Anne Taintor image from the blog Real Foods and Me
This post is dedicated to one of my clients…Jerri. Jerri was so adorable in her refusal to TAKE what she needed for herself while dating men. She has learned to keep the focus on her needs. If she is exhausted from work and he wants to see her last-minute? She is vague but pleasant. She tells him she will get back to him the very next day with her availability. She has learned how to keep him playfully engaged in her while staying focused on what’s going on inside of her. She has re-discovered the art of dating and getting to know a man slowly…and is rocking herself and him. Well done, Jerri! Here is an example from life that is quite similar to hers. Here we go:
The Bitch has made a huge step: I called the man I’m dating “hon” in a text.
Oooo….you live life so dangerously, Goddess! (Yes be as sarcastic and wise-cracky as you want. I get it) This may seem like a little thing for you, hot and sassy readers, but for me it’s HUGE. So why the huge deal? I’ve been dating this man for a month and a half now. He’s been calling me “babe, sweetie and honey” for at least half that. Me? Not one little word that would come close to being “relationship -y.” To me those “little words” = one step closer to a relationship. Which I’m not sure I want yet. Even with a man who (so far) treats me beautifully. Hell, for weeks I told him in an uber playful way that I “thought I may like him.” To his credit, he played right along with me. Then he told me he knew he liked me. “I know I like you.” Me, the playful Bitch responded: “Are you sure? I can give you some more time to think about it.” He loved that! Notice how I am not playing games. I am being honest with him and playfully responding to his getting closer to me so I have time to figure out my own feelings.
In the past…before I embraced being a Bitch, I didn’t handle this well with the men I was in dating. In the past when boyfriends would tell me they loved me, I didn’t know what to say because:
- I was shocked. Which was really my own insecurity: Me? You love me?
- Guilt: I wasn’t sure if I loved him back so I would start to worry about everything. Which leads to the Drama Queen taking over!
So I would say nothing. Except maybe thank you. Or hug them or kiss them. Change the subject. Avoiding my feelings and theirs. Complicate the whole process with Drama Queen worry. The Drama Queen kept me from seeing the simple: I wasn’t ready. I’ve always wanted to take things slower than slow in a sleep on the second date world. Today? It’s like a guy kisses you after the first date and he assumes you’re ready for mounting! SO not me. For me, I’ve always wanted the man who wants to enjoy the dating process. Savor the first kiss and the thought of the second. Soft caresses that drive you mad with want. Enjoying and relishing the next moment where you have the pleasure of enjoying each others’ touch. All while getting to know each other with conversation that keeps our minds passionately engaged as well.
The man I’m dating is giving me all of that. Would you believe on our last date he softly caressed and kissed me for 4 hours? And we’ve kept our clothes on. All of them. I know it’s hard to believe, but if you know what you want, how you want to be treated and communicate to a MAN and not a BOY/GUY it will happen for you. Please please tell me that you are jealous and want some seriously long foreplay like this with a man who adores you. You are so worth it! Use this story to propel you into what you want from a man. How you want to be treated and adored. I so want that for all of you! My client Jerri says she is relishing slowly getting to know her new boyfriends’ intellect, sense of play and body. As he is hers!
I’ve just relayed you one of my little nuances in dating. What are yours? Do you stay firmly grounded in them? Don’t ever let your dating needs/desires/wants fall away. You will be surprised at what pleasure comes your way! What is it that you would love a man to pleasure hot, sexy little you with? Either share here pronto or make yourself a hot little list. Keep it by your bed and relish the thought of your list coming true. Then have sweet dreams! Love, Goddess
Want what Jerri and my other clients are discovering with men? My course will give you the tools to help you ROCK the male species. Your Re-Awakening!
© S Stevens Life Strategies