Relationship Deal Breaker?

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Realationship deal breaker? ***

What are ways to keep from doing it?   Read on to find out.

I was reading one of those “Ask so and so/Ann Landers” type columns in the paper a few weeks ago.  A woman didn’t know how to salvage a relationship she was in.  Here are the quickie bullet points:

  • Prior to dating “Guy she likes,” she was sleeping with Dude X.
  • She started dating “Guy she likes,” but they stopped seeing each other.
  • She started sleeping with Dude Y.
  • She starts dating “Guy she likes,” again and they decide to have an exclusive relationship.
  • She feels as though she “needs” to tell him about who she was sleeping with when she and “Guy she likes,” were not serious, now that they ARE serious.
  • She tells him the “Dudes” she was sleeping with.
  • “Guy she likes” does not take this well and she doesn’t know why.

Relationship deal breaker?  TMI…too much information.  Why?  Because it wasn’t necessary for her to tell “Guy she likes” who she’d been sleeping with when they weren’t in a committed relationship.  This pain could be eased if a person learns what their relationship deal breakers are.  What do you want?  Do you want a relationship?  Do you just want sex?  Are you not sure what you want?   You know what works with all of these scenarios?  Getting to know the person you may want to date, have sex with or work toward a relationship with.  And this starts with …


It’s up to you to figure out what you like.  It’s up to you to ask the questions and notice the actions of the person you may want to get to know better.  How do you find out your deal breakers?  Action and experience.  Here are a few of my relationship deal breakers.  These have helped spare me from not all, but a lot of painful experiences.

  • Has he learned anything from past relationships?  Did he cheat?  Did he put it all on the ex?  I was out on a date recently with a divorced man.  I asked him why he thought his marriage ended.  Through his response I knew he wasn’t for me.  I was looking to date seriously.  Dating seriously does not work for me if the guy is still in love with someone else.  I don’t want to be “Rebound Girl.” Been there, done with the pain of that.  After he finished I said to him, without a stitch of anger: “You realize you’re still in love with your ex-wife, right?”  He gave me a shocked look.  Said I may be right and STILL tried to sleep with me. (I won’t go into the details but no way!)
  • Giving to each other. Love is giving and receiving.  Even when one of you may not want to.
  • He speaks lovingly of family, friends and is polite to others (like waitstaff).  If a person can’t show kindness?  RUN!!!!
  • He has a zest for life and he is responsible.  He doesn’t have 5 kids with 5 different baby mamas.  If he was married, he has a good relationship with his ex-wife…for the kids sake.  For more read:  “If a man Wants to Borrow Money.”  

In a nutshell, I want to be around responsible and loving people.  If we can’t trust someone why would we give our hearts or bodies to them?  That is more important than a discussion of who slept with who and when.  You’re allowed to keep certain things private.  I see things on social media and I don’t even know how to respond to them.  Like the colon polyp someone is having removed.  You can say you’re going to have a procedure, but do we all need the details?  Like the size, shape or color of something coming from your colon?  You can choose to do all these things.  But by doing them there may be consequences.  It may make people you want to get to know uncomfortable:  It may keep you from having a closer relationship.  So share, but try to wait until you get to know someone better first.  Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1.  Confidence:  Signs You’re a Sassy Bitch
  2.  Bitch Lifestyle The Manual
  3.  Rapunzel and Her Tower
  4.  Bitch Lifestyle Home
  5. ***For Anne Taintor Sassy visit Static Light Speed  and Anne Taintor web sites!

Bitch Lifestyle has affiliate relationships with Amazon and Hay House.  I’ve selected these affiliates to share books, videos and classes that I’ve enjoyed and hope readers on this site will as well.  Clicking on a link will be of no cost to you.  I will only receive a commission if you decide to make a purchase.

© S Stevens Life Strategies

Question of the Week? Toxic People

Question of the Week? Toxic People...

Oh no!  Here they come!  Get me my bottle…***

Question of the Week?  Toxic People…

In the previous post on this topic we discussed dealing with “Rude People.”  Click here for the post.  This post is about that other, lovely group of people…the toxic ones.

First, let’s review the difference between “rude” and “toxic” people:

  1.  Rude:   Refers to bad behavior or just plain bad manners. For example, children are taught to say “please” and “thank you” or they are considered rude.
  2.  Toxic:  Signs you’re surrounded by a toxic person:  You’re emotionally affected by their drama. You dread (or fear) being around them. You’re exhausted or you feel angry while you’re with them or after your interaction.

Yes…the Toxic Person can definitely be the oh so dreaded drama filled person.  Nothing is ever good enough, exciting enough, complicated enough.  They don’t seem to ever be happy unless everything is going exactly their way!  And then?  They will still find a way to be unhappy.  They may be old friends, family, acquaintances, or someone you are forced to work with.  Examples:

  1.  The Toxic Friend who cried on your shoulder during a break-up.  You were totally there for them and then they get a new boyfriend and never see them.  OR…you have served your purpose.  They disappear.  Until they need you again.  If you need them?  They are always busy and never return calls.
  2. The Toxic Work Person  The work place person who is always complaining about something, someone and how disrespected they are.  You have a deadline and try to explain, but they say they really need to talk and may even try and guilt you into giving them attention.
  3. The Toxic Family Member who is always gossiping about someone else, whining, not appreciative, nosy….you get the picture.
  4. The Social Media Meanie who insults people.   Basically if you don’t agree with them (oh the nerve!)  you are human pond scum.

I think that is a fairly good list to start with, no?  Let’s delve a bit further into each type and discuss ways to deal.

  1.   The Toxic Friend:  I did a WHOLE article of the “Faux Friend.”  I think we have all had one, right?  Here is the link to “Faux Girlfriend.”
  2.   The Toxic Work Person:  It’s a simple…albeit tough sometimes solution.  Be nice, polite and never…ever…let this person make you look bad to anyone.  And they may try…through gossip or another such toxic way.  Getting involved in this persons’ drama will affect your work.  There are probably plenty of your fellow co-workers annoyed by them too! If you are busy … ahhhh  …. working … politely let them know that you can’t talk now.  Who cares if they gossip or say bad things about you?   Your professional attitude will only make them look bad.  Remember this when they are driving you a bit batty.  By you being polite, you will drive them battier and they will try and find another target. Why?  You aren’t any fun because you aren’t contributing to the “drama.”
  3.   The Toxic Family Member:  Remember we can only control our own actions, not other people, so we need to suck it up.  None of us are perfect all the time so family is the one area in our lives we can truly be ourselves.  We all have bad days and need a safe place to let it go and family is one we are lucky to have!  Uncle Bernie the close talker may be annoying, but not toxic.  But what do you do with the negative or bossy Aunt at the family reunion?  Be polite.  It’s only for a few hours.  If a family member tries to gossip?  Make a polite exit.  Being polite is so powerful when someone is having a meltdown or is trying to push your buttons.  The point of anyone pushing your “buttons” is to get you upset.  Don’t get upset!  Do something that will help you pre- or post encounter to help keep your “buttons” happily un-pushed.
  4.   The Social Media Meanie:  The person who insults you on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube.  Don’t engage.  I’m not talking about the people who correct you in helpful way.  Example:  I’ve had people give me information about things on this site.  When I’ve been wrong I’ve thanked them and updated content.  These are people who are truly being helpful and that rocks!  I’m talking about the people who insult just to insult.  I’ve seen people post things on other peoples’ sites like:  “You two are SO ugly,”  “I think your channel sucks,” “Your content is stupid,” and those are the nice ones!  Again, ignore.  Think about how sad it is that people do this.  To people they don’t know.  They could be out doing something productive to help the needy, developing a hobby, chores…really the list goes on.  If someone does this to you ignore and go do something good for you or someone else.

In conclusion…the only thing you can control is you.  So do your best not to let these toxic people get to you.  It’s the only way you have a chance at winning.  Lastly…do your best to surround yourself with amazing people everyday.  You find a gem of a person?  Let them know you love them, will do anything for them and always be there for them.  Love, Goddess

Suggested Reading:

  1.   Dealing with success OR stress:  Are You Overwhelmed?
  2.   My book on Amazon:  Bitch Lifestyle The       Manual
  3.   Dodging Energy Vampires
  4.   ***Cute baby image from Big Blue Wave
  5.   Bitch Lifestyle Home

Bitch Lifestyle has affiliate relationships with Amazon and Hay House.  I’ve selected these affiliates to share books, videos and classes that I’ve enjoyed and hope readers on this site will as well.  Clicking on a link will be of no cost to you.  I will only receive a commission if you decide to make a purchase.

© S Stevens Life Strategies


Question Winner of the Week?

Image result for anne taintor images, rude people, toxic people, how to deal with,
              Gorgeous Anne Taintor found at the fab website Creating Myself. Check it out…

Question winner of the week?  It was a biggie!  I get a lot of emails about boys, but man oh man…this month your burning question is…

How do I deal with rude or toxic people?

First, let’s define “rude” and “toxic.”

  1.  Rude:   Refers to bad behavior or just plain bad manners. For example, children are taught to say “please” and “thank you” or they are considered rude.
  2.  Toxic:  Signs You’re Surrounded by a Toxic Person:  You’re emotionally affected by their drama. You dread (or fear) being around them. You’re exhausted or you feel angry while you’re with them or after your interaction.

In this blog post we will deal with the “rude” person.   The next post will deal with those delightful “toxic” people.  The bottom line with dealing with anyone is this:  We cannot control other people.  We can only control how we REACT toward other people.  Like the woman in the Anne Taintor image above?  We have the power to control how we want to deal with any situation.  So let’s go over several common “rude” occurrences and ways to deal with them in an empowered way.

Scenario #1:  Random Rude Person:  The rude person may just be having a bad day, frustrated by the toxic people around them or…ahem, just a bit of a jerk.  Usually they are casual acquaintances you rarely see or strangers you run into as you go about your day.  So how do you deal with Random Rude Person?   The best way really isn’t that much fun.  But it is the most practical and sensible way.  Ignore them.  Put your attention on something else.  Immediately.  This works with most everything.  A person makes a derogatory remark to you, jumps ahead of you in a line, makes a lot of unnecessary noise, etc.  You get the picture.  It’s not worth it to give this person the time of day.

Scenario #2:  What if someone invades your space?  For example, you are at the grocery store.  You’re trying to pick up something and someone reaches and grabs something else while touching you or pushing you away?  A firm “Pardon, Me,” works well.  It’s a hoot when someone reacts to this with “Oh, no problem.”  Have a little chuckle to yourself.

Scenario #3:  Can being overly nice serve to disarm a rude person?  Oh…yes it can.

A stranger angrily confronts you about something.  You have no idea what because it’s so sudden.  This scenario is a bit scary because of the sudden nature of it.  A sweet “Pardon Me?” will usually disarm most of them.  This has happened to me several times this year…a real anomaly, but this tactic has worked like a charm.  The person has backed off, a little guilty.  Like I said earlier…you never know when someone has had a bad day, gotten bad news or something has set them off.  Usually it’s better to just be nice, polite and mannered.  I know it isn’t fun and a bit “old fashioned,” but it’s a great way to help keep your life as drama free as possible.

Scenario #4:  Here’s a BIGGIE – The Clueless Rude Person: What happens when someone actually points out their own rudeness by interacting with you about it?

I had just pulled into a parking space to pick up a salad for lunch.  I get out of the car and start walking toward the restaurant.  Out of the right corner of my eye, 4 women start running.  Obviously and obnoxiously trying to beat me to the door.  They beat me to the door and the last lady sort of holds the door open for me.  As we line up to the counter, she turns around, all giggly with her friends and says to me:

“Well, you know we have a limited amount of time for lunch.”

To which I said:

“So do I.”  Right in her eyes, no emotion.

She jumped about 2 feet in shock and started talking to her friends.  Now THAT was fun.  Miss “My lunch is more important than anyone else’s” was highly embarrassed.  Being direct and unemotional is a learned skill we should all develop because it’s so effective.  It may or may not change another person, but by knowing this skill you will get much less crap from other people.  The links below will help teach you these skills.  These skills will also help you with another group of people.  The Toxic People.  They will be addressed in the very next post.  So get studying!  Love, Goddess

Sources to help learn the art of confident, direct and unemotional crap calling:

  1.   Learn How to Say it From a PRO:  Miss Manners’ Basic Training: The Right Thing to Say
  2.   A Resource Full of Ways to Become More Confident and Empowered:  Bitch Lifestyle The Manual
  3.   Fun YouTube Example of Dealing With Rudeness by TR Television


© S Stevens Life Strategies

Your New Adventure Awaits!

Happy New Year, New Year Planning

Image can be found at New Years Party on Pinterest.

Screw the resolutions, ladies!  Your new adventure awaits.  A year full of all you desire to create.  Adventure and travel, spreading love, joy and fun, developing new tastes, hobbies.  All you need is your imagination, action and who knows what you can accomplish?  I so look forward to this time of year.  Gratitude for the year that has gone by and all that I have to look forward to.  Wanna play with me?

Pick a time by the end of Jan 1st 2018.  Grab your laptop or a gorgeous writing pad and pen.  Light candles, sip on your favorite cocktail, cozy up in your favorite lingerie and softest blankets.  And REVEL.  REVEL in the brilliance of your past year.  How clever you are and all that you are grateful for.  Write it down to admire.  Now and when you don’t feel so clever.  Then…let your imagination run wild.  What would you love to accomplish and enjoy next year?  Write everything down, from the tiniest desire to the grandest.  Savor the thought of each one.  Post it where you can see it.  Fall asleep dreaming about them!

Then…develop an action plan for them.  Some will be easier than others…some will take more planning.  Some may be outrageous.  No matter.  Your desires and creations will fuel you through good, bad and routine.  Just start.  Write, admire and plan.  Oh…and please share.  SHARE.  Your creativity will inspire us all!  Have the happiest next few days planning your most incredible New Years EVER!

Love, Goddess

© S Stevens Life Strategies