Playing Hard To Get

Picture from Sensibly Sassy

A guy friend of mine and I are having a discussion about dating. Him:  You should play hard to get. Me:  (smiling and sassy)  I am hard to get. Playing hard to get. Please.

There are two ways to look at this concept.  The first way is negative.  Purposely playing hard to get pisses men off.  This way makes you feel icky.  You bad girl.  You’re making it so difficult for him to get what he wants.  YOU.  It makes you feel bad because, aww…you shouldn’t tease a man that way.  So just let him have you and be done with you.  And this way you will get a man.  For like, 20 minutes.  This gives him all the power.

The other way.  The Bitches Way.  You aren’t playing hard to get.  You are hard to get.  Guy comes along and he has to show you that he is worthy of time with you.  Is he worthy of taking time away from what you truly love?  Career?  Hobbies?  Those who love and always support you?  Does he add to your life and not create drama?

Notice how we took all the power back from that statement?  We are now focused on what a man can do to make us happy.  Just like anything worthwhile (you) it has to be earned.  And this doesn’t happen after the first date.  Or the third.  Or a month.  This happens over time.  So what makes me all hot and bothered so I’ll want to spend more time with a man?  My why is in italics.

1.  A man who does what he says he’s going to do.  Actions make me smile.

2.  A man who supports me in my career.  He’s there for me, supporting my struggles on the way up.  Because if he isn’t there for me then I sure as hell know he’s not going to be there when I reach the top.

4.  A man who on my bad days knows that what I need is to be pulled into a long, warm hug.  He does this because I’ve told him that’s what I need to fix my problem.  His strong arms give my vulnerable, feminine side strength. 

6.  He’s introspective, honorable and courageous.  In other words, he’s willing to stand up and do the honorable thing.  Like protecting the weak and innocent.  Or defending those he loves.  This makes me really turned on!  A man who I know will have my back if the chips are down.  If someone is giving me a hard time, he’ll step up and fight with and for me.

7.  A man who will put me in my place when I need it.  He’ll tell me what he needs and how I’m not respecting him.  And because of #6, I respect and admire him.  I’m not a Drama Queen Brat so I can step back and see how I was wrong, listen and give him what he needs.   Because love is action and reciprocal.

8.  Since love and action are reciprocal, I can call a man on his crap and he’ll do #7 for me. 9.  Did I mention strong loving arms on a bad day?  He might like the same thing, too.

This is a man that will not see you as “Playing Hard to Get.”  He’ll view you as a prize.  He’ll see you as a woman worthy of fighting for and will, by his actions, show you he wants to earn your trust.  This is the man that you view in high esteem and appreciate the hell out of.  The man you want to marry.

So what’s on your list of a good mate, luscious?  Are you confident and willing to give as good as you get?  Confidence is the key to sticking to your list.  As confidence grows, the not so great guys fall away and are replaced by really good men.  So get your groove on, girl.  Dating is the ultimate job interview.  Who do you want to form your permanent partnership with?  Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1. Validation
  2. What You Can Do to Land a Man.  Gimme a Break.
  3. Bitch Lifestyle the Manual
  4. Bitch Lifestyle Home 

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