Anne Tainter picture from the Exofugal 

Where does it come from?  Today at Bitch University we discuss.  Confidence as defined by Merriam-Webster

Confidence: con·fi·dence  noun \ˈkän-fə-dən(t)s, -ˌden(t)s\ a : a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances <had perfect confidence in her ability to succeed> <met the risk with brash confidence> b : faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way <have confidence in a leader> 2a: the quality or state of being certain : certitude <they had every confidence of success 3a : a relation of trust or intimacy <took his friend into his confidence> b :reliance on another’s discretion <their story was told in strictest confidence>

People have to earn your confidence through trust.  Before you can earn theirs, you must earn YOURS.  You can’t give love unless you love and trust yourself first, right?  Loving yourself is confidence.  You trust yourself above all.  So you make the right decisions for you.  Confident Love!  Since there are a million ways to gain confidence, I’m going to highlight a few, and you can take your pick where you want to start.

1.  Knowing what you want. This is key because every day you’ll take steps to make this happen.  Every step gives you confidence.  If you make a mistake, you learn.  If you succeed-you just took another step on the confidence stairway.   What if you don’t know what you want?  Does this make you blue?  It makes The Brat blue. Who Controls You Your Bitch or Brat?   The Bitch sees it as a world of exploration.  She tries different things and stays grounded in what she loves.  This keeps her happy, creative, playful and opens her eyes to see how she can get more of what she loves.  Suddenly goals, steps, organization becomes a little more appealing.  Setbacks are a challenge to win, not the end of the world.  Inspiration:  The fabulous Michelle Yeoh 

2.  Communication: Once you find out what you want, you have to learn how to communicate effectively.  It smooths over fights, gets things done, encourages love and keeps you from taking crap.  Practice everyday.  Write down everything you want and communicate to people.  See what works, what doesn’t.  Think to yourself, is a text really going to help me reach this goal, or a face to face encounter.  Take the Communication Bull by the horns, Bitches!

3.  Organization: Organization, not just for said want but everything in your life keeps things moving forward.  If your day to day life isn’t organized, it’s going to be tough to realize goals/wants in a timely fashion.  What do you need to get everything done?  Make practical choices.  Don’t be impatient (like me!) and go over board.  Work on one thing at a time on your list.  Like everything, this is something that I’ve learned over time.  Just take the first step and all you have to do is keep going.

4.  Playtime: Playtime is key to keeping you looking forward to the joys in life.  A tickle from your lover, a spring time stroll, trying a new activity, a tough work out.  They offer delicious distractions that will help you regain and keep focus.  It also spurs your creativity, like Sheila Kelley’s S Factor.  

5.  Glamour: Taking care of you.  You know what you look like if you don’t get enough sleep.  The quickest road to glamour for me is enough sleep!  And glitter or lip gloss 😉 .  Take care of yourself on your journey here, too.  This is wonderful self love.  Know what you need to feel your best.  And do it.  You never know when some unexpected opportunity will arise.  And you want to be 100% ready!  Elle Woods will show you how it’s done HERE 

That’s a lot.  Remember…don’t go overboard and do all at once!  Slow and steady like the hare wins the race. Start anywhere on this list.  Expand from there.  Every day is a new day to take a step higher on the confidence ladder.   Love, Goddess
© S Stevens Life Strategies

What You Can do to Land a Man! Give Me a Break.

Fun vintage pin up from the website


I watched a morning news show today, ladies.  Apparently there is a best seller on the market right now that tells ya’ll how to “land a man!”  I knew where they were going with this.  I so wanted to flip the channel.  But we’re all falling in love with ourselves aren’t we?  So, in the spirit of our common goal I watched and listened.


I was assured up front that these were some of her “best tips” on how you should “land a man.”  It was all about pleasing him.  What a shocker. Now I’m not saying “do nothing” to please your man.  When you care about someone and you’re having fun and respect each other it’s reciprocal.  What I don’t want to see us do is make it all about him.  Her “best tips” are in italics.  My thoughts follow:


1. Make sure your bedroom isn’t too frilly, girls!  You don’t want to scare him.  As an example a bed was shown that was dressed in grey sheets.  Grey sheets?  I am so not a grey sheet girl.  What do you think the chances are of me changing my bedroom around for HIM?  I have a gorgeous pink boa above my bed.  I love pink boas.  They make me feel sexy.  And I have used them on men for our pleasure. (Slowly caressing each other with a pink boa is SO fun and sensual!) I’ve never had any complaints. The boa stays.


2. Throw away all those beige bras!  They are not sexy.  Excuse me?  I love my beige bras.  I find them to be comfortable and practical.  Love the frilly ones too and yes they make me feel sexy.  But do you really think if you are standing in front of a guy in a beige bra he really cares about the bra?  Do you think he is saying to himself:  “God…she’s gotta throw out those beige bras in order to “land me?” This may be a little more accurate…”Mmmmm….breasts.  Whoo hoo!!!!!”


3. Next was advice on various things you don’t want to “pop out” on a date.  Falsies, nails, etc.  Dolly Parton has broken all those “pop out” rules since she was a teenager.  She loves herself and is a brilliantly successful woman.  She is utterly charming and says point blank:  “This is who I am…take it or leave it!  Love me for who I am.” Yay Dolly!


4. Wash your hair!  Huh?


5. Wear this and that fragrance because that’s what men like.  Of course this doesn’t take in account our own unique sexy body chemistry.  Why should it?  This is all about pleasing and landing a man right?  Why would I ever want to wear a fragrance that would please…me? (In case it didn’t come across…that was sarcasm)


This advice is so demeaning women.  We are beautiful women with our own minds, our own sense of style.  Books like this do not bring us up.  They bring us down.  And women are making these things best sellers!  So let’s get back on the Loving the hell out of ourselves Band wagon!


Your assignment is to boldly love yourself with abandon today.  Do unto your body only that which makes YOU feel fabulous.  I would love to hear how it goes for you!  Love, Goddess  

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© S Stevens Life Strategies