Moments the Crazy and the Blissful!

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You are completely convinced that you are in your Drama Queen.  You have zero patience for any crap and the critical voices are swirling around you.  Just at the moment where you are believing the critical voices, brilliance happens.  These happened to me yesterday.  Are things like this happening to you?

  1. You are PMSing like there is no tomorrow.  Any extra little curveball will throw you into a Bitchfest.  Your patience was on its last nerve 8 nerves ago.  Then this happens:  The guy who you’ve given a boat load of truth to, the guy who, upon hearing boat load of truth listened quietly.  Not saying a word.  Honoring your words by not interrupting.  He knows he royally screwed up.  Flash forward two months later.  He has produced beyond your wildest dreams for you.  You are so grateful and you are rewarding him back.  He has earned “fun, playful” you.   And here you are on your last “8th” nerve.  He is being playful with you.  He’s also jarring your chips a bit because he loves sparring with you so much.  Instead of playing back you want to drop him from something.  Like his well toned butt.  You look in his happy eyes and say to yourself no way.  He has worked so hard.  FOR YOU.  Time to get rid of the anger, Bitch.  You’ll be spending the day with him!  And you get rid of the anger because you’ve researched how to get rid of it in an empowering way.  Both of you win.
  2. You discover that you have to find parking in the middle of Cambridge Carnival International.  Streets everywhere are blocked off.  Thousands of people are wandering the streets.  The carnival is in full glorious swing.  The Drama Queen voice starts.  “You will NEVER find parking.  Ever, never.  As in no way.  Turn around.  Go home.”  The Bitch voice says.  “Keep going.”   You turn into one of the free on Sunday parking lots.  Which of course is full.  Full as in cars lined up and waiting.  You pull in anyway.  This of course, feeds your Drama Queen.  “Are you crazy?  You’re just going to get stuck behind a bunch of cars!”  As you go by the first line of cars, in the rear view mirror, you see a van start backing up.  You stop.  You can’t move because two more cars have pulled in.  Various unlady like words come out of your mouth.  Then you see him through the rear view mirror.  Your hero.  He points to the van pulling out and makes eye contact with you.  Yes!   Then the van pulls out and he stands in the space so no one but YOU can snag it.  You park, roll down the window and say “I love you.”  He says, “I love you back.”  Drama Queen fades.
  3. 45 minute walk to rehearsal location.  More curveballs.  But members of your group step up to help you.  Noticing how much you do and volunteering the perfect solution.  Having your back.  Appreciating all you do.  Yes!
  4. On the 45 minute walk back to the car, you are surrounded by Carnival goers.  One starts screaming not very nice things about white people.  You are the only “white people” around.  You’re not mad, you’re not scared.  You just feel sad that the person is so angry they scream it out to the streets.  You know it’s nothing personal.  They don’t know you and chances are they don’t even see you!  Then you hear a man talking to the woman who yelled out the negative things about “white people.”  He says calmly, “Why did you say something like that?  We’re trying to change that here at the festival.  We’re trying to show people that’s not who we are.”  I blessed him for saying that and wished them both nothing but happiness, love and success.
  5. You are laughing and enjoying some time with a friend a few hours later.  Not wanting the evening to end-almost on the verge of tears because you LOVE this person so much.  A man stops while you are crossing the street and says to you:  “You look really beautiful tonight.”  At first you’re taken aback.  Then he smiles and walks away.  You say thank you and tell him to have a wonderful night.  You watch him walk away and wish him every happiness.

Crazy times and blissful moments sometimes go hand in hand when you’re in your Sassy Bitch.  Sometimes it’s hard to see all that is going on around you.  And the Drama Queen in you is messing with your Sassy Mojo.   If you are in your Sassy Bitch?  Things go strangely slow.  You may be incredibly busy, the fur is flying but everything just seems to fall into place.  Be aware of all around you.  Surrender to the crazy and things will usually turn out better than you could’ve imagined!  Are you noticing the good, the bad and the ridiculous?  Are you getting rid of your anger and frustration on a daily basis so you do?  If you need help go here:  The bottom line is this:  You know you are in you Sassy Bitch when there is crazy all around you and things fall in place in unexpected and fun ways.  Surrender and enjoy the ride.  Love, Goddess

 © S Stevens Life Strategies

Miss Perfect

“Ain’t nothing to it, is there, Jack? Remember, they love money so pretend like you own a gold mine and you’re in the club.” ***

Molly Brown from James Cameron’s Titanic.  She knew the rules but worked them to her benefit.  Confidently.  Not compromising herself in the process.   Unlike…

Miss Perfect.  God I hate her.   If I was going to be 110% honest?  She lives inside me.  Just waiting to make an appearance.  An appearance that leads me reeling down the trail to my Drama Queen.  Courtesy of the guilt she leaves in her perfect little annoying way.  So who exactly is your “Miss Perfect?”  Does she live inside you too, maybe?

My Miss Perfect first appreared when I was a little girl.  She wanted so much to be liked.  She wanted to be the center of attention.  To make everyone feel good.  My Miss Perfect was born out of sheer love.  The problem is, not all people are going to love you.  You are not going to make people laugh or smile all the time.  Your Miss Perfect may annoy the “you know what” out of someone else.  So see?  Already not perfect.  So what happens when “Little Miss Perfect” meets the people that don’t like her?  She may try too hard.  Which is only more annoying to the person who doesn’t like her.  So maybe they start to be mean so she’ll go away.  This makes Miss Perfect feel bad.  Guilty.  My Miss Perfect loves to over think about why people don’t like her.  Does yours?

Then Miss Perfect meets people who are jealous of what Miss Perfect has.  It may be a nice house, a guy who likes her, she has a nice bicycle, a new puppy.  Doesn’t matter.  They are jealous and they get mean.  So now Miss Perfect is trying to understand why these people are being mean to her and REALLY starts to compromise hereslf.  To the point where she is being ridiculed, teased and ignored.  There will always be mean people in this world.  A part of us, like Miss Perfect, wants to believe that these people aren’t really mean.   Miss Perfect is too understanding regarding this.  Instead of looking out for herself she finds herself trying to understand, get to know better or even loan these people her bike to get them to like her!  The result?  Unfortunately Little Miss Perfect becomes Little Miss Insecure.  She compromises herself even more.  She loses her Sassy Molly Brown take on things and aquieses to others.   Instead of working around the problem and not letting people bother her, her Sassy Molly Brown disappears.

That insecurity may make you hold onto being “perfect” even more.  After all…here you are doing everything you can to be perfect and not hurt anyone or ruffle any feathers!  Then…Miss Perfect makes a mistake.  GAWD NO.   Guilt happens.   You feel guilty for making a mistake!  For being human!  If they don’t like me when I’m perfect, people will leave me when I’m not!  Yeah…SO…teetering on the very precipice of Drama Queen…

The Sassy Bitch will get insecure.  She will have bad days.  She will have guilt.  She will mess up.  She will have days when she knows she is in her Drama Queen and will not CARE about fixing it!  The “Miss Perfect” inside her will revel in telling her all the ways she screwed up.  At the end of the day?  The Sassy Bitch understands this:

Forgive yourself and let it go. You aren’t perfect.

Because the Sassy Bitch understands this quote…compromise makes her yawn.  Compromising herself isn’t even on her radar.  Easier said than done sometimes, I know.  We have to let it go though.  We have to love ourselves so when Miss Perfect rears her Dramatic Little Head we are aware and can deal with her.  By not beating ourselves up for it.  Forgive ourselves and move on.  Because you know what?  The ones that truly love us?  Have probably already forgotten about it!  And you know the really destructive thing about Miss Perfect?  You’ve got to let go of her and the thought of never making a mistake and never hurting someone.  Because you will.  You’ve got to let go of her so you can fully love yourself.  Insecurities and quirks and all.  That’s what makes you YOU.

Love, Goddess
*** Picture of Kathy Bates as “Molly Brown” from Titanic from the web site Titanic Wikia:
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© S Stevens Life Strategies

You’ve Been Sassed!

Please…please try and pull something over on me…***

Sign you’re a Sassy Bitch:  You absolutely relish calling people on their crap in a calm and unemotional way.  True Bitches know why.

And it is so fun.  It goes like this:

  1. Someone screws you or does something that doesn’t fly with you.
  2. You call them on it.  Politely.  Calmly and in a bottom line type way.  And it feels soooo good.

Why are you able to do this?  Because you have noticed and taken note of someones’ actions and let them hang themselves on their own rope.  You know why I tell you to watch Judge Judy?  Because that Sassy Bitch does it all the time.   She reads the statements by the complainant and defendant.   You do not want to be the one she talks to the most.  She has found the “gotcha” in their statement and like a brilliant lawyer in her groove, is settin’ em’ up for the fall.  Yeah…she gets mean.  Yeah…she yells at them. That’s her schtick.  Think of how much power you have when you learn how to do this in a calm and bottom line type of way.  Looking them straight in the eye.  This is power.  This scares a lot of people.  It’ll scare them right out of your life or into not wanting to be called on their crap again.  Because, like they are “a scared.”  Sassy Wink.   I’d much rather be a Scary In Control Bitch than a doormat.  And YOU?

So get in there and work your assignments, Sassy Bitch!

  1. Listen to a persons’ words with a healthy dose of skepticism.
  2. Watch their actions.  Do they produce?  Do they back up their words with action?  Beware statements like “I should be there.”  “Should” implies a huge probability of a no show or tardiness.  This should be noted by you!
  3. If they don’t back up their words with action, take notes.  Watch how people like Judge Judy set people up with their own words:
  4. Listen and practice practice practice!

This takes time to learn and do.  That’s what you do at Bitch University.  Learn and do.  Mistakes are always a step in the right direction.  As long as you see the mistake, make conscious steps to learn from and correct them, and keep on keeping on.  Class dismissed.  Love, Goddess

*** Gorgeous picture of Lauren Bacall from the FAB web site  Let Them Eat Cup Cake:

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© S Stevens Life Strategies

Confidence: Signs You’re A Sassy Bitch

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                                         Fab Anne Taintor Birthday Cards are found here:  Anne

Confidence: Signs Your A Sassy Bitch:

  1. The word “compromise” makes you yawn.
  2. You know what you want and succeed because you find a way when most people quit.
  3. You’re finances are in order.
  4. You take care of your mind, body and soul.  It’s your top investment.
  5. You listen to a man’s words with healthy skepticism.  Actions turn you on.
  6. You don’t whine about a problem. You solve the problem.
  7. You stay glued to your passions.  They are the keys to your success.
  8. You’ve been called a “spit fire” by a man at least once this week.
  9. You don’t care if the hot sexy piece of ass you just met calls you or not.  If he’s worth your time, he makes time for you.
  10. You take care of your home, family, friends, career, plants.  Because you respect how hard you worked and how lucky you are to have them.
  11. If your man tells you he “needs space” you blow him a sassy kiss or help him pack.
  12. You understand and appreciate the male ego.  So you can work it for both your pleasure.
  13. You know that just because a guy wants to have sex with you, it  doesn’t mean he actually likes you.
  14. You absolutely relish calling people on their crap in a calm and unemotional way.  True Bitches know why.
  15. You politely listen to the advice and ideas people give you.  Then do exactly what you want to do.  How you want to do it.
  16. If someone who loves you calls you on your crap, you listen.  You know they are doing it because they truly love and care.
  17. You can’t remember the last time you apologized for anything.

A Sassy Bitch got her confidence because:

1.  She takes care of herself.  She takes the time to know what turns her on and stays moving to her groove.  The better she takes care of herself the more confidence she attains.

2.  She doesn’t spend a lot of time apologizing for things she does.  Because she knows that what she did was right.  She knows she’s won when less confident “Drama Queen” people try to put the blame back on her and make excuses.  Thanks to taking care of herself, these less confident “Drama Queen” people are replaced with confident and wonderful people.  Confident and wonderful people are less prone to doing things that need an apology.  They know when they are wrong and fess up to it.  Much simpler than the Drama Queen, no?

3.  Because she takes care of herself, she always looks good.  She never looks like she just rolled out of bed, she fuels her body with healthy foods and has a wardrobe that makes her feel confident and put together.  She has glowing skin and enjoys playing with her make up.  That little girl that loves to play dress up is always in us!

4.  By taking care of herself she feels good.  When something doesn’t feel right or makes her cringe, she listens to that voice inside her screaming HELL NO!!!!

6.  She takes care of negative emotions (anger, fear, worry) before they have time to fester in her body.  Pushing away these emotions can lead to illness, chronic pain and other body ailments.

7.  Because she takes such good care of herself, she is able to laugh at most day to day annoyances.  And get right back into her groove.

8.  Have a yen to start your own hot little business?  A woman entrepreneur is an amazing organizer.  She knows it all starts with her.  She oozes confidence. Mindbody: together on purpose.  Mindbodysoul.

9.  Healthy relationships start with you.  A vibrant healthy you helps all your relationships.

Notice a theme here?  It all starts with you, honey.  Loving yourself is not negative or selfish.  It’s discovering and loving what makes you feel your best.  Which fuels your confidence.  Which is the fuel for everything.  Love, Goddess

Own your Sassy, Confident Bitch…now on Amazon:  Bitch Lifestyle the Manual

Suggested Reading:

  1. Bitch Lifestyle Home

© S Stevens Life Strategies