate the hell” out of them. They view them as potentially tasty enough to be worth the hunt–worth going the extra mile to show you, by their actions, that they want to “earn your trust.”

    Food for thought.

  2. Hi! I love you blog. I was reading one of your posts and saw that a Bitch wouldn’t have the “where is this going talk”. I recently had this talk with a guy Ive been dating for 3 months, and I really screwed up. I ended up crying and telling him that he was not giving me enough attention and that I wanted things to get more serious (girlfriend status) and I didn’t want for him to waste any more of my time. I think I screwed up because he probably thought that I was crazy and insecure. After that, he’s been showing a lot more interest, but nevertheless, I still don’t know where this relationship is going, or if it’s going anywhere at all. Should I have THE TALK again with him? Or how to I bounce back from appearing insecure and needy? How can I make him commit?

  3. Hi AB,
    Thank you for enjoying Bitch Lifestyle. (warm hug) Isn’t it cute when our Drama Queens throw us into a snit? I want what I want want NOW! You can’t MAKE a guy commit. And what’s more, isn’t it more
    satisfying when he isn’t “made” to commit to you? So…here’s what I’m recommending you do. Get rid of your Drama Queen energy. It’s that edgy energy that is making you want to cry and demand. Visit the Drama
    Queen section of this site and do the exercises. This will help you get your Sassy Bitch back in control. Start here:
    Try not to over think him…that’s your Drama Queen Brat. Love, Goddess

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