Mind Games Playing Hard to Get, Part Two

mind game,adventure,love,relationship advice,divorce advice, dating after divorce
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Mind games.  Repeat after me: “I will not play games with men in love.”

A while back, I wrote about “Playing Hard to Get.”   The inspiration for the post was a friend who advised me, during a conversation about dating, to “play hard to get.”  I rolled my eyes at him and said, “I am hard to get.”  I had a long email conversation about this with a hot male friend of mine on Twitter, Bob.  We talked about how confusing it is for men when women “play” hard to get.  He hated the mind games.  You don’t have to pretend you’re a hot commodity, hottie.  You already are!

When I say be busy and “move to your own groove,” I want you to be having so much fun with your life, friends, passions, career, etc. that you are sincerely busy. You’re having so much fun attaining what you want that it isn’t a “game.”  Not one mind game in the mix.  You communicate when you’re available when he asks.  You also don’t:

  1. Do things to make a man jealous, just to get his attention.
  2. Talk about “your boyfriend” or “all the guys interested in you.” Guys do this to get a reaction out of women.  When you do it to them, it turns them off.  They GET this game.
  3. Ignore him when he’s being nice, or try to get his attention when he ignores you.

You don’t do these things because you’re too busy!

So this Busy Bitch got a wake up call a few days ago.  I’m dating a man who is sexy, smart, and we have lots in common.  I did something for him and he didn’t respond.  He also didn’t respond to a couple messages I’d sent him.  Not cool.  So I told him so.   I wasn’t going to play mind games with him.  He tried to backtrack during our conversation.  Then he tried to put it on me.  No way I was going to let that happen.  I ended the conversation and left the ball in his court, so to speak.  His choice whether he wanted to stop playing mind games, answer my messages and continue seeing me.

The next day I got a text from him acknowledging the problem and telling me he tried to follow up on missed messages.  Good, but there was more to go.  I didn’t respond.  Later that night he sent two more messages.  One, admitting he might have been playing mind games.  He should have responded and he had no real excuse.  (This is male speak for admitting you were right, honey.  Note there is no sorry.)  Men show they are sorry by doing what you tell them is unacceptable.  Ie: not answering or ignoring messages.  And THIS he was doing now.  Good.  I was happy.

Here’s the kicker.  He called me on my own crap right back.  He was frustrated because I was “so busy.”

Ohhh.  Yes.  I guess I have been.  He’s right.  So what’s a Sassy Bitch to do?  He’s giving me what I wanted, now it’s time for me to communicate and make the effort to free up time for him.

So what’s the moral of this little story?

  1. If you call a guy on his crap,  ie “It’s not acceptable for you to ignore my messages,” and he responds by doing what you wanted, he likes you and is making the effort with his actions.
  2. Men rarely say they’re sorry, they show you they’re sorry by doing what you told them was unacceptable.
  3. If a guy tells you what frustrates him about something you’re doing, LISTEN.  He may have a point.  Good guys do.  And just like good women, good men want to be respected.  So respect them by listening to them with an open mind.

So…when you’re finding yourself thinking or worrying about a guy you’re dating too much, get busy.  Find other things to occupy your mind with.  Mind games are not a good use of time. Communicate what is not acceptable behavior, watch his actions, and if he responds by giving you what you want he’s being a good man.  Be a good woman in return and listen to what he needs from you and give back.

Love, Goddess

For more:

  1. Dating Tips for Women: Let a Man Chase You Here’s How
  2. What a Bitch Wouldn’t be Caught Dead Doing 
  3. Bitch Lifestyle the Manual

© S Stevens Life Strategies