The Dark Side of the Male Ego

male ego, depressed, man depressed, dating men, divorce,drama queen,i hate myself,depression
Image from Squidoo: How to Tell if Your Man is Depressed: 

Ahhh the male ego.  I want to preface this article by saying I LOVE men and if you’re a man reading this, I am writing it for the women.  Not for you.  My goal is to have your glorious ego understood better by them.  So, in the effort to communicate to them, it may seem like I’m being a bit harsh to you.  That’s not my purpose.  Please indulge me by not reading this and going directly to this article where I extol the virtues of all things male  Giving You a Hot Sexy Shot of Testosterone  Thank you!

The dark side of the male ego.  I’m dealing with one now.  It’s going to take all my patience to deal with it effectively.  And some extra kick boxing sessions.  LOL.  So now you’re probably wondering why, as a Bitch, I don’t I just kick him in the ass?  Because if you care about someone, you don’t kick them when they’re down.  You love them more.  Us Bitches are always looking for action.  And since we can’t get HIM to do anything he doesn’t want to do, we take care of ourselves.  We take action by getting rid of the frustration we may experience when our wonderful male friends have been dealt a blow.  So we can be strong for him.  Love is reciprocal.

A friend of mine just lost his job.  Massive blow to anyones’ ego.  Especially to the males among us.  Men are all about production.  We run something together.  I knew I was in for it when he said he lost his job.  Knowing him so well, I knew that he would be driven to find somewhere to be productive.  Our project is the perfect choice.  When we first started running this project together he told me we were embarking on this together; like a marriage.  Working together for success.  It reminded me of this quote:

Albert Einstein on the success of his 50 year marriage:

When we first got married, we made a pact. It was this: In our life together, it was decided I would make all of the big decisions and my wife would make all of the little decisions. For fifty years, we have held true to that agreement. I believe that is the reason for the success in our marriage. However, the strange thing is that in fifty years, there hasn’t been one big decision. 

Valuable advice I’ve put into play with my friend.  I’ve been indulging his ego with his “little decisions.”  I know that he means well.  I know he wants to help more.  Even though he is asking for these things with a pompous air.  I get the pompous air.  Ego in full, less than fun force.  Here is a recent conversation.  What I’m thinking is in italics.

J:  Who is going to be here?    Said in full pompous glory.

Me:  A, B, C and D.   Said in calm unemotional Bitch.

J:  How come people aren’t communicating with me regarding this?    Here we go…remain calm, Bitch.  Note:  His organizational skills are atrocious and for communication purposes I’ve been handling attendance.  This is something he agreed to.  Even though, in some cases you might want to give him a flip, sarcastic comment regarding this, it’s the LAST thing you should do.  This will only rile him up further.

Me:  We agreed to let one person handle attendance.  Less back and forth with the emails.  Non-accusatory way of communicating why he isn’t handling this organizational task. 

J:  Yes, but I think people should tell me now too.     Men can be Drama Queens too…and she’s coming out!

Me:  Would that make you happy?   You have a choice, Bitch.  Do you want to have a pointless argument with him or do you want to make him feel better?  Which sounds more fun?

J:  Yes, that would make me happy.

Me:  Okay, done.

Conversation over.  I’m giving him this even though it’s kind of not necessary.  BUT if it will make him feel better to have this information, okay.  I’ll put it out there and we’ll see what happens.  Nothing might.  He may forget about it and never address it again.  Is there a point where his pompous-ness needs a kick in the ass?  Yeah.  Remember in Dirty Dancing when Patrick Swayzes’ character pushes it with Jennifer Grey’s…she puts him in his place perfectly.  SHE is helping by doing him a huge favor.  She is working night and day to learn a dance routine so she can replace his partner who is unavailable.  He is being a jerk.  Pointing out ALL the ways she is screwing up.   Then she calls him on his crap:

Baby:  We’re supposed to do the show in two days, you won’t show me the lifts, I’m not sure of the turns, I’m doing all this to save your ass, what I really want to do is drop you on it! 

The look on his face is priceless.  He does not say he is sorry.  He says:

Johnny:  “You wanna get out of here?”

And they do.  And he calms his “ass” down.  The action of him leaving with her to cool off in a different location is ACTION.  This clears his head.


The point is THIS:  He is looking for something to DO.  Now is the time to think about what I want done and see if he’ll do it.    It’ll make him feel better in this crisis, and I have plenty to do, so yes…let him at it!  Can it be annoying when he asks me so pompously?  Hell yeah.  But ladies.  How annoying can we be?  We have perfected it so well…with our Inner Drama Queen Brats.

Another note to be aware of.  Men act differently to different situations. YOUR man may or may not try to take charge.  He will have his own way of dealing with a blow to his ego.  Being aware of how much men love to produce and make their mark on the world may give you, hopefully, leg up on dealing with this dark side.

In conclusion: when our men have something really awful happen to them, especially if it involves their sense of purpose, they are going to be searching for a way to produce in other areas.  Indulge them in their “little decisions.”  Then go for Advanced Bitch and give them opportunities to produce.  Do NOT be pushy with this.  Take care of yourself in the process and this bump in the road can work out beautifully for both of you!

Love, Goddess

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